SelfTransformation - Anna's Journey to Life

How Can You use Writing to Transform Yourself?

September 10, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life, Anna's Videos

Tags: 7 year Journey to Life, Affirmations, Anger, Breathe, Cleaning Obsession, Desteni I Process, Hissy fit, Marlen Vargas Del Razo, Personal Development, self-empowerment, Self-Transformation, Transcending Anger, Writing
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Commitment as Directive Decision to Change: DAY 101

September 2, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

Introduction: What is a commitment? What does it mean to write “I Commit myself to Change?” Will our Writings Change us? Or do we Change through Writing as a Tool?

I will continue with the Consumption Character in blog posts to follow, but for now I will share a specific point that I see requires immediate direction.

It is a continuation to the following posts:

Changing for Life: DAY 100

Learning How To Walk… The Talk: DAY 55

Who am I as Passion as a Living Expression in Every Moment? DAY 54

Give ME MORE or I’ll Throw a TANTRUM! (Part 3): DAY 46

More IS Less (Part 2): DAY 45

MORE Wants MORE Wants MORE (Part 1): DAY 44

What is the WILL of Self?: DAY 40
Who I am’ as Fear of not Writing Effectively: DAY 33

To Hell with “(Not) Good enough”: DAY 32

Chasing The Mirage of “Good Enough”: DAY 31

‘Who I Am’ as the Question: “Will I Ever Be Good Enough for THEM?”: DAY 30

Who I am as the Question: “Will I ever be Good Enough?”: DAY 29

And it is inspired by the following blog series by Lindsay Craver:

Day 138: You Deserve to Rest

Day 139: What do You Think of Me?

Day 140: A Slave Driver, a Zombie and a Vampire walk into a Bar…

Day 141: What’s YOUR Sorry Excuse?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that writing that: ”I commit myself to stop, to change, to correct, to become…” will automatically change me and is enough for me to change and as such experience frustration and anger towards myself when I do not change according to my words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one to my words in, as and through practically living the change that I am committing myself to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that making a commitment in words is dependent upon me acting upon my words and that if I don’t act upon my commitment to change, my words are useless and deceptive because I did not in fact make a commitment to change, even though I wrote or spoke it and as such all I have proven to myself is that I cannot trust my own words because I do not live the words I speak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate why and how I am making commitments when my actions clearly show that I did not commit myself to change and thus I am showing myself a discord and a misalignment between my words and my actions, where what matters is in fact that I have lied to myself and to question why I am allowing myself to lie to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately lie when I speak and write that I commit myself to change, when my actions show that I did not make that commitment in fact, because otherwise I would have immediately changed as I have proven and shown to myself with points where I did in fact walk my commitment to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write and speak the words that I commit myself to change, that I forgive myself – when in fact my starting-point of writing is to ‘live up to’ that which I perceive to be ‘someone else’s’ expectations to me, to ‘stay in the race’, to ‘not miss out’, to not ‘stand out’ and as such all I have proven to myself within and as that, is that it is more important to me to present myself as an image of someone who is committed to change to others, than to actually and in fact give myself the chance and opportunity to commit myself to change and accordingly walk my commitment into practical application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that when I say or speak that I commit myself to change and do not immediately change, then I did not make the commitment in fact and as such simply wrote or spoke words that I did not stand by or stand as in self-honesty and dedicated directive will and decision to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that writing is simply a tool to assist and support myself to enable myself to prescribe a specific change of action and re-write the codes with which I live by – however that the changing of the code in fact is within practical application and therefore my words are useless and self-sabotaging and a lie if I do not in fact live by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my words, within believing that my words are ‘speaking FOR me’ and thus ‘as’ me – but where I am in fact creating a character in and through my words that I have separated myself into and as to present myself as an image to others, as outside and separate from me, as that is all that have mattered to me – to prove myself to others and within and as that believe and accept that it does not matter who or what I am inside myself or in my in-fact actions because all that has mattered is how well I am at presenting myself a certain way to others whereas what is inside me and as me, I have already disregarded and abandoned in accepting myself as never good enough and therefore not even worth changing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, define, perceive and believe my writings, as individual writings and as the collective writings, as a ‘proof’ that I am ‘walking-with’, that ‘I am changing’, that ‘I have done enough’ and as such create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of positive energetic in experiencing ‘satisfaction’ when I’ve completed a writing, especially if it is long within and as perceiving myself as having ‘done good’ and such pad myself on the back in the belief that I am ‘completed a task’ – while in fact, when I look back on my writings I can clearly see that many of my writings are completely useless and only stands as a proof of my vanity and fear and existence as a being that is absorbed with my own image and reflection only where I believe that proving myself to others equals making myself worthy, where I’ve not allowed myself to see, realize or understand that proving myself to ‘others’ is in fact proving myself only to a separate mind-entity that I have created in my mind and projected onto my external reality and defined as ‘others’ – and the entire time I was writing, I was NOT HERE because I was not in any way writing FOR me, AS me, I was writing FOR THEM, but even ‘THEM’ was myself in my mind that I had separated myself into, where I thus attempted to prove myself to myself in separation of and from myself and thus proved nothing than the fact that I am continuously accepting and endorsing myself as separate and separated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if my words are not aligned with who I am here, if I am not writing as, from, within who I am here, if I am not making a directive decision to change who I am here through my writings – then my writings are useless and are written with a hidden agenda in, of and as the mind and then THIS is what requires my attention and awareness and then this is what I require to commit myself to change first and foremost before anything else – because otherwise I will continue to write myself into and as an alternate reality in my mind that is in fact based on self-interest, deception and delusion and where I abuse my writings for my own secret agenda of the secret mind and thus only prove to myself that I cannot be trusted and that I cannot trust myself and that I am simply writing within and as procrastination of actually facing and changing myself in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I have made a commitment to change and are not living that commitment into immediate practical application, then I require to go back and see in self-honesty how and why I am overriding my commitment to change and what it is I have not yet taken self-responsibility within the point that I am committing myself to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself when I see that there is a point that I have committed myself to change that I am not yet changing and then accept that ‘it is too hard to change’ or ‘I am too stuck in this pattern’ or ‘I don’t know what it is I am missing’ or ‘I’ll give it a little time’ or ‘I’ve got more important points to focus on now, so I’ll just leave this for later’ instead of ‘grabbing my teeth onto the point and locking my jaw on it’ and so not let go or give in until I am certain and satisfied that I have thoroughly investigated the point and effectively changed myself accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that writing that I am committing myself to change is enough and should work ‘by itself’ and thereby I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my own self-responsibility to in fact direct myself to change in and as separating myself from writing and from myself in and as writing in accepting writing as being more than me and me as less than writing within and as defining writing as yet another external application of presentation through which I can present myself to others and thus make myself worthy through the eyes of others – while in fact my writings should stand completely alone, it shouldn’t matter if anyone else ever saw my writings, because what matters is who I am within my writings and what matters is that writing is simply a tool – a tool that is dependent upon who I am, not the other way around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don’t change, no one will notice or care and that it will have no consequences for anyone else anyway and therefore it does not matter if I don’t change – which is exactly the opposite of me acting within presenting myself as an image to others – yet where it’s all happening in my own mind and has nothing to do with my external reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I am the one that does not care if I change – and that does even not notice myself changing and that does not even want to or dedicate myself to change – because otherwise: I would have changed

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that it is has no consequences if I do not change and as such I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use this belief and create this belief deliberately so as to act without taking self-responsibility where, because I do not see the immediate consequences of my actions, I can convince myself that my actions do not have consequences and as such continue to validate and endorse them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, even when I do see that my actions have consequences, not care about these consequences because what I have valued is my ‘free choice’ to ‘do what I feel like’ as the only point of motivation that I have directed myself to move myself according to

I forgive myself that I within, acting in spite of the consequences that are evident, but that I’ve deliberately hidden from myself, stood and accepted myself as an abuser of life and as an endorser of abuse of life, while in my words have pretended to care about life and as such have existed in complete self-deception and self-dishonesty about ‘who’ I in fact am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘no one cares about me anyway, so why should I care about myself?’ as based upon my childhood memories where I accepted myself as worthless because I took the actions of others personally and in fact molded myself in spite where I believed that if I spited myself, I would take revenge of those who I perceived as not caring about within and as blaming them and giving them the responsibility for me and such that I could show them their neglect of me by deliberately ruining and destroying myself as I perceived myself to be ‘their responsibility’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately NOT care about myself and deliberately abuse and destroy myself to spite and blame those that I perceived as having abdicated their responsibility for me – my mother and the other adults in my childhood specifically as well as ‘the world’ in general – in a belief that I was taking revenge upon them and getting them to notice me and care about me if I destroyed myself and showed them what their abdication of responsibility for me did to me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am the one who has not cared about me and as such have abdicated self-responsibility for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of frustration towards seeing that my writings are useless and that I am not changing and that my writings are therefore self-sabotage and self-deceitful within and as believing that I can do nothing but to give up on myself in seeing that even though I have walked extensively in writing the points about not being good enough, the point about only caring myself as a presentation and still not having resolved or changed this within and as me and as such accept that I am a victim to my own detriment and diminishment instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that looking at myself from within and as this perspective and stance, IS in fact that same self-diminishing starting-point and as such all I am doing is confirming my own belief and acceptance of and as myself

I see, realize and understand that I have used deliberate self-diminishment and self-destruction to spite and take revenge upon others that I perceive as having abdicated care and responsibility for me – in separating myself from and abdicating self-responsibility for me having abdicated my own self-care and self-responsibility

I see, realize and understand that I have deliberately abused and destroyed myself to get others to notice me and care for me within and as believing that if they saw what they were doing to me, they would stop and notice me and care for me – while all along, it was myself I was calling out to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dedicate and commit myself to let go of the belief and acceptance that I am not good enough

As I am writing this, an experience has emerged – or rather this is what I was experiencing the whole time, but now I am facing it here through writing it out and speaking the words out loud. The experience is that of ‘heaviness’ as ‘depression’ and ‘apathy’ and it is based on me looking at the point of ‘I am not good enough’ where I see that I have still not resolved the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I have been ACTIVELY AND DELIBERATELY HOLDING ON to the acceptance of myself as being not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the words/sentence of “I am not good enough” a mantra within and as my mind that I have actively and deliberately repeated over and over to cement myself into and as it as a way of hiding myself and abdicating self-responsibility – within seeing that the only way I can abdicate self-responsibility ‘legitimately’ is if I am practically, biologically, permanently and decisively NOT GOOD ENOUGH because that is the only excuse that I have been able to accept and allow myself to use as a justification for not taking self-responsibility for myself and change myself (besides deliberately ‘forgetting’ through separation, suppression and denial.)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason why I have been actively holding onto the belief that I am not good enough is because I know that were I to let the belief go that I am not good enough – if I were to admit that the belief that I am not good enough is not real and is something I have deliberately convinced myself is real – I would have nowhere left to ‘run’ and would have to take self-responsibility and face myself in self-honesty and face my fears and admit my true nature of my secret self to myself and I would no longer be able to justify any point of excuse or abdication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actively and deliberately hold onto the belief and acceptance myself as not good enough because I believed that it was easier than facing myself and facing my fears and having the courage to stand up as myself in self-honesty self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the belief and acceptance of myself as being not good enough and as such within and as that have held onto my abdication of self-responsibility for who and what I am within and as the belief that it is someone else/the world that is responsible for and the origin of me not being good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto blame and holding another – as my mother, the adults in my world and the world itself – responsible for who I am and such from there could forever abdicate self-responsibility in always tracing it back to my past and my childhood in blaming someone else for who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an experience and ‘zone’ of comfort within confirming, believing and accepting that I am not and will never be good enough – because as I have stated that myself, no one can ever have expectations to me or demand anything of me or be disappointed with me because I have already failed and as such do not have to prove anything – yet:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that this ‘failing myself before someone else can fail me and therefore do not have to prove myself worthy’ is polarity pattern to the pattern of constantly trying to prove myself worthy to others and that these two polarities exist within and as the same pattern that is only existent within the frames of my own mind as the story I have told myself about myself of ‘who I am’ – where my entire life has been revolving around abdicating self-responsibility in one way or another and as such I see, realize and understand that I subsequently have abdicated my ability to change myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I have deliberately and actively used and utilized the belief/mantra/character that “I am not good enough” to hide myself within so that I don’t have to take any risks or expose myself or reveal myself or risk losing myself because “I am not good enough anyway, so there is no point in investing myself in this or that point of application”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I never in fact was ‘not good enough’ as I have perceived and defined this – specifically in my relationship with others/the world – but that there is obviously points that I am practically not good enough at, yet this does not in any way define or invalidate my worth and is simply a practical fact that can be corrected and changed. Yet I do also see that there is a relevance at an existential level where ‘not good enough’ is who and what I have accepted myself as, in my separation of and from myself in my quest for MORE – for becoming MORE, getting MORE, experiencing MORE – while completely abdicating the fact that I am the one who has made and accepted myself as life – as less to begin with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how extensively I have limited myself through living the mantra of “I am not good enough” in the innumerable points and opportunities that I have missed to express and expand myself because I had committed myself to holding on to the belief that I was not good enough and if I were to give myself the chance and opportunity to expand myself – I would have to let go of the belief that I am not good enough and I did not allow myself to do that because I was using the belief that I am not good enough to deliberately hold myself back so to not risk anything or take any chances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that the belief, experience, definition and acceptance of myself as “not good enough” has been a scam, a self-deception, a deliberate strategy of abdicating self-responsibility, that could only work if I convinced myself that it was true/real and as such I made myself the victim of my own scam in ensuring that I never in fact was good enough so that I could ‘play the part’ effectively and convince others (that was actually myself) that I indeed am “not good enough”

When and as I see that I am writing from a starting-point of believing that my writings will automatically change me FOR me – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to and within writing HERE and ensuring that I commit myself to change as a directed decision and not as something I do automatically in an expectation that simply writing/speaking words will change me FOR me.

I see, realize and understand that I’ve separated myself from my words within and as making my words more than me in perceiving my words as ‘standing alone’ and as a separated external point that will change me for me – and as such that I have abdicated self-responsibility for my words as I have not stood equal and one to my words but have written in separation from myself within and as an image of myself as being more than who and what I am here

I commit myself to no longer write automatically and to no longer separate myself from my writings and I commit myself stop expecting my writings to change me FOR me – as I see, realize and understand that I AM my writings and thus if I am separating myself from my writings, I am writing in, as and through separation and thus my writings will not only be useless but in fact detrimental and self-sabotaging as I am not writing HERE with myself to in fact direct myself to change, but only to live up to an image about who I want to be and who I believe I should be

I commit myself to take responsibility for changing myself through writing and I commit myself to the understanding the I am the directive principle in and through my writings and it is not my writings that are existent as something separate and external from me that will direct me for me

When and as I see that I am accessing and participating in an experience of frustration within seeing that I am not changing according to the commitments that I have made to myself in writing – I stop. I breathe and I stop the experience and I look at, in self-honesty whether the fact that I have not yet changed, is simply a matter of applying myself consistently in and as walking a process of changing myself because the point/pattern I am working with/walking is layered and has been accumulating/accumulated and therefore requires an equal dedication and commitment to keep changing OR whether I have in fact NOT made the commitment to change and thus have written the words in and as a point of separation and self-deception in pretending that I was committing myself to change, so that I could present myself as changing and thus in fact hide and justify for myself the fact that I have not committed myself to change. Accordingly I direct myself to be patient with myself within the points that I see as simply requiring consistent application of change or where I require opening up the point in more detail and specificity OR whether I require going back to my commitment and see and investigate how and why I pretended to commit myself to change, yet did not override the original permission that I had given myself to be and become the specific point I pretended to commit myself to change. As such – I take responsibility for my commitment to change and I ensure that I do in fact change – either through consistently applying myself or through opening up the layers of the point I am facing or through re-assessing my commitment to change and accordingly re-align myself in bringing myself back from separation to commitment to change here in fact as a directive decision.

I see, realize and understand that it is redundant and useless to experience frustration when I see that I am not changing a specific point that I have committed myself to changing through writing – and that what is required is that I take responsibility for the fact that I have not yet changed in investigating how and why I have not changed and accordingly correct, align and re-commit myself to change

I commit myself to take responsibility for my commitment to change and I commit myself to ensure that I do in fact change – either through consistently applying myself or through opening up the layers of the point I am facing or through re-assessing my commitment to change and accordingly re-align myself in bringing myself back from separation to commitment to change here in fact as a directive decision.

When and as I see that I am not or that I have not stood equal to my words, within and as seeing that my words and my actions are not equal and one – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here and I investigate how and what I have separated myself from, into and as through not standing equal to and as my words in seeing, realizing and understanding how I have separated myself from my words and my words from myself within and as stepping into a character, an image of myself as more than who and what I am here and accordingly re-align myself to standing equal to my words, through and within writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective practical application.

I see, realize and understand that when and if I do not stand equal to my words – in that I live the words that I speak AND I speak the words that I live – I am separating myself from my words, I am abdicating my self-responsibility for my words and for myself within and as my words because I am stepping into and accepting myself as a character, as more or less than who I am here. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one to my words in, as and through practically living the change that I am committing myself to

I commit myself to stand equal to my words and I commit myself to when and as I see that I am not standing equal to my words – as my words as myself – to re-align myself within and as my words in standing equal to my words through investigating how and why I have separated myself from my words

I commit myself to stop speaking/writing/communicating words that I do not stand equal and one to

When and as I see, that I am speaking/writing/communicating words that I do not stand one and equal to – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here in and as the physical.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to self-trust within and as ensuring that I can trust the words I speak because I stand one and equal to them in directing myself within what is here as who I am in the moment in self-honesty, common sense and consideration of what is best for all within and as the moment

I commit myself to support myself to develop equal and one communication so that when I speak/write/communicate I speak/write/communicate one an equal with what is here as myself and so that when I see that I am not standing equal to my words, I immediately correct and align myself

When and as I see that there is a discord between my words and my actions, I stop. I flag this point within and as me and such support myself to be aware of when this happens and such I in the moment breathe and bring myself back here to the physical and re-align myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application until I stand equal with my words and my words and my actions are one and the same

I see, realize and understand that when there is a discord between the words I speak/write/communicate and my actions, I have in fact lied to myself and allowed myself to speak/write/communicate within and as self-dishonesty, self-interest and separation – because otherwise my words and my actions would be equal and one

I commit myself to investigate where and how my words and actions are not in alignment and as such one and equal and to expose my own self-dishonesty to myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and as such re-align my words and my actions in an equal and one application of what is best for all

When and as I see that I am writing/speaking/communicating words – and especially self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements – where I see that my starting-point is to ‘live up to’, ‘impress’, ‘prove myself to’ what I perceive as someone else’s expectations to me or through fear in ‘staying in the race’ or to ‘not miss out’ – basically where I am writing from a starting-point of separation of presenting myself as more than who and what I am here – I stop. I take a deep breath and I bring myself back here to myself in and as the physical.

