September 21, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
“What is the Flaw of Human Rationality? It pretends not to see the Horror and Death at the End of the Schemes it Builds.” – Cosmopolis
This is in continuation to:
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to approach myself/my process/my relationship with myself from a starting-point of speaking to myself in my mind (as backchat) and acting according to this backchat in deliberately ‘pulling myself together’ through which I will constrict my body, clench my fists and jaw and straighten myself like a solider, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
Because I see, realize and understand that I have within and as that moment, stepped into the ‘contain/control myself as evil’ character through which I believe that I must/can/should control and contain myself – as for example in acting in self-interest, addictions or secret mind fantasies that I’ve judged as ‘amoral’ – where I have assumed a character of ‘strength’ and ‘assertiveness’ like a solider preparing for battle, but where my assertiveness and strength is not real, because it is a character that I have deliberately assumed through entering into/accessing a specific energetic experience and not a self-directive expression and as such, I see, realize and understand that I cannot assert myself within and as a decision to stop a particular behavior or personality through this control/contain character, because I within and as it am judging/suppressing/fighting/fearing and making myself inferior to that which I perceive as ‘lurking in the shadows of my mind’ as ‘the evil/monster within me’ and as such are separating myself from myself as the monster within and as me, through attempting to resist it and push it away, instead of actually directing myself to understand who I am as this monster and why and how I am accepting and allowing myself to let this ‘monster/evil’ within be the directive principle over and as me. So I see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to step into the control/contain character, I am in fact doing nothing but providing a cover-up/cop-out for myself the secret mind, believing that ‘it’ is something separate from me that is dangerous and that I must repel and exorcise in/through fear and thus in fact only abdicate myself further to/as this secret mind entity that I’ve separated myself from/into/as – instead of facing, forgiving and embracing myself directly in and as it, in self-honesty and self-responsibility
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to want to ‘eradicate’ a part of myself through shoving it away, pushing it away, dismiss it and ‘get rid of it’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
I see, realize and understand that I within wanting to get rid of a part of myself, am in fact doing the exact opposite of taking self-responsibility and that ‘who I am’ within and as that is an imposed morally superior character based on judgments/ideas/opinions/beliefs through which I am in fact compounding and covering up that which I am attempting to annihilate from/as myself – exactly as how wars are manifested in the world that is supposed to bring peace but only brings more violence and that does in fact support the creation of peace on earth, but only more violence but through which the violence is made justified and as such is covered up
I commit myself to stop fighting myself as the secret mind and I commit myself to stop judging myself as the secret mind and I commit myself to stop separating myself from myself as the secret mind and I commit myself to instead face and embrace myself directly in/as the secret mind, through self-honesty in practically in/through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application where I bring all parts of/as the secret mind out into the open here so that I can direct myself and take responsibility for myself as the secret mind and accordingly direct myself to stand up within/as what is best for all
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience of fear towards exposing myself/being exposed as ‘who I am’ within/as the secret mind and where I will do anything to cover-up and avoid being exposed – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity
I see, realize and understand that I have not in fact feared myself as ‘the evil/monster inside of me’ but that I have only feared being caught as that and as such that I would not be able to continue living/existing as the secret mind as the ‘evil/monster inside myself’ because I would be faced with the consequences and thus as long as I keep ‘who I am’ secret I have believed that I could avoid the consequences of who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become and exist as exactly as everyone is hiding who they in fact are at all costs to avoid prosecution and the consequences of being caught – through which the law system has in fact served exactly like my control and contain character in perpetuating, compounding and justifying who we are within and as the secret mind and not to in fact understand the consequences of our actions and who and what we accept and allow ourselves to be and exist as and as such change and align ourselves with/within/as what is best for all – because to do that we must expose who we are and embrace who we are in fact in self-honesty so that we can forgive ourselves and thus release ourselves from the ‘spell’ we’ve placed ourselves under/into/as
And I see, realize and understand that through accepting myself in/as the secret mind, specifically as secret and thus with a bunch of characters that I have created/invented to cover-up/cover for the secret mind, I am directly and indirectly responsible for the secret mind’s dominion on/over this entire earth, where the truth of ourselves lurks in the shadows as civil wars that no one hears about except for the people suffering because of it, as exploitation of people for profit and as the immense abuse of animals that happens behind closed doors and that we are all well aware of, but where we portray happy farm animals on our milk cartoons and present meat clean and with the blood washed off so that we can pretend that we are not a part of – or responsible for or creating the brutality and abuse that is being perpetuated on this earth – exactly like it is the same men who go home to sing to their children in their ‘nice homes’ who will go to some outskirt of the earth and have sex with children or how people will become trapped in the addiction to porn because through it they believe they must hide themselves to not be exposed as the evil they accept and allow within and as them
I commit myself to expose and show the secret mind and to show how it is absolutely vital that we bring the secret mind out into the open and expose the fake and deliberate characters that we’ve placed as cover-up/covering for the secret mind because the secret mind is currently who we are as what we’re accepting and allowing to be the undercurrent that is governing this world through/within/as secrecy and until we uncover what we have deliberately covered up we can’t change ourselves or what is here in and as this world
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as a belief and experience that I am evil and that I am the only evil person on earth and that everyone else is ‘good’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
