The Good Human is Pure Evil: DAY 116

September 21, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

PROD 001 1024x653 The Good Human is Pure Evil: DAY 116“What is the Flaw of Human Rationality? It pretends not to see the Horror and Death at the End of the Schemes it Builds.” – Cosmopolis

This is in continuation to:

The Secret Mind Cover-Up Character: DAY 115

Discussions as the Battle between Good and Evil: DAY 114

Oops, You Missed a Spot! DAY 112

Bad Cop vs. Pure Evil: DAY 111

Staff Sargent F.E.A.R Thomsen: DAY 110

Wrestling Imaginary Alligators of the Mind: DAY 109

Becoming a Person of Integrity: DAY 102

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to approach myself/my process/my relationship with myself from a starting-point of speaking to myself in my mind (as backchat) and acting according to this backchat in deliberately ‘pulling myself together’ through which I will constrict my body, clench my fists and jaw and straighten myself like a solider, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

Because I see, realize and understand that I have within and as that moment, stepped into the ‘contain/control myself as evil’ character through which I believe that I must/can/should control and contain myself – as for example in acting in self-interest, addictions or secret mind fantasies that I’ve judged as ‘amoral’ – where I have assumed a character of ‘strength’ and ‘assertiveness’ like a solider preparing for battle, but where my assertiveness and strength is not real, because it is a character that I have deliberately assumed through entering into/accessing a specific energetic experience and not a self-directive expression and as such, I see, realize and understand that I cannot assert myself within and as a decision to stop a particular behavior or personality through this control/contain character, because I within and as it am judging/suppressing/fighting/fearing and making myself inferior to that which I perceive as ‘lurking in the shadows of my mind’ as ‘the evil/monster within me’ and as such are separating myself from myself as the monster within and as me, through attempting to resist it and push it away, instead of actually directing myself to understand who I am as this monster and why and how I am accepting and allowing myself to let this ‘monster/evil’ within be the directive principle over and as me. So I see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to step into the control/contain character, I am in fact doing nothing but providing a cover-up/cop-out for myself the secret mind, believing that ‘it’ is something separate from me that is dangerous and that I must repel and exorcise in/through fear and thus in fact only abdicate myself further to/as this secret mind entity that I’ve separated myself from/into/as – instead of facing, forgiving and embracing myself directly in and as it, in self-honesty and self-responsibility

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to want to ‘eradicate’ a part of myself through shoving it away, pushing it away, dismiss it and ‘get rid of it’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

I see, realize and understand that I within wanting to get rid of a part of myself, am in fact doing the exact opposite of taking self-responsibility and that ‘who I am’ within and as that is an imposed morally superior character based on judgments/ideas/opinions/beliefs through which I am in fact compounding and covering up that which I am attempting to annihilate from/as myself – exactly as how wars are manifested in the world that is supposed to bring peace but only brings more violence and that does in fact support the creation of peace on earth, but only more violence but through which the violence is made justified and as such is covered up

I commit myself to stop fighting myself as the secret mind and I commit myself to stop judging myself as the secret mind and I commit myself to stop separating myself from myself as the secret mind and I commit myself to instead face and embrace myself directly in/as the secret mind, through self-honesty in practically in/through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application where I bring all parts of/as the secret mind out into the open here so that I can direct myself and take responsibility for myself as the secret mind and accordingly direct myself to stand up within/as what is best for all

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience of fear towards exposing myself/being exposed as ‘who I am’ within/as the secret mind and where I will do anything to cover-up and avoid being exposed – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity

I see, realize and understand that I have not in fact feared myself as ‘the evil/monster inside of me’ but that I have only feared being caught as that and as such that I would not be able to continue living/existing as the secret mind as the ‘evil/monster inside myself’ because I would be faced with the consequences and thus as long as I keep ‘who I am’ secret I have believed that I could avoid the consequences of who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become and exist as exactly as everyone is hiding who they in fact are at all costs to avoid prosecution and the consequences of being caught – through which the law system has in fact served exactly like my control and contain character in perpetuating, compounding and justifying who we are within and as the secret mind and not to in fact understand the consequences of our actions and who and what we accept and allow ourselves to be and exist as and as such change and align ourselves with/within/as what is best for all – because to do that we must expose who we are and embrace who we are in fact in self-honesty so that we can forgive ourselves and thus release ourselves from the ‘spell’ we’ve placed ourselves under/into/as

evil mind wallpaper by nukuzu d53h29j 1024x640 The Good Human is Pure Evil: DAY 116And I see, realize and understand that through accepting myself in/as the secret mind, specifically as secret and thus with a bunch of characters that I have created/invented to cover-up/cover for the secret mind, I am directly and indirectly responsible for the secret mind’s dominion on/over this entire earth, where the truth of ourselves lurks in the shadows as civil wars that no one hears about except for the people suffering because of it, as exploitation of people for profit and as the immense abuse of animals that happens behind closed doors and that we are all well aware of, but where we portray happy farm animals on our milk cartoons and present meat clean and with the blood washed off so that we can pretend that we are not a part of – or responsible for or creating the brutality and abuse that is being perpetuated on this earth – exactly like it is the same men who go home to sing to their children in their ‘nice homes’ who will go to some outskirt of the earth and have sex with children or how people will become trapped in the addiction to porn because through it they believe they must hide themselves to not be exposed as the evil they accept and allow within and as them

I commit myself to expose and show the secret mind and to show how it is absolutely vital that we bring the secret mind out into the open and expose the fake and deliberate characters that we’ve placed as cover-up/covering for the secret mind because the secret mind is currently who we are as what we’re accepting and allowing to be the undercurrent that is governing this world through/within/as secrecy and until we uncover what we have deliberately covered up we can’t change ourselves or what is here in and as this world

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as a belief and experience that I am evil and that I am the only evil person on earth and that everyone else is ‘good’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

Because I see, realize and understand that I have created myself into and as a separate individual part and have as all created everyone into and as separate individual parts that believe that what they experience has nothing to do with everyone else and that through this I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and justify that ‘what I accept and allow in/as/through my mind in the secrecy of my private personal reality, stays in and as my mind in and as my private personal secret reality’ – so that I could in fact continue living/existing/acting in self-deception as deliberate abuse in denial of the consequence that my acceptance of/as myself has on everything/everyone all of existence

And I see, realize and understand that I’ve created a world system of/as a cover-up/covering for – as a veil of ‘civilization’, ‘meaning’, ‘benevolence’, ‘justice’ – exactly as within/as my own mind, through which I’ve hidden/suppressed/contained my true nature as humanity – as pure evil defined as the self-interest to deliberately abuse through deliberately denying the consequence of my creation as my responsibility – and so as I’ve believed my own lie, I have created a friction/conflict within and as myself between the reality of myself as that which I have kept secret and the cover-up of pretending that ‘everything is fine’ and ‘as it should be’ that I knew was a lie

I see, realize and understand that in every moment of participation where I brush off a point within and as myself that I see has consequences for others/the world and simply deny/ignore/suppress it within and as myself, I am literally and directly compounding a world system that is based on a lie that we have deliberately invented and agreed to lie by – those of us who are so ‘fortunate’ to be able to do so because we’re not directly and obviously faced with the physical, practical consequences of who and what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become – through which we’ve continued pretending that who we are and what we accept and allow has no consequences

I see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow myself to fight myself as the mind within and as separating myself from/as/within/into the mind in creating a morally superior character through which I judge/annihilate and suppress myself, I am directly responsible for, compounding and creating a world system with thousands of charity organizations and activists movements and religious/spiritual movements that “fight for peace/justice” and that has absolutely no effect but only perpetuate the self-deception and the consequences even further, through placing oneself in opposition to the system and as such as inferior to the system as well as superior to the system, and where we are ‘fighting’ ‘evil’ in the world without any result whatsoever because we are separating ourselves from the origin of evil which is ourselves and are thus only fueling the point even further by accepting ourselves as inferior in matching an ‘evil monster’ of superiority through which we are in fact confirming the authority of evil and abuse and are also justifying our own self-abdication and self-responsibility as the creators of the evil and abuse in the world instead of standing one and equal with/as/within the system and direct the system accordingly to create a world and a self that is best for all, through taking responsibility for all parts and manifestations that are here on earth as our own creation

I see, realize and understand that for me to change myself, I must stand equal to who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become AS the monster and that only by embracing/facing/forgiving myself AS the monster – can I change

I commit myself to equalize myself with/as all parts of manifestation in/as this reality/world as myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and as such enable myself, point by point, breath by breath, to take responsibility for the totality of the creation of what is here as myself as all

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as a belief/self-judgment/self-definition of myself as ‘having a tendency to give in/give up’ to the mind in/as specific patterns/experiences/addictions/behaviors as an ‘evil’ that I ‘can’t shake off’ or as something that ‘is within me, that is not me’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

tumblr m4ufz872Y91romho9o1 1280 1024x654 The Good Human is Pure Evil: DAY 116Because I see, realize and understand that giving into/giving up to the mind is not a ‘personal tendency’ or ‘personal weaknesses’, nor is it a global ‘evil’ like the devil that is within me – because it is who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become since the inception of myself as a separate individualized entity and for all ‘intends and purposes’ it is ‘who I am’ and thus I see, realize and understand that by creating the mind, I had already abdicated myself to it and so it is not in fact ‘a tendency’ but in fact ‘who I am’ as who and what I’ve accepted myself as and who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to stand equal to – and therefore I see, realize and understand that there is no ‘fight’ or ‘battle between good and evil’ going on because ‘good and evil’ are two sides of the same coin and ‘the battle’ is that through which I as a mind generate energy from the physical to sustain myself and thus to sustain my own self-abdication of myself as life, through which I am in fact annihilating myself as life, which is evident by the process of death and which is evident within and as the manifestation of this world as a whole – where we in order to get THE MOST out of life, are in fact annihilating ourselves as life.

I see, realize and understand that I have deliberately created ‘good’ and ‘evil’ so that I could justify myself in and as an illusion of ‘fighting for the good’ and thus I see, realize and understand that when I give in/give up to the mind, I justify myself as a victim to evilness and make the excuses that ‘I fought for the good, but the evil was too strong’ when in fact I’ve already decided ‘who I am’ which is self-abdication and separation of myself as life, into and as a figment of imagination as the mind through which I live out my desire for energies and experiences

I commit myself to stop, let go of and release the idea/belief/experience/acceptance and self-judgment that I have a tendency to ‘fall for’ the mind – and I commit myself to stand clear within and as the realization that who I am is the mind and the mind is who I am and that whatever I experience and participate within and as is 100 % my own responsibility and creation

I commit myself to stop all definitions/experiences/ideas/beliefs about myself as ‘good’ and ‘evil’

I commit myself to develop self-trust within/as myself through consistent application and pushing for absolute self-honesty within/as myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and I commit myself to through this development of self-trust and self-integrity through consistency, stand up as life, to walk out of the mind and into the physical, and I commit myself to dedicate myself to apply myself in self-honesty in every moment of every breath, to change myself into someone who lives what is best for all and so the decision to trust myself – in/as walking process

I commit myself to let go of all fears and beliefs that I can’t trust myself to walk process absolutely – within seeing, realizing and understanding that this is simply a decision I make in every moment of every breath and that I make every time I ‘fall’ until I am simply standing here in/as self-trust as who I am.

Give yourself the daily gift of reading the blogs from Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk!

 The Good Human is Pure Evil: DAY 116

 

Fear of making mistakes – Self-Forgiveness and Realizations

April 7, 2012 in Anna's Process Blog

IMGA0547 3 640x480 Fear of making mistakes   Self Forgiveness and RealizationsIn this Self-Forgiveness I walk through the point of the fear of making a mistake and the fear I have experienced in being corrected/directed by another when having made a mistake. Through walking this writing, I realized a secret mind point of seeing what it exactly was I feared making a mistake – which in fact was in reverse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and go into and as an experience of anxiety and nervousness when a point is being directed towards me in which I am directed to correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my reaction of nervousness and anxiety of being directed by another to change/correct myself on memories of having been yelled at and corrected in perceiving myself as having done something wrong

I forgive myself that I, when my grandmother yelled at me when I played with her radio after she had told me not to, accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and go into an as an experience of shock, anxiety and nervousness and that I from that created an automated reaction, so that whenever another corrects me, I experience anxiety and nervousness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have done something wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing something wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and accept myself as wrong when I perceive myself as having done something wrong in making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that doing something wrong, means that I am wrong

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be directed/corrected by another, without accessing an experience of anxiety and nervousness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that doing something wrong, does not mean that I, in my beingness am wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as and create and manifest an energetic experience , when being corrected by another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to correct others based on my belief that it is wrong to make mistakes and that making mistakes is wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others when one makes a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is unacceptable to make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I make a mistake and do something wrong that I will be rejected excluded and exposed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am supposed to live and exist without making mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having my self-image of being capable, responsible and good scattered through being exposed by another for/as/within making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that every mistake can possibly be my last

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that all mistakes can possibly be the end of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I make a mistake and if another exposes my mistake and corrects me, it means that I am not good enough, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that mistakes exist for me to correct myself and be grateful for the support of another in assisting me and supporting me to see where I have made a mistake so that I can simply correct myself accordingly

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that mistakes are not personal and as such not to be taken personally as that is seeing the mistake and myself in it in a separate relationship to and with myself as ego, where I from morality value and evaluate myself as either good or bad, right and wrong instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that mistakes are practical, physical events that are unaligned to what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that a mistake is a practical miss-take, where I have missed what was required to be done, because I was not effectively Here in seeing all points and what is best for all and that as such the making of mistakes is me assisting myself in seeing where I require to correct and align myself to what is best for al

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist submitted, subjected and enslaved to fear of making mistakes

I forgive myself that I, in having accepted and allowed myself to exist submitted, subjected and enslaved to fear of making mistakes, have believed that I could avoid making mistakes and as such avoid experiencing the fear and as such avoid the consequences of making mistakes as I fear to be rejected, excluded and exposed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can and must control myself so as to not make mistakes and prevent myself from making mistakes, when in fact what I attempt controlling is preventing myself from feeling the experience of fear of making mistake and the consequential judgment of myself when I do make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can and must control others from making mistakes, in the belief and judgment that it is wrong, bad and unacceptable to make mistakes, when in fact what I have attempted to control is avoiding my own fear and judgment of making mistakes and the consequential judgment of myself when making mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through, within and as fear of making mistakes, in not allowing myself to direct myself and deliberately not act to prevent myself from experiencing fear of making mistakes and the consequential judgment of myself when making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have created, manifested and participated in and as a belief and judgment that it is wrong, bad and unacceptable to make mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my fear of making mistakes and the subsequent experience of feeling bad on memories of my experience of myself in the past where I made a mistake and someone corrected me.

SELF-CORRECTION

Re-definition “Mistake”

Current allocation/understanding of the word mistake. I experience an instant energetic reaction to the word “mistake” – I experience it as a “jump” within me in and as an experience of anxiety, like “oh no”. I can see in my participation in my own mistakes and others that I largely experience that mistakes are “unacceptable” – obviously “unacceptable” in others because I have accepted it as “unacceptable” for me to make mistakes. I have defined a mistake as doing something wrong in a judgment of myself and in an energetic experience of anxiety when it is pointed out to me that I have made a mistake. I connect making a mistake to having done something wrong and being “caught”.

Dictionary definition:

mistake

n   noun something which is not correct; an inaccuracy. Øan act or judgement that is misguided or wrong.

n   verb (past mistook; past participle mistaken) be wrong about. Ø(mistake someone/thing for) wrongly identify someone or something as.

 

DERIVATIVES

mistakable (also mistakeable) adjective

mistakably (also mistakeably) adverb

 

ORIGIN

Middle English (as verb): from Old Norse mistaka ‘take in error’, probably influenced in sense by Old French mesprendre.

Sounding:

MISSED-TAKE

MY-STAKE

Realizations:

It is interesting that making a mistake can both be an action and a judgment call that is “misguided” and “wrong”. I can definitely also see that there within my relationship with the word mistake is an energetic reaction of judgment + anxiety towards the word “wrong” – so the “mistake” is the manifestation/exposure of the wrong. Thus there is an innate acceptance of myself as “wrong” and fearing to be exposed/caught as “wrong”. That is what is at “stake” – me being exposed as being “wrong” or “bad”. I experience myself in that context as waiting for that moment of making a mistake through which I will exposed – it is thus also why the experience of “getting caught” as in corrected by another is what scares me the most. So what it also means is that my trust and confidence in myself is unstable as I experience it can be exposed at any moment. I have experienced that being “good” and “right” is something unnatural for me that I strategically have learned and taught myself in order to function effectively in society – I have furthermore taken this point personally instead of seeing that there is no such thing as “right” and in believing there was and in not seeing myself as such, I have allowed myself to believe and accept myself as “wrong”. I have even perfected this to the point of being able to live most of the time in this self-constructed “rightness – LOL – I wrote “rightmess” -  because that is what it is: the mess inside me of constantly having to fight myself to be “right” – learn the rules, play by the rules, do what others expect of me. I realize now that this is not personally and that many people must have experienced this in one way or another or at least recognizing the deliberate act of strategically molding oneself to fit in, while doing it based on a self-dishonesty. So it is my self-dishonesty I have feared being exposed within – because behind the self-dishonesty, is a being that has no moral. I am a being without moral – why? Because morality does not exist. Morality is a hoax. So – a missed-take is a moment where I did not effectively guard myself to act in secrecy as “who I really am” and thus risk getting caught and exposed. Another point is that there are also other types of mistakes, like knocking something down from a table. I have experienced the same reaction towards such a point, though here it is not about protecting my secret self, but about defining myself through judgment and morality as supposed to “move gracefully” for instance – and since spirituality and Desteni for example, supposed to move a certain way in the world that is not of harm for others and thus myself. So if I knock something off the table, I have acted carelessly and clumsy (and being in the mind) all of which is true. Because if I am here, constant, stable, considering all, I do not knock anything down. However – it is not a judgment point. So that is what I require purifying: the judgment and personal relationship towards making the mistake. What I can also see happens through this, is that I do not in fact see or correct the actual point, that I for example was participating in the mind and thus knocked a glass of the table – because all I am experiencing is judgment towards myself and fear as being exposed. This also mean that I have created an ideal-self and an expectation of myself to act in a certain way based on judgment, morality and ego. Ego in this case, is thus the “successful” manifestation of myself as a single personality that is able to function in society, be nice and caring and considering to others and that I have not wanted to let go of, because I have invested years in creating and perfecting this personality and because I fear losing my footing in society when/if I let it go. I “need” it – because without it, I am moral-less, a savage. So that is the “real me” that I have feared facing through the act of making a mistake and in the correction of others. So once again it is about survival, but it is about survival from the perspective of having to maintain a certain personality at all times that at any moment can crack and I will be exposed.

I redefine a “mistake” as a missed moment – within the consequential outflow as indicated in practical reality of a point being unaligned (the glass falling and breaking) through which I can see that I am mis-aligned and require re-aligning myself. Mistakes happen – yet I am responsible for the mistake. It is acceptable to make a mistake, because that moment/point was already unaligned which is why the mistake happen. What is thus not acceptable is to not correct/direct the mistake.

A mistake is the manifested consequence of a missed moment – In making a mistake I give myself the gift of seeing that a point within and as me is unaligned and the opportunity to correct and align myself to what is best for all.

Mistakes are manifested when I act or make a judgment call without taking all and everything into consideration. Through the manifestation of the mistake, I can thus bring the point back to myself and see what specific point I did not take into consideration and as such which point I separated myself from, within and as.

I realize that it is impossible to not make mistakes and that if I cannot accept the fact that mistakes are made, by myself or others, I cannot effectively direct myself to see what the background for the mistake is and thus correct it. By judging myself for making mistakes, I am allowing myself to continue to make mistakes because I am pushing myself, as the mistake away, saying “I want nothing to do with you.” – While in fact the mistake is a signal to myself that a point requires my immediate attention, because the mistake is a manifested consequence of a point being unaligned.

When and as I see that I have made a mistake, I stop, I breathe. I accept the fact that I have made the mistake and I look at the point the mistake is indicating that is unaligned – where I have not considered all and everything in that moment.

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