I see, realize and understand that I have separated myself from my words and made my words the agenda of my secret mind in self-interest as ego in presenting myself as an image and as more than who and what I am here, as someone who is more committed to prove my change to others, than to actually and in fact give myself the chance and opportunity to commit myself to change and accordingly walk my commitment into practical application

I commit myself to align my starting-point within writing/speaking/communicating to expressing myself here self-directively in self-honesty within the principle of what is best for all

I commit myself to no longer speak/write/communicate from a starting-point of self-interest as ego and secret mind agenda

I commit myself to stop and delete all images and presentations of myself as more or less than whom I am here in self-honesty

When and as I see that I am expecting that my writing will change me rather than me changing myself through my writing – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as the physical in and through my writing in ensuring that I am not writing based on any experience or hidden secret mind agenda, but that I am writing here in self-honesty to in fact change myself so that I may stand up as a changed human being that have changed myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to live the principle of what is best for all, in standing equal to my words here

I see, realize and understand that writing is simply a tool to assist and support myself to enable myself to prescribe a specific change of action and to re-write the codes with which I live by –

I see, realize and understand that changing the code in fact is within practical application and therefore my words are useless and self-sabotaging and a lie if I do not in fact live by them

I commit myself to honor myself through writing and to create and manifest and develop self-integrity and self-trust and self-honesty through my commitment to changing who I am within writing from self-interested secret mind agenda to a practical expression of myself where I give myself the opportunity to investigate the codes I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live by and within so that I can change these codes and re-write them in a way that is best for all

When and as I see that I am perceiving/experiencing/believing that my words are speaking FOR me I see that I have stepped into a character of using my words in speaking/writing/communicating to present myself as this character as more or less than who I am here – I stop. I take a deep breath and I bring myself back here to myself in and as the physical

I see, realize and understand that I have misused and abused my words to present the characters that I have created and assumed for and as myself and so have used my words to make the characters seem ‘alive’ and to get others to support and validate me as these characters within agreeing with, responding to or accommodating my words

I see, realize and understand that I have within my relationship to myself deliberately separated myself from myself and suppressed myself as self-honest self-expression within and as regarding who I am as useless and worthless and never good enough or even capable of changing – within and as accepting that this was the only way I could survive as I understood that who I am in fact is not going to be accepted in this world-system according to the responses I perceived myself as getting from my environment

I see, realize and understand that I have held onto memories as ‘proofs’ of apparently ‘learning’ ‘who to be’ where I’ve held onto the shock, fear, emotions and feelings of the memories along with the pictures and the conclusions that I drew based on these experiences, so that I would ensure that I would never face such an experience again – while in fact not seeing, realizing or understand that by holding onto the memory within and as myself and the emotional experience within the memory and the suppression of myself as who I am within and as the experience, I have in fact been reliving the memory constantly

I commit myself to have the courage to express myself here without suppressing myself

I commit myself to face all memories and experiences and expressions that I have deliberately suppressed within and as me

I commit myself to stop disregarding and annihilating myself as an automated survival mechanism

I commit myself to dare to live myself as a self-honest self-expression whether or not my environment will accept me because of it or not

I also commit myself to asses my environment, so that I do not compromise myself by believing that I must now express everything – because I see, realize and understand that to effectively place myself within the world system, I require following the rules

When and as I see that I am accessing and participating in an experience towards my writing, either negative or positive – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to write within and as my human physical body in standing equal and one with my words in an expression of myself.

When and as I see that I am accessing and participating in an experience of accomplishment and satisfaction towards my writing as something separate from me through which I must prove myself with to others – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to writing in support of myself so that I can walk through my mind and equalize myself here in and as the physical

I see, realize and understand that when I am accessing an experience or are participating in thoughts about my writing – then I am not here writing unconditionally FOR myself as self-support

I see, realize and understand that when I perceive and experience myself as writing for another as outside and separate from myself, I am not actually writing FOR another but FOR my mind as that which I have separated myself into and as in a desire to become more than who I am here and in a belief and acceptance of myself as less than my writing and myself as who I am here

I commit myself to stop writing FOR others in separation of and from myself FOR the mind in and through inferiority and superiority

I commit myself to write FOR me here in support of myself as I walk through the mind and get to know myself in detail and specificity and through self-honesty bring all of myself here in writing so that I may let go and release all of who I have been within and as the mind and as such prepare myself to stand up from within and as the physical in self-corrective application of changing myself and my living participation

When and as I see that I am reacting within seeing myself in my mind and evaluating as analyzing and judging myself as not having lived up to my own commitment to change and where I experience myself as being stuck in a pattern – I stop. I breathe and I stop and I let go of the experience, the reaction and the back chat.

I see, realize and understand that I have created, manifested and participated within and as a pattern and character of giving up on myself as soon as I am not living up to my own expectations and that this pattern is a deliberate self-abdication strategy from within and as my mind through which I have created a backdoor for myself to slip through in and through giving up on myself and thus allowing myself to give up on myself and not ever give myself the chance to learn, expand or develop myself

I commit myself to ‘grabbing my teeth onto the point and locking my jaw on it’ and so not let go or give in until I am certain and satisfied that I have thoroughly investigated the point and effectively changed myself accordingly and I commit myself to do that with all and every point that I may face and asses in common sense self-honesty whether I can delete and release myself from the point immediately through direct change or whether I require to walk a process of changing

As such, I commit myself to walk-with myself in common sense – instead of walking with and as my mind only and to thus be flexible towards changing myself and at the same time not limit myself and deceive myself into believing that I must walk a process and such merely justify procrastinating the point of change

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in a reaction of fear, doubt and worrying towards my writing when I see or believe or perceive that no one is sharing my writings or reading my writings and thus fear that there is something wrong with my writings – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to the point of writing FOR me WITH me HERE.

I see, realize and understand that what matters is who I am within my writings and what matters is that writing is simply a tool – a tool that is dependent upon who I am and not the other way around

I see, realize and understand that I have separated myself from myself as the value of my writings as I see, realize and understand that the value of my writings is only as valuable as I am making myself in the moment of writing within the starting-point of who I decide to be in and through my writings

I commit myself to stop the fear how others see or perceive me

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am defined and valued by how others see, define or perceive me

I commit myself to dedicate my writings to me and to my change and to simply share my writings so that others may find self-support within them exactly as I find self-support within the writings of others and NOT as something that apparently proves my worth or value in the eyes of others

I commit myself to value myself through and within my writings in writing from a starting-point of honoring and valuing myself and supporting and developing myself in self-integrity and self-trust and self-honesty

When and as I see that I am participating in, accepting and accessing a belief that it will have no consequences if I do not change, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here.

I see, realize and understand that all and everyone are interconnected and interdependently existing in and as this existence

I see, realize and understand that I have deliberately created myself as an separate entity that have not direct experience or remembrance or awareness of the interconnectedness of this existence and myself in it so that I could pretend like I had free will to do whatever I wanted, which was only possible at the expense of suffering of others because I did not exist in equality and oneness with all that is here, ensuring that my actions and my living does not have consequences that are abusive towards anyone

I commit myself to, as I bring myself back from separation through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, to develop awareness of the consequences that exist in and as this existence and how I am directly responsible for and the creator of these consequences so that I may enable myself to direct myself accordingly to change my living to what is best for all and ensure that I do not accept or allow or participate in abuse and to understand in full detail what the consequences of each and every single action, moment and point of participation is

(I will continue with the self-commitment statements in my next post)

Give yourself the daily gift of reading the blogs from Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk!

Commitment as Directive Decision to Change: DAY 101

Tags: Commitment, commitment to change, Committed to Change, How do I Change?, I want to Change, Personal Development, self-empowerment, Self-Transformation, Wanting to Change, Writing as a tool
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Changing for Life: DAY 100

August 30, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

In this blog I will be reviewing the last 100 days of walking in writing the Journey to Life. In the vlog I did today I talked about how I do not experience this 100. Day as a point of celebration as what I have realized most of all, is how I’ve only just gotten started within my journey of writing myself to freedom. The more I write, the more I realize that I don’t know – lol.

In the last few blogs I have been reading about the Consumption Character and today I read a blog by Cerise Poolman on why and how people become animal abusers. This is what she wrote:

“Every obsession in our extensive database of Weird Stuff Only Humans Would Do starts off as one thought – one moment of “that makes me feel gooood” coupled with, for whatever reason, the choice to disregard the voice of reason coming from inside saying “Umm, that doesn’t seem like the kind of thing one should like…”. The only reason one would have to ignore the Inner Voice of Common Sense is if one’s desire to satisfy oneself is stronger than one’s desire to satisfy the basic obligations of life – and that is the product of one’s environment: when parents tell their children that they are “special” – more special than anything else, which leads the child to believe that they now have the right to have power over those that are “less special”.”

This is the point I have seen within myself as well and when I was writing about the Consumption Character, I could see that there was something ‘missing’ or not yet applied within my writing of self-forgiveness. I did briefly mention it, but the point that I saw required more explicit exposure is the fact that when I exert my ‘power’ as a consumer and for example follow a desire for a particular beverage (made sure is a constant by advertisement), that what requires self-forgiveness and transcendence in terms of stopping and taking self-responsibility, is not only the fact that I have abdicated myself to a desire, that I am following a program in/through my mind that is directing me – but also the fact that when I do exert that ‘purchasing power’ I am subsequently creating consequences for the billions of beings on earth without even being aware of it and without even caring about making myself aware of it, for most of my life.

More and more stories about humans deliberately abusing animals and children and other adult humans are emerging. It’s escalating. And our personal disregard for the life around – and in us, is what creates this situation, at an individual and at a collective level. When I exert my ‘right’ to make decisions for other life-forms and for life in general through how I move about in the world and take what I want, I am actively condoning and partaking in deliberate abuse of life.

And I can see in clarity how I personally have done this to an utmost extend throughout my life. My entire focus has been on ‘getting what I want when I want it’ and I have been supported by a society and a family culture that said to me: “the most important thing is that you are happy” or “it’s important to find out what you want out of life” and so I pushed all care and consideration for everything and everyone around me, including myself here in and as the physical to set out on this hunt for “fulfillment” and “happiness” and “personal development” and “enlightenment” while I with my in-fact actions was trampling on life in complete disregard as I consumed my way through existence. And now we face a reality where animals and children are and even nature is exposed to the most horrendous abuse and torture. I cannot deny that the origin of that comes from me – from my human nature within taking what I want and leaving the rest to rot and die. And at the same time it’s easy to then get caught up in an emotional break down and feel guilty and angry at the abusers and feels apathetic towards changing the situation because the abuse is everywhere, it is penetrating our homes, our TV screens, our earth and our physical bodies. But observe what then happens? From this emotional reaction, a sneaky little backdoor opens like a soft, so soft cushion that we can lay our head on and “rest” for a bit. And we once again lull ourselves into a dream-like state of zombie sleep, where we say: “but I can’t, I can’t deal with this.”, “why do I have to?”, “I have enough problems already, just to make MY life go round, I can’t afford thinking about others.”, “I can’t save the world by myself.”, “nobody else are changing, so why should I?” and so as we tell ourselves these lies, we slowly but surely creep back into our comfortable life of not caring, until the next time reality surfaces its tortured face.

So, I’ve realized that it’s unacceptable to become consumed with emotional reactions about the horrendous situation on earth, because the purpose of going down such a road again, is in fact to create a backdoor that one can slip through silently and close behind oneself without anyone noticing that “I made the choice not to care in full awareness”.

So I am here to say that I made the choice in full awareness to not care. And the result is this world. And it is not about me personally or you personally or anyone personally – yet at the same time it is. Because we each make up the pieces that construct this entire monstrous reality that we have forced onto the physical world. And as long as I hold it together on my end, there’s no reason you should let go on yours. And so only I can make the commitment to let go for myself here.

I have decided for myself that I am going to use the abuse of animals and children to motivate me to change. Because every time I see a picture on Facebook or Daily Mail or hear about one of these cases of extreme abuse, that is rapidly increasing in all parts of the world – and I am sitting there with my diet coke or I have make the choice to not do my writing because I would rather watch TV, I am facing – not even remotely but at least to some degree – the consequences of my choice. And I can’t stand myself as that point. I can no longer sit by and pretend like I am an innocent little consumer citizen that are making active choices and are in support of a better life for all, because “I buy organic” or “I support a sponsor child in Africa.”. And you know what? I know that this is not even remotely enough. This is not even the beginning. And obviously animals should not have to be tortured just so that I can get my finger out of my ass and smell the shitty stink of this world. But work now it works as a SELF-reinforcing mechanism where I want those fucking stories and pictures stuck in my face even though I don’t want it and I desperately want to go to sleep and make the choice to not care.

So – I’ve only just gotten started. And from where I am standing at the moment, I am going to keep ripping this bloody mess open for all to see, who is willing to see and actively keep sharing and showing so that those who are unwilling now, might become willing and to will see what is going on and how it is ourselves within these seemingly minute and irrelevant acts that are in fact the source and origin of all horrors taking place on earth.

When I write my blogs, I usually write quite “safe” within writing out patterns that I easily see. Writing out this point I experience some anxiety, because I am exposing something that I have not shared with anyone and I experience anxiety within the possibility that I am wrong in my assessment how what is required and that I’ll get prosecuted for not walking process the right way. But you know what? Who cares? Who cares about what? Who cares for the wellbeing of the billions of animals being tortured while I sit here and worry? So it is pretty clear here what is relevant and what is not. It is relevant to investigate and expose who we are in our living participation and from there start expanding our understanding of how our living participation creates consequences for all other life forms. And that it is in fact possible to change how I live and how I see the world and myself within it.

And I do that through writing out these blogs, through dedicating myself to become effective, specific and self-honest within my writing. And I do that through bringing myself back to breath as I walk in my daily participation, so that I don’t miss what is here, in seeing the characters that I step into and how memories influence and control my actions and how backchat escalates into abuse. And I do that through sharing my writings and not giving up even though no one might read my blog today or tomorrow or people unfriend me on Facebook because I’m constantly posting stories of animals being abused and children being raped. And I do that through my commitment to change within self-corrective application where I change how I live in my world and my reality, with myself, my body and with the beings around me, my partner, the animals we live with, our physical environment, the people I meet, the people I support, people I come across on the internet and as such all of us here together on this earth.

No matter what I do, I am still here and I stil face the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed. There is no escape. There is no out.

So I am committing myself to walk this journey to life in humbleness and in focusing on what IS relevant in fact. And I am committing myself to investigate and take responsibility for all aspects of my participation, until I am self-directed in every breath and all actions. And I start with what is immediately seen because I can’t walk all of it at once. That’s it.

Tags: changing for life, changing to life, life changing, Living to change, self improvement, self-empowerment, Self-Transformation, transforming self
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How to Stop being A People Pleaser: DAY 93

August 23, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

How is being a people pleaser the opposite of caring about the lives of others? What is the secret behind being a people pleaser? How do we stop?

This is a continuation of the following series:

I commit myself to stop participating in positive energetic experiences that I’ve generated from participating in the people pleaser character based on defining people pleasing as positive

So – when and as I see that I am experiencing a want/need/desire to please another, I stop within and as myself. I look at whether the consideration of the other is practical and if it’s not I stop myself from participating further.

When and as I see that I’ve already stepped into the people pleaser character and that I am experiencing a positive energetic experience because I perceive/believe/experience myself as having successfully accomplished in pleasing another, I stop and breathe.

I commit myself to let go of and release the positive energetic definition of pride and self-satisfaction I have created towards the people pleaser character

I commit myself to let go of and stop participating in the belief that it is good and positive to please people, because I have seen, realized and understood that being a people pleaser is not about pleasing others in fact, as what one is pleasing in another is their characters and the entire point in being a people pleaser is to please one’s own self-interest in generating positive energetic experiences as well as pleasing one’s own fear of not surviving in/through social life

I see, realize and understand that I’ve resisted and refused to step out of and let go of the people pleaser character, because I’ve liked it and wanted to be it and felt successful within and as it and enjoyed the attention and positive energetic experiences that I’ve generated through experiencing myself as pleasing others AND because I have feared facing myself without the people pleaser character as who I will be if I don’t have the ‘social navigation system’ through/with/as the people pleaser character

I see, realize and understand that I’ve made the excuse and justification for myself that if I don’t step into the people pleaser character, I will be rude to others and thus ‘wrong’ and people won’t like me and I won’t be able to effectively navigate in social situations – all based on memories from when I was a child, where I experienced myself socially incapable and made the decision to become sociable

I see, realize and understand that I’ve created the people pleaser personality when I realized that people like people who please others and who are nice and friendly and so I deliberately constructed this character through observing others and assumed it for myself perfectly aware that it was not real – yet I believed that I had to make it real as I believed and accepted that who I was, was a danger to my own survival and that the only way I could ever be accepted by others were if I would please them and so I became this character to the extend where I forgot and denied that it was in fact a character that I had deliberately designed and assumed for myself to survive

I see, realize and understand that I have based my existence on survival in social situations where I have compromised and submitted and subjected myself to the rules of social situations of society, in accepting these as real and really as that which determines life and death, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that social rules of society are constructed and designed from within human beings minds and have in no way anything to do with practicality or common sense as it demands that people lie to each other and to themselves and compromise themselves and follow these arbitrary rules of being polite and friendly where no one is self-honest or expressing themselves in self-honesty

Therefore, I commit myself to stop participating in social rules from a starting-point of valuing them as real, yet I see, realize and understand that I cannot simply step out of the social rules as we’ve created a world system where our survival is dependent upon us following these rules and so I commit myself to follow the social rules and walk-with them for a moment, yet not define myself according to them or compromise myself within following them out of fear of not surviving

I commit myself to stop and delete the memory of myself as a child, where I experienced/felt/believed/accepted myself to be socially awkward and not understanding the social rules of society – believing that everyone else understands the social rules and are natural within their participation and so accepted that there’s something wrong with me

I commit myself to stop fearing not fitting into to groups and relationships with other human beings, as I see, realize and understand that everyone is the same and we’ve created a veil of a collective reality that we have agreed on is real, even though it is a construct of/as our minds

I commit myself to, when I am with others, stop focusing all my attention on my words, within and as strategically placing my words in such a way that I am amusing/pleasing to the other and they are amused by or pleased with me and 2) stop focusing on my gestures and facial expressions so that I appear open and caring and friendly to another through using smiles and eye contact and touch and an open body language to deliberately signal to another that I am not a danger and 3) stop focusing on observing the others reactions/responses through their words – from a starting-point of fearing not to survive and accepting myself as inept at functioning socially. Yet I see, realize and understand that I can utilize the skills that I’ve developed based on this character in effectively placing myself in social situations yet not define myself according to it or derive any form of experience from it, but to simply walk-with the system as it currently exists where interacting with others in certain ways is required.

I commit myself to let go of the fear of not being able to effectively assess a social situation, where I fear that I might say something wrong and people will laugh at me or think I am weird or a loser and will then not speak with me and I won’t have any friends and people will see me for ‘who I really am’ as that which I perceive/believe/experience and accept myself as underneath the people pleaser character as unsociable and awkward

Because I see, realize and understand, first of all, that I am fully capable of assessing any social situation, as everyone is exactly the same as me and if not, I can learn and secondly that even if people do ridicule me, that this is not something that define me or influence me or change me – and that people ridicule and are assholes to each other, because that’s the system we’ve created of competition and cruelty – and I can simply stop participating within and as it, through remaining here and bringing myself back to breath

I see, realize and understand that an aspect of how and why I’ve created the people pleaser character, is because of how I saw my mother pleasing others but also how she was not effective at interacting with others and how others expressed that they did not like her and so I ‘evolved’ the people pleaser character through making the decision to NOT be like my mother or make her mistakes, based on an experience of fear within and as seeing how my mother failed at interacting effectively with others

When and as I am stepping into a social situation with other people, to as soon as I see and experience myself wanting to step into the people pleaser character, to stop and remain here within and as my human physical body, in breathing and accordingly simply express myself here within and as what is required of me in interacting with others

I see, realize and understand that I’ve never actually had a genuine interest in the best for others, myself or for all because all I’ve cared about is pleasing others as they would want to be pleased and within how I would experience myself as pleased with myself when I was able to successfully please others

So – I commit myself to develop actual real care for others, as the people I interact with in my immediate environment and all of existence, from first developing real care for myself in stopping allowing myself to compromise myself to/within/as the social norms of society based on fear

I see, realize and understand that the positive relationships I’ve created towards others were in fact never real and we did never really care about each other as we’ve merely supported each other’s characters

And so – I commit myself to stop wanting to be friends and friendly with other people and wanting them to like me and to stop participating in relationships with others of mutual dependence and support of each other’s characters – and I commit myself to only participate within social rules from a starting-point of effectively placing myself in the world-system to support myself and everyone else

I see, realize and understand that, because I have focused my entire life, time and energy on creating successful relationships and interaction with others, I have completely neglected and disregarded to create an effective relationship with myself of integrity and self-trust because I immediately rejected who I was in the totality of myself when it became clear to me that I did not have the skills to function socially – not seeing, realizing or understanding that everyone is in the same boat and simply create a veil as ‘reality’ in our collective agreement of pretend where everyone believes that everyone else has got it under control, while in fact we’re all shitscared.

So – I commit myself to develop a relationship with myself of integrity and self-trust as I realize, see and understand that the relationship with myself is the starting-point of my relationships with others and with the world as a whole in establishing a new way of living that is not based on stupid social rules that only has the purpose of keep us lying to ourselves and each other – but where we live together in equality and oneness in and through an Equal Money System where we establish real care and real consideration and don’t have to create strategic characters to interact through because we stand equal and one in our relationship with each other as we do in ourselves.

Suggested blogs to read in conjunction with this blog series:

http://atruthseekersjourneyintolife.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/day-one-hundred-and-thirteen-a-journey-into-life-im-a-good-person-character/

http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-65-being-good-person-is-actually.html

How to Stop being A People Pleaser: DAY 93

Tags: being a people pleaser, character, Convention (norm), Energy, fear, free your mind, People Pleaser, pleasing others, rules of conduct, Self-Transformation, social anxity, social life, social rules, social situations, transforming ourselves
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Self-Empowerment and Expansion with Desteni

June 17, 2011 in Anna's Process Blog

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29YcgOxXIu4&w=425&h=349]

Tags: Anna Brix Thomsen, Desteni, Desteni Group, Desteni I Process, Equal Money For All, Equal Money System, Happiness, Make your dreams come true, Personality, Preferences, self-empowerment, Self-Transformation, Sucess, Trancendence, Trancending ego
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Self-Forgiveness – Release, Breathe, Walk

September 9, 2010 in Anna's Process Blog

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that my ability to structure myself within writing and within applying self-forgiveness is ‘gone’ and thus believe that I am no longer capable of applying myself structurally in Self-Discipline and Self-Direction, instead of Realizing that I have to Will myself to Structure and Discipline myself – that it is not something that happens by itself
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to trust myself to Stand and instead having expected myself to fall, thus creating a backdoor through manipulating myself by listening to and trusting the mind as me speaking to and existing as ‘myself ‘, while it is actually a programmed information system based on words and symbols that I have imprinted with energy, through Accepting it as myself and through defining myself according to it – that I have Abdicated myself to

I DIRECT ME HERE
I ALLOW MYSELF TO TRUST MYSELF TO STAND AND STAND AND STAND UNTIL I STAND

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately sabotage myself, within my Process of Standing up, by using specific tactics of emotional manipulation through allowing myself to be Directed by the Mind – to prevent myself from Standing up
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to absolutely specific with how I have manipulated myself, thus actually manipulating myself to only walk ‘half the way’ and not ‘all the way’, thus not walking at all
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear walking all the way
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to defend not walking all the way, by experiencing, defining and judging walking all the way in absolutely specificity as ‘unnecessary’, ‘boring’, ‘hard’ and ‘scary’ – instead of realizing that these experiences are not real, that they are specifically designed to keep me from Realizing myself and Standing up for and As All Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to design myself as Self-Deception
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as Self-Deception
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to generate emotions of ‘apathy’, ‘anxiety’, ‘guilt’, ‘shame’, ‘anger’ when I have been faced with a point of transcendence and through having submitted myself to these emotions, believe that I am these emotions thus justifying not pushing through the point of transcendence and actually Changing myself
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to be specific in revealing to myself how I have manipulated myself, thus manipulating myself to not face myself in Self-Honesty
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as ‘rushing’ and through this energetic personality of ‘rushing’ having justified not Standing up and Applying myself in Self-Honesty and Common Sense
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I have to ‘rush’ to ‘make it all’, while in fact rushing makes me ineffective and imperfect and is thus useless as a technique to get as much done as possible

I SUPPORT MYSELF TO SLOW DOWN AND REMAIN HERE – TO PARTICIPATE IN DILIGENCE, INTEGRITY, SPECIFICIFTY AND PERFECTIIVITY IN EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY BREATH
I SUPPORT MYSELF TO REMAIN HERE AND FOUCS ON PERFECTING MYSELF IN EVERY BREATH
I SUPPORT MYSELF TO STOP ALL FUTURE PROJECTIONS AND SPECIFICALLY THE PERSONALITY OF RUSHING AND WITHIN THAT THE ENERGETIC EXPERIENCE OF RUSHING AND THE JUSTFICATION THAT I HAVE MANIPULATED MYSELF THROUGH, THAT I HAVE TO RUSH TO GET STUFF DONE. I HAVE PROVEN TO MYSELF THAT BY RUSHING I GENERATE ENERGY AND TENSION WITHIN ME AND I AM LESS EFFECTIVE.
I HAVE PROVEN TO MYSELF THAT BY SLOWING DOWN AND REMAINING HERE IN AND AS BREATH, I AM EFFECTIVE

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to not want to Stand up and to secretively defend that within and as me
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, trust and Accept that I am that which thinks and nothing else
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe/accept/define myself through and as thinking as a ‘who’, when in fact this ‘who’ is nothing but a system of information points seemingly ‘brought to live’ through energy generated through my permission, abusing the ‘Real’ as the Physical
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to follow and submit to every impulse of thought, emotion, feeling or reaction
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be inferior to the mind
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as inferior to the Mind
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am the Mind
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Exist as the Mind
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately betray myself to remain existing in and as the Mind as Separation
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to let go and Stop myself as the Mind, as Personality, instead of having faced the points where I have held on in Self-Honesty, to see and Realize the Self-Deception, to Stop, Forgive and Direct myself to Stand up as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in shame of having secretively not wanting to stand up, but also for having deliberately kept this Secret to myself and to everyone to make sure that I would not Stand up from within it
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to use my own weakness against myself within having used emotions, guilt, shame and Self-Abuse to trap myself within Deliberately not Standing up as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hide from myself that I did not want to Stand up as Life, that I wanted to remain as Personality, because I interpreted Standing up as ‘loosing’ according to not getting energy and it being hard work, while in fact these interpretations were also excuses, because I was actually scared of Standing up
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to do anything to prevent myself from Standing up
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to face and admit to myself that I did not want to Stand up, that I wanted to remain as Personality and thus having created a fake process and another fake personality, in which I pretended to be working on ‘Standing up’, while in fact I was merely Hiding from myself
Okay Right now – Right Here. Enough of this bullshit. I Support myself to Stop any and all emotional reactions through Breath. I Allow myself to let go. I Allow myself to let go. I Allow myself to let go. I Allow myself to remain Here. I Allow myself to Accept myself. I Allow myself to Support myself.
Till Here and no fucking further. I Stop myself as Personality. I Stop myself as Mind.
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and feel that the only thing that would ‘soothe’ my current experience is smoking a cigarette
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself into the experience that if I smoked a cigarette, I would not experience anxiety and shame and regret and anger towards myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to let go of myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Stop Applying myself in Self-Forgiveness and Self-Honesty
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience, feel and participate in Shame of what I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be and become
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to regret having abdicated myself to the Mind
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive and seduce myself into greater Separation into the Mind as Self-Interest
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience, participate in and experience rage and anger towards myself for having Abdicated myself to the Mind as Self-Interest and Separation
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience myself as desperate
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel uncomfortable when I see Marlen’s videos, because they remind me of Marlen’s diligence and my own cowardice and deception
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to exist as a crook and a deceiver and a leech and a coward and a fake
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be someone else
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to walk in circles
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to walk in circles and loops instead of walking a point through until it is done
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to give up on myself again

I DO NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF – I SUPPORT MYSELF AS LIFE – NOT AS MIND
I SUPPORT ME THROUG FOCUSING ON THE MOMENT – ON WHAT IS HERE IN AND AS THE PHYSICAL
I ALLOW MYSELF TO REMAIN HERE AS BREATH
I LET GO OF THE FEAR OF NOT BEING IN CONTROL – I LET GO OF THE BELIEF THAT I AM IN CONTROL – I LET GO OF THE DESIRE TO BE IN CONTROL

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify trying to escape myself by creating emotions that are uncomfortable, which I have the justified myself to avoid
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in fear of the future
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear death

I EMBRACE DEATH AS MYSELF – I AM GRATEFUL FOR DEATH – until Death is no longer necessary, I Support Death – Not Suffering, Abuse or Deception
I ALLOW MYSELF TO DIE
I ALLOW MYSELF TO LIVE

I take Responsibility for myself – I push through and Breathe through, forgive and let go of emotional experiences until I stand Here immediately
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to sleep in order to suppress myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel tempted to sleep to suppress myself
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Push myself to remain Here, in and as Breath, Supporting myself as Life
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Support myself Here as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I did not deserve to Support myself Here as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deny myself to Support myself Here as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Deny myself as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deny Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to disregard Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abuse myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abuse Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Separate ‘Life’ and ‘me’

