Compartmentalizing the Moral High Horse and the Rotten Self: DAY 192

March 22, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God picture Compartmentalizing the Moral High Horse and the Rotten Self: DAY 192In this post we are continuing with looking at the question of As Who/how am I not living self-help?

In context to the previous points we’ve walked of desiring for someone else/one’s partner to help oneself. In the last post I went a bit deeper into how I’ve not lived self-help which I identified is specifically due to me being deliberately hard on myself believing that it makes me a better person and that I have to be hard on myself to contain my ‘inner evil’ (like selfishness).

Here are the previous posts in the series for further context of what I’ll be walking in this blog post:

So I will here be applying self-forgiveness on the dynamics that I exposed in the previous blog and accordingly I will prescribe self-corrective application in terms of looking at and committing myself to practically changing these patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself – through, within and as backchat of self-judgment/blame/ridicule/anger/disgust and hate and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to like being hard on myself and to be proud of being hard on myself within and as defining being hard on myself as a good thing that makes me a good person

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that it makes me a good person to be hard on myself because I am then apparently doing something about my own ‘inner evil’ and am showing that I won’t accept this from myself – when in fact being hard on myself has never ever had such an effect and has quite the contrary had the exact opposite effect where I’d hide and suppress my own ‘inner evil’ to not have to face my own self-judgment and then simply live out the evil in secret

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel good and proud about being hard on myself within and as believing that being hard on myself shows that I am moral person and thus that the more hard I am on myself the more I am a moral person and thus that I am morally superior because I am hard on myself – not unlike the self-harm done within religion as a sacrifice to god

I forgive myself that I’ve never accepted or allowed myself to put two and two together in terms of looking at whether being hard on myself actually has the effect of me changing and correcting myself, because had I done that I would have realized that this is not the real reason why I am being hard on myself as I’ve show that it has absolutely no – and quite the detrimental effect on me correcting myself. Therefore ironically me being hard on myself actually support me to keep being ‘evil’.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how the solution to me being evil is to actually embrace and face myself and to take myself in the hand in self-directed self-will to investigate myself and my starting-point and to practically walk myself to a correction through self-support and not through self-judgment or being hard on myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to, dependent upon and automated within and as being hard on myself, judging myself and feeling guilty for being evil to the point where I can’t even imagine not living this way or how to let go of being hard on myself because it is what I’ve come to accept as who I am

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I fear that I won’t be able to contain and control myself if I stop being hard on myself to justify why I must keep living being hard on myself – which I see, realize and understand is absolute bullshit and fuzzy logic because as I’ve shown being hard on myself is no solution to stopping my inner evil

dsfgfd Compartmentalizing the Moral High Horse and the Rotten Self: DAY 192I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being evil and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make evil a taboo inside myself (by ‘evil’ I am referring to traditionally ‘immoral’ acts such as lust, lying, laziness , selfishness and deliberately harming others for example)

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how this pattern and point is actually a part of a Christian religious pattern within and as me that I’ve dismissed as not being very important because I don’t have any conscious connection to Christianity in spite of the fact that time and time again I have seen how my personalities and characters and experiences inside myself are tied to Christianity in some way or another – also considering the fact that my mother’s side of the family was Christian and how she rebelled against it – and as such I see how I’ve resonantly picked up on the symbolisms and dynamics of my mother’s relationship to Christianity without

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping being hard on myself because I’ve used being hard on myself as a way to deliberately limit and diminish myself so as to keep expectations low so that I did not have to push or expand myself or disappoint others

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing who I will how or how to live if and as I stop being hard on myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not being on my own side as I walk my daily life and instead basically live every moment of every day being against myself through backchat as self-judgment and only being for ‘myself’ as specific mind-entities of consumerism and entertainment and thus that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in this field of tension between these two sides of myself of which none are real or in any way beneficial for me or anyone else

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame other people for me hiding my own inner evil in blaming them for/as ‘coming after me’ or ‘reprimanding me’ while in fact what I feared was my own self-judgment and blame as this ‘moral high horse’ character that I’ve assumed and lived not only in relationship to myself but also to others, while rotting on the inside as I continued living out my secret desires

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping being hard on myself because I know that when and as I stop being hard on myself, nothing can stop me in terms of me standing up for what is best for all and in changing and correcting myself to live in a way that is best for all because I no longer keep secrets from myself or compartmentalize myself but actually stand here with and as myself as a joined force of who I am

And I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand how indicative it is when I live as a part of myself or a personality that is actually living against my own best interest – that I am living on a complete delusion and destructive alternate reality in my mind.

In my next post I will continue with self-corrective statements.

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 Compartmentalizing the Moral High Horse and the Rotten Self: DAY 192

Save The Sinner! DAY 188

March 15, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

holy sinner by killpop d2zl001 Save The Sinner! DAY 188In this blog post I am scripting for myself the final self-commitment statements in this miniseries I’ve done on the point of reacting in anger when and as I’ve seen someone do something that I’ve perceived as unacceptable.

Here’s the previous blogs in the series:

Let’s jump straight into it:

When and as I see that I’m accepting and allowing myself to go into and as an experience of self-righteousness and superiority when and as I see another do something that I’ve defined as unacceptable – I commit myself to stop myself and say: “hey girl, what are you doing?” And then I commit myself to take a deep breath and relocate myself here in my body and remind myself that I am in that moment accepting and allowing myself to follow a polarity encryption program where I am literally gloating over another’s apparent failure as a human being which, when and as I am in the exact same position I am extremely hard on myself and therefore hold myself within and as a grib of polarity as energy fluctuation where I according to how I and others act, defines one as morally good and the other as morally bad and then use these roles to create friction, conflict and competition people between. I commit myself to stop participating within and as moral superiority and inferiority as I’ve now seen, realized and understood that whether something is unacceptable or not has to do with practicality and practical consequences and as such a real morality is based on an assessment of practical consequences and NOT on an emotional definition of what is right and wrong that is abstract, arbitrary and inconsistent and therefore can be used and manipulate to satisfy one’s own desires through claiming them to be morally superior.

When and as I see that I am blaming another for doing something I’ve defined as unacceptable, I stop myself and I breathe and when I’ve stopped the experience of reacting in blame I commit myself to have a look at what it is of and as myself that I am projecting onto another to deliberately distract myself from myself and turn my attention towards someone else. Because I’ve now seen, realized and understood that blame is an indicator that I’ve separated myself from myself in and as a particular point and through that have separated outside myself onto someone else. I see, realize and understand that I’ve used blame to make a scapegoat out of another person so as to separate myself from my own evil inside and as me and so that I could suppress it and hide it away and then when the other acts in a way that I perceive as ‘evil’ or unacceptable, that’s when I’ll feel confronted and want to eradicate their behavior and even eradicate them, like getting them out of my site – not in fact because what they’ve done is unacceptable – which is what I’ve used to justify this for myself – but because it is myself that I am facing as a part of myself I’ve abdicated and refused to take responsibility for. Because why would I otherwise react so strongly? Why would it scare me so much when I see someone doing something I perceive to be unacceptable? As such I also commit myself to redefine how I look at blame, not as something I judge myself for having participated in or that I feverishly hold onto because I fear losing ‘being right’ – because I see, realize and understand how blame is a signal that there’s a part of myself here that I have the opportunity to take responsibility for.

sinner and saint nick reaves Save The Sinner! DAY 188When and as I see another acting or expressing themselves in a way I’ve defined as unacceptable and I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of fear of being ‘tainted’ by the ‘bad behavior’ or ‘malevolence’ that I perceive the other to be expressing – I stop myself and I take a deep breath. I flag this experience for myself here so that when and as I access this fear, I have this point of reference to myself so that I can stop myself from participating further in this fear. Because I see, realize and understand that the only reason I’d fear being tainted by another is because that point already exists within and as me, because why else would I fear it? If I was ‘oh so pure’ wouldn’t I simply stick to that and stand on my two feet? Wouldn’t I simply then assist another to also become pure? Yes. So therefore the fear I experience is actually not a fear of being tainted but a fear of being exposed and exposing myself as tainted that I’ve already accepted myself as where I feel threatened on my self-delusional/deceptive self-definition of myself as ‘oh so pure’ when and as I recognize my own malevolence in the actions of another. I commit myself to face my fear of my own evil and malevolence through providing myself with a space to open myself up – in writing with myself in self-support giving myself the opportunity to lay all my cards on the table and actually forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed and actually allow myself to let go of my own malevolence in a decision to live in a way where I am not harmful to myself or to others. I commit myself to forgive myself for my sins and I commit myself to stop accepting myself as a sinner because I see, realize and understand that it is through accepting myself as a sinner that I’ve justified the existence of sin.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and that I am accessing blame towards myself for not caring or for being malevolent, I stop myself and I flag this experience for myself, often experienced as a knot in my solar plexus that is activated as soon as I think about what I have done from within guilt. I breathe and stabilize myself here, because I see, realize and understand now, that blaming myself is no different than blaming another. The only difference is that there’s no physical ‘other’ but I am still abdicating a part of myself onto another part through projection and separation as indicated by the two entities involved in “I” and “myself”. And so I see, realize and understand that the experience of guilt I’ve activated is actually a sneaky form of justification because within it I’ve hidden my true agenda of accepting myself in and as the point of malevolence. So I commit myself to stop all experiences of guilt as I’ve now seen, realized and understood that they are an indication of the opposite of what they portray so therefore I know that if I feel guilty it is because I’ve already and am still accepting that which I feel guilty towards. As such I commit myself to identify what it is I feel guilty towards and to realign myself within and as a practical application of change as for example stopping doing that which I feel guilty towards. I commit myself to stop all pretense that I am caring and considerate and to instead face myself as the points and parts of myself where I don’t care and where I am not considerate, so that I can actually develop a real care for myself and for what is here as everyone. I commit myself to stop judging myself for being evil and to stop trying to hide and cover-up my own evil nature, because I see, realize and understand that I won’t be able to change – and I won’t have changed – if I don’t face myself AS the evil so that I can in fact direct myself to change. I commit myself to stop playing nice out of fear that people will see the real evil inside and as me – because I see, realize and understand that the evil is actually completely obvious and in our faces – the world shows that clearly even though we ignore it and therefore I realize that it is not possible to hide evil because it is evident in its consequential outflows and I realize that facing evil is imperative to direct ourselves as it to change so therefore I commit myself to stop playing nice if and as it is not necessary to the particular situation I am in. I realize that this is something I require walking in and as a process as I’ve automated the point of playing nice to such an extent that I simply experience myself as a ‘nice and good person’ in certain situations and with certain people.

go ahead sinner and make my day Save The Sinner! DAY 188When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into and as an experience of anger and rage that I take upon me as a suit based on the belief that that is what one is supposed to do when directing something that’s unacceptable, I simply stop myself and breathe and direct myself to speak here, directively and clearly. And I commit myself to flag this moment for myself where I’d make the decision to go into anger and become angry so that I can stop myself and prevent myself from accessing the experience at all. I commit myself to stop using anger to try and control another through intimidation because I see, realize and understand that it is not necessary in fact and that it is rather an indication of how I experience myself as desperate, powerless and fearful towards directing the situation within which I then actually require to first of all return to myself and clear my starting-point before communicating with another. I commit myself to let go of the fear of confronting another and I commit myself to let go of the fear that I will give up because I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself and on the principle of what is best for all. I commit myself to stop prioritizing being liked and popular by others over standing up for a world that is best for all and so I commit myself to walk with myself in practicing when I have the opportunity to stand up and direct such situations in common sense and stability within and as myself.

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 Save The Sinner! DAY 188

Spirituality is Evil

November 7, 2011 in Anna's Process Blog

166970 10150350634218076 632378075 8181112 862058016 n Spirituality is EvilNeale Donald Welsh says: “We are here to experience any aspect of Divinity that we wish. That is what makes this a paradise.”

This statement would imply that there is some form of “higher power” or “divine core” at play that is essentially guiding and directing existence, almost as though we were inside a caring womb. In this we are walking a path that is carefully laid out for us with the love of our creator to ensure that we learn what we are supposed to learn. In this, we are safe, warm, cared for. In this everything happens for a reason and nothing happens without it being directed by “the divine principle” and therefore it is in itself essentially, ‘divine’.

Now – We exist and live together on a planet, where more than two billion people are existing in starvation and poverty. One billion of those people starve from the moment they are born until the day they die. These people are existing, side by side with us, on this very planet. There are wars for drugs, wars for money, wars for god and there are children that are being raped by their own parents. There are animals that are being tortured simply so that human beings can feel safe with their beauty products. There are entire species of animals that are going extinct for no apparent reason other than the human preoccupation of earth.

So – to claim that this is “paradise“, that “it happens for a reason” and that “there is a plan” – is not only delusional and self-deceptive – it is evil. Because who is it exactly who get to “experience any aspect of Divinity that we wish”? 

Only those who has enough money to not have to suffer and fight for their survival. Everyone else is stuck with what they got, forever conditioned – including their children and grandchildren – to exist in poverty, war and pain. They properly would disagreed with Neal that they are experiencing any aspect of Divinity  at all. They properly would simply like to live and exist without having to fear for their survival, without having to worry that their children will be raped by soldiers. They are properly too busy surviving to read Neal Donald Welsh’s books or to consider themselves lucky for the “opportunity to grow”.

Life is only divine if you can afford to buy a piece of heaven. And all that is in this world – is a temporary relief from suffering, from the hell that is here. A temporary dream state where you can meditate away into a delusional space of your mind where you lull yourself to believe that everything is A okay.

So the statement made here  by neal – is evil in nature – because within and as it – is a justification of the suffering of others, of those who do not have, within placing them into a scenario that makes sense, so that self can justify why self has money and others don’t.

This is not paradise – this is hell on earth. And we are all here to live it. Money cannot buy us out of this one and we better get our feet back on the ground so that we can sort out what is here in collective and equal support of all life. It is actually – literally and physically – possible to create heaven on earth, a virtual paradise. But it does not happen inside our heads or as a feeling – in which most people on earth are excluded.

It happens through us building it, creating it, creating ourselves as the custodians and inhabitants of it. It happens through using using our feet and hands to change this world on a practical, fundamental level – starting with stopping the delusions of mind that we’ve lulled ourselves into and as.

Vote for an Equal Money System – Vote for a Life that is Dignified for All.

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Q and A – on “Why it is Impossible to be a Good person”

March 8, 2011 in World Exposed Blog

choices Q and A   on Why it is Impossible to be a Good personThe following Q and A is from an article I wrote on Morality and how it is impossible to be Good, due to the nature and construct of Polarity.

The Question was posted as reply to this article in my column on the Sociology Journal

Q – from Sergey:

“What is the motivation to be good? Some people try to be seemed perfect just for kind of superiority feeling, some ones blindly follow the conducts of their authorities, whether parents or church, or neighborhood. It is evident that for such people to become better is really hard. But there is another reason of being good. Those who have dedicated their lives to something great, I mean great service for humanity, or sincere efforts to realize the Supreme; those people are becoming great very soon themselves. If being good is not an ultimate goal, but just a method for something greater, than it is not so impossible task and not a big issue either.”

A – My reply:

The motivation to be good is the fear of going to hell – the fear of being punished by god. And yes it is also about the polarity between superior and inferior, same as good and bad or good and evil. It is however not simply “some people” who Participate in these polarities, but literally all of us. Even though the immediate authorities seems to be parents, the church or even friends- the ultimate authority is us, existing as a ball been thrown (or essentially throwing ourselves) between and as these polarities, of and as the Mind. To desire to be superior, we must first accept ourselves as inferior – to desire to be good, we accept ourselves as bad. By promoting “positive thinking”, were are consequently creating hate and judgment – that is the nature of polarities, constantly balancing themselves out. So – those people “who have dedicated their lives to something great, I mean great service for humanity”, are Equally Responsible in the creation of the World as it currently exist – as we currently exist, in Suffering, Abuse and Self-Deception. Looking back in the history of mankind, no such person has EVER made any significant difference in this world. This is in Fact – the epitome of Self-Deception. That we require to “aspire” – “to Ascend”, which literally means accepting ourselves as less attempting to become more than who and what we actually are Here, as who and what we have Accepted and Allowed ourselves to Exist in and as – and the consequential result for such people: is that they end on their ass. To say that “those people are becoming great very soon themselves.” – Reveals a starting-point of hope as Self-Deception within believing in a force, outside separate from us as “the Supreme” – that magically will Change us, for us – instead of us taking Self-Responsibility and Change Ourselves. We do not require “great service for humanity” – Humanity as it currently exists, is rotten to the core. We require to Face Ourselves, as All that is Here, in Self-Honesty and Common Sense Realizations, that Everything that is Here – is Who we are and that the World only exist the way it does, because we exist the way we’ve Accepted and Allowed Ourselves to Exist. We Actually have to Change – in Fact, from, within and as the madness and mayhem that we have become.

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