November 24, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
In this blog post I am writing the final part of the self-corrective and self-commitment statements that I started with on DAY 143 on how I’ve been living according to the sentence “do what makes you happy” as a religious doctrine in my life. When I started this series on the desire to have an easy life and this point came through, I was not even aware to the extent that this doctrine had played a part in how I’ve lived my life. It is actually quite astounding to consider how we’re being introduced to specific values from our parents and our environment as children that we completely come to take for granted and newer question. For me as a person who’s not grown up in a religious home, I’ve looked at religious people and thought them to be foolish for so easily allowing themselves to be indoctrinated, but I never considered or questioned how I’ve learned religious doctrines as well – how everyone in fact does, whether the god they’re introduced to is called “Allah” or “God” or “Happiness”. And everyone knows the god called “Fear”. But the pointed I wanted to make is how we take these values and doctrines for granted as universal truths to such an extent that we’re not even aware that we are living according to them and might even have completely contradicting values or beliefs but still live out these childhood doctrines, because that which we learn in childhood affects us differently than when we get older. I remember for example how I would take everything I saw or heard very seriously and how I would literally imprint it into me as being important, every sound, every smell, every sight. And for years I would interpret my environment according to these first memories, how such a house that looks like this makes me feel this way and how when the clouds look like that, I get this experience. It was not in fact until I started participating with Desteni that I began questioning all of this and in particular stopped these ‘magical ‘relationships towards specific seasons and weather phenomena and now after four years I realized that we’re only barely getting started. Because as every single thing we saw or heard as a child has made such an impact on us as this sentence did on me, we’ve got quite a path ahead of us in terms of untangling ourselves from this web of memories that we’ve come to define ourselves according to. For further perspective on this, I recommend checking out the Eqafe store and all the interviews and interview series that are available there, because it is most definitely the kind of education that one does not get anywhere else on this planet.
When and as I see that I am experiencing a want, need and desire to do something towards which I’ve associated a positive energetic experience wherein I believe that if I do this thing I will be happy, I stop. I breathe and stop the energetic experience. Because I now see, realize and understand that I can’t trust that through which I produce a positive energetic experience inside myself to also be what is best for me and best for all. And I see, realize and understand that I’ve accepted positive energetic experiences as that which makes me happy as the meaning of life – as that which gives life meaning which is why I’ve been following positive energetic experiences like a religious slave – instead of stopping up and asking myself whether or not that which I want to do also is that which is best for me and best for all. So I commit myself to ask myself when and as I experience a want, need or desire towards doing something or participating within some activity – to simply assess in common sense self-honesty whether or not this is also what is best for me and best for all and so I commit myself to when and as I see that it is not best for me or best for all, to disengage myself from the positive energetic experience relationship I’ve created towards the particular point or activity in realizing that positive energetic experience/happiness does not mean that I HAVE to do it and that I will suffer consequences if I don’t – quite the contrary.
When and as I see that I am experiencing an experience of wanting to stay the hell away from something that I’ve created a negative energetic relationship with where I will justify within my mind as backchat in any and all ways possible to back the hell away – to stop and breathe and stop participating in this experience. Because I see, realize and understand that this is simply the polarity of ‘do what makes you happy’ as the starting-point of this desire is a fear of having a meaningless, boring, enslaved life where I’ve associated anything that is difficult or not easy to a negative energetic experience of resistance because of this fear. So I commit myself to walk through this resistance with open eyes and to stop deceiving myself deliberately in that moment through coming up with excuses and justifications for why it is best if I don’t push through this resistance.
When and as I see that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to justify not pushing through a point I am resisting where I see that I’ve already walked through the backdoor and now are experiencing a ‘relief’ as though I’ve dodged a bullet, I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that the only thing I am doing is deceiving myself and being happy about effectively having deceived myself to not have to go through the point of resistance which I see, realize and understand is utter stupidity. And so I commit myself to stop feeling relieved about having deceived myself and I commit myself to stop deceiving myself into believing that I am acting in self-integrity when I don’t push through resistance – because I see, realize and understand that it is in fact the exact opposite where I am compromising my own self-integrity through not pushing through resistance.
When and as I see that I am participating in an experience of feeling happy when I am doing something that comes easy to me, or where I feel specifically ‘not happy’ when I am doing something that do not automatically come easy to me, I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that I’ve deceived myself into believing that I should only do that which I experience as easy, because I don’t feel happy when I have to do something that I experience as hard and difficult and within this I see, realize and understand that I have missed out on so many opportunities to develop skills or get to know someone else and even of getting to know myself because of this self-deceptive belief. So I commit myself to stop and delete the relationship I’ve created between happiness and things being easy and positive energetic experiences and its polarity of not feeling happy and things being hard and negative energetic experiences. And I commit myself to develop stamina and endurance towards pushing through points that are not easy to begin with, because I’ve seen, realized and understood that things being difficult does not mean that they are bad and negative energetic experiences does not mean to keep away from a point, but in fact to stop the experience and embrace the point I am experiencing as difficult so as to get to know myself in and as it and similarly with positive energetic experiences, I commit myself to remove this conditioning so that I can get to know such points without the influence of energies and thus as an expression of myself that I decide whether or not I will participate within based on a common sense consideration in self-honesty of what is best for me and best for all within the moment.
I commit myself to show that happiness as it is being promoted in advertisements, in families, in schools and in spiritual communities, is NOT actual happiness, because actual happiness would be an expression of who we are that manifests itself into physical reality to benefit for all human beings and life as a whole and NOT a positive energetic experience that one can use to justify how one only care about oneself.
I’ve not yet decided what I will write about in my next post – so stay tuned and find out!
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