I ACCEPT MYSELF AS LIFE
I DO NOT ACCEPT MYSELF AS ANYTHING LESS OR MORE THAN LIFE
I CARE FOR MYSELF AS LIFE
I AM ALIVE

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define Life as ‘Good’ as ‘Purity’ and ‘Perfection’ instead of Push myself to Live the Realization that Life is All that is Here and that the point of Self-Purification and Self-Perfection is a Self-Corrective Action that we are taking as Life and thus not something I am Separate from
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to Die
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to disappear
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to expect not to ‘make it’
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience frustration and irritation with the expression of ‘making it’
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to get mad and frustrated with Bernard and for blaming Bernard for ‘making me’ experience anxiety and fear and desperation – instead of being Grateful towards Bernard, Equal Here as Life, for exposing me as Dishonesty and Self-Deception in Separation of myself Here as Life, for me to take Responsibility for in Self-Honesty and Self-Correction
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to resent myself for having participated in and accumulated emotions, feelings and thoughts and thereby having revealed for myself that I have not stood absolutely
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame Bernard for making Process too hard, when in fact I am the only one making it hard for myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accumulate distractions, resistances, excuses and justifications that have made it extremely easy for me to fall and extremely hard to stand up
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately sabotage my own process of Standing up as Life as Equal and One
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept that I will never Stop the Mind
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in self-loathing and self-hate for having accepted myself as the mind – instead of realizing for myself, once and for all – that ‘EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT HERE AS LIFE IN FACT’ is the Mind and is coming from and as the agenda of Stopping Life for Realizing myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create the Mind as ‘Self-Aware’ within the desire to be ‘Real’ and ‘Living’ and for not having taken Responsibility for the fact that I have Created myself as the Mind in Separation of myself (which is not possible in fact and thus a make-belief reality)in constant conflict with/as myself because of it
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that there is only me Here as Life or me Here denying, separating, fighting and suppressing myself Here as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compete with myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize myself and then not having been consistent and Self-Supportive in applying myself to Stop All Separation
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in shame of having Realized myself and then having turned my back on Life to continue to Live in Separation and Self-Interest
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to turn my back on Life in continuing to Live in Separation and Self-interest, in the make-belief world in my mind, instead of Standing up as Life Here
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to miss smoking cigarettes
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience a lacking for not being able to smoke cigarettes
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify being in a ‘special position’ in stopping smoking cigarettes and thereby having allowed myself to over-eat
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to use my apparent ‘imperfection’
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear letting go of myself as emotional
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that only by being and feeling emotional, am I existing
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify avoiding uncomfortable emotions
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify going to sleep deliberately to Suppress myself so that I do not Face and Correct myself to Stand up from the Mind as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to go to sleep and not exist
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to not exist
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be ashamed of existing
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to resent myself for existing
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately avoid facing myself in Self-Honesty as Life and for having justified this through the energetic mind-possessed experience of being ‘weak’ and ‘inferior’ – I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hold onto a personality self-definition of and as myself as inferior, to avoid facing and correcting myself as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hold onto the desire to ‘be someone’
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in shame for having held onto the desire of ‘being someone’
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in shame of not having Stopped myself as personality
I STOP MYSELF AS PERSONALITY – I STOP ANNA ELISABETH BRIX THOMSEN IN ALL DEFINITIONS
I Accept me Here as Life, Equal and One with and as Everyone and Everything else
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to separate myself from myself in my mind and I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I could be separated from myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify separating myself from myself as Life through deceiving myself into believe and act as though I am inferior and thus unequal and separate from myself as Life and from Life as myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to betray myself on a whim, of giving into one single thought and from that permission having betrayed myself entirely
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abandon and abdicate Self-Direction , Self-Will, Self-Love, Self-Responsibility, Equality and Oneness to live in laziness, self-loathing abuse and self-interest
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that by using the survival mechanisms that I used as a child when I experienced myself powerless, I would again gain power over myself and my emotions, instead of realizing that all I manifested and accepted for myself, was that same powerlessness
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fall into depression and through that depression digging myself deeper into self-deception and denial – and I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to force myself to remain self-deceptive, self-denying and self-abusive to remain within perceived power and control over myself, which was nothing but a self accepted as mind-consciousness-system’s programmed and patterned survival mechanisms
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abandon myself as Life and for having accepted myself as survival and self-interest as programmed and patterned personality only
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make myself miserable deliberately to redeem myself from guilt and shame, resulting in the exact opposite
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to give into/manifest/permit and accept thoughts of being worthless, inadequate, useless and I forgive myself that I through having Accepted and Allowed that of myself, have manifested myself as exactly that in my actions, only deceiving myself even further and making myself even more miserable
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to dream/fantasize/imagine and idealize in my mind how I believe I should be, thus having projected myself into and as a mental image of myself, without considering, care for and taking responsibility for myself Here as who, how and what I have accepted and manifested myself to be
I forgive myself that I have ever Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that who I accepted and manifested myself as, as the mind as personality – was who I was in fact and that by following the self-made rules, patterns, structures and rituals of myself as personality as mind, I was protecting myself and caring for myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deny myself to care for and honour and regard myself as life and that the only time I came close to or was doing so, I chickened out in fear of losing myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that if I was not perfect from a perspective of living up to my own ideal of how I believed I should be, then I was useless and should and would be disregarded of everyone including myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be disgusted with myself and the cowardice, dishonesty and deception I have permitted myself to present/represent as myself, for myself and for everyone else as myself, based on only accepting myself as personality, as immanently flawed and inferior and thus justifying every actions either fighting or defending this as fact
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deny myself as Life and for having pretended that I was not worthy of life, simply because I did not wanted to let go of the perceived freedom, satisfaction and self-control of existing as a personality in and as a mind-consciousness design, instead of realizing that it was only within this permittance that I was limited, unfree and not in control of myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe/follow/accept/manifest the thought that if I were to remain a personality, I would be free from being controlled and unsatisfied, when in fact as I have now proven to myself, it is the exact opposite
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hate myself for having betrayed and dishonoured myself and I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that what I hade allowed myself to do and allowed myself become, was unforgivable and within that deceiving myself into justifying not Standing Up for Life as All as One as Equal as myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be punished for what I have allowed myself to do and become and for within that not having realized that the punishment that I gave myself, was in deed part of the scheme of deceiving myself into not Standing up for All as One as Life as Equal and for myself as All as One as Life as Equal
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge and loathe myself and hold myself onto the idea/experience/belief of having sinned, instead of forgiving myself and letting unconditionally go to allow myself to Stand up and Direct myself to Live and Act as Principle
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fuel the mind, through having constantly participated in and generated emotion
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to defend and protect myself within a personality/pattern design of defying authority and moral and for having used this pattern to deceive myself into enslavement and integration of myself as personality as mind only
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to perceive and experience my work with Desteni and the process of Self-Realization of All as One as Equal as Life, as authoritative, oppressive, boring, enslaving and morally correct and thus justifying, permitting, laying the ground for me to defy and rebel against it, instead of seeing that I within this very manifestation of resistance was reaching a point of break-through that the Mind could not allow, as I would have stopped the mind, stopped accepting myself as the mind and thus ended myself as personality
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to groom myself into a life of misery, bitterness, depression and laziness as the very living manifestation of having accepted myself as the mind, as personality only and for having believed that I could actually be free and satisfied by doing so
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to think/believe/call myself stupid and an idiot for having deceived and betrayed myself into giving over all power and authority of myself over to the mind-design of personality as how and who I accepted myself as
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I was fighting against someone else’s control, oppression, morality over me, when all along it was my own definition of control, oppression and morality that I followed, thwarted in the reflection I casted upon others in separation of and in comparison of competition with them from me in my mind
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to deal with/face/take responsibility for my experience of being trapped, controlled, bored and unsatisfied, which I did not allow myself to deal with/face/take responsibility for, because I was ashamed of myself and instead allowed myself to split myself and create/accept/manifest a secret/forbidden personality in which I could ‘live out’ myself as I secretively believed and desired to live, resulting in me further separating myself in and as myself as well as allowing myself to betray and deceive myself
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to admit/reveal/face all of this for myself, because I had an image of myself, which I desired to fulfil and in which I saw others reflecting me back to myself, how I wanted to be perceived, thus risking losing image and face by revealing myself completely – this I forgive myself for.
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to only be interested in being reflected as an ideal image I had of myself in my mind, in which I disregarded myself as Life entirely and within that all of Life entirely, caring only for being seen by others as an image or even as a reflection of an image in my mind, not ever actually seeing or caring for myself Here – as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept that I was not Life and that I did not deserve to exist as Life, thus believing that the only way to redeem myself for what I have done and become, was to punish myself and deny myself as Life, deny Life as myself, instead of forgiving and Directing myself in Self-Honesty to once and for all Stand up and Stand by myself as Life, as Innocence
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe myself to be and through my participation and permission of that belief, having become an image only, a lie only, a thought only – only existing vainly in being reflected and accepted as that by others also living as an image, a lie, a thought, thus permitting existence to continue as dishonesty, self-interest and separation – instead of facing all myself and taking responsibility for all of myself Here
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately invalidate my self-authority, by breaking agreements with myself, by deceiving myself, by taking pleasure in abusing and lying to myself, thus justifying giving up on myself and allowing myself to remain as what I have accepted myself as, as personality of patterned and programmed mind-consciousness-system
I forgive myself that I did not Accept and Allow myself to Support myself in Self-Direction and Self-Forgiveness, as I was pushing through resistances, stopping fear, thoughts and emotions and ending myself as personality and instead gave myself over to deceptive and manipulative survival strategies of the mind
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that what I have done, I did not do because I am evil and bad, but simply because I did not Direct myself absolutely and unconditionally in Self-Trust, Self-forgiveness, Self-discipline and Self-Honesty, thus leaving ‘room’ for the mind to Direct and control me, essentially still accepting myself as the mind, instead of realizing that the thoughts of giving up and caving in, were survival strategies placed specifically and deliberately so that I would fall and remain trapped – in this design that I myself, by my very ‘nature’ of having existed in and as a mind-consciousness-system have given an overriding permission and the authority to Direct me, to become, for me to become and accept myself as
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I was unequal and through comparing and competing with others in my mind, having fuelled and validated the idea the I had already accepted, permitted and participated in as valid, that I was inferior, thus validating for myself in my mind that I was unequal
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify not Standing up through blaming others for not Standing up and being Self-Honest and for having feared being unpopular, unliked and feared were I to Stand up in absolute Self-Honesty
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compromise myself by fearing that others would dislike me and fear me if I were to Stand Up in Self-Honesty and for having desired others to like me and trust me, because I did not like or trust myself and because I only saw/experienced/believed myself to be an image reflected by others, deliberately disregarding and suppressing myself within and as Common Sense as Life in Self-Honesty, because I feared not being liked by others
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept/define/see/experience/judge myself as a lazy, self-interested, cowardice self-abusive, half-mad, addicted and indulgent person and that that is all I am and will ever be
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to react towards myself with anger, disgust and resentment and for within doing so, not having realized that I within allowing myself to participate in these emotions, were giving fuel for myself to remain enslaved as personality of and as mind
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge/define/experience/believe/justify the mind and myself accepted as the mind, as evil and unforgivable, instead of realizing that this is part of the deception and that I can only stop myself by forgiving myself and letting go/ended myself off/as the mind, thus by holding onto and blaming the mind as though it was separate from me, I have actually given power to it and in the process defending and validating myself to keep existing in and as the mind
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create a timeloop in which I have enslaved myself and in which I have believed and accepted myself to be enslaved
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to choose myself as personality as self-interest, mind, survival and separation, over Life as All as One as Equal
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Stop and consider myself Here and instead having held onto an ideal image of myself in my mind of ‘who I was’ or ‘Who I should be’, thus making myself unable to face, forgive and Direct myself in Self-Honesty
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be so ashamed of having accepted and allowed myself to disregard Life for self-interest, that I have resisted and validated the resistance of facing myself in Self-Honesty
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be ashamed of having disregarded myself as Life and Life as myself and instead having taken comfort in the self-deception of accepting myself as personality, as flawed, as desiring, as emotional, as thinking, as thoughts
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify disregarding, abandoning, betraying, abdicating Life as All as One as Equal as myself because I felt that the work was too hard and too tedious – and I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be ashamed of admitting that, to myself and everyone else
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge myself for having experienced ‘Process’ as tedious and too hard, instead of realizing that the mind in it’s enslavement-survival design, is designed to make me accept it as myself, giving over all authority to it as myself and that I would not be here, had I not done that in the first place, thus everything that I will encounter that is involved in Standing up for as and within Life, will be perceived and transmitted as a threat to the mind and that it is thus only if I accept myself as the mind, thus giving the mind power and validation, that I believe and experience ‘process’ with resistance, fear and resentment and thus, that is exactly where I must Stand up and Stand strong
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself for having manifested/accepted/participated in accepting myself as lazy, with no backbone and no self-discipline and for within that, having accepted myself only to do what is easy or satisfying, not believing myself to be disciplined and hard working and I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to convince myself of this, even when I have proved myself otherwise to myself, thus giving room for self-distrust and doubt and for the justification of not doing anything that I do not like to do or find too hard

I do not Accept myself as weak
I do not accept myself as lazy
I do not accept myself as self-interest
I do not accept myself as a coward
I do not accept myself as self-abusive
I do not accept myself as half-mad
I do not accept myself as an addict
I do not accept myself as indulgent
I Accept myself as Self-Trust
I Accept myself as Grace
I Accept myself as diligent
I Accept myself as Self-Disciplined
I Accept myself as Self-Directive
I Accept myself as Self-Responsible
I Accept myself as Self-Care
I Accept myself as Self-Nurturing
I Accept myself as Self-Willed
I do not Accept myself as thought
I do not Accept myself as personality
I do not Accept myself as emotion
I do not Accept myself as Self-Judgment
I do not Accept myself as fear
I do not Accept myself as powerless
I Accept myself as courage
I Accept myself as Self-Honesty
I Accept myself as Innocence
I Accept myself as Self-Forgiving
I Accept myself as Clarity

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear becoming sick
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to expect becoming sick
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear getting cancer
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to expect getting cancer
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear getting cancer from having thoughts about it
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear dying in regret
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear dying because if fear missing out
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to regret that I did not push and deleted the backdoor
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear that it is too late for me
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to give myself a chance
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to expect myself to be able to pick up where I left off, when it is evident that I have to start over
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to be grateful to be able to start over, so that I can ensure that I am standing 100 % for life
I am grateful that I have the opportunity to start over, so I can ensure that I stand 100 % for Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to expected myself to fall, thus walking deliberately into the experience of falling
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear being judged by the others at school
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to attempt to place a wall around myself, dressing a certain way, speaking a certain way, simply because I fear being disliked, mocked and judged by the others as school
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe and experience that I do not know where to start in terms of walking for myself, instead of allowing myself to discover that through walking into the unknown
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear walking with myself alone
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to miss myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to forget myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to disregard myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself as an idiot
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself according to a memory image/experience wherein I felt like an idiot
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to let go of the memory, emotion and self-definition of myself as an idiot
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to let go of the desire to be cool, to be smart and intelligent, because I feared that if I lost that mask, everyone could see that I was an idiot.
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be obsessed with promoting myself to get attention from others, because I believed it was the only way I could get worth and value
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to let go of the belief that only by getting attention and energy from others, am I valuable and worthy as life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept that the only way I can be worthy, have value, is through the energy and attention by others
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to within this construct having supported the Hollywood system of fame and icons and thus supported and believed that life was only valued as an image, thus as the mind
I forgive myself that I have only ever Accepted and Allowed myself to value Life as an image
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to share this realisation with the world on camera, thus the exact point that I am sharing here – thus I Stop

I am Here – I remain Here – I ALLOW MYSELF TO EXIST – I ALLOW MYSELF TO BE ALIVE

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to remind/recall the memory where Bernard said to Matti ‘I am here’ and he did not say it to me and I felt that it was because I was not worth it and because I was not here and then I said ‘I am here’ and I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge myself for being an idiot for having said that
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel sick when that memory pops up
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to react to this memory of Bernard saying ‘I am Here’ to Matti
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be directed and controlled by memories
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compromise myself entirely for the sake of being the perfect picture presentation and then within the pressure of constantly having to present a false image and keep up the appearances, I have polarized and thus abused myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept picture-image-presentation as the most important thing in the world
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear letting go of myself as an image/picture-presentation within the mind and within energy and for fearing to become intimate with myself as Life and thus I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to back out
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Support myself unconditionally Here as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to think about Bernard and Bella and how they see if, whether I am worthy or not – I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to when I think of Bernard to think of someone that is judging me and that is angry at me, when in fact Bernard is Here as Support Equal and One as All life, and what my experience is showing me, is my judgment of myself and the anger I have accepted towards myself which I have then projected onto Bernard in Separation from Bernard and from myself as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to separate myself from Bernard. From Bella, from the farm, from the people participating in Desteni and seeing them only through my mind, in comparison and completion with me and as projections instead of seeing them equally Here as life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to perceive and experience other people as threats that are out to hurt me
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to question or challenge my experience of others being out to hurt me
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Push myself and Direct myself through these experiences, to apply Common Sense, Self-Honesty and Self-Forgiveness to bring myself Here as life, without judgements, fears or Separation
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Stand Here as Life as Equal
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience myself as distanced from Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear the experience of feeling distanced from Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel that Life is slipping between my fingers
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear being punished by Bernard for not having stood as life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see/experience/define/judge Bernard as superior to me and thus having projected my self-judgment onto Bernard as I also have accepted self-judgement as Superior to me
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept Self-Judgment as superior to me

I Breathe
I Allow myself to be Here and Breathe
I Direct myself to Stop Participating in thoughts, emotions, feelings, reactions, memories and I slow myself down to focus on the moment and on One Breath at the time

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear what Viktor said about Bernard having said about not being sure about me walking this life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to resent Viktor for having said that
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to participate in and experience fear that Bernard is correct

I do not Accept that I am not able to Walk this Life time
I Prove this to myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel weak and drained and I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that this fall is permanent –Instead of pushing and challenging myself not to Accept that, to simply Apply the tools of Common Sense and Support myself as Life and not as an Image
I Support me Here as Life no matter what
I do no longer Accept myself as an Image
I do not Accept myself as thoughts
I do not Accept myself as emotions
I let go of the fear of falling
I let go of the fear of performing to satisfy someone else
I let go of performing to satisfy men
I let go
I am Here

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear sharing this self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire sharing this self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear falling
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to let go of the fear of falling
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself as Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Abuse the Life that is me
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to shape my lips according to an idea in my mind based on images of Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz, in which I subconsciously have believed that if I strutted my lips like them, I would look beautiful and thus be cool and successful
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel guilty because I have not done sub4sub effectively
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to do Sub4Sub effectively
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame YouTube or some undefined entity as ‘the internet’ for me not being able to sub that many at the time and for believing my problem to be unique and thus having used this to justify why I have not done Sub4Sub and why I have not been effective within it
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be overwhelmed with Sub4Sub
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Blame myself for not having done Sub4Sub
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to imagine myself explaining myself to Bernard that I did not have time
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see/define/judging/experience Sub4Sub in Separation of myself Here as Life, by seeing/defining/judging and experiencing Sub4Sub as less and more than me Here
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see/experience/define Sub4Sub as something I am supposed to do because Bernard says so – which in itself is revealing a personality that I have energetically accepted myself in and as – instead of Standing Equal and One with Bernard and with Everyone else to do Sub4Sub simply because of the practicality of it in gaining more viewers which is crucial to process at this time
I AM ONE AND EQUAL AS SUB4SUB
I SUPPORT MYSELF TO SUB4SUB
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in shame of not having been effective with Sub4Sub
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to use the excuse that I don’t have time to do Sub4Sub , while in fact I almost every day spend time on activities that are irrelevant such as shopping. Watching something or in most cases thinking and feeling
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compromise my participation in Sub4Sub through having Allowed myself to spend my time shopping, watching something or worrying in the mind through thoughts and emotions

I PARTICIPATE EQUALLY IN SUB4SUB – I AM RESPONSIBLE TO DO SUB4SUB EFFECTIVELY ACCORDING TO THE TIME I AM AVAILABLE AS PRACTICAL AND REALISTIC
I DO NOT ACCEPT MYSELF TO EXPERIENCE GUILT OR SHAME WHEN I DO NOT DO SUB4SUB, BECAUSE I HAVE AGREED WITH MYSELF THAT I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR DOING SUB4SUB EFFECTIVELY ACCORDING TO MY ABILITY AND CAPACITY TO DO SO
I SUB4SUB FOR WORLD EQUALITY – BECAUSE IT IS A FREE COMMON SENSE TOOL TO SPREAD THE WORD

I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to walk myself into perfection with Sub4Sub because I did not want to take Responsibility for myself, my process or the Equality Process in general
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to walk into and as perfection and for having resisted this through all the tricks I had available
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to avoid perfecting myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge ‘perfection’ as a word of pressure, elitism and as something superior to me that was absolutely unattainable
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept Perfection as unattainable
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as Imperfect
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define and experience myself as imperfect
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to honor myself as imperfect, while in secret desire to be perfect
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I was not able to perfect myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to secretively desire to perfect myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as inferior to perfection
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Separate myself from myself as Perfection through having defined/judged/perceived perfection through and as an image in my mind of more than what perfection actually is, thus actually accepting it as less, within not Accepting Perfection as what it is – Completion, Pure, Natural, Whole

I ALLOW MYSELF TO PERFECT MYSELF

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to react with nervousness and fear when I see that Lindsey is effective
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to separate myself from Lindsey
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to separate myself from Marlen
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to pretend that I do not separate myself from Lindsey or Marlen
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to react towards both Lindsey and Marlen with fear and apathy in having Accepted myself to compare myself to the perception I have of them in my mind
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to disregard Lindsey and Marlen and life and for seeing/ perceiving/judging her through and as the mind, as competition and a combatant
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in shame of having Accepted and Allowed myself to disregard Lindsey and Marlen and life and for seeing/ perceiving/judging her through and as the mind, as competition and a combatant
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see/define/experience/judge every person as an opponent that is out to get me
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to having automated the experience and belief and acceptance that other people are out to get me and that I have to protect myself with all means at all costs to survive
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept Life as a battlefield
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compete against myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compete against ideas in my mind

I DO NOT ACCEPT MYSELF TO COMPETE – COMPETITION IS THE ULTIMATE SYMBOL OF SEPARATION – AND I DO NOT ACCEPT MYSELF AS SEPARATE – I WALK UNTIL I NOT LONGER ACCEPT ANY FORM OF SEPARATION
I SUPPORT MYSELF TO STOP ALL COMPARISON – TO REMAIN HERE – TO ALLOW MYSELF TO ENJOY MYSELF – TO LIVE WITHOUT FEAR

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compare myself to the picture, image perception of others in my mind, always calculating who is more and who is less
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear Marlen
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to envy and resent Marlen for being Stable, Trustworthy, Disciplined and Diligent
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself as Stable, Trustworthy, Disciplined and Diligent
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire myself to live up to being Stable, Trustworthy, Disciplined and Diligent and within that having defined and accepted Stable, Trustworthy, Disciplined and Diligent as more than me, thus Separating myself from Stable, Trustworthy, Disciplined and Diligent as myself Here, as Life Supporting Life
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to project energetic image-definitions and judgments onto others, specifically Marlen as strict and ruthless and Lindsey as perfect, thus comparing myself to these images in my mind – using them to manipulate myself not to Stand
NOT ANYMORE
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted myself as disciplined and thereby holding onto a personality-self-definition of myself as undisciplined and thus ‘untamed’ and thus ‘free’ – while in fact this is an idea in my mind and has nothing to do with reality
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define ‘discipline’ through polarity as ‘obligation’ , as ‘being forced to do something’, as ‘unfree’ as ‘boring’ and thus define undisciplined as ‘free’ and ‘untamed’ – thus actually having enslaved myself to a judgment , instead of seeing Discipline in Equality as me Here
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be disciplined and for having believed that I am undisciplined
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear discipline
I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Apply discipline for myself
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to miss discipline
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be disciplined
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as inferior to discipline
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear discipline
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see/define/judge and experience discipline in Separation of myself as something more or something less than what it is

DISCIPLINE IS TO BE EFFECTIVE WITH WHAT IS HERE – TO SEE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE AND TO DO IT – TO PUSH MYSELF THROUGH RESISTANCES
I ALLOW MYSELF TO DISCIPLINE MYSELF
I ACCEPT MYSELF AS DISCIPLINE

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in fear of walking this Self-Forgiveness and for doubting myself to walk
I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create a backdoor through manipulating myself through inferiority – instead of Directing myself Here in Self-Honesty
I DIRECT ME
I WALK

Tags: addictions, anxiety, cigarettes, depression, emotions, enjoyment, Equality, fear, Future, independence, love, mental problems, Mind, self trust, Self-Confidence, Self-Hate, Self-Honesty and Self-Forgiveness, Self-Transformation, transformation
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Feedback on the Desteni Europe meeting

July 9, 2010 in Anna's Process Blog

On the 1. Of July we had our second Desteni Europe meeting, held by Jozien in Amsterdam. (The first one was in May and was held by Cenk in Hamburg.)

I arrived on the June 30. I met up with Juraj in the airport. We had never met each other before, but it was easy to spot the other baldie in the crowd and we quickly found each other and took the train to Joziens house. The night we arrived we talked a lot. Jozien and I had met on the farm in South Africa and at the first meeting, but Juraj we had not met before and we talked about his experiences and his story before coming to Desteni. The next morning the others starting arriving, a few was from Holland like Martjin, Valerie, Reginald and Alex, but there were also Joao and Joana from Portugal who lives together in London, Christophe from Belgium and on Saturday Lana came from Germany with her boyfriend Paris, who was completely new to Desteni, the material and SRA.

Initially we had planned the meetings to be focused on discussing Equal Money, funding and political agendas, but already at the first meeting it was clear that sharing and supporting each other was more in focus and especially the SRA course, which most of us attending is currently in the process of participating in. In the first meeting there was a lot of talking, where people simply buzzed around, sharing their stories and supporting each other, wherever assistance was required. So before this meeting, Jozien and I had tried to come up with a way to make the meeting more structured by coming up with themes of discussion and a method for how we would discuss – that did not exactly work, as it seemed that most people burned to simply share themselves and as the meeting progressed, we focused more on SRA and Process Support than on discussing politics.

There was however unstructured discussions going on about Equal Money, Politics and especially financial funding. It turned out that both Juraj and Paris were experienced in trading and stocks and they talked about the banking systems to the rest of us. There was also a meeting in the park with Reginald, Joao and Martijn where they specifically talked about Equal Money and Politics, while the rest of us were practicing SRA at Joziens house. We had quite a lot of practice SRA sessions, where one would be facilitated with a priority point in their life and one would facilitate, while a third took notes and assisted the facilitator. Some of them went smooth, fast and was very revealing and eye opening – I had an SRA session that was very supportive and that opened up a point for me in a way that surprised me a lot. Others did not go quite as smooth and we talked a lot about the procedures, ethics and techniques of practicing SRA.

In between these often very intense sessions and discussions, we ate, slept, did the dishes and went for walks as it was very hot outside. To me the meeting was very supportive. I got a lot of perspectives and assistance with the points I am facing and walking through, but the amount of talking and the intensity of it, was sometimes, almost too intense. Point after point after point opened up for me and the most practical way for me to deal with it, was to do practical stuff. So I cooked a lot and was surprised how easy and natural it was. I really enjoyed having my hands busy and making food for everyone, but I also started wondering about this, as this ‘housewife’ syndrome is something I’ve been facing for a long time. What is so odd, with something like this, is that it has been contradicting how I have seen and experienced myself. I used to hate cooking and never did it if I did not have to, but it has been laying latently waiting to be activated and when Jozien said that I was in the nest-making age, it made sense to me. It is strange how I’ve believed I could fight my programming or copying of my mother, only to discover that this behavior has creeped up on me in a most surprising way – that I cook, because I enjoy doing it. For a lot of people, including myself, the main points that opened up during the meeting, was related to sex and abuse – many of us had different experience with sexuality and abuse and it was cool to share our experiences so openly. I am not sure how that became the main point for so many of us, but it was interesting to see that each one had their own story and experiences wherein sex, abuse and money had played a significant role. Emotions were released, tears were shed and several points came to closure or simply opening up. A point of secret desire opened up for me and I was shocked how easily it had been triggered and it was only when Martijn asked if I had forgiven the desire, that I realized that I had been secretively holding on to it, not having been willing to let go. That was quite a revelation and cool to finally face.

The meeting ended on Sunday and we talked about when the next meeting was going to be. Jozien said that she would host on a regular basis, but that every two months might be too much. So we will see when and where in Europe the next meeting will be. The people attending the first meeting and this one was quite a different group although there were also some people attending both. But at both meetings there were people who were completely or relatively new to Desteni.

A lot of us had also never met before in person, so I am looking forward to seeing everyone next time, being able to go deeper into the points of Support and working with SRA as well as maybe structuring the meetings more in specific directions. I do however find it very cool that we’re able to have people coming who are new to the material and that they after having been to the meeting have decided to ‘enlist’ for SRA training. Either way, I am grateful for the meeting and for seeing everyone there. It is an amazing environment to test yourself in, especially if you as I, live alone and don’t see many people on a daily basis or if you are alone in your process most of the time. We were able to face conflicts and matters that would have been taboo in other social gatherings in a way that was very supportive for everyone there. I got so much support to go home with and I look forward to many more meetings.

Tags: 1, Desteni, Desteni Material, Europe, independence, My Life with..., Process, relationship, self trust, self-accept, self-acceptance, self-empowerment, Self-Honesty and Self-Forgiveness, Self-Transformation, SRA, Structural Resonance Alignment, transformation
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Flag it, Tag it, Bag it!

March 11, 2010 in Uncategorized

This is a method I am developing within myself after having heard an interview in relation to the Structural Resonance Alignment Course, where a couple in an Agreement called Marlen & Jorn (who lives here on the farm) had a Discussion with there Resonances. In the interview they talked about how Marlen and Jorn was very effective when they saw a point in themselves or with each other that required a correction, to move straight to the corrective application and change immediately. I found this very interesting and have been working with it ever since, because I was coming from an idea/acceptance that there was a ‘process’ to go through with everything, like first you write and then you do self-forgiveness and then… but even within that it was based on ‘the right thing to do’ – as in Separation of me Here, and not as Simplistic Common Sense. Because when I looked at it, with a lot of points I did see straight and clearly what I was doing – yet I wasn’t stopping or changing me.

Then I developed this method for myslef, which I am still busy applying – I call it:

‘Flag it, Tag it, Bag it!’

The idea is very simple: When you see a point, a pattern, a thought or whatever wherein you are limiting/accepting yourself within an as a mind-construct and it is clear to you; ‘oh, okay, this is what I am doing, because I believed that and that is how I created/accepted myself within and as it’

FLAG IT! Here you can write down situations, trigger points, events where this plays out. That is where you within yourself place a ‘flag’ so that you will notice when it happens again.

TAG IT! Now you have identified the point, so now you walk. You tag it, by being aware of your flag points, by noticing when you get trigger, when you reacted. and you follow the line. Now you got yourself on a hook and line. No way of getting out now, cause you saw it and by tagging yourself within it, saying to yourself ‘whop, there i went again’. You keep the point Here for you to deal with.

BAG IT! This is simply the process of letting go/stopping/not participating in the point/pattern/thought/reaction. What and however you can stop, is cool. For me Physical Action is the most effective. For others it might be saying ‘Stop’ inside or out loud. Whatever works for you, you do it. Try different methods and be aware that because this is something you are doing for you and because you are dealing with points that you’ve created and accepted within and as you as real, as who you are – you are the only one that can stop yourself. Therefore no one can tell you how to Stop.

From there you simply walk. Next time Stop again. Next point: Flag it, Tag it, Bag it! And so slowly but surely, we disengage ourselves from all these conditioned and predisposed ways of existing – in separation with and to what is Really Here – With ourselves. To me it has been a key that the point is to keep going. That means that we will make mistakes. But it is then and there that we push ourselves, pick ourselves up again and keep walking.

For more information about the Structural Resonance Alignment Course visit: www.Desteni.co.za

Here is the link to the interview/discussion with Marlen and Jorn and their Resonances.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1WZ54iCmoc

Tags: addictions, anxiety, behavior, body, Change, color, dependency, emotions, love, Mental World, Patterns, relationship, self, self trust, self-accept, Self-Transformation, Thoughts
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