Because I see, realize and understand that I have created myself into and as a separate individual part and have as all created everyone into and as separate individual parts that believe that what they experience has nothing to do with everyone else and that through this I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and justify that ‘what I accept and allow in/as/through my mind in the secrecy of my private personal reality, stays in and as my mind in and as my private personal secret reality’ – so that I could in fact continue living/existing/acting in self-deception as deliberate abuse in denial of the consequence that my acceptance of/as myself has on everything/everyone all of existence
And I see, realize and understand that I’ve created a world system of/as a cover-up/covering for – as a veil of ‘civilization’, ‘meaning’, ‘benevolence’, ‘justice’ – exactly as within/as my own mind, through which I’ve hidden/suppressed/contained my true nature as humanity – as pure evil defined as the self-interest to deliberately abuse through deliberately denying the consequence of my creation as my responsibility – and so as I’ve believed my own lie, I have created a friction/conflict within and as myself between the reality of myself as that which I have kept secret and the cover-up of pretending that ‘everything is fine’ and ‘as it should be’ that I knew was a lie
I see, realize and understand that in every moment of participation where I brush off a point within and as myself that I see has consequences for others/the world and simply deny/ignore/suppress it within and as myself, I am literally and directly compounding a world system that is based on a lie that we have deliberately invented and agreed to lie by – those of us who are so ‘fortunate’ to be able to do so because we’re not directly and obviously faced with the physical, practical consequences of who and what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become – through which we’ve continued pretending that who we are and what we accept and allow has no consequences
I see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow myself to fight myself as the mind within and as separating myself from/as/within/into the mind in creating a morally superior character through which I judge/annihilate and suppress myself, I am directly responsible for, compounding and creating a world system with thousands of charity organizations and activists movements and religious/spiritual movements that “fight for peace/justice” and that has absolutely no effect but only perpetuate the self-deception and the consequences even further, through placing oneself in opposition to the system and as such as inferior to the system as well as superior to the system, and where we are ‘fighting’ ‘evil’ in the world without any result whatsoever because we are separating ourselves from the origin of evil which is ourselves and are thus only fueling the point even further by accepting ourselves as inferior in matching an ‘evil monster’ of superiority through which we are in fact confirming the authority of evil and abuse and are also justifying our own self-abdication and self-responsibility as the creators of the evil and abuse in the world instead of standing one and equal with/as/within the system and direct the system accordingly to create a world and a self that is best for all, through taking responsibility for all parts and manifestations that are here on earth as our own creation
I see, realize and understand that for me to change myself, I must stand equal to who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become AS the monster and that only by embracing/facing/forgiving myself AS the monster – can I change
I commit myself to equalize myself with/as all parts of manifestation in/as this reality/world as myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and as such enable myself, point by point, breath by breath, to take responsibility for the totality of the creation of what is here as myself as all
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as a belief/self-judgment/self-definition of myself as ‘having a tendency to give in/give up’ to the mind in/as specific patterns/experiences/addictions/behaviors as an ‘evil’ that I ‘can’t shake off’ or as something that ‘is within me, that is not me’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
Because I see, realize and understand that giving into/giving up to the mind is not a ‘personal tendency’ or ‘personal weaknesses’, nor is it a global ‘evil’ like the devil that is within me – because it is who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become since the inception of myself as a separate individualized entity and for all ‘intends and purposes’ it is ‘who I am’ and thus I see, realize and understand that by creating the mind, I had already abdicated myself to it and so it is not in fact ‘a tendency’ but in fact ‘who I am’ as who and what I’ve accepted myself as and who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to stand equal to – and therefore I see, realize and understand that there is no ‘fight’ or ‘battle between good and evil’ going on because ‘good and evil’ are two sides of the same coin and ‘the battle’ is that through which I as a mind generate energy from the physical to sustain myself and thus to sustain my own self-abdication of myself as life, through which I am in fact annihilating myself as life, which is evident by the process of death and which is evident within and as the manifestation of this world as a whole – where we in order to get THE MOST out of life, are in fact annihilating ourselves as life.
I see, realize and understand that I have deliberately created ‘good’ and ‘evil’ so that I could justify myself in and as an illusion of ‘fighting for the good’ and thus I see, realize and understand that when I give in/give up to the mind, I justify myself as a victim to evilness and make the excuses that ‘I fought for the good, but the evil was too strong’ when in fact I’ve already decided ‘who I am’ which is self-abdication and separation of myself as life, into and as a figment of imagination as the mind through which I live out my desire for energies and experiences
I commit myself to stop, let go of and release the idea/belief/experience/acceptance and self-judgment that I have a tendency to ‘fall for’ the mind – and I commit myself to stand clear within and as the realization that who I am is the mind and the mind is who I am and that whatever I experience and participate within and as is 100 % my own responsibility and creation
I commit myself to stop all definitions/experiences/ideas/beliefs about myself as ‘good’ and ‘evil’
I commit myself to develop self-trust within/as myself through consistent application and pushing for absolute self-honesty within/as myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and I commit myself to through this development of self-trust and self-integrity through consistency, stand up as life, to walk out of the mind and into the physical, and I commit myself to dedicate myself to apply myself in self-honesty in every moment of every breath, to change myself into someone who lives what is best for all and so the decision to trust myself – in/as walking process
I commit myself to let go of all fears and beliefs that I can’t trust myself to walk process absolutely – within seeing, realizing and understanding that this is simply a decision I make in every moment of every breath and that I make every time I ‘fall’ until I am simply standing here in/as self-trust as who I am.
Give yourself the daily gift of reading the blogs from Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk!