Are the Values We Proclaim to Have, Our Real Values? DAY 235

August 31, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

Real ValuesIt is fascinating how we human beings talk about values; ‘family values’ , ‘life values’, ‘religious values’.  As children we grow up learning the values of our culture. We learn for example that ‘family is all that matters’ or ‘blood is thicker than water’ suggesting that the most important thing in life is family. And yet even in such families, there exist neglect, abuse and betrayal. As such what we say is our values and how we act and live is often very different – sometimes even completely contradictory.

So what are values? Are values that which we say we honor, that which we believe we honor or are our real values that which we live according to?

It is certainly a problem if our values are causing harm in our own life and in the lives of others, but it makes it even more problematic, when our real values and our perceived values are completely different and we even exist within a state of self-delusion where we’ve convinced ourselves that we’re living according to specific principles – when we’re not in fact. Obviously we can only lie to ourselves to a certain degree, because after all we know that we’re lying to ourselves. And the fact that we’re living contradicting to the values we claim we hold, makes us live on edge, having to keep up the lie we’re telling ourselves. And if we have a look around the world and in our own lives we’ll see that this is the case for most of us. Very few people actually live and adhere to the values they claim they hold.

This obviously creates a ‘schizoid’ world where we have the actual real things that we as human beings do and participate within and as, and then there’s the made-up fake world that we talk about – which can be seen evidently in everything from news to entertainment and how we communicate with each other on a daily basis.

The problem within saying one thing and living another is obviously that we’re then living on a lie, living a deceptive life, which obviously makes it the more difficult to actually change the under-lying problems (the problems under the lies we tell ourselves). When we live this way, we furthermore undermine our own self-integrity and self-respect because we obviously know at a self-honest level that our words cannot be trusted and this then has the effect that we distrust others as well, creating massive paranoia and setting up all kinds of ‘safety nets’ to protects ourselves from the possible abuse of others – not considering how we’re doing this because we know that we’re exactly the same. And then we seek out all kinds of therapy and self-help literature to understand why it is we can’t stick to a diet, or stop an addiction and we come up with all kinds of diagnoses to define this ‘entity’ that apparently ‘live inside’ us, but that we in no way have taken responsibility for or faced as ourselves. And this is obviously also why we can’t and won’t stop, exactly because we’ve separated ourselves from the root of the problem: ourselves. And what is even worse, we’ve created an entire consumer system that is specifically designed to feed off of these secret values that we pretend we don’t have, through subtly seducing us to consume and telling us that it’s alright, that it’s just a ‘little sin’, that its ‘okay to indulge once in a while’ and so through this we can go on living our entire lives in this dichotomy between our proclaimed and our real values, lying so hard to ourselves that we can’t see or fathom a way out of the mess.

So this is the point I will be working with here, continuing from my writings on integrity, self-care, and relationships and as of late the point of value.

Because I have seen within myself how the problems I face in my daily living with where I am not yet fully standing absolutely in every breath in/as the decision to live what is best for all – has to do with the fact that I am accepting and allowing myself to value things that aren’t best for myself and so not best for all. When I look at such points, I find it astounding that one can hold something valuable that is absolutely detrimental for oneself and even know this and for example know that it is brainwashing or programmed behavior – AND THEN STILL DO IT! So this is what I will be investigating for myself. How and why and what mechanisms and points of self-dishonesty/abdication are ‘at play’ when I act contrary to what is best for me – and from there to establish practical solutions in and through which I can place a corrective application through which I can anchor myself in a consistent commitment to change.

In addition to this blog-post I recommend reading the following blog-posts by Sunette Spies that specifically focuses on the exact points I’ve been describing here from an existential starting-point:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and convince myself that my values and the principles in life that I support, are those that I proclaim that I am supporting/holding as when I speak to others or to myself – not realizing or admitting to myself that these cannot be my ’real’ values or principles if I am not in fact living absolutely according to them as that would indicate that I don’t actually stand by them or hold them in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live on a lie – to live a life of self-deception where I proclaim to have and hold the values and principles that I see would be best to live according to, while living in completely contradiction to these, even for ‘just a moment’ throughout my day – not realizing or admitting to myself, how values and principles are only real in fact, when they are absolute and that there is a difference between seeing what values and principles is best yet admitting that one isn’t yet living according to these and taking responsibility for changing and correcting oneself – and then proclaiming to have principles and values, pretending to live according to them, while actually living according to another set of principles/values that stand in contradiction to one’s proclaimed principles and values

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how we as human beings, through our inner living in self-deception in a dichotomy between proclaimed and real values, are in fact creating an infected, diseased world where we are making ourselves incompetent towards solving the problems we are facing on earth, because we are living on a lie, through which we prohibit and prevent ourselves from facing ourselves in self-honesty and taking self-responsibility and as such that this way of living is passed on from us as parents to our children in how we teach by our direct example – tacitly yet resonantly– while believing we’re teaching through our words – thus teaching our children to live the same lie we’re telling ourselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, see and understand that the fact that I am living in a way that isn’t best for me and so not best for all – specifically when it comes to caring for my physical body through nutrition and body-awareness, that I am not doing so because “it’s simply who I am/how I was born/my parents fault/I can’t change who I am” – - – but in fact because I specific values and desires that I’ve held onto that I’ve accepted and allowed to be preprogrammed and brainwashed into and as me to such an extent that I would never even question them, I would never even consider being able to change them and I would simply accept them as a part of who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that there isn’t anything ‘natural’ about the fact that I have allowed myself to mistreat and abuse my physical body – because it would in fact be natural to live in harmony and equality with and as the body – that would be the way of the body – but I have accepted and allowed not only my mind but also my body to become conditioned through specific desires and values that I have integrated into and as myself, into and as the very flesh of my body – to the point where I’ve been able to justify addictions by blaming them on the body – where I’ve been able to consume things that weren’t good for me without experiencing instant consequences, because the body has become so suppressed and conditioned that it integrates the toxins into itself as a state of acceptance of this being ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ where even the body has accepted a starting-point of self-abuse through greed and indulgence as ‘who I am’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as the merging of Beingness/Mind/Body make the physical body that I exist in/as/inhabit a literal slave that I have used and abused to an utmost extent, even deliberately causing myself harm and pain and suffering because of values and desires that I have created and defined myself according to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate in an experience of shame, disappointment and frustration towards what it is that I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to do to my physical body, where I go into a ‘state of mind’ of thinking that I have no control over myself, that this ‘primitive instinct’ is taking over and in charge of me so that I cannot make directive decisions to change how I interact and live with my physical body – when in fact as I have just established, this way of living isn’t natural or normal and therefore who and what I am within and as this point of self-abuse towards my body, is an ‘entity’ that I have accepted and defined as ‘who  I am’ that is brainwashed and programmed behavior, repeated and energized into and as a character/personality/entity

