Reality check: DAY 14

May 1, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

who am i open 1024x768 Reality check: DAY 14I have been reading blogs from the Destonians blog in the 7 year journey to life  and I must say that I have never in my life read anything as supportive and self-honest as these blogs. I am grateful beyond words for the blogs that are being written and would like to take this opportunity to say thank you! I have added excerpts from some of the blogs I have read today below my writing that assisted me immensely.

For today’s writing, I gave myself a reality check.  I had written an entire writing that I did not post yesterday because it was not finished and that I then muddled over all day today in terms of how to “bring the point through” within myself. It was not effective. So what I did instead was to read these blogs of other Destonians and that assisted me. In fact I experienced that some of the blogs were written for me. If you have not yet heard about the 7 year journey to Life, I suggest checking it out here.

So, for today’s blog I will leave the point I have been writing about aside for tomorrow, to allow myself to do a reality check where I stop for a moment and allow myself to be humble and simply write out what is here. The point I have been looking at lately is how I perceive myself as “who I am” according to “what I do” and how I perceive what I do. This has the result that my experience, perception and definition of myself is unstable, conditioned as it changes with my perception of what I do. So this is what I am here to look at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is what I do that determines who I am, instead of realizing that it is who I am that determines what I do, how I do it and who I am within it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that it is who I am that determines what I do and not what I do that determines who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can change who I am, by changing what I do and how I do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that if or when I change what I do and how I do it, I will change as who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to change who I am, by changing what I do – not realizing that what I do, and whether it is best for all, is determined by who  I am, as who and what I accept and allow myself to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate changing who I am, by preoccupying myself with attempting to change what I do and how I do it, not realizing that no matter how much I try changing what I do, it will not matter if I don’t change who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself – and value myself – based on what I do believing, experiencing and accepting that how I and others value what I do, is what makes me who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I cannot change who I am, by changing what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my experience, perception, definition, belief and acceptance of who I am, based on what I do – believing that what I do, changes who I am and as such exist in and as instability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience, perceive, believe and accept who I am based on my perception and judgment of what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience, perceive, believe and accept who I am in relation to others in and as how I perceive myself according to their perceived  valuing of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change what I do, in the hope, wish, desire and believe that it would change who I am, not realizing that what I do, does not matter until or unless ‘who I am’ is standing for what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the “doing” of self-forgiveness means that I am “forgiven”, not realizing that self-forgiveness in fact is a statement of change, of self-realization to take self-responsibility and that if I do not live the responsibility that I have emerged through self-honesty, I have written self-forgiveness in vain and in vanity as make myself “appear” as something without actually and in fact change myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, judge, define, experience and accept myself as “too far gone”, that it is impossible for me to stand up now – that it is too late, that I have changed too much – instead of seeing and realizing that the reason why I am not changing is because I have not directed myself to change myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that making the decision to change myself, in fact means directing myself in every moment to act accordingly – that the decision to change is not something that happens in the mind as an “intention” but that in fact is a constant living declaration of my decision to change that I can only apply within and as the moment I am faced with/facing

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that what I do is determined by who and what I allowed myself to be and as such until I face and direct who I am, as who and what I allow myself to be, what I do is irrelevant from the perspective that I will simply direct myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to effectively direct myself within what I do because I have not allowed myself to stand stable in self-trust within and as who I am determined and directive within the decision to walk and live what is best for all – as stopping that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become in and as the automated patterns of and as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on ideas that I have designed and developed through years of participation into personalities, where my actions are conditioned and limited to live according to these ideas and where I have not actually been living or participating here, because I have been preoccupied in my mind in a delusional reality that I have acted out onto and forced into physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience, perceive and believe that I don’t know how to be “who I am” – if I don’t base “who I am” on calculations of ‘profit’ in terms of getting energy from the attention of others or complying with fear

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that when what I do, is unaligned to what is best for all, and as such unaligned to what is best for me, it is not (necessarily or only) about changing what I do – but about changing the starting-point of who I am and investigate for myself in self-honesty who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and accept myself as, as “who I am”

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I am able to change the starting-point of who I am, through directively changing myself in practical application, yet that it is not the practical application that “makes” who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to take self-responsibility for and stand self-responsible for who I am and how who I am affects and influences my world and my reality as all that is here, believing that if I simply “do” and “act” “the part” I will have done “my part” – not realizing that if I do not direct myself to take self-responsibility for who I am in each moment, who I am will be determined by my past acceptances and allowances as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and exist as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus only on changing what I do and in that seeing that it is what I do that is “the problem” and thus the solution – instead of seeing and realizing that I determine what I do, based on who and what I accept myself as and as such that if I do not directively direct who I am, and self-honestly investigate who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and exist as – I will allow myself to be directed by, as and within self-interest as ego because that is who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and live as

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that if I do not directively direct myself towards and according to what is best for all, I allow myself to direct myself and be directed by self-interest of and as ego and as such as abuse, deception and separation – and therefore I am responsible for the abuse and suffering that exists in the world – whether I direct myself or not, but only by directing myself can I stop and change what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I allow myself to act in ways that is not aligned to what is best for all – and that as such is abusive, deceptive and delusional, then it is because there is something wrong with what I do – believing that I must change what I do – instead of realizing in self-honesty, that it is who I am, as who I allow myself to be, that determines whether what I do, is best for all

I commit myself to investigating who I am in self-honesty as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and exist as in detail and depth until no part of me is here that I am not directively directing

I commit myself to walk a self-directive process of changing who I am, as all points and parts that are not standing for what is best for all and that are existing conditioned to and enslaved to the past

I commit myself to stop attempting to change myself through changing what I do and instead, when and as I see a point where I have allowed myself to live unaligned to what is best for all, to align this point/part/personality as “who I am” to what is best for all, through a self-directive process of changing my starting-point of who I am and through this, change my living application

I commit myself to, when I see that what I do is not aligned to what is best for all, to investigate my starting-point of “who I am” and to take self-responsibility for changing and aligning who I am to what is best for all

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to so tacitly define myself as a failure that when opportunities of success came along I would immediately fall back and retract because I had already decided within myself that it was useless to even try, because I was already fucked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the personality design of ‘I am a failure’ and to allow this personality to run on autopilot behind everything that I participated in.” – Lindsay Craver’s Journey to Life Blog.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with the fact that I have been spiteful, manipulative, and ‘evil’ within me and within the relationships I have had in my world where due to the extent to which I had abdicated my own point of caring about myself as life, I extensively abused, manipulated, and deceived others because I regarded ‘others’ with the same disdain and disrespect that I had for myself.” – Joe Kou’s Journey to Life Blog

“I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the thought of “I regret because I’ve missed a chance to…” is a red flag to turn the point back to myself and see the REAL point that I’ve missed which is ME, as a living expression of Life as the Physical due to being occupied in my mind within thoughts, feelings and emotions.” – Maya Harel’s Journey to Life Blog

Visit us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk.