Who I am - Anna's Journey to Life

Be-Living in Thoughts as ‘Who I am’: DAY 27

May 15, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

I am continuing from yesterday’s writing with looking at my relationships that I have created towards the mind and as such exist enslaved to and within – this time I am looking at my relationship towards thoughts, whereas yesterday I looked at my relationship to and submission to energy and emotions. I write these points out in the moment and I have decided to add my pre-considerations before the self-forgiveness process, to show and share how I move through the points. But if you’re specifically interested in the self-forgiveness part, you’re welcome to scroll down and simply read that part.

What I found in yesterday’s writings:

The point regarding thought, is the same point as with why I allow myself to be directed by energy and emotion – it is at the level of my acceptances and allowances in my relationship with thoughts that I stop allowing myself to be directed by, within and as thoughts.

Thought = Living Word that is formulated through the decree of belief as the deceptiveness in creating personal relationships towards thoughts in saying: “be-life!” When the relationship is that of acceptance, I become that which I have accepted as real.

Today I looked at the definition of thought and think and found the following:

O.E. þencan “conceive in the mind, think, consider, intend” (past tense þohte, p.p. geþoht), probably originally “cause to appear to oneself,” from P.Gmc. *thankjan (cf. O.Fris. thinka, O.S. thenkian, O.H.G. denchen, Ger. denken, O.N. þekkja, Goth. þagkjan); O.E. þencan is the causative form of the distinct O.E. verb þyncan “to seem or appear” (past tense þuhte, pp. geþuht), from P.Gmc. *thunkjan (cf. Ger. dünken, däuchte). Both are from PIE *tong- “to think, feel” which also is the root of thought and thank. The two meanings converged in M.E. and þyncan “to seem” was absorbed, except for archaic methinks “it seems to me.” Jocular pp. thunk (not historical, but by analogy of drink, sink, etc.) is recorded from 1876.

The specific definition that is relevant in relation to my relationship with thoughts is “cause to appear to oneself” – so when ‘we’ think – we are causing something to appear to ourselves, that is the nature of the thought. But are we actually the ones thinking? No – thoughts are operating at an automated level, I have absolutely no control. But that does not mean that I am not responsible and that the initial point is my acceptance and allowance. Another interesting point is that think is juxtaposed with “feeling” – thus thoughts and feelings go together.

SOUNDING of “Thought” and “Think”

THOUGHT:

THOU-ART = “YOU ARE”

THOU-OUGHT = “YOU SHOULD/SHALL”

THUG-HATE = THE SPITEFULNESS OF MIND

THUGGED = LIFE STOLEN BY THE MIND

THINK = THE-INK = THE LIVING WORD WRITTEN BY SELF

THY-INK = THAT WHICH WE USE TO WRITE THE LIVING WORD

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to begin and end my day with participating in a thought and as such allow thoughts to be that which direct me throughout my day and that which starts and ends me – that which I start and end myself with

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is ONLY through my direct decree and permission that thoughts are directing me and that this in itself reveals and exposes the very paradox that I have accepted and allowed to become ‘who I am’ within how I, within and through my very permission have accepted and allowed myself to become a slave to thoughts – inferior to thoughts, less than thoughts because of my direct and deliberate abdication of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be-live as a decree of the living word of myself, to which I have submitted myself – that I am the thoughts while in fact the thoughts are in full control of me and as such are NOT me as they are representing an automated program that I have submitted, subjected and abdicated myself to and as such represent my very abdication of and as myself – the paradox that the thoughts are me as the very manifestation of my self-abdication of and as myself to the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, see and experience the thoughts that emerge in my mind as ‘menial’ an ‘insignificant’ and thus in fact disregarding what the very representation of thoughts is, as what it exists as and consist of – as the very manifestation of my deliberate self-abdication of self-responsibility and as such that every time I accept or allow myself to participate within a thought or allow a thought to emerge without me in fact directing it in and as self-responsibility to de-construct the program that the thought run on and represent – I am re-confirming my separation and abdication of myself as life – and as such directly and indirectly allow existence to remain divided, separated and suffering – at my very decree

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that my very decree that I sealed through the living word as the be-live in the relationship with myself as the mind – the decree as the be-live that I am separate – is that which I keep myself separated through, within and as – even though I cannot remember how I made the decree or how I have re-confirmed this decree throughout the ages of my existence – therefore, by seeing the very fact that a belief is a decree as a living statement of myself, I can begin the process of tracing myself back to the beginning of my decree and decision to separate myself from myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that thoughts are NOT menial or insignificant in any way, as they show me exactly who and what I have separated myself into and as – yet that they at the same time are entirely irrelevant in themselves a they have no jurisdiction or dominion over life, except for in my very abdication of myself to them

(to be continued)

Suggest to follow the blogs daily at Creation’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk

Related entries:

DAY 26: The Be-Life Decree of Energy as “That which gives me Life”

DAY 28: I Think Therefore I am NOT!

Tags: Decartes, Identity, Life, Memories, Mind, Mind Control, Separation, Source, thinking, Thoughts, Who I am
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It should not matter where I am: DAY 19-20

May 7, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is only one place on earth where I can be satisfied, where I can effectively walk my process, where I can live with others effectively – and that all other places are less than and inferior to this one place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not live in this one place, I can never be satisfied, I can never walk an effective process, I can never live with others effectively – instead of realizing that it should not matter where I am for me to walk effectively as I am that which determines who and what I am and how I walk effectively and whether I am effective or not and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself and to justify why I am not as effective as I could be, simply because I am not living in this one place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise, disregard and diminish myself here, the beings I live with and the environment and place where I live, because of the belief that there is only one place on earth where I can be satisfied and walk this process effectively and as such completely miss myself here and miss out of the opportunity to walk and live effectively here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it doesn’t matter where I live, because what matters is who I am within and as where I am and what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a pattern of always desiring to be somewhere else in the delusional belief that if I where somewhere else, someone else, with someone else, doing something else – I would be satisfied, I would be effective – never realizing that this experience is continuous and constant, because that is how and as who I have accepted myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare where I am here with where I perceive that I should be, which is not even a real place because it is not here – but an image in my mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in competition with, within having separated what is here from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard and disrespect myself here as well as the beings I live with and the environment and place I live, by diminishing it in my mind in comparing it to the only place I believe I will be satisfied and effective – not realizing that it is not about where I am, but about who and what I accept myself as, as continuously not allow myself to be satisfied or effective, because I believe that I need and require something, someone else outside separate from my to make me satisfied and for me to be effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, experience and accept that I need something, someone else outside separate from me to make me satisfied and to make me effective and as such within that have justified my self-abdication and allowed myself to blame those that I have deceived myself into believing are responsible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my self-abdication through projecting the responsibility for my satisfaction and effectiveness outside separate from me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to face myself in self-honesty in and as self-responsibility for my satisfaction and effectiveness and subsequent dissatisfaction and ineffectiveness and as such investigate why I am not satisfied or effective so that I can direct myself effectively to stand and live what is best for all – and as such create myself into and as satisfaction within the realization and self-direction that the only valid satisfaction is to live that which is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest, create and participate in constant and continuous back chat and self-talk about how it is unfair that I am not in that one place on earth where I believe I will be satisfied and effective and how there is something wrong with me because I am not there and how I am to blame for not being there and how I would have been satisfied and effective had I been there

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest, create and participate within and as constant and continuous backchat of projecting myself in my mind – and as such separate myself from myself here in and as the physical – onto the only place on earth where I believe I can be satisfied and walk process effectively and imagine what it will be like to be there and how happy I would be if I was there and how satisfied and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest, create and participate within and as constant and continuous backchat of and as envy and jealousy towards the beings that are in fact at this only place on earth that I believe is worth existing at, in picturing how they are enjoying themselves and each other and how they are satisfied and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relate and associate my satisfaction and effectiveness – and as such myself as satisfaction and effectiveness – to a place outside separate from me, that actually only exist in my mind – and as such as a delusion – and by doing so, completely separate myself from and accept myself as separate from myself here, in and as the physical – the only place where I can change, the only place where I can face and change myself as satisfaction and effectiveness into what is in fact best for all

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to walk effectively here, because I have allowed myself to preoccupy myself within, with and as backchat of projection as separating in the belief I must be somewhere else to be effective and satisfied

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have never actually allowed myself to be satisfied and to see that the problem is not that I am dissatisfied, but that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be satisfied or to direct myself into and as satisfaction – or to investigate why I am not satisfied and that the answer does not lay in my personal satisfaction, but in what is here as the totality of existence as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand the arrogance and spite that I have cast upon myself and upon all of existence by believing that my personal satisfaction is the most important thing in the world and that as such, because I am not satisfied with myself or with my experience of myself in the world, that I cannot be effective or apply myself effectively – and as such disregard and spite all of existence and myself in and as it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to let go of the belief, idea and perception that only by being in and living in this one particular place on earth will I be satisfied or effective and as such have allowed myself to deceive and manipulate myself into accepting and justifying my ineffectiveness as yet another trick of the mind that I completely and entirely have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself to

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand the complete deceptive nature and design of the belief that I cannot be satisfied or effective, without being dependent upon someone else or somewhere else outside separate from me and that I through participating in and submitting myself to this belief, have accepted and allowed myself to be and justify myself as ineffective

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only reason why I am not effective or satisfied is because I have separated myself from myself as effectiveness and satisfaction and as such my dissatisfaction or ineffectiveness is entirely and totally my own responsibility – and as such it is my responsibility to direct myself into and as effectiveness and satisfaction through bringing myself back to myself here, walking here, living here, in and as the physical

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to direct and support myself to investigate in self-honesty why and how I am not effective or satisfied and if that is a real and practical self-honest deduction or if it is a delusion of separation in my mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest myself into and as, as a way of abdicating my self-responsibility as life here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to direct and support myself to be and become effective and to accept myself as effectiveness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I will never actually be satisfied until I live here as what is best for all in every breath and that the experience of dissatisfaction is indicating where and how I am not standing or walking for and within what is best for all and as such is a point I can support myself through, instead of taking personally in preoccupying myself in the belief that I have a right to be satisfied or that it is unfair that I am not satisfied

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect and anticipate that I will be satisfied and to see, define, experience and accept it as unfair and unjustified if I am not experiencing satisfaction and as such throw emotional tantrums and refuse to act or live what is best for all because I am not satisfied – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only point in existence that currently is valid as satisfaction is to live and act within and according to what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that it doesn’t matter where I am for whether or not I am effective or satisfied – because that which determines my effectiveness and satisfaction is me as who and what I accept and allow myself to be and live as and what I accordingly live

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be grateful and humble for where I am and in that see, that no matter where I am, I have the opportunity to direct and support myself in self-honesty to be effective and satisfied within standing up for and within what is best for all – and in fact the responsibility to do so, because nothing else is relevant besides creating a world that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or admit to myself in self-honesty the process within which I have walked myself here to where I am and realize that I cannot be anywhere else but where I am – or walk within or as anyone else as who I am here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with and submit myself to any and all excuses and justifications to not be effective and because of this not allow myself to actually be satisfied because the only point of satisfaction I have accepted is satisfaction within and as the mind as self-interest

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that my desire and preoccupation with being somewhere else than where I am – is me allowing myself to live and exist within and as self-interest in a one-dimensional reality in my mind where all I care about it my own idea of satisfaction and my preference to live in a certain place, with certain people in a certain way – and not in any way what so ever consider or care about what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize that my desire to be somewhere else, with someone else, as someone else – is actually a desire to get away from myself here and as such a justification as emotional manipulation so as to not face myself here and in and as self-honesty direct myself here effectively to and as a point of satisfaction within and according to what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself deliberately from focusing on and facing what is here as whom I am, as the self-dishonesty as self-deception that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist in and as – in self-interest as ego of mind, in separation of and from myself here -

I commit myself to stop all participation in backchat of desire to be somewhere else, with someone else, as someone else – and I commit myself to support myself to remain here to stop thoughts and projections outside of myself

I commit myself to stop and delete the belief that I will and can only be effective and satisfied by being on a specific place on earth, so that I can direct and support myself here to be effective so as to live within and according to what is best for all and as such accept and allow myself to be and become fully satisfied

I commit myself to dedicated myself to walk as who I am here, where I am, with whom I am with and to do whatever is required to be done here to create a world that is best for all and myself within that as a being that stands for and lives what is best for all

I commit myself to bring into manifestation the realization that it does not matter where I am because where I am is here and who I am is here

I commit myself to be grateful for what is here and the opportunities I have here to stand myself up as life as what is best for all

Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk

Tags: Desteni, Envy, Jealousy, Projection, The grass is greener on the other side, Where I am, Who I am
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Reality check: DAY 14

May 1, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

I have been reading blogs from the Destonians blog in the 7 year journey to life and I must say that I have never in my life read anything as supportive and self-honest as these blogs. I am grateful beyond words for the blogs that are being written and would like to take this opportunity to say thank you! I have added excerpts from some of the blogs I have read today below my writing that assisted me immensely.

For today’s writing, I gave myself a reality check. I had written an entire writing that I did not post yesterday because it was not finished and that I then muddled over all day today in terms of how to “bring the point through” within myself. It was not effective. So what I did instead was to read these blogs of other Destonians and that assisted me. In fact I experienced that some of the blogs were written for me. If you have not yet heard about the 7 year journey to Life, I suggest checking it out here.

So, for today’s blog I will leave the point I have been writing about aside for tomorrow, to allow myself to do a reality check where I stop for a moment and allow myself to be humble and simply write out what is here. The point I have been looking at lately is how I perceive myself as “who I am” according to “what I do” and how I perceive what I do. This has the result that my experience, perception and definition of myself is unstable, conditioned as it changes with my perception of what I do. So this is what I am here to look at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is what I do that determines who I am, instead of realizing that it is who I am that determines what I do, how I do it and who I am within it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that it is who I am that determines what I do and not what I do that determines who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can change who I am, by changing what I do and how I do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that if or when I change what I do and how I do it, I will change as who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to change who I am, by changing what I do – not realizing that what I do, and whether it is best for all, is determined by who I am, as who and what I accept and allow myself to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate changing who I am, by preoccupying myself with attempting to change what I do and how I do it, not realizing that no matter how much I try changing what I do, it will not matter if I don’t change who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself – and value myself – based on what I do believing, experiencing and accepting that how I and others value what I do, is what makes me who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I cannot change who I am, by changing what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my experience, perception, definition, belief and acceptance of who I am, based on what I do – believing that what I do, changes who I am and as such exist in and as instability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience, perceive, believe and accept who I am based on my perception and judgment of what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience, perceive, believe and accept who I am in relation to others in and as how I perceive myself according to their perceived valuing of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change what I do, in the hope, wish, desire and believe that it would change who I am, not realizing that what I do, does not matter until or unless ‘who I am’ is standing for what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the “doing” of self-forgiveness means that I am “forgiven”, not realizing that self-forgiveness in fact is a statement of change, of self-realization to take self-responsibility and that if I do not live the responsibility that I have emerged through self-honesty, I have written self-forgiveness in vain and in vanity as make myself “appear” as something without actually and in fact change myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, judge, define, experience and accept myself as “too far gone”, that it is impossible for me to stand up now – that it is too late, that I have changed too much – instead of seeing and realizing that the reason why I am not changing is because I have not directed myself to change myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that making the decision to change myself, in fact means directing myself in every moment to act accordingly – that the decision to change is not something that happens in the mind as an “intention” but that in fact is a constant living declaration of my decision to change that I can only apply within and as the moment I am faced with/facing

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that what I do is determined by who and what I allowed myself to be and as such until I face and direct who I am, as who and what I allow myself to be, what I do is irrelevant from the perspective that I will simply direct myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to effectively direct myself within what I do because I have not allowed myself to stand stable in self-trust within and as who I am determined and directive within the decision to walk and live what is best for all – as stopping that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become in and as the automated patterns of and as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on ideas that I have designed and developed through years of participation into personalities, where my actions are conditioned and limited to live according to these ideas and where I have not actually been living or participating here, because I have been preoccupied in my mind in a delusional reality that I have acted out onto and forced into physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience, perceive and believe that I don’t know how to be “who I am” – if I don’t base “who I am” on calculations of ‘profit’ in terms of getting energy from the attention of others or complying with fear

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that when what I do, is unaligned to what is best for all, and as such unaligned to what is best for me, it is not (necessarily or only) about changing what I do – but about changing the starting-point of who I am and investigate for myself in self-honesty who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and accept myself as, as “who I am”

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I am able to change the starting-point of who I am, through directively changing myself in practical application, yet that it is not the practical application that “makes” who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to take self-responsibility for and stand self-responsible for who I am and how who I am affects and influences my world and my reality as all that is here, believing that if I simply “do” and “act” “the part” I will have done “my part” – not realizing that if I do not direct myself to take self-responsibility for who I am in each moment, who I am will be determined by my past acceptances and allowances as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and exist as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus only on changing what I do and in that seeing that it is what I do that is “the problem” and thus the solution – instead of seeing and realizing that I determine what I do, based on who and what I accept myself as and as such that if I do not directively direct who I am, and self-honestly investigate who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and exist as – I will allow myself to be directed by, as and within self-interest as ego because that is who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and live as

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that if I do not directively direct myself towards and according to what is best for all, I allow myself to direct myself and be directed by self-interest of and as ego and as such as abuse, deception and separation – and therefore I am responsible for the abuse and suffering that exists in the world – whether I direct myself or not, but only by directing myself can I stop and change what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I allow myself to act in ways that is not aligned to what is best for all – and that as such is abusive, deceptive and delusional, then it is because there is something wrong with what I do – believing that I must change what I do – instead of realizing in self-honesty, that it is who I am, as who I allow myself to be, that determines whether what I do, is best for all

I commit myself to investigating who I am in self-honesty as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and exist as in detail and depth until no part of me is here that I am not directively directing

I commit myself to walk a self-directive process of changing who I am, as all points and parts that are not standing for what is best for all and that are existing conditioned to and enslaved to the past

I commit myself to stop attempting to change myself through changing what I do and instead, when and as I see a point where I have allowed myself to live unaligned to what is best for all, to align this point/part/personality as “who I am” to what is best for all, through a self-directive process of changing my starting-point of who I am and through this, change my living application

I commit myself to, when I see that what I do is not aligned to what is best for all, to investigate my starting-point of “who I am” and to take self-responsibility for changing and aligning who I am to what is best for all

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to so tacitly define myself as a failure that when opportunities of success came along I would immediately fall back and retract because I had already decided within myself that it was useless to even try, because I was already fucked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the personality design of ‘I am a failure’ and to allow this personality to run on autopilot behind everything that I participated in.” – Lindsay Craver’s Journey to Life Blog.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with the fact that I have been spiteful, manipulative, and ‘evil’ within me and within the relationships I have had in my world where due to the extent to which I had abdicated my own point of caring about myself as life, I extensively abused, manipulated, and deceived others because I regarded ‘others’ with the same disdain and disrespect that I had for myself.” – Joe Kou’s Journey to Life Blog

“I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the thought of “I regret because I’ve missed a chance to…” is a red flag to turn the point back to myself and see the REAL point that I’ve missed which is ME, as a living expression of Life as the Physical due to being occupied in my mind within thoughts, feelings and emotions.” – Maya Harel’s Journey to Life Blog

Visit us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk.