September 16, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
This is in continuation to:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I am cleaning, to deliberately ‘miss’ a spot that I SEE requires cleaning, within/as/through ignoring it – where I KNOW that I am compromising myself and my living environment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I deliberately miss a spot that I see requires cleaning, justify this within and as myself through participating in backchat where I speak to and convince and deceive myself by thinking that “well, it’s not that bad” or “I’ll leave it for later” or “I got so much to do so if I do this as well, I won’t have time for the important stuff.” – exactly because I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING and thus to justify why I am deliberately compromising a point that I SEE and KNOW requires direction I deliberately deceive myself to lie to myself and make myself ‘innocent’ to my mind’s eye.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I am cleaning, to do so from a starting-point of ‘wanting to get it over with’ and cleaning from a starting-point of separation of and from myself and of and from the point of cleaning as a practical expression and application of care of my physical living environment – where I am merely pretending to be cleaning and/or do so from a starting-point of merely wanting it to ‘look clean’ and so for example only clean the spots that can be seen while refraining from removing items and cleaning behind them – which exactly is a reflection of who I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become where I’ve only cared about my self-image as my presentation of myself while not giving a shit about who and what I am inside myself as my true nature – exactly as we as humanity do in creating movies and advertisements with pretty pictures, covering up and hiding the true nature of ourselves where we’ll clean the surface and leave the real shit to rot in secret – like entire populations starving to death and children being trafficked for purposes of being raped by adults in the same cities that pretend to be ‘civilized’ and ‘humane’.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not give a shit about my living environment, as my human body, the place where I live or this earth – and that I have in fact only cared about presenting a fake self-image through which I could cover up the true nature of myself and thus keep living out my secret mind while hiding from the consequences of what I accepted and allowed myself to exist as – so that I could keep doing it without taking self-responsibility
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how the fact that I am deliberately ‘missing a spot’ when I am cleaning because I am not in fact cleaning in and as self-support, dignity and integrity in equality and oneness within and as the point of taking responsibility for my living environment – is directly reflecting who and what I am as I am walking my process – because who I am in one moment is who I am as whole – and thus I see, realize and understand how I’ve through my writings for example deliberately ‘missed spots’ and focused only on ‘cleaning the surface’ to present an’ image of clean’ while not in fact going into the nooks and crannies of myself as the ‘dirty house’ I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and within knowing exactly what I am doing, I have covered up by coming with all kinds of excuses and justifications for not facing and ‘cleaning’ the totality of myself – in in fact taking responsibility for myself as a living environment – and also how I am within this representative for humanity as all of us and thus are responsible for changing the ‘mess’ of this earth into a living environment of dignity
When and as I am cleaning and I see that I am experiencing that I don’t want to clean a particular spot, I stop. I breathe and I simply direct myself in immediacy to clean the spot in completeness until it is done – and I commit myself to take this principle and apply it into my process of standing up as life in the decision to walk out of the mess of the mind, so to when and as I am ‘cleaning a spot’ through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, make sure that I get in all the nooks and crannies of the particular point I am walking – and walk it through to completeness in immediacy as I see a point that requires to be ‘cleaned’ in facing myself in/as it in equality and oneness and self-honesty through self-forgiveness and in taking self-responsibility for myself in/as it and thus bringing it back to myself as the authority of myself as the creator of myself
And I commit myself to leave no point/part behind as a ‘spot’ that I have deliberately missed so as to not take responsibility for it in covering-it up and hiding it away and abdicating self-responsibility for it through using excuses and justifications – because I see, realize and understand that within leaving a spot behind deliberately, I am first of all postponing the inevitable moment of me ‘cleaning’ myself – within and as facing the consequences of who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become and second of all within in fact leaving it behind I am accepting and allowing it to keep existing and ‘grow in the shadows’ exactly as dust on a shelf that will merely gather more and more dust if not cleaned and furthermore, I see, realize and understand that I, within and as, in any part of my life/participation are leaving a point/part of myself behind and deliberately cover it up – are creating a world-situation where billions of beings are suffering and where the few who in fact are in a position to make a difference are busy covering up the ‘mess’ of consequence – just so that we can continue living our lifestyle of avoiding consequence through abdicating self-responsibility
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