– I realize now that the analogy of the ‘primitive instinct’ is actually quite accurate, in that I see how this character/personality was formed in my childhood and even before I was born in the lineage of people who come before me, like my father and mother both being addicts in their own way and my father being self-abusive because of a mental illness. Because I see that this ‘who I am’ is in fact very primitive – very one-dimensional but also very strong/intensely experienced for me, where I feel ‘driven’ to do certain things, like overeating or eating foods that aren’t good for me or placing myself in awkward positions – as though I have no choice, don’t want a choice, just want to do this – no matter the consequences.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not consider and remind myself that simply because a behavior is automated, doesn’t mean that it cannot be stopped, corrected and changed – - because I have proven this to myself and as such I’ve deceived myself yet again by making the excuse and justification that “I can’t help it!” “It just happens” “It’s automated” “I have no control” – because I have in fact proven to myself that it IS possible to take self-directive authority and responsibility over and of such behaviors – through a self-honest realization about ‘who’ one is within and as this behavior and how one has accepted and allowed oneself to follow brainwashed backchat with detrimental consequences and how one has an opportunity to change and actually prevent consequences and expand oneself and live in integrity and self-respect

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to find and seek ‘freedom’, ‘independence’, ‘self-control’ and ‘pleasure’ through specifically doing things that I KNOW aren’t best for me – because I’ve associated ‘Best for me’ with when I was a child and I was told that something was best for me, like not eating a whole bag of candy or I would get a stomach ache (obviously true) or go to sleep early cause otherwise I’d be tired in the morning (not necessarily true). Basically I’ve associated ‘best for me’ as something that is dictated by others and that I have no control over – and so I decided to take matters into my own hands and deliberately act in spite of what was best for me. So I for example ate the whole bag of candy – but when I got the stomach ache I didn’t care because I had decided that it was worth it – because it made me feel powerful, independent and free – and because I felt and believed that what I ‘got out of life’ was much more interesting and exciting this way (like candy vs. vegetables or sleep vs. staying up).

Okay I am gonna go up to here for now and I will continue in the next post.

Art by Matti Freeman

Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course

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Bernard Poolman – Living The Word Alive: DAY 231

August 12, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

Bernard Poolman DesteniWhen people die, we write R.I.P on their gravestones. But the World will not Rest in Peace and nor will we until we have Gathered the Pieces of ourselves and brought all of ourselves back together again as Life. This is what I learned from Bernard.

The first time I heard Bernard speak in the end of 2008, it was through a video on You Tube. I heard this distinct voice with a clear accent that I could not place and immediately I experienced a reaction within myself, almost like my insides was shaking. One of the first things I noticed was how Bernard would speak all around a point in a way I had never heard before – embracing all aspects of a point and do so while swearing! It was one of the most liberating experiences I had ever experienced. Here was a man who spoke the truth of what was going on in the world, straight up, no bullshit, no romantic words of pep talk, but instead self-honest in-your-face support. I felt like I had landed for the first time in my entire life in a spot where everything finally made sense. But not in a pretty way – in a pretty fucked up way. There was no distance anymore with an idea of a world outside of this one or a meaning to life besides what is already here in and as this messed up reality. What is here is what is here – and now there was someone able to explain every single question I had ever had. It was scary and amazing and saddening all at once. I started feeling a deep love and appreciation for Bernard while a part of me wanted to shut his voice out and turn of the video. I literally felt sick from facing myself for the first time through meeting myself in Bernard’s words. I could not hide from this man. This man refused to hide. I had never met or seen or heard of anyone ever being like Bernard was and it was as if my entire life was reset and I had to start over from scratch. Now – this is not because Bernard was doing something to me – it was clearly myself I faced in Bernard’s words – words that resonated to the very core of my being –, which I knew without any doubt or lingering that was true. The best way to explain my experience was that until then I had felt like I was very small in a big world and after finding Desteni and Bernard, I experienced the world as being very small and suddenly it was my inner world that seemed so infinitely big. This I learned, is the virtual world we’ve created through and within our minds – it isn’t real. So I learned about the Mind and how we have created ourselves in separation from and abdication of ourselves through, within and as the mind.

I lived together with Bernard on the Desteni farm for nearly a year. I have visited the farm three times. When I initially came to the farm I was extensively afraid of meeting Bernard. At that stage I was still coming from a spiritual perspective and believed in the renouncement of material belongings, so when I came to the farm and saw all the food, the dogs, the liters of coffee being drunk every day, the mess and all the people, I was absolutely astounded. There were literally dogs everywhere and in the middle of it all was Bernard, a completely ordinary and extraordinary man, talking, watching movies, playing virtual slot machines and pushing everyone’s buttons to the max.

Whenever Bernard came into the room, I would feel so nervous because I knew that he would see through my bullshit, that he could see all sides of me, even the ones I was hiding from myself. Sometimes Bernard would push my buttons to provoke a reaction and only later would I realize what had happened – and gratefully laugh at my own sillyness and Bernard’s ability to call bullshit on me. Sometimes he would not speak at all. Other times he would simply be, hang out, stand by the grill or do the laundry. Yes – that is right, Bernard did the laundry! He did everyone’s dirty laundry, clean and fresh and folded for your pleasure.

At some point I realized that Bernard would be whatever I required to be reflected – so if I hated myself, he would reflect that back to me. I started seeing Bernard as a black hole that can contain anything and everything at once and that will become whatever you are so that you can face yourself. And I understood that only when I would stand equal to Bernard – as him, with him, would I see the real Bernard. The Bernard that is also simply a man – a man who has walked a process. A process that he pushed himself to walk, that he walked all alone and that he now shares with all of us, as we share our processes with each other as well. What is so fascinating is within how we say at Desteni that everything is in reverse – because Bernard is properly one of the most prominent examples of that. Bernard was loud, scary, and rude or whatever you’d perceive him to be – and at the same time, he was the manifestation of love in the flesh. Real love – not mushy love. As such Bernard once said that; “love per se -is the act of life assisting the delusion to give up its illusion–that is in its very nature brutal — and not some fuzzy word that give some a place of superiority purely due to the genetic predisposition to have a higher intelligence” And that is exactly what I saw in Bernard as well – that is the living word of Bernard.

When Bernard would support me and share with me points about myself, I learned to Breathe and not resist the words and to simply be still inside myself and let the words resonate through my body. Ironically I have never been so calm or so stable in my entire life as when Bernard was giving me the brutal truth about myself and what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as. Because Bernard’s words is absolute – they are embracing, direct and they come from a starting-point of equality and self-forgiveness, to not accept anything less from each of us than that that which is best for all life. Bernard is properly the only human being I have ever trusted fully and at the same time, Bernard would do, say and be whatever it took to wake you up from your state of inner self-delusion and deception. Bernard was always supporting me to realize myself, even if it meant supporting me in lying to myself or confirming me in my self-judgment.

For this is I am grateful, because within this Bernard has assisted me immensely in realizing what I was doing to myself, what I was accepting and allowing, without enforcing realizations upon me that I would then be indebted to Bernard through forever.  There are many beings, including myself who’s had the tendency to follow Bernard as though he was a guru, a god or a father figure and I am sure that Bernard carefully made sure that any illusions of grandeur about him is removed so that the person can concentrate on themselves and not on worshiping Bernard.

Living with Bernard was interesting, but at the same time not as thrilling as one might think. From an entirely different perspective, it was the most thrilling experience of my life. Living with a being and watching a Being exist, who has no limits, no morals, no conscience, no fear, no feelings and no mind, makes for some pretty interesting experiences. For example: Bernard slept when he was tired and this means that there was no schedule or specific rhythm, because that is (obviously) something we’ve created within the constructs of this world according to the mind. So Bernard was up at all times of the day and night and in the beginning I did not even think that Bernard even slept at all. He always had at least 10 dogs around him. It is not something he told them to do. He wasn’t petting them like most people pet their animals.  Sometimes he would provide support if the animal was having an experience of its own or is indicating a point as a side effect to the general process. Bernard would touch them though and they would all sleep on top of him When he went to the toilet they would wait outside. One time Bernard asked me why I think they follow him and he shared with me that it is because he was a point of stability for them. He was the physical manifested as solid, firm unconditional support. And that is what he has been to many of us.

A point I noticed about Bernard was that he would wait with eating until everyone else had eaten. He would make sure that everyone was okay. If an animal required medical care, he would immediately ensure it, even if it meant driving far away late at night. If someone, animal or human had expressed a specific desire for some food or beverage, Bernard would buy it for them. When there were children on the farm, Bernard did not treat them special or as inferior. He would look at their expression and their situation exactly as he would with any other being and see how he could assist.  If someone, animal or human was acting in a way that is unacceptable, Bernard would make sure that the point was directed to self-correction. He would walk with the dogs in the morning sunlight and simply embrace the world in support and care and the humbleness that Bernard lived, is something I am not even able to describe within the capacity of my current vocabulary. Bernard stands one and equal with all life.

If I would complain about the load of work I had to do, Bernard would give me more work. Or if I placed special value in something or defined myself as more because of it, Bernard would point it out and tease me about it – this he did, not because he was evil – but because he understood that a practical, physical and tangible re-education is required, for each of us to stop living within and as self-interest in the delusion of the mind – of desires and fears and to start living here in common sense self-honesty.  So when I got more work, I started realizing that I had created the idea of it being “too much” as a point of delusion. I realized that I had defined myself according to it or held onto it out of fear of losing it. I don’t know anyone else in the world, who’s able to support Beings like that – so brutal – so direct  – so absolutely spot-on, every time.

One time when I was doing laundry, I dropped a piece of clothes out from the washing machine while I was emptying it. Bernard came by and he firmly informed me that what I was doing was spiteful against life, that I could not even have the care to make sure that this piece of clothes did not touch the floor. It was a shock to hear that such a small point – is how I saw it at the time – could indicate such a point of abuse and inequality. But I slowly but surely started realizing how I was in fact living as spitefulness, as disregard, in most of my actions.

Of all the things I learned from Bernard and while being on the farm, this was probably one of the most important. I learned that you cannot say you stand for something, if you do not live it in every moment of every breath to the fullest. Bernard would literally educate me, through assisting me to expand my understanding and awareness of my reality and through the example of those living together on the farm, who had already walked process for some time. It has actually only been recently that I have started realizing the difference this has made in my life and in how and as who I live. There are so many seemingly small points of practical physical living in and through which I have learned to be specific, diligent, caring and considering and I can see now, where I am living in an agreement, how important those points are. To understand that what you are doing when you let the water run for no apparent reason other than it being convenient or because you never considered doing it differently, is spiteful. To understand that living what is best for all is something that we can and must apply in every moment of living here, looking practically in common sense at our reality and applying ourselves according to what is – in fact – best for all life.

Through Bernard’s example, I have learned to care for and take care of animals. I have come to appreciate animals from an entirely different perspective. I have learned to appreciate self-discipline and structure. I have learned to get up in the morning immediately upon my first Breath. I have learned to support others as I have been supported. These things might sound small and insignificant, but when all these – and more – points are gathered, as all the breaths of a day – or a life time- it is clear that what we are doing is starting to create a world that is best for all. A world where each of us stand self-responsible, self-trusting and self-directed in equality.

My life has been forever changed because of Bernard Poolman. Because he dared to walk his process for himself, alone through fear, through losing everything, his family, his money, his sanity, until only he was left, self-forgiving and self-embracing in equality with and as all life  – He did it without any instructions or manual, because when he walked his process, there was no group walking-with, which is what we have created for ourselves now, as Desteni, the I process and the constant stream of material, information and support we supply 24/7 online.

Many beings will be sad because Bernard has died – but his death is not about keeping a legacy alive, hell no – we’re not going to ‘honor his memory’. He would have said: “fuck that.” lol – Honoring Bernard is honoring ourselves as life – Honoring Bernard is sharing the Living Word as it has been shared with us and to stand in every moment of Breath here walking the process of establishing a world that is best for all. I will miss Bernard tremendously and I am eternally grateful to have met him. But even for those who haven’t met Bernard in person – it is not a loss. Because Bernard was never about the personal. He said: “You must become me as I am you, so that we can trust each other no matter where we are, no matter who we are.”

I have never loved anyone the way I loved Bernard. I have never respected anyone the way I respected Bernard. I have never trusted anyone the way I trusted Bernard. I have never been challenged or supported by anyone the way that Bernard challenged and supported me. Bernard showed me the potential of what is possible – of what I can become if I stand up within myself.

Bernard is that part of us that has dared to stand up for life – that has dared to not only say that “enough is enough” but to actually live it in every moment of every breath – no fear – no compromise. Bernard stands with and as all of us, as our own brutal self-honesty – the only remedy that will cure this world from the delusion that we’ve allowed ourselves to live and become. Bernard is the side of all of us that has taken the first step to birth ourselves as life – now it is up to each of us to take the next.

Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course

The Words of the Desteni Group Dissected: DAY 221

July 13, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

bite-of-the-apple-desteni_thumbMy name is Anna Brix Thomsen. I am a 31-year-old female from Copenhagen, Denmark. I now live in Sweden where I work as a teacher. I have been walking with Desteni for five years, since the end of 2008.  Through these five years I have changed nearly everything about myself – and yet as I walk my process day by day I realize more and more how much about myself I still require changing. It is a process of humility – a process of becoming humble. Because before I found Desteni, I was a complete wannabe-spiritual-lightworker who believed in love and light and ascension and I was constantly trying to find a short cut to enlightenment, whether through drugs, relationships or various forms of spirituality. What I am realizing as I am walking my daily process with Desteni is that the only way to change oneself is through a process of getting to know oneself to understand how one has created oneself into and as an array of personalities and characters – and then literally change oneself practically and physically, point by point, moment by moment. I have realized that there are no quick fixes, for me or for the world. The same way we have created the world as it currently exist – as a total mess, a literal hell-hole, through eons of accumulation, it is the same way we have to deconstruct and recreate it – through a practical process of change that literally means turning every brick and stone and together deciding whether this is what is best for all or not.

When I joined Desteni my English proficiency was just above a high school level, quite possibly even below.  Now, five years later I have written my master’s thesis in educational sociology at a Danish University in English for which I received an A. I primarily write my blogs in English, I primarily read English books and in the process of walking with Desteni I have even moved to another country in which I am learning the native language; Swedish.

The words we use in the Desteni group are specific. And I have taught myself and I have been supported by those who walk with me and who have walked before me to expand my vocabulary exponentially. I have done so through writing and making videos where I have taken the words spoken or written and looked at them for myself – investigating my own relationship to these words and accordingly aligning myself to them in a way I could understand and comprehend clearly. Because when we speak or write words that we don’t actually understand, there is a disconnect going on within us, we become followers and it often leads to resentment, apathy and a feeling of being trapped. Therefore I walk a process of making sure that the words I write and speak are actual words that I can confirm for myself as being real and true – and I cross-reference them with others and check if they see the same as what I am seeing.

Many haters say that we at Desteni speak ‘Desteni lingo’ or that we are brainwashed because we use the same words, phrases and sentences. And of course if you are one of these haters – there’s little I can do or say to convince you otherwise and I am not going to. Because that would be the same as saying that your paranoia is real and valid and that I am going to play that ‘game’ with you. And I’m not. And to be clear, the reason why I call the people who claim that Desteni is a cult, haters, is because that is what they are. If you look at the language these people use, the tricks they use to disdain Desteni, it is obvious hate and deliberate slander. None of them have actually investigated us or what we are about in fact. They thrive and feed off of sensationalism and scandal just like the masses that they are a part of do. And understand that this is not to say that we at Desteni aren’t a part of the masses in this world. Of course we are, equally as one with everyone else. The difference is that we are seeing the deception and abuse within it for ourselves and are walking a process of stepping out of the brainwashing and paranoia that is the trademark of the masses to actually become self-directed individuals who are able to make the decision to create a world that is best for all.

So if you are one of these people who fears, loathes or hates Desteni and if you have actually gotten as far as this sentence in this blog-post, then I congratulate you for challenging your own preprogramming and daring to see beyond your preconceived paranoia. And I suggest that you now take a look at the thoughts and words that are being used to slander Desteni. Because within and behind them you will see the energy I am talking about: the nasty, spiteful words that in no way are written or spoken with the purpose of making the world a better place or supporting people in any way. It feels good in a sticky-sweet way like watching porn and ejaculating to someone being humiliated on your TV-screen. It’s the same form of satisfaction. And it is obviously laced with tremendous fear.

So when we at Desteni speak the same words it is because each of us has come to an independent understanding of the significance of the particular words used. The words we use are specific because they are the words we have seen for ourselves as relevant for the creation of a world that is best for all.

There is no ‘cult-leader’ or ‘inner circle’ that dictates what the group say or do. Unfortunately someone sometimes has to point things out, but that is actually not something I or we’d prefer – because that means that each person isn’t self-directed or self-willed but still exist within and as a frame of mind where they want someone else to tell them what to do. I work with this at a daily basis to push myself beyond my preconceived limitations to actually become a self-leading individual who through my example can assist and support others. The pinnacle of success of the Desteni group would be that the Desteni group isn’t needed or required to exist at all because all people of earth would stand up, alone and for themselves as well as together in the decision to change the world into a place that is best for all. Take for instance this phrase: ‘best for all’. This is not something we walk around saying just because someone else told us to.

‘Best for all’ is a phrase I was introduced to by Bernard Poolman (Desteni’s socalled ‘cult leader’) a couple of years ago within group chats and blogs as well as in conversations. At first I had trouble understanding what it meant. We talked about it and I wrote about it and I started investigating for myself what it actually means. I experienced a lot of resistance towards it. I feared that something would be taken away from me, that I wouldn’t be an individual anymore. So I directed myself to investigate and understand the phrase within and as myself, using my own words to write out and speak out my understanding of what ‘best for all’ means.

To give a practical perspective: in many blogs and comments where people ask about ‘best for all’ and what it means, I have used the example of clean drinking water. Common sense would be that a world that is best for all is a world where all water on earth is cared for, restored and purified so that each human being, animal and the earth itself has access to clean water. Why is this best for all? As we live in our western societies we often don’t notice how interconnected our lives are with the lives of everyone else. But imagine for a moment a village where the water supply has been destroyed by multi-national corporations who came and coaxed the people into appropriating their water supply with the promise of bringing money to build infrastructure and schools and thereby a new and bright future for the people in an otherwise poor region. These multi-national corporations are owned by westerners and for example produce palm oil that they extract through their activity in Africa or Asia. Their products make sure that you and me have access to cheap ice cream or body lotion or baby milk

But because of the exploitation and abuse of the natural resources to minimize costs and maximize profits in the west, the people of the countries in which the resources grow or are developed often have no choice but to either drink contaminated drinking water, get sick and die – or leave their home and seek for a new and better place to live. These people are often forced to migrate to other cities or countries where they often have no choice but to turn to crime to survive because they would be considered ‘illegal’ and not have any citizen rights. The consequence of this entire process of abuse of water resources could be the guy that steals your car or break into your house to find something to sell to provide food for his children. Or it could be a virus is mutated in the contaminated water that a person without knowing it carries with them to another country and by coincidence you come in contact with them and become infected and sick. Or it could be the level of toxicity and heavy metals in the oceans that fish then are forced to live in and eat, that ends up at your dinner table where your child eats the fish and develop an allergy or a changed hormone level that affects their growth and development.

This entire example ought to make it crystal clear that when we take care of our waters, our oceans, our rivers and ground water in a way that is best for all, it will be best for each individual as well. Because when we live in a way that is not best for all, life will be in one shape or form sooner or later: worst for all.

So as I have shown here, that which is ‘best for all’ at a real, physical and mathematically equitable level should be the primary principle within which we direct our lives here on earth. It is the basic foundation of an eco-system where all parts interact and are interconnected in an innate understanding that each part cannot live or thrive if the whole isn’t supported. Another example is the human body that is also a form of eco-system where each part functions to support the whole through their individual function or purpose. The heart for example cannot survive without the liver or kidneys. It is basic common sense and not some abstract philosophy or spiritual mumbo-jumbo. It is a real directive and living principle.

So as you can see, when we talk about ‘best for all’ it is not some fluffy jargon that we’re at Desteni simply spewing to sound eloquent or wise or trick people into giving us money just for the hell of it. It is a commonsensical and practical principle in an absolute sense. And we can see the consequences of us not living what is best for all at a daily basis exactly as I’ve shown.

So when haters taunt the Desteni group for using this expression, it is clear that they are in fact arguing for a world that IS NOT best for all. They haven’t even investigated what we are saying for themselves and looked at whether it makes sense or not. They have dismissed it because they are so caught in paranoia and fear and thirst for exciting energetic experiences through fantasizing about Desteni being an evil cult/pyramid scheme that they can’t even see how they are actually fighting against what is best for themselves. And if you have a look at what haters usually do: they argue for the continuation of the current system, they claim that the world we’re living in now is ‘okay’ and ‘fine’ and ‘normal’ and that Desteni is outrageous and crazy for suggesting that another way of living together on earth is possible.

All I can say is that every time I see a hater spew their words of taunt and spite, I see myself. I see the parts of myself that are so trenched in fear that I will fight tooth and nail to keep living in a bubble of delusion. I have done exactly the same as they do, to myself in my mind and to other people if they came close to exposing the truth of me. I understand now why I react to it the way I do. And I understand why haters hate. They do so because they are scared of facing themselves. They are scared of giving up the comforts of their delusions. I know this because I was exactly the same. So please understand: that this is not an ‘us’ vs. ‘them’ situation. It’s not a war or a fight. It is all ourselves. And I am here as the voice of reason that I have established within myself – where I, whenever I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into spite, jealousy or fear, stop myself and bring myself back to common sense. I work with this at a daily basis within myself. And so the time has come where I speak these words to the haters in the world that are a part of myself as the whole that is here: that I will no longer accept or allow myself to exist in spite or vengeance, that I walk a daily process of stopping participating in energetic gratification over watching sensationalist and scandal stories in the news. Every day I am committing myself to change myself from a person existing in total paranoia, delusion and self-interest to a being that is self-responsible and who in fact live in a way that is best for all.

Because what is best for all is common sense – exactly as I have shown in the examples above and NOT living what is best for all is unacceptable. Because as we can see every day as this world takes another turn for the worse, it will be our own demise if we don’t stand up, stop and change. There is simply no room for haters in this world, just like there is no room for hate in our minds if we are to change ourselves to become beings of dignity and common sense. And if these people had any thing of value to share, they wouldn’t have to use hate or taunting to do so. They would speak directly, concisely and clearly exactly as I am doing now. They wouldn’t have to invent nasty lies and slander to prove their point because they would be able to prove that what they are saying is true beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I have exposed myself publically on the Internet for five years. Basically everything I have done, felt, the mistakes I have made, the changes I have applied in my life are publically available for anyone to read or listen to. I have shown you my apartment; my cats, my thoughts, my feelings, my academic achievements and my addictions.

So if you want to come at me or come at Desteni – at least do your research. Prove that what we are saying is wrong – or fuck off. Because if you can’t prove that what we are saying is wrong, it simply shows that all you are out to do is to hate for the sake of hating. And none of us have time for that – not even you. The world is in such a state of distress as we have said and shown in the Desteni group for years, so what matters is that each of us get our heads out of our asses – so that we can stand up to make an actual impact in this world. If you are not interested in creating a world that is best for all, then don’t. We will continue – I will continue nonetheless. And there is no other agenda, no other purpose that is more important than that.

Join us or don’t – it’s your choice.

Artwork by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Questions and Perspectives: What is a Living Word?

Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course


Anna’s Journey to Life: DAY 1

April 14, 2012 in Uncategorized


Here I begin. I begin the journey of walking myself out of the mind – to nothingness as the purification of myself of the past, of existing in as a repetition of the past – and as such I stop. As I stop and stand responsible for all that I have created myself into and as, in forgiving myself – I let go of the old and give myself the opportunity and responsibility of birthing myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within and as an experience of inferiority, self-suppression and self-judgment, when reading the self-forgiveness of others in which and through which I see and perceive that they are able to grasp and expand themselves into realizations on points that I perceive myself as yet unable to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of shame and self-judgment when reading the self-forgiveness of others and seeing how they are forgiving points that I perceive as existential and written in far more self-honesty that I am able to apply myself within in, even though I do see the common sense of every word they have written

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inferiorize myself to the words of others, if or when I see that they are directing a point in self-honesty that I do not yet have directed within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read the writings of others, from a starting point of comparison and thus competition and within that measure myself, as how I perceive myself, against how I perceive them – not seeing or realizing that I am not perceiving what is here in fact, as I am perceiving myself from within and as the mind, in and as separation from and of myself her, in a relationship to my world and reality as reflected in and onto others as points outside separate from me that I compare myself to from a starting-point of fear as ego – not realizing that I am comparing myself to and competing with myself in my mind

I forgive myself that I, through separating myself from myself here, into and as parts that I have created separate relationships with, in and as the mind and in and as the physical reality as others, have accepted and allowed myself to compete with myself – believing, accepting and experiencing that I, in and as how I have perceived, experienced and accepted myself as ‘a part’, must compete with other parts, in my mind and in the physical reality, in order to exist and survive and here, to make process as how  I have perceived and associated process with survival as existence as the only way I have allowed myself to live.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have created the manifestation of competition out of and from my own self-delusion and deception, in that I have made something physically impossible, possible through the mind and through that have forced my insistence on the delusion as real, in and onto the physical – not realizing that who I am within competition is self-delusion and deception as competition is based on there being One winner where the parts believe that they can and must be that One winner to be able to exist – not seeing, realizing or understanding that I already am One and that I as such can only “win” the “ability”/”opportunity” to exist, by bringing all parts of myself back together in equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself in humbleness, that when I see the expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty in another’s writings, that that too exists equally in me and that all that is required for me to align myself to, as and within that point here as myself, is to allow myself to stand equal to it and one with it and to see how I can walk a practical process of implementing and integrating that realization for, in and as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand humble as an equal in gratefulness of the expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty applied by another in writing, as a step for all of us to expand ourselves in self-realization and self-honesty and to see that this is therefore an opportunity for me to accept, allow and direct myself to expand myself in and as self-realization and self-honesty

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish and elate myself in my mind, as ego, as fear to actually separate myself from myself as expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty, by separating myself from the words directed by another, by perceiving them as a threat to my self-image in the belief that because “only One can win”, it must mean that I am then not effectively directing my words as I compare my words to the words of the other as inferior because they do not contain the same point of expansiveness in self-realization or self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only way I cannot stand equal with words, is if I separate myself from them – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see and understand that it was not the words that was separate from me or the other being – but that it was I, who accepted myself as separate in the moment of reading the words, in fact as a point of deliberate self-diminishment wherein and through I did not allow myself to stand as an equal here and as such apply myself accordingly in implementing the self-realizations and points of self-honesty that I saw within the words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, accept and insist on that what another is applying for themselves, is and must be separate from me and at the same time, within having created a phony sense of “oneness”, believe that as “all is me” yet I am in competition with “other parts” to stand as that point of “oneness”, the other have then taken something from me – have won OVER me and is thus superior to me as I see, perceive, believe and experience and accept myself inferior accordingly

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is not the other being I am inferior to, as I could simplistically direct myself to stand as an equal with and as their application of self-realization and self-honesty and as such that what I stand inferior to, is myself, as the mind, as that which I have abdicated myself to, which is evident within how I reacted in the moment of seeing another’s writings and going into competition, fear and shame instead of looking practically at the point in self-honesty and self-support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand and accept myself as inferior to competition, within without question having accept competition as a basic foundation of my existence through which I can ensure my own survival and perceived “oneness”

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason why I perceive myself as perceived “oneness” as under threat , why I believe I must compete with others, is because my “oneness” is not actual Oneness – as I, within who and how I have accepted myself as separate from myself, from Life, from substance, from others – am existing as a “part” only – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that what I actually feared, resisted, refused and denied, was letting go of myself as “a part”, as separate and actually and in fact accepting and embracing and realizing myself in and as the oneness and equality of all that is here

I forgive myself that I, within resisting, refusing, denying and fearing to let go of myself as a separate part, have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from life and thus exclude life from myself and as such cut myself off from realizing myself here as life, from bringing myself back here as life and as such defend, propagate and insist on remaining separate, with all the consequences that my separation of and as myself entails – of suffering, abuse and inequality that I have accepted and promulgated and defended only within and through exerting myself as separate

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that only by keeping, forcing, deceiving and enslaving myself to remain within the delusion that I am separate, have I been able to justify existing in interest as ego as fear, accepting, allowing and justifying abuse and suffering by separating myself from it, denying it in and as myself, denying that I am the creator and the responsible for it and as such specifically prevent myself from realizing myself here as life, in and as equality

When and as I read the words of another, that I see is written in and as an expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to live, implement, integrate and realize within and as myself in equality – I embrace the words here as myself and I look directly and specifically at what the “gap” is that I have created between myself and these words – as to why I am not living these words and this self-realization and this self-honesty equal and one. And as such I place for, as and within myself a practical self-correction from where and in and through which I can in fact practically implement and integrate the points of self-realization and self-honesty as expansiveness that I have seen in the words of another – in realizing that I can only be separate from the words and the practical living of the words, if I have already separated myself from them as myself and that therefore what is required, is that I collapse that “gap” of separation, until I stand one and equal living these words in and as myself.

I see, realize and understand, that what is required, is that I remain here, in walking myself out of the mind and into the physical – through directive self-application to, as and within self-honesty in every moment of every breath – diligently, specifically, directly direct all points and parts of and as myself that I have separated myself from, into and as, by writing out the patterns/personalities/relationships that I have accepted and allowed myself to create in separation of and from myself here as the physical, by directing, stopping, releasing all thoughts/emotions/feelings/reactions/back chat in clear a-(w)here-ness of and as myself in every moment of every breath, not allowing one single thought to “slip through” undirected as I understand that that is the very definition of self-abdication, through which I have allowed myself to inferiorize myself to the mind, by letting the mind stand as the directive principle of and as me – instead of me directing myself here in a-(w)here-ness to be, become and live that which is best for all life – as myself, one and equal.

When and as I see that I am participating in competition through comparison or jealousy within my mind alone or projected towards someone/something outside separate from me, I stop. I breathe through the experience and I direct it within myself firmly in the realization that who and what I am competing with, is myself, in and as the delusional belief and acceptance of myself as separate, yet attempting to assert myself as one – as I realize the absolute self-deception and self-delusion that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and manifest myself into and as – and how the only thing I am creating through participating in this, is my own detriment as I am essentially living and existing as a delusion which is not physically possible, that is not life, that is not best for all and that can only fall, as I am here as Life, no matter how hard I have tried to annihilate and abdicate myself.

So – I embrace myself as the mind. I embrace myself as the point of delusion, in which I have attempted to make myself “whole” and “one” through manifesting the exact opposite and reverse – as fighting, annihilation, separation and abuse and I give myself the opportunity, gift and responsibility of bringing myself back Here – back to earth – back to this here physical body that does in fact exist as ONE – where no competition, separation, fighting, deception is required because all forms and manifestations exists in equality.

I realize that Life can only exist in equality – and as long as I deny myself as equality – I deny myself as Life and I will continue splitting and separating myself and fighting myself – because who I am cannot be denied. So I stop the fight against myself. I stop insisting on remaining separate. I stop competing with myself as delusional parts of separation as constant polarities diminishment and grandeur.

I live here. I walk here. I participate here. And all points that I see that I am standing separate from, within and as, I realize is my own delusional creation – and as such my responsibility to bring back to myself. I realize that it is not within “being separate” that I must direct myself, because it is within the very acceptance, creation and manifestation – and insistence on separation, that I have allowed myself to deny myself as life, as expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty.

So, with these words, I open my eyes to my acceptances and allowances – to what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as – and I walk here, giving myself the opportunity to expand and realize myself in self-honesty in every moment of every breath.

Why it is Impossible to Be A Good Person and Do The Right Thing

January 13, 2011 in World Exposed Blog

Morality – Has it ever occurred to you how difficult it is to be a good person? In fact it seems that even the best people amongst us, cannot be good all the time – how many times have we not heard of priests, ministers, politicians or soccer moms, whom everyone around them, saw as the best people of their community; giving, loyal, honest, selfless and hardworking – who turned out to be sexual predators, tax evaders or drug abusers? Who were leading their perfect life, with perfect marks, perfect children, degrees, gardens and characters and in secret living a shady life of porn, abuse or addiction? I have realized something for myself: It is not possible to be good all the time. It is not possible to be the model citizen, the perfect mom, a good person. Why? Because ‘good’ is a polarity – the polarity of ‘bad’ and as such the balance will always tip from one end to the other. It might take years or months, we might be living both the good and the bad at the same time, exerting the good to the public, shamefully or spitefully keeping the bad hidden – but it is there.

I Realized that it is not possible to be good, without also being bad – and that no matter how good deeds I would do, how much I would try to redeem and clean myself from the bad, it was not possible – because inevitably the balance would tip and I would find myself doing or saying exactly that I had been fighting and trying to keep away. This explains why these seemingly good people, after years of being law abiding citizens, suddenly go on a killing spree or leave their family: because the good requires an equal bad to balance itself – and we, we are caught in the middle constantly having to keep the bad away, doing our duties, while thinking about the teenage daughter next door or just another glass of red wine. So if bad follows good in an infinite balance that seems to be as accurate as a law of physics, can we actually say that there is such a thing as being a good person?

I discovered for myself that being a good person, that doing the right thing, made me feel good and that this was the primary reason for why I tried to be a good person – because it made me feel good, it made me feel better about myself – When the balanced tipped and I then did what I considered bad, I felt bad, or even reversed, felt constrained by the good and liberated by embracing the bad.

This world as we collectively participate in it and portray it, through our movies, news and public life, confirms for ourselves that the world is good, that we are good – that there is something inherently or at least possibly good underneath it all. To this we give our hope, our faith, our donations to churches and charity organizations, to show and prove to ourselves that we are capable of treating each other with dignity and respect. I discovered for myself that I would do anything to feel good, to feel like a good person – I would follow any leader that told me that what they were promoting was in the name of the good – I dreaded the feeling of being a bad person. But no matter what I did, what I sacrificed or desperately wanted to be true, the bad kept luring in the shadows as a monster that I could not rid myself of. I tried everything, from meditation and anti-materialism, to positive affirmations and vegetarianism. I was deeply committed and truly believed that this time, each time, I would succeed. And in these states of ‘purity’ and cleansing myself of the blood of humanity’s humanity, I felt better than those who did not participate; the meat eaters, the shoppers, the unfaithful – I felt that I was finally raised above these savages, above the savage in myself, and I would feel surged with energy and motivation to do the right thing. Not long would pass and I would get bored, my motivation would drop and soon I would find myself in secret stealing bacon from the kitchen or buying a gossip magazine. For a while, I could block these misbehavings out and pretend like it was not me or say to myself that it was only a moment of weakness and that I would re-commit myself even more firmly to my vows. I remember as a child, praying to God for something to occur, to be saved from a situation and promising that if God would hear my prayer and give me what I wanted, I would stop being bad, I would commit myself to his work. There is no doubt that there are many monks and missionaries out there, who are in this exact position, because they have done the same. But if it is impossible to be good, because good and bad exists in a balance, what are we actually doing? And can this explain why the world exists as it does, of haves and have-nots, of people speaking good, while acting bad, of people who after years of faithful service to gods, wife’s, husband’s or governments, suddenly in a surge of energy, turn bad?

The next question is then what happens is we stop trying to be good? Many would say that the world would run amok, that Suffering would increase, that not having moral standards would legitimize people to do what they wanted; to shoot each other or steal from each other, without remorse. But if we look at the world as it exists in its figures and numbers and digits – is this not already what we are doing? Is this not what we have always done? And if the truth behind why we so desperately want to do the right thing, is that it makes us feel better, how can morality be legit? What if we take both good and bad, right and wrong, out of the equation? Then we are left with the World as it is – no reason, no meaning, no purpose – simply they way we have Accepted Ourselves to Exist and the question of if we are going to keep Accepting Ourselves to Exist like this?

Right and wrong, good and bad are implied through there already being a moral standard, already being a source – whether that is Adam and Eve, God and Satan or The Evolution of Human Consciousness and the ability to make rational and altruistic decisions. But if we look at the World as it exists in its digits and numbers of money spent on war, child deaths and financial inequality, it is evident that it cannot simply be explained through the belief in right and wrong or good and bad. Our laws are not protecting us, our faith and beliefs is not making us compassionate or loving towards our neighbors. Our prisons are not rehabilitating its convicts and the news does not show what is really going on. In our public lives on the streets, supermarkets and at our jobs, we are bullying each other, fighting to get ahead in the line, being consumed by road rage or thinking about having sex with every woman we see. Still we pretend like there is order and civility, while underneath, in our Secret Minds, we only Care about Ourselves. Many people will say that this is not so – That they Care. But if we look at the state of the World, and what we, as citizens, parents, corporations and governments are doing about it, the answer is evident.

Therefore we require of ourselves to bring about new Solutions that does not depend on hope or on a seemingly inherent dormant ability to do the right thing or to be a good person – By holding onto this, in ourselves, towards each other and our children, we are Deceiving ourselves. Therefore we require to Face ourselves, Self-Honestly, Directly, Straight Forward, even though we know that we are not gonna like what we See. And then we require of ourselves to reconsider what we are doing and what the Actual Starting-Point is, for our Participation within and as this World – not the Starting-Point that we’d like to believe we are coming from – and in this, we require to Consider the possible Solutions for Sorting our this Mess that we have Accepted and Allowed Ourselves to be and become. In this, there is no pointing fingers, blaming or pushing the Responsibility away – because each of us, even though that might require some Self-Honest Self-Investigation, are Equally a part of the Creation and Acceptance of this World as it Exists.

Then we can Finally Decide to Live according to Principles of Common Sense, wherein We Realize, that What is Best for All, at a mathematical, physical and practical level, is Best for us to. And finally rational decisions can be made, sustainable Solutions can be developed and Politics and legislation can be used to implement these Solutions. This is what we are doing at Desteni and with the Equal Money System – Because we have Realized that morality is not inherent, that good is an equivalent of bad and that the purpose of doing the right thing and being a good person, is about the energetical surge of feeling good and avoiding Facing Ourselves in taking Self-Responsibility for and as this World. Thus we require to literally Change Ourselves, the nature of ourselves that we have taken for granted and to, both within and without re-educate ourselves and Change the Principles upon which we Govern this World and Ourselves in and as it. It is simplistic to Participate – all it requires is for us to Push Ourselves to be Self-Honest, even when we do not like what we See and to, within that, make the Decision to Live differently, to Live according to What is Best for All.

Lets Sort Out this mess that we have become and Live in a way where Life is Actually Valued and where we do not have to Fear each other or what is inside us, because we have taken Self-Responsibility and re-educated Ourselves to Live according to Principles that can Stand the Test of Time and not energy, beliefs or emotions that weaver and fall and in which we are Separated and Distanced from Ourselves and Each other. Join Desteni, The Desteni ‘I’ Process for Personal Re-Education to Self-Responsibility and Accountability and Join the Equal Money Movement to Create an Equality System of Economics and Politics, that will Give Each and Everyone and Chance to Live without fighting to Survive, without trying to do and be good and never Actually Succeeding.

Global Politics and National States For World Equality

January 8, 2011 in Equal Money Blog

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