Drowning out the Sound of Self with the Noise of the Mind: DAY 172

February 17, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

Silence Drowning out the Sound of Self with the Noise of the Mind: DAY 172In this blog I am writing out the final self-forgiveness statements on the series about the mind-movement character and in the following blogs I will write out the final self-corrective statements. Subsequently I will begin a new series about relationships. So stay tuned.

For context of what I will be walking, here are the points I’ve walked so far beginning with an introductory post where I laid out the components of the mind-movement character:

SELF-FORGIVENESS

Memory – The 2 minute key chain

I was placed on a chair in my kindergarten by an adult and instructed to remain seated while producing a key chain through twining threads. To me this was the most boring and horrible experience and the memory were burned into my brain as profound

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to when and as I was asked by a kindergarten teacher to sit down and make a key chain, to experience this as a punishment and that I had to sit down because they did not like me

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to as soon as I even heard that I had to sit down, to experience anxiety and discomfort within and as myself and an experience of physical irritation as feeling jittery when I saw my friends moving about and I experienced fear of missing out which was actually me resisting being here with and within my own physical body in stillness and silence as that which I was ‘running’ from as I had decided to stay in constant ‘movement’.

Memory – Quiet time for Mom

then also my mom would instill ‘quiet time’ which literally comprised of me having to keep my mouth shut and be still for 5 minutes. I barely lasted that long.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to when and as my mom told me to be quiet to take it personally and react as though I was bad and not good enough because of my ‘lively’ expression – which was actually a cover up for the fact that I feared being silent, being still because I knew that within and as silence and stillness I would face myself as the darkness of my human physical body and that was what I was running away from

Memory – ‘drowning out’ the sound of silence

As an older child, I was shit scared of laying alone in the dark to fall asleep and my mom had to sit by me and read to me. Eventually she set a cassette recorder next to my bed and had me listen to music and audio tapes with children’s stories. I ‘required’ constant mind stimulation and distraction to not have to feel and be with myself in the darkness of myself inside myself. Because I had come to interpret that as a prison – a bodily prison I could not escape.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of fear towards laying in bed at night in silence and darkness because that darkness and silence reminded me of that first reaction to the darkness and silence of being inside my physical body and how I reacted to the fact that I could not move myself out of my body or away from the reactions I was experiencing – which ultimately is what brought me to fantasizing at night before I went to sleep, creating an incubator for backchat

fear  being alone by ladylarks Drowning out the Sound of Self with the Noise of the Mind: DAY 172I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be petrified of being alone at night in the darkness and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to come up with ideas about witches and monsters that I would fear when in fact what I feared was nothing but the silence and darkness of myself – it was in fact nothing but myself I feared

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to insist that I need to have my mom sitting by myself when I am about to fall asleep and when my mom refused to sit there I insisted to have audio cassettes to fall asleep to, to have constant and continuous sound and noise drowning out the silence of my own beingness instead of pushing myself to embrace myself and face myself and investigate the experience of fear I have towards silence and darkness inside myself – all of which has now become automated through the processes of back chat and imagination

Memory – Making everyone dizzy and being proud of it

in elementary school where I was to upgrade to the next level in the 7. Grade and all the kids got a letter from the teacher about their personality; they wrote about me that they never knew where I was because I was constantly tumbling around on the move making everyone dizzy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘mind-movement character’ that I have created a point of positive identification towards where I have experienced pride towards being someone that is constantly moving around as I now have come to cement and substantiate that this is who I am and who I identify myself as

The adult operationalization of the Mind-Movement Character

This then developed into a want/need/desire for constant speed and action and mind-movement in my life. When I say mind-movement I am referring both to moving myself within the mind in terms of thinking and generating emotional experiences but also in relation to externalizing the mind-movement in seeking out energetic experiences through the physical reality, such as for example when doing drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as I accepted and allowed myself to develop and identify myself as a ‘moving’ character to develop the character even further where I developed a desire and need for constant movement and speed – where from a survival mechanism that was a reaction to fear I made it into a positive character for example through actively participating in imagination and visualization where I became completely obsessed with being part of the world and having experiences and basically turning myself inside out

Life is ‘living in the world’ – the world is ‘other people’ – therefore ‘life’ is living in other people

I defined ‘life’ as ‘living in the world’ – specifically in relationships with others as well as the world as noise and consumption and speaking and acting in and as personalities. Meaning, I completely misinterpreted what life is. I did in no way consider that Life is the physical or nature or myself or my human physical body.

4159633736 bcfd0fc569 z Drowning out the Sound of Self with the Noise of the Mind: DAY 172I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define, value and experience ‘life’ as ‘being in the world’ and ‘being part of the world’ specifically as going out and moving oneself in the system specifically turning myself inside out and only ever focusing on what is outside of me and what comes in from the outside and not what is inside of me

Making Mind-Movement into a Religion

We come to justify and create religions around our own inner mental prisons. I began believing that the physical was a prison, an illusion and that the only thing that was real was my mind. It gave me the perfect excuse to completely deny and disregard my body and pretend like it did not exist. I saw it as a dense, heavy mass of mistakes and regret that could not be changed and that had to be cast and discarded like a snake changing its skin. I saw it as something beautiful.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make mind-movement into a religion where I have made my entire life about turning myself inside out and focusing on everything that is outside myself and putting things and experiences back into myself and not at all or in any way remain inside myself

The return to Darkness is the road to Hell

And so in returning to the darkness of myself is not to return to some blissful state of being. Because it is within that also the clear-cut, sharply bright realization of the prison I – as all – have created for/as/in myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how what I am fearing – what I’ve feared all my life is in fact the return of myself to myself, to the darkness and silence of my human physical body that I’ve attempted to run away from my entire life, not seeing, realizing or understanding how it is me — and how I’ve been here all along and how what I’ve been avoiding to face all along is the responsibility of directing myself, of deciding who I am and of within that embracing myself in realizing that I am the one that decides who I am – which also means that I can change myself

(In the next post I will continue with self-corrective statements.)

FREE Interviews and E-books:

Join us at Desteni, support is available on forum on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Check out the New FREE course from Desteni: Desteni I Process Lite.

 Drowning out the Sound of Self with the Noise of the Mind: DAY 172

Consumer Zombie Survival Tips: How To Ressurect Your Happiness Machine: DAY 169

January 29, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

IMAG0472 001 879x1024 Consumer Zombie Survival Tips: How To Ressurect Your Happiness Machine: DAY 169A couple of days ago, my partner and I went to the bed-supply store to get new cover mattresses for our bed. The reason being that I am allergic to dust and for the last few months I’ve woken up every morning with allergies. And since we bought our bed second hand I have wanted to buy new mattresses to see if this could assist with my allergies. Now – before getting to the part about how to perform CPR on our inner consumer zombies how and bring ourselves back to life, there is one point I’d like to share. But if you can’t wait, I’ve placed a suggestion at the bottom of the post.

I’ve always had simplistic beds, a box mattress or something. Now we’ve upgraded to a ‘grown up’ bed. And apparently it is not enough with a bed frame and a mattress. No sir, you need cover mattresses and even covers for those mattresses because as the lady in the store explained, they prefer if you don’t wash them. So we got those. And then you need one set of sheets for the bottom mattress and another special kind of sheet for your new top mattress. And there are 17.000 different kinds of sheets and mattresses and I’ve actually looked around in the store on several previous occations where I got so totally confused by all these different sheets and mattresses that I left. But not this time.

And we don’t even have all the other kinds of fancy stuff that I’ve seen in American movies with bedspreads and bedposts and pillows you never use but put up and down the bed constantly and this little wall behind the bed I don’t get the purpose of. Phew.

And you know what? This is all one big bed-product scam. Who the fuck needs all these sheets and specialized mattresses to fit the right sheets? No one. Besides those who profit from it. The bed-product-scam-artists. That’s who. I would really enjoy being able to have one mattress with one sheet but I do get the point to a certain extent of who everyone’s needs are different and how it is cool to be able to wash the top mattress if it gets dirty. But still. It is a little overkill on the bed-product-inventions. Now you can’t even buy bedding without having to have a Ph.D. in the different kinds of linen that exist. And of course I got the wrong one. I could get three of the corners of one of the sheets I bought to fit, but the fourth corner just wouldn’t stick to the mattress. Luckily for me I bought two sheets.And as such is the modern day fairytale of the princess on the pea. It’s all about the money.

Anyways – back to the survival tips for consumer zombies:

So as we were in the shop and had gotten our stuff, in a smash-and-grab find of fashion, I happened to walk by the duvet-cover section of the store, which happened to be located right next to the check-out counter and therefore hard to miss, not unlike the candy section in the supermarkets. And there they were all the pretty little duvet-covers and pillow-covers. Oh my! In all colors and even a special Easter selection in oranges and yellows. I was smitten. As a matter of fact I had felt the desire for the duvet-covers even before we left for the store, but I am only realizing that now that I am bearing my confession here. So I came to the stop to buy bed products (which I needed at a practical level because of my allergies) and I felt an ‘urge’ to buy duvet covers (Which I did not practically need as we already have fully functional duvet covers, albeit in different colors).

I bought the duvet covers and as we were walking out of the shop I realized that I had, as I looked at the covers, (which I realize now was even before I ever saw them) I had seen an image of my bed with the covers on in the future, as though buying these duvet covers would provide me with a totally new life or life experience, the duvet covers representing a ‘perfect life’ with ‘perfect duvet covers’, like DUH! Lol. So I applied self-forgiveness as we walked home as I have been writing about my ‘money character’ over the last few months in my Danish blog, I’ve realized how extensively we are affected by advertisements. Because check it: Somewhere along the way I’ve seen that commercial over and over, you know the commercial or the billboard ad with the perfectly made bed and the perfect couple laughing with perfect white teeth. But then as I applied self-forgiveness I realized that the duvet covers are simply duvet covers, something that serves a practical purpose and thus if I am buying it to get an experience or a better life, then I am buying a lie. I am literally paying money to life on a lie.

I’ll share here some of the self-forgiveness that I’ve written in my Danish blog that I’ve translated to give further perspective on this point.

I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself not to see, realize and understand how I have embedded the images I’ve seen in commercials and ads into me through fantasies where I’ve created desire and a want to have what I think is in the advertising image, like seeing a happy couple on a beach, for example, as though it is a real image of a real couple while the image is in fact connected to certain fantasies through suggestive impulses such as words, that people then integrate into themselves or try to squeeze themselves into the image and thus I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to believe that I can actually push myself into advertising images and therefore have been disappointed and feel inferior when I cannot like I don’t fit the image – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the reason why I can’t fit into an image is because I am alive and real in the flesh while the image is a picture as a snapshot and a still that is not actually alive

IMAG0470 002 879x1024 Consumer Zombie Survival Tips: How To Ressurect Your Happiness Machine: DAY 169And I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to believe that the only way I can get that which the picture represents, as a fantasy or a dream, is by buying the product the image is advertising for and thus I forgive myself for have allowed and accepted myself to have allowed me to be controlled 100% by the suggestiveness of the advertising images I see to such an extent that I no longer notice how I do not buy the products I buy from free will but only from the fantasies based on advertising images I have seen as I have simply integrated these into me without even being aware of what I am doing

I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself secretly desire to have an elitist life with lots of money and it comes with having lots of money as expensive cars, clothes and food, and I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to secretly fantasize about being rich and how being rich would change my perception of myself and how wonderful life would be if I were rich

I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to believe that having money would make me happy and would change me as a person because I have believed that the pictures I’ve seen that would become reality if I just bought the products and thus I could get the life that I saw in the pictures, instead of seeing, realize and recognize that the images simply played on my fantasies and my fantasies used the images to be stimulated but none of it was real

I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to have created a fantasy of seeing my partner and I (a fantasy partner that looks like a tall dark haired business man) comes out of a big car in a parking space at a supermarket where I also look like a completely different person, a tall dark-haired supermodel woman – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that if only I had enough money I would be able to live the fantasy out – instead of actually stop and slow down inside me and see, realize and understand that this fantasy is based on a picture that I have seen in an add mingled with an actual memory where I was standing at a supermarket and saw a couple like those in the image in my head who displayed the attitude I saw and the clothes they had on and so thought was happy advertising picture people

Thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how I wanted the image-fantasy to be real, so I superimposed it onto the couple I saw on the parking lot coming out of the car and thus only saw what I wanted to see in a snapshot moment that I then integrated into me and used to fuel the fantasy of becoming rich while I did not in any way take the time to look at or observe the real human beings – all I saw was my fantasy

And within this, I also forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that just because there are people who are able to copy the images from the advertisements – does not mean that the people from the advertisements and thus their perfect life, really exist – because the people who are able to copy such ads are only seen as snapshots too, for example in the supermarket parking lot – which means that one does not see them in their everyday life, which even for the richest person on the planet – is not pretty or picture perfect

I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself not to see, understand and understand that there is absolutely no connection between the images and fantasies and actually lives like there’s no connection is between purchasing products to achieve the life that is shown a picture – it’s all a big lie.

So how to stop being a consumer zombie? Next time you feel the ‘urge’ to buy a product, stop for a moment and have a look inside yourself: did an image pop up in your mind right before the urge came up, where you saw yourself in the future with the product + connected to an energetic experience of for example ‘happiness’ or ‘freedom’ or ‘adventure’ or ‘comfort’ or ‘success’? Then you can have a look at where you’ve seen this image before, for example in an advertisement. Realize that you’ve integrated that image into your mind and have connected the image to the product to the expectation of a certain experience, which is what makes you want to buy the product. Also remind yourself how, as soon as you’ve bought the product it becomes ‘part of you’ or part of your life and soon loses its promise of a new life experience. Then also realize that the only one thing that can change how you experience yourself is yourself. Advertisers prey on our addiction to images because that’s what we pay them for. To sell us a lie. Then one can simply change one’s relationship to buying products to a practical one of considering what one requires in the moment and whether it is best to purchase a certain product. Simplistic. For more support and perspectives join us at the Desteni forum.  For extended context to the point of what it means to be a consumer zombie and how we’ve become consumer zombies, I recommend watching the Century of the Self documentary.

Join us at Desteni, support is available on forum on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Check out the New FREE course from Desteni: Desteni I Process Lite.

 

 

 

 

 

Sex Trafficking will END in Equal Money Capitalism: DAY 168

January 25, 2013 in Equal Money Blog

sex trafficking 819x1024 Sex Trafficking will END in Equal Money Capitalism: DAY 168Sex trafficking is really just a fancy word for slavery specialized in sex. It is not new, it has been happening since the beginning of mankind. It is happening because of who we have allowed ourselves to become. Now it is time to stop. And to stop sex trafficking, we got to stop and change who we are as humanity.

In the previous blog post we discussed migrant domestic workers. In this blog post we will discuss another phenomenon that, to some extent, has been created through globalization and that has to do with migratory movements around the globe. As information technology has developed and borders have opened up through commercialization it has become easier to travel from country to country. As such we have especially over the last two decades increasingly heard about the phenomenon of sex trafficking. However – it is only at the surface level that globalization as we know it today is the cause. Because people have enslaved and trafficked other people since the beginning of mankind. It is simply easier and cheaper now.

What is Sex Trafficking?

Sex trafficking is much more widespread and common than most people are aware of. It happens in all countries around the globe. Sex trafficking is when a vulnerable person (often a young girl or boy) is being moved from one place to another by an abuser either unwillingly or through being deceived and manipulated or made dependent upon the abuser – and thus by force – for the purposes of being sold for sex, most often to men in Europe or America, but also in Latin America, Australia, Africa and Asia.

More explicitly child trafficking is defined in Article 3 (a) of the UN Protocol to Prevent, Suppress and Punish Trafficking in Persons, especially Women and Children (adopted by the UN General Assembly Resolution 55/25 of November 15, 2000) as “… the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harbouring or receipt of persons, by means of the threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability or of the giving or receiving of payments or benefits to achieve the consent of a person having control over another person, for the purpose of exploitation”, and where “Exploitation shall include, at a minimum, the exploitation of the prostitution of others or other forms of sexual exploitation, forced labour or services, slavery or practices similar to slavery, servitude or the removal of organs.”

To show how widespread and diverse sex-trafficking is, here are examples of the various types of sex-trafficking that occurs today all over the world of every minute of every day. I’ve added loads of links to documentaries and articles on each topic so that those interested in getting more insight into sex-trafficking can do so.

Before continuing I will here share some important educational material from the Eqafe team on sex that will place the question of why sexual trafficking exists into full context:

human trafficking 1024x731 Sex Trafficking will END in Equal Money Capitalism: DAY 168SEX TRAFFICKING – THE PROBLEM:

Domestic sex trafficking

When people think of sex trafficking they often think about girls from Eastern Europe who have been lured by a pimp to be a prostitute in another country. But a new epidemic has emerged that is rapidly spreading, especially in the U.S. Vulnerable girls, often from poor areas with troubled or absent parents and even minors are lead on by older boys and men who sweet talk them with words of love and protection and material gifts such as food, jewelry and clothes. They get under the girls skin and pretend to be their boyfriends for a couple of days or weeks or however long it takes to gain the girl’s trust and emotionally manipulate her into dependency and guilt. This is a very common form of self-trafficking and it devastates these girls’ lives.

Very Young Girls is a documentary about girls often under the age of 16 who has been sex-trafficked through a pimp or boyfriend into prostitution and sexual slavery

Internet sex trafficking

In recent years, the actual buying and selling of girls has started taking place online which makes it much harder for law enforcement agencies to intervene, none the least because sex trafficking rings are trans-national. This documentary shows how the internet is the modern market place for buying and selling underage sex slaves: Child Sex Trafficking on the Internet- “Selling the Girl Next Door” Documentary. Article on how Sex traffickers reach girls via social media

Sex trafficking of children

To be clear, children are AS exposed to sex trafficking as adult women are, often more so. And here we are speaking about children from the age of newborn and until 13 -15 of age. In the documentary Empowerment or Exploitation: Life as a Sex Worker two adult women share the brutal stories of how they were sex-trafficked as children. Several impoverished countries such as Cambodia, Nepal and Romania has become known as literal child sex paradises where men from richer countries in Europe and the U.S go to have sex with young girls and boys. But even countries such as Belgium and Denmark that are supposedly highly ‘civilized’ and ‘well educated’ has had several cases of extreme sexual abuse of children including the Belgium child-sex ring that was exposed in 2002. 16 men and 2 women were arrested.  Even children placed into foster care are not safe as the following article is evidence of: Foster care sex trafficking: Pimps, labor contractors targeting youth in Florida foster care system. Another story exposes Child Sex Tourism and Child Sex Trade in Third World Countries

Despite common beliefs, sex trafficking and sex slavery does not only happen to girls and women. It also happens to boys. Boys from impoverished countries and poor areas of wealthier countries are particularly vulnerable because they are more desperate and therefore more likely to believe a stranger that offers them a new life with lots of money but also because there is no social security system, no adults that can or will take action if something happens to the boys. Even if the parents want to, they often can’t because they themselves are in dire situations. This documentary for example is about how poor boys in Afghanistan are forced to dance and have sex with men: The Dancing Boys Of Afghanistan  and this article speaks about global sex-trafficking of boys:  Male victims of sex trafficking.

When parents sell their own children

Another occurrence that has been emerging in the media over the last decades is parents who knowingly sell their children to sex traffickers or pimps. Few of these parents do so because they get sexual gratification out of it and those are mostly fathers (or mothers) in western countries, but the vast majority is poverty stricken families often with more than one child, who make the decision to sell their child to survive. Here are some of these stories:

Child Sex Ring Scandal: 5-year-old abuse victim returned to ‘pimp mother’

Parents Who Pimp Their Children

READ THE STORY OF A GIRL PROSTITUTED BY HER FATHER FROM AGE 5

Parents indicted for human trafficking – May 20, 2011

shutterstock 351113201 1024x742 Sex Trafficking will END in Equal Money Capitalism: DAY 168STOPPING SEX TRAFFICKING – THE SOLUTION

People often say when they hear about stuff like sex trafficking that “I can’t believe something like this is still happening”. Such a statement indicates that people believe that the world has changed for the better and that we are now so consciously and morally evolved that we – as humanity – no longer act in such barbaric ways. Not so. The truth of the matter is that there was not a time where we ever stopped being barbaric. We simply became better at deceiving ourselves and thereby also each other into believing that a form of civilized and moral society had been accomplished. Because obviously if you walk the streets of any western capital in the tourist areas at daytime you see a ‘perfect world’ of concrete and lights, but right beneath the surface, there are cockroaches and sex slaves.

There are two reasons why sex trafficking exists:

One is because of who we has become as humanity as greedy, self-interested people addicted to positive experiences. This is what creates the DEMAND for sexually trafficked people. The other is because of the world system we have created based on our human nature of self-interest where what rules the movement of money and resources on earth, is individual greed and self-interest. This is also why it is so difficult to stop, because the main priority of the world system is for everyone to serve their own self-interest. This system is what is responsible for the SUPPLY of sex slaves through impoverished regions with desperate people who are willing to do anything to survive and cynical handlers who will trade in people for a buck.

So – The solution to stopping sex trafficking is twofold. We require stopping the demand for sex slaves through redefining what sex is, what pleasure is, what consent and free will means. And to do that we require reeducating ourselves as humanity to stop living for our own self-interest, because it is clearly not working in the best interest of all of humanity or even for ourselves as individuals. We require a new psychology that to a greater extent can explain the patterns through which we grow up to become self-interested zombies that live to chase the next fix of feel-good-experiences.

We require a new system that is not based on everyone fighting each other to survive where some can exploit others and enslave them using promises of money. Such a system is what we are suggesting with Equal Money Capitalism. Through an Equal Money capitalistic system we can ensure that everyone can pursue their happiness but at the same time make it so that no one else is hurt in the process and that people who are vulnerable such as children, are at all times protected. Why will sex trafficking end in Equal Money Capitalism? Because we value life over profit. Because we value the life of all over the individual pleasure of some. Because we value life as equal for all.

324 1r10 indiasextrafficking 1024x682 Sex Trafficking will END in Equal Money Capitalism: DAY 168STOPPING SEX TRAFFICKING – THE REWARD

The rewards of stopping sex trafficking is that no one ever again have to be forced into sexual slavery through desperate living conditions. The reward is a real expressive sexuality that is not based on automated addictions that people can’t control and where they abuse others in the process just to get an energetic kick. And by abusing others we are also here speaking about rape of children and infants and people being sexually slaved for years without end until they are killed. Parents will no longer have to worry about their young being lured by pimps posing as boyfriends and families won’t be forced to sell their children to survive.

Because in an Equal Money Capitalistic system we will protect each other and we will protect our children and make sure that no harm comes to them. Why? Because we will change what we prioritize in life, as individual agreements with ourselves to change and at a global and national level. Consider living in a world without sexual trafficking. It is possible.  But it requires all of us to make it happen, because if we don’t change, it will continue until we do.

Other documentaries on sex trafficking

  • Lilya 4-Ever from 2002 is a movie about a young girl who becomes sex trafficked from Eastern Europe to Sweden
  • Lilet Never Happened  from 2012 is about child sex trafficking in Manila, the Philippines
  • Flesh The Movie
    From their website: “Slavery.  In the past.  Human trafficking.  Over there.  FLESH a shocking documentary, calls into question our definitions of slavery, human trafficking, and prostitution in the United States.  This is a story told by girls who have escaped and by those still enslaved.  It is told by former and current pimps.  It is told by the abolitionists of today, including numerous directors of non-profit organizations, a former U.S. Ambassador, LAPD vice and the L.A. City Task Force on Human Trafficking.
  • Cameras capture prostitutes on the streets of Los Angeles and reveal the heartbreaking reality of “The Game”. Even more compelling are the stories of these former prostitutes, who tell of the atrocious ways they were enslaved physically and psychologically.  They tell their stories of being trafficked in the U.S. and the moving stories of how they escaped.  FLESH goes behind the scenes of the third largest criminal industry that preys upon girls, whose average age of entry is twelve to fourteen.”
  • The Day My God DiedWatch on YouTube here
    From their website: “The Day My God Died is a feature-length documentary that presents the stories of young girls whose lives have been shattered by the child sex trade. They describe the day they were abducted from their village and sold into sexual servitude as, “The Day My God Died.”
  • The film provides actual footage from the brothels of Bombay, known even to tourists as “The Cages,” captured with “spy camera” technology. It weaves the stories of girls, and their stolen hopes and dreams, into an unforgettable examination of the growing plague of child sex slavery.”
  • PBS Frontline: Sex Slaves – Watch on YouTube: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
    From their website: “An undercover journey deep into the world of sex trafficking, following one man determined to rescue his wife — kidnapped and sold into the global sex trade.”
  •  Not For Sale : The Documentary
    From their website: “Based on the book Not For Sale by David Batstone, covers what modern-day abolitionists are doing to fight the rampant terrors of human trafficking in the US and abroad. Traveling over 120,000 miles across five continents, Producer and Director Robert Marcarelli and his film crew gathered undercover footage on this billion-dollar industry and interviewed the heroes that are determined to see it end. Not only does the film expose harsh realities, but it also breathes new hope into the issue by documenting the valiant work of contemporary emancipators and the practical steps they’ve taken to mount an anti-slavery movement. Stories told by the people who’ve lived them, these compelling accounts aim to inspire individuals to practical action. It’s time the world knew the realities of slavery. It’s time to spread the word that a new era for Abolitionists is at hand.”
  •  Lives for Sale
    From their website: “A one-hour investigative documentary exposes the painful, rarely seen human side of illegal immigration – including the growing black market trade in human beings”

 

 Sex Trafficking will END in Equal Money Capitalism: DAY 168

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What’s the Problem with Migrant Domestic Workers? And is there a Solution? DAY 167

January 19, 2013 in Equal Money Blog, Equal Money System, World Exposed Blog

And How is Equal Money Capitalism The Solution to stopping the Abuse?

banksy maid Whats the Problem with Migrant Domestic Workers? And is there a Solution? DAY 167Right now, in this moment, on this very day or night were you’re sitting in front of the computer reading this blog, a woman somewhere in the world is cleaning, comforting a sick child waking up at night. She gets up before dawn and goes to sleep after midnight. Her body is aching because she has been standing up all day, carrying groceries, ironing, cooking, vacuuming, and playing with children. She does this all day long, sometimes seven days per week, all year round. And no, she is not a mother. Or she could be. But she is in a strange country and if she does have children, she is away from them, sometimes their entire childhood. She does it so that she can support them; give them food on the table, an education, a future. In the very worst cases, she gets beaten, raped and tortured at a daily basis. She has her passport taken and is given a fictive debt that she can never pay off.  Her suffering is silent because the hard labor she provides is not considered actual work. It is work that women have done for thousands of years free of charge. And no, she is not a prostitute; she is a migrant domestic worker.  And there are millions of her around the world, stuffed away into houses and apartments  around the world, never to be seen or have their voices heard.

So in this blog post, we will be having a look at migrant domestic worker and ask why it is a problem, what the solution is to stopping it is and discuss how everyone, including you and me will be rewarded by stopping migrant domestic work.

Who are Migrant domestic workers?

Migrant domestic workers are most often women from what is known in academic literature as ‘the global south’.  This refers to people from the southern part of the globe, though mostly from Africa, South America and South East Asia. These women travel to ‘the global north’ to work as cleaners, nannies and housekeepers, but also to the Middle East and in particularly to Saudi Arabia, Dubai and Hong Kong.  The women often come from Bangladesh, India, the Philippines, Thailand, South America or Eastern Europe.  Some also come from Africa. Some even migrate within countries such as China, Kenya or Bolivia where women – and young girls – travel from poor rural areas to the cities to work for families that can afford servants. Sometimes children are sold as slaves to perform domestic work.

What do Migrant domestic workers do?

Migrant domestic workers work in private homes to clean, cook, be a nanny and take care of the house. Sometimes their service is extended to gardening, sexual favors or even providing cleaning to their hosts friends and families. It is not only rich or elitist people who hire migrant domestic workers. It simply depends on how extensive economic inequality there is between people from different parts of the world or even within the same country. In other words: as Global inequality increases, more and more people in the ‘Global North’ are able to afford domestic help while more and more people from the ‘Global South’ will be forced to migrate and take on jobs as domestic workers.  As economic conditions deteriorate in the south people become more desperate and find themselves forced to accept even unreasonable and unacceptable working conditions. And in many cases they will be lured with promises of fortune only to find themselves trapped in a foreign country without a passport and with a huge debt to the agency or agent that provided them with the job.

1 a a a a emp trabalho domest nos eua Whats the Problem with Migrant Domestic Workers? And is there a Solution? DAY 167So what’s the problem with migrant domestic workers?

1.  Inequality amplifies abuse

As global inequality increases and poor women are forced to migrate to work as domestic helpers, it means that their working conditions increasingly becomes more and more abusive. Because the workers is more in need of the work than the employer is of the assistance and therefore the workers can be exploited and taken advantage of because of their vulnerable situation. Their survival and often their entire family back home’s survival depends on them maintaining the job. Meanwhile their western counterparts can pick and choose between truckloads upon truckloads of migrant domestic workers and therefore the relationship between the two is extensively unequal.

2.  The private space enables abuse

At the same time, the workplace is in a private home where the domestic worker often works alone in isolation and perhaps do not even know the language of her host country. This is another factor that leaves the domestic workers vulnerable and targets of abuse. The work is not regulated by authorities and therefore standards of minimum wage and living conditions are not supervised. The families that hire domestic workers can do whatever they want in their own home, including exploit and abuse vulnerable people who are looking for a better life. Families are the root of all evil. Because where else does it start?

3.  The Care chain/Care drain problem

Some of the workers are mothers who are forced to leave their children behind to be raised by other family members or even other nannies, while their mother travels abroad to raise the children of a wealthier household. This is what has become known as the ‘care chain/care drain’ problem.  In the western countries the problem often starts with the women entering the labor force without their country having a public childcare system to make up for the women who are no longer taking care of their children and the home. The consequence of the ‘care chain/care drain’ problem is extensive in that generations of children, on both sides of the economic fence, are being raised by strangers who are taking care of them as part of a job, where their own parents are off, either because of a necessity to survive or because of a need to realize themselves.

4. Housework is not Real Work

It is highly problematic that housework and childrearing is not considered real work. Because the dynamic in the relationship between males and females have shifted so that it is no longer males who are the breadwinners of the families. Often the best chance for the family to get food on the table is for the woman to travel abroad to work as a maid or nanny. But in many countries domestic workers are not included under legal protection or employment regulations.  An example is the American the National Labour Relations Act.[2]  That protects other groups of workers, but not those performing domestic work. For the women on the wealthier side of the fence, the fact that they have stepped into the labor market as fully participating laborers have not changed any governmental actions towards supporting families significantly. Therefore some families find themselves forced to hire help, others do so as a luxury. Often women are expected to be able to handle both demanding careers in companies whose structure was designed for male workers who have a wife at home as well as being a good housewife, cook, lover and mother.

5.  Economic inequality is taken for granted

Migrant domestic work is a global problem as it is literally taking place across the globe. Migrant domestic work is also a result of increased global inequality, where the exploitation of some for the luxury lives of others is taken for granted.  In the end it is quite simply: if you would not want to be in the shoes of a domestic worker, then why would you accept it for someone else? The only explanation is that economic inequality is taken for granted. But economic inequality is not a natural occurrence or development. Because it is us as human beings who have decided and agreed to the economic systems we have today. This also means that we are all responsible, even though we would like to think we are not. That’s the bad news. The good news is that we can change. So – what’s the solution if we don’t want to have people who are exploited to do domestic work and leave their children or people who are forced to hire domestic workers because they can’t do everything at once?

domestic worker suffering Whats the Problem with Migrant Domestic Workers? And is there a Solution? DAY 167So what is the Solution?

1. Change the economic system

The most obvious solution to the problem of migrant domestic work is to change our economic and political systems. Because if the problem is born out of the current system and the way it functions based on inequality, the solution must be to change the system in its entirety – or rather the principle behind it. The solution is to create a system that does not require inequality to function. Within this we got to realize that the current economic system of free market capitalism is not the only way to live on earth. Nor is it the best solution. If it was, it would honor the principle of equal opportunity that capitalism has at the heart of its thought. Because at the moment, equal opportunity is an abstraction that has nothing to do with the real lives of real people. If someone is born into an indebted family they too are indebted, and debt can equally be in the shape of lack of education or someone having a criminal record.  Therefore a first step that is required is to make sure that equal opportunities is given from us as the people on earth to us as the people on earth. To do that we got to vote for a new way of doing this. I suggest investigating Equal Money Capitalism (EMC) as such a solution because it is the most direct, commonsensical and simplistic way to change we system we have now into a system that is sustainable in actually giving everyone equal opportunities.  You can read more about it here.

2. Reversing the need for domestic work

Within a system such as the Equal Money System with an economic model such as Equal Money Capitalism that emphasizes sustainability through equality, we can begin investigating and applying the changes that is required to stop migrant domestic work. Such a solution is to reduce and reverse the need for domestic work. This means that there is a balance for families in western and northern countries where mothers and fathers are now capable of taking care of their lives without requiring the service of someone else.  For this to be possible equalization between males and females is required. Domestic work must be the equal responsibility of the individuals living in a house, no different than taking care of one’s body.  In some homes servants are required because the home itself is simply so big that one or two people simply cannot take care of it themselves. Such cases, with people living in mansions and castles are directly due to a glorification of inequality with pompous displays of spitefulness through abundance. Both of these examples, inequality between men and women and gross displays of wealth requires a reeducation of us as people to come back to earth and practicality as both of these examples is unacceptable. So reeducation is required were people equalize themselves in realizing that they are not more or less worth than one another. A simply solution is that everyone simply cleans up after themselves. This way, very few people would want to live in a huge mansion because they would have to clean it themselves.

3. Reversing the need to migrate for work

In stopping the need for foreign domestic workers, there is a lot of people who in the current system would be without work or any opportunity and who will be stuck in poverty stricken countries with high percentages of the population being unemployed. However in an Equal Money Capitalist system a global initiative will be in place to firstly help the countries out of poverty and secondly assist them in being self-sufficient. When that is establishes the country will support its citizens with work. There will thus not be a need to travel abroad to survive and travelling will be something that one is free to do or not do as one please.

So what do you get out of it?

1. The satisfaction of being equal

When migrant domestic work is stopped, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that there are no women or children or men who are stuffed away into secret being abused and exploited as domestic workers. You will have the pleasure of knowing that all people of the earth will have the exact same opportunities as you do and if you meet someone from a foreign country in your homeland you will know that they are there because they want to be there and not because they have been trafficked or forced.  You won’t have to feel guilty in knowing that people are being exploited in other parts of the world and you won’t have to feel sad and shocked when you hear stories of the abuse that domestic workers are exposed to.

2. The satisfaction of cleaning your own house

If you are super rich or for whatever reason have a migrant domestic worker now, you won’t have that in an Equal Money Capitalist system. But you know what? Maybe you can use this as an incentive to let go of the need to always be bigger and better and show of your lifestyle. Maybe you feel trapped in that huge mansion will all that stuff and maybe your dream is to live in a simple beach hut in Thailand. Maybe you constantly worry, if you have maid, whether she will steal your stuff or even kill you in your sleep. And the guilt. The guilt with stop. And maybe for the first time in your life you will experience the utmost satisfaction it is to clean your own home in careful consideration of your own needs. If you are a career woman who had to hand your child over to a nanny who spoke a different language, you no longer have to worry about your child speaking better Tagalog or Russian than English or whatever your native language is. You will actually be able to spend time with your children, perhaps for the first time in their lives.

3.  No more abuse of domestic workers

Globally speaking we will all be rewarded by no longer accepting for people to be exploited through domestic work. No child or young girl will be forced and tricked into leaving her village to go work for strange people as a house slave. No mother has to leave her children behind so that she can be a nanny for someone else’s. No more do you as a domestic worker have to spend your days ironing, cleaning, and cooking for someone else for no pay.  People will no longer have to take desperate measures to survive or trick each other into accepting crappy jobs in foreign countries. And that is only to mention a few benefits of stopping migrant domestic work.

There are no reasons not to stop migrant domestic work and implementing an Equal Money Capitalist system. It is simply matter of doing the math.

The following is a list of sources through which you can educate yourself further on the topic of Migrant Domestic Work.

Documentaries:

Seek My Face, Hear My Voice – Domestic workers in Hong Kong

http://vimeo.com/18789698

We are Humans: Three Stories of Domestic Workers in Bolivia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXO3gID1iCI

Domestic Workers in Kenya

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMA55WpKgLk

Articles:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/52760.stm

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/may/24/domestic-workers-abuse-violence?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487

http://www.irr.org.uk/news/if-they-have-your-passport-they-have-your-life/

http://walrusmagazine.com/article.php?ref=2005.03-politics-international-labour-migration&page=

Extended References list:

Archibugi, D. (2008). The global commonwealth of citizens: toward cosmopolitan democracy. Princeton: Princeton University Press.

Castels, S. (2010). Understanding Global Migration: A Social Transformation Perspective. Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies, 36(10), 1565-1586.

Doyle, M., & Timonen, V. (2010). Migrant Care Workers’ Relationships with Care Recipients, Colleagues adn Employers. European Journal of Women’s Studies, 17(1), 25-41. Retrieved June 9, 2012, from http://ejw.sagepub.com/content/17/1/25

Fudge, J. (2011). Global Care Chains, Employment Agencies and the Conundrum of Jurisdiction: Decent Work for Domestic Workers in Canada. Canadian Journal of Women and the Law, 23(1), 235-264. Retrieved June 9, 2012, from http://papers.ssrn.com

Hochschild, A. R. (2000) “Global Care Chains and Emotional Surplus Value” in Hutton, W. and Giddens, A. (eds) On The Edge: Living with Global Capitalism, London: Jonathan Cape, p. 131

Hochschild, A. (2002). Global woman: nannies, maids and sex workers in the new economy. New York, N.Y.: Owl.

Kittay, E. F. (2010). The Global Heart Transplant and Caring across National Boundaries. The Southern Journal of Philosophy, 46(1), 138-165.

Magnusson, Charlotta (2009). Gender, Occupational Prestige, and Wages: A Test of Devaluation Theory in: European Sociological Review VOLUME 25 NUMBER 1 2009 87–101

Magnusson, Charlotta (2010). Why Is There a Gender Wage Gap According to Occupational Prestige? : An Analysis of the Gender Wage Gap by Occupational Prestige and Family Obligations in Sweden in: Acta Sociologica 2010 53: 99

Munck, R. (2008). Globalisation, Governance and Migration: an introduction. Third World Quarterly, 29(7), 1227-1246.

Nath, R. (2011). Equal Standing in The Global Community. The Monit, 94(4), 593-614.

Newland, K. (2010). The governance of international migration: mechanisms, processes and institutions. Global Governance, 16, 331-343. Retrieved June 9, 2012, from http://www.iom.int/jahia/webdav/site/myjahiasite/shared/shared/mainsite/policy_and_research/gcim/tp/TS8b.pdf

Päivänsalo, V. (2010). Responsibilities for Human Capabilities: Avoiding a Comprehensive Global Program. Human Rights Rev, 11, 565 – 579.

Sarti, R. (2010). Who cares for me?: Grandparents, nannies and babysitters caring for children in contemporary Italy. Paedagogica Historica, 46(6), 789-802.

Thicker, J. A. (2004). The Gendered Frontiers of Globalization. Globalizations, 1(1), 15 – 23.

Thomsen, A.B, (2012). The Intersectionality of Global Women – Does Gender Matter? How and When? Term paper for the course “Doing Gender”,  Stockholm University 2012

Weir, A. (2010). Global Care Chains: Freedom, Responsibility, and Solidarity. The Southern Journal of Philosophy, 46(1), 166–175.

Yeates, N. (2004). Global Care Chains: critical reflections and lines of enquiry. International Feminist Journal of Politics, 6(3), 369–391.. Retrieved June 9, 2012, from http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/1461674042000235573

 

 

 Whats the Problem with Migrant Domestic Workers? And is there a Solution? DAY 167

 

Offering Oneself Impunity from the Mind through the Mind: DAY 165

January 14, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

igor morski 04 Offering Oneself Impunity from the Mind through the Mind: DAY 165In this blog post I am continuing to write out self-forgiveness – to in fact forgive myself for creating and assuming for and as myself the Mind-Movement Character so that I can give myself back to myself as a clean slate, like wiping a piece of a puzzle clean so that what is left when all the puzzle pieces have been wiped, is a blank canvas – a wholeness that does not have to be split into one hundred pieces to be whole again. So in this blog post I am walking another piece of the puzzle of myself to purity.

For context of what I will be walking, here are the points I’ve walked so far beginning with an introductory post where I laid out the components of the mind-movement character:

SELF-FORGIVENESS

Perceiving/Judging the body/self as limited because of the inability to move and subsequently feeling trapped because of it thus creating the desire to ‘escape’.

A particular reason for wanting out of that beingness was within how I interpreted it as limited because I could not physically move myself as a baby. It was like being trapped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I realized that I could not move myself away from the environmental influences that I was reacting towards through an experience of stress and fear and uncomfortability inside myself, to turn my reaction inwards and create a judgmental conscious experience of and towards myself where I started experiencing irritation towards myself in perceiving my own physical body as a prison type of experience in concluding that because I can’t physically move myself away from what I experience inside myself there must be something ‘wrong’ with me through which I actually started perceiving my body as a threat to me in blaming my body for my experience because I blamed my experience on my inability to move myself physically – while in no way actually investigating where the experience I am feeling comes from to begin with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and to create a judgment towards my body as being limited and imprisoning me inside myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding how it is not my body that is limited – but how I am allowing myself to be influenced by and define myself according to environmental influences instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can simply breathe and remain stable within and as myself

tommybabinbenzene 1024x1024 Offering Oneself Impunity from the Mind through the Mind: DAY 165I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire to escape my physical body so as to escape the experience I’ve created inside myself through holding my physical body responsible for my experience through blaming my physical body for me being unable to move myself away from my experience, not seeing realizing or understanding that the inability of the body to move is not responsible for my experience as I have created my experience of myself through allowing myself to be influenced by my environment and invert the energy of stress, fear and conflict I experience in my environment inside myself and accordingly define myself according to it – and therefore I am responsible for my own experience as I am the one who has created it by and within myself

My beingness won’t get me anywhere

Because the equation I made for myself was that I could not ‘get anywhere’ with/through/as my own beingness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as I judged and blamed my body for restricting me and limiting me, to in the same breath have disregarded and devalued myself as my body is myself and thus within and as that split myself inside myself annihilating my own body and thus myself essentially by blaming myself in and as separation from myself instead of simply realizing that I am the creator of my own experiences and therefore have the power and ability to change my experience of myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to as I perceived and experienced that it was my body that was to blame for me not being able to move myself away from what I was experiencing inside myself, push myself away and turn myself away from myself in creating a split inside myself where I in fact came to see, define and experience myself as a threat to myself in and as separation from myself.

Thank you for walking with.

FREE Interviews and E-books:

Join us at Desteni, support is available on forum on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Check out the New FREE course from Desteni: Desteni I Process Lite.

 Offering Oneself Impunity from the Mind through the Mind: DAY 165

Confessions of a Child: Initiation of the Giving-in-and-Giving-up Pattern: DAY 164

January 11, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

409489 309930959044008 219034844800287 791246 1963943538 n1 Confessions of a Child: Initiation of the Giving in and Giving up Pattern: DAY 164In this blog post I am writing out self-forgiveness on the first memory that I wrote out in my last blog post in the time-line of the development of the Mind-Movement character. For context of what I will be walking, here are the points I’ve walked so far beginning with an introductory post where I laid out the components of the mind-movement character:

SELF-FORGIVENESS

Reacting to the environment – internalizing the external instability and conflict

I remember reacting very much to the sounds, noises, smells and lights of ‘life’ of other people and their comings and goings and it overwhelmed me physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a baby and small child react to my environment by accepting and allowing stress to exist within and as me as I have accepted and allowed myself to let the energies I pick up on in my body into myself and have allowed the energetic instability and conflict to influence the stability and substance of my beingness through which I began internalizing the instability and stress and started accepting it as myself from which and where I eventually became this instability and stress as I accepted it as myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I reacted to in my environment was primarily stimuli as smells and sounds when in fact what I reacted to the most, was energies.

The acceptance of self as weak starts with the baby

And I simply accepted it. I accepted myself as weak and unable to move.

BY 54M 1024x1024 Confessions of a Child: Initiation of the Giving in and Giving up Pattern: DAY 164I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to attempt to physically move myself away from the external influence I was experiencing as a baby affecting me, but because I could not move myself I tried again and again over a period of time and when I could not move myself at all – because there was no conscious realization, I simply could not move myself away from the influence, I accepted it and I accepted myself as a weak

Within this – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution was not to move myself away from the noise and energy to prevent it from penetrating me, but to not accept or allow it to change or influence me and to instead remain stable within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I experienced that I could not move myself to accept myself as weak and as such because of and based on this have accepted and allowed myself to create a life-long pattern of caving in and giving in whenever I experience that I can’t move myself, mentally or physically away from something I experience as difficult through which I accept myself as weak

Thank you for walking with.

FREE Interviews and E-books:

Join us at Desteni, support is available on forum on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Check out the New FREE course from Desteni: Desteni I Process Lite.

 Confessions of a Child: Initiation of the Giving in and Giving up Pattern: DAY 164

Confessions of a Child: Time-Line of The Mind-Movement Character: DAY 163

January 7, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

shutterstock 29655166 Confessions of a Child: Time Line of The Mind Movement Character: DAY 163In this blog post I will continue with writing out the thought component of the Mind Movement Character that I started writing about on DAY 159. I will structure the writing of my self-forgiveness based on the writing I did on DAY 161 because I can see that in my last post on DAY 162 I threw myself into the deep end of the self-forgiveness regarding the thought image of shooting through the universe, but I did not contextualize my writing as structured or as specific as I see is the most assisting. What I mean is that as I wrote out the point on DAY 161 I mentioned a lot of different dimensions of the thought image as it originated in my childhood and then on DAY 162 I simply jumped right in the middle of all these without supplying myself with a structure. And I see how easy it then is to entangle oneself or not be specific enough with the information that one has extrapolated. So therefore I will here place some key points from the writing I did on DAY 161 that I will utilize to write self-forgiveness on the thought image of shooting through the universe away from the darkness and into the light. By the way, this specific image stems from a spiritual ‘inner journey’ I had on mushrooms a couple of years back where I saw this exact point in a psychedelic version, meaning I experienced myself literally shooting through the universe chasing a ‘light’ and deliberately avoiding a ‘darkness’. However I see that the practical ways through which this point has manifested in my life and how I’ve lived according to it, is much more relevant to write out, so that is what I will focus on.

For context, here are the posts I’ve been walking so far in this series on the Mind-Movement Character:

I am again basing my writing on the answer of the Q and A I shared in the first blog post where I am specifically focusing on the point of desiring ‘life’ as the mind and how I came to live as a slave to that desire.

“…you DON’T WANT to be silent/still/in darkness – so, you say you “fear it”, but actually you don’t want to go there, because there’s something else you WANT that you think/believe your mind-life can give you / get you.”

So in my last blog post I started opening up in self-forgiveness on the point of allowing myself to be born into this world and perceive myself in and as the physical as a threat through which I created the desire for movement. I’ll continue here in chronological order with the time line of events. So these are the points I will be walking in and as a structured write-through. I am therefore also walking the components of the Mind-Movement character a little different than what has been suggested as I am in principle walking all of these dimensions only as part of the thought component of the entire Mind-Movement Character; however I see how several points might overlap. So I will simply begin with the context I have laid out here and see how to progress as I continue writing out the points. So I have basically written out a bullet point for each point on the time-line to which I have attached a memory or a description of the particular point of change that occurred.

Mind-Movement Character Time-Line

Reacting to the environment – internalizing the external instability and conflict
I remember reacting very much to the sounds, noises, smells and lights of ‘life’ of other people and their comings and goings and it overwhelmed me physically.

The acceptance of Self in reverse
when I was a baby and I could not move myself away from the noise, that noise and chaos was produced by a world abdicated to the mind, produced by people abdicating their beingness to the mind. And so what I faced as a consequence from the first moment I was born into this world – like everyone else – and which I only registered in some form of awareness, was the fact that I have enslaved myself, in and as the physical – my own life-substance – to the mind.

10 3651 768x1024 Confessions of a Child: Time Line of The Mind Movement Character: DAY 163The acceptance of self as weak starts with the baby
And I simply accepted it. I accepted myself as weak and unable to move.

Perceiving/Judging the body/self as limited because of the inability to move and subsequently feeling trapped because of it thus creating the desire to ‘escape’.
A particular reason for wanting out of that beingness was within how I interpreted it as limited because I could not physically move myself as a baby. It was like being trapped.

My beingness won’t get me anywhere
Because the equation I made for myself was that I could not ‘get anywhere’ with/through/as my own beingness

The alternative is that we die – or so we believe
Whatever environment we’re born into is the environment we have to accept as our ‘life-source’. Because the alternative is that we die. What happened in fact when I was a small child, 2-3 years old is that I got quite ill and had severe stomach ache and skin rashes and it turned out I was allergic to milk as well as artificial coloring, though the doctor my mom brought me to who specialized in allergies said it was psychosomatic, meaning that my body was reacting/responding to what was going on in my mind. And so I see that had I rejected the ‘world’ I would have most likely been very sick and would have died.

I am the worst enemy to my own survival
I started seeing myself as an enemy and I ‘instinctively’ understood that the only way to make it through was through conforming.

Making the Choice to indulge in the world
And so I had two ‘choices’ but it was not really a choice from my perspective AT ALL. One was to remain within and as the darkness of myself where I could not move and where the sounds and lights were an unbearable stimulus inside my physical body (as I perceived myself) or I could indulge and devote myself to that world. And so I did. Because I believed and accepted that I did not have any options.

Demoting myself to non-existent
And in that moment I separated myself from myself and I rejected myself and I devalued and disregarded myself completely. Because I could have breathed. I could have realized that it was not the external environment that was creating reactions inside myself.

‘If you can’t beat them, join them’ as the ‘solution’ to my survival
I sort of ‘cracked’ myself and deliberately left the darkness of my own beingness in and as my body – in literally pushing my own beingness away – as a survival mechanism of ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’.

What I want from the Mind is Life
that which I see I want and that I have wanted through/within/as my mind-life, is in fact life itself.

My People are My World
I loved the world and I loved the people around me and I saw them as the world first and foremost.

How I defined Mind-Movement as Life
But what I do see is that that ‘life’ which I believe the mind-life can give me/could give me, is a life of movement. So life became synonymous with ‘the world’ which in particular came to consist of 1) relationships to other people 2) sensory stimulation brought about through seeing furniture/interior/nature/buildings and through 3) body and consumption sensory stimulus as food, smells and touch.

The Mind is an escape from the Mind itself
And what does the mind do? It offers an ‘escape’ from that. From the consequences of itself. From the truth of itself – of ourselves. And I took it. Because I wanted to be part of the world. I wanted to have relationships. I wanted to be loved, get presents, be stimulated, taste food in my mouth, laugh. And I believed that it was only the mind that provided all of that – and that the only alternative was a vast endless darkness inside myself as a prison.

Memory – The 2 minute key chain
I was placed on a chair in my kindergarten by an adult and instructed to remain seated while producing a key chain through twining threads. To me this was the most boring and horrible experience and the memory were burned into my brain as profound

Memory – Quiet time for Mom
Then also my mom would instill ‘quiet time’ which literally comprised of me having to keep my mouth shut and be still for 5 minutes. I barely lasted that long.

littlegirl 1024x706 Confessions of a Child: Time Line of The Mind Movement Character: DAY 163Memory – ‘drowning out’ the sound of silence
As an older child, I was shit scared of laying alone in the dark to fall asleep and my mom had to sit by me and read to me. Eventually she set a cassette recorder next to my bed and had me listen to music and audio tapes with children’s stories. I ‘required’ constant mind stimulation and distraction to not have to feel and be with myself in the darkness of myself inside myself. Because I had come to interpret that as a prison – a bodily prison I could not escape.

Memory – Making everyone dizzy and being proud of it
in elementary school where I was to upgrade to the next level in the 7. Grade and all the kids got a letter from the teacher about their personality; they wrote about me that they never knew where I was because I was constantly tumbling around on the move making everyone dizzy.

The adult operationalization of the Mind-Movement Character
This then developed into a want/need/desire for constant speed and action and mind-movement in my life. When I say mind-movement I am referring both to moving myself within the mind in terms of thinking and generating emotional experiences but also in relation to externalizing the mind-movement in seeking out energetic experiences through the physical reality, such as for example when doing drugs.

Life is ‘living in the world’ – the world is ‘other people’ – therefore ‘life’ is living in other people
I defined ‘life’ as ‘living in the world’ – specifically in relationships with others as well as the world as noise and consumption and speaking and acting in and as personalities. Meaning, I completely misinterpreted what life is. I did in no way consider that Life is the physical or nature or myself or my human physical body.

Making Mind-Movement into a Religion
We come to justify and create religions around our own inner mental prisons. I began believing that the physical was a prison, an illusion and that the only thing that was real was my mind. It gave me the perfect excuse to completely deny and disregard my body and pretend like it did not exist. I saw it as a dense, heavy mass of mistakes and regret that could not be changed and that had to be cast and discarded like a snake changing its skin. I saw it as something beautiful.

 

The return to Darkness is the road to Hell
And so in returning to the darkness of myself is not to return to some blissful state of being. Because it is within that also the clear-cut, sharply bright realization of the prison I – as all – have created for/as/in myself.

In my next blog post I will continue with writing out self-forgiveness on the first of these dimensions.

Thank you for walking with.

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Join us at Desteni, support is available on forum on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Check out the New FREE course from Desteni: Desteni I Process Lite.

 

 Confessions of a Child: Time Line of The Mind Movement Character: DAY 163

 

 

 

 

Confessions of a Child Capitulating Life to the Smothering Embrace of Lies: DAY 162

January 5, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

chakra energy healing1 1024x1024 Confessions of a Child Capitulating Life to the Smothering Embrace of Lies: DAY 162In this blog post I am continuing from the previous blog post where I expanded on the thought/image as the foundation of the Mind Movement Character of shooting through the universe in pursuit of light/noise and away from darkness/silence and how this correlates specifically to my experiences as a child with becoming a self-conscious mind-entity through deliberately splitting myself inside myself running away from darkness and into ‘the light’ of the mind.

For context of what I will be walking, here are the previous blog posts I’ve walked thus far:

Another memory has popped up: When I was approximately 3 or 4 years old, more likely 4, I was placed on a chair in my kindergarten by an adult and instructed to remain seated while producing a key chain through twining threads. To me this was the most boring and horrible experience and the memory were burned into my brain as profound. I think it was the first time also where I had to do something I did not want to do in the kindergarten or it was at least not an ordinary moment. I clearly remember how it was a case of the teachers having had ‘enough’ – perhaps for their own sake but also in terms of how I was moving myself and they decided to teach me a lesson. Because I would normally select an activity with highest possible movement, either being outside or in a pillow room or playing house. I never ever opted to sit down doing something quiet. So I had to sit on my butt and produce a key chain. And the clearest part of the memory that I recall the best is when I was squirming and complaining that I did not want to sit there and the teacher said: “You only have to sit there for two minutes.” And I asked her how long two minutes was. And she showed me on a clock on the wall or on her arm, I don’t remember. But I remember that it felt like it lasted forever. And I don’t know if I simply reflected upon it or if we talked about it, but I thought about how weird it was that two minutes could go by too fast where one would want to stretch them out and then like this where it felt like it lasted forever. It gave time a weird elasticity and abstractness.

Then also my mom would instill ‘quiet time’ which literally comprised of me having to keep my mouth shut and be still for 5 minutes. I barely lasted that long. And in elementary school where I was to upgrade to the next level in the 7. Grade and all the kids got a letter from the teacher about their personality; they wrote about me that they never knew where I was because I was constantly tumbling around on the move making everyone dizzy. So when I speak about this mind-movement character it is in no way symbolic – it is absolutely literal. And then as an adolescent I retracted into myself or inverted the mind-movement into me, so that I stopped acting it out as much physically as I started suppressing in a different way, amongst other things through drugs and TV.

So hereby I explained a little more of the nature of the Mind Movement character as I have constructed it. I will return to this in a later blog post. However I will now return to the point of writing out self-forgiveness in context to the thought/image and the specific related experiences I wrote about in my last blog post. I will walk this as chronologically as is practically possible, starting with the first memories I have of creating and stepping into this character. I also continue to utilize the Q and A I shared in my first post as a baseline – meaning that I focus myself on the point of desire and want rather than on fear – where the point is that I want something else that I’ve made myself believe that only the mind can give me that I believe I can’t get in the darkness/silence of my beingness. So what I found in my last blog post that THAT was, is ‘life’ – plain and simple. And I defined ‘life’ as ‘living in the world’ – specifically in relationships with others as well as the world as noise and consumption and speaking and acting in and as personalities. Meaning, I completely misinterpreted what life is. I did in no way consider that Life is the physical or nature or myself or my human physical body. And so this is actually what I have been doing and living and valuing ever since. At the expense of life itself. So the thought as image of shooting through the universe away from darkness into light is actually more literal than it is symbolic.

2012 09 26 DonnaEye Confessions of a Child Capitulating Life to the Smothering Embrace of Lies: DAY 162SELF-FORGIVENESS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist according to the image of shooting through the universe in and as movement based on an energy fueled by friction I have generated within and as myself towards myself as my beingness as the darkness and silence of myself here in and as my physical body that I misinterpreted to be the problem as I came into this world and was overwhelmed and overstimulated by lights, sounds, colors, smells, people, touches – in particular that of high energy movement as violence and arguments between my mother and father where I experienced myself as trapped inside myself and that I could not contain all that I was experiencing as reacting to my environment where I, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I was in fact merely reacting to my environment and that I was in fact still HERE in and as the darkness, silence and stability of my human physical body through which I could have breathed and stabilized myself here and simply be within my environment instead of allowing it to saturate through me and fill me, reversed what was going on inside myself through a consciousness awareness emerging of echoing inside myself “I am feeling trapped, I can’t stand this, I will fall apart” where I in that moment made the decision to abandon and alienate myself in and as the darkness and silence of my beingness in and as my human physical body and literally throw myself towards the world as I saw and experienced it, as the faces up in my face talking to me and pleading with me to respond, as the relationships that others wanted to form with me based on my responses, as the toys and books and things people would point to me and repeat the word of over and over again – I capitulated to all that – because it was easier – and I did not understand or remind myself that I had an alternative. In a split second of a moment I decided and then knew that I had no choice but to surrender to the world and become its devotee and disciple. The only way I could prevent myself by being choked to death by the smothering embrace of the world as I knew it, was to give myself over to it and allow it to embrace me and penetrate every corner of my beingness. In that moment it stopped hurting. The light stopped being as sharp. The noises stopped being painful in my ear and body. I started instead turning myself towards the world which was a literal physical shift of ‘whereness’ of myself inside myself. I became more interested in the world and its functionings. I had accepted it as real and valid and wonderful. And the most prominent point within it was relationships. That was like the prize I won from sacrificing myself. To have someone to be that for me which I had pushed away in and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as a constant and continuous desire to move forward, without any particular direction or purpose or goal, simply to move myself forward in a forced motion where I am tilted forward and my head is first, my hands along my side, thus out of power or handling as it is the head that steers and my legs tightly squeezed together, also not ability to walk effectively and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never ever stop up and ask myself: why I am I doing this? Why do I need to constantly move? Where is it exactly I am moving to? Because I would have realized that I wasn’t moving anywhere at all ever, I was constantly inventing new places and experiences and people and purposes to move myself to so I never noticed that I wasn’t moving anywhere at all in the real world, but only as energetic experiences of mind-movement where I actually just moved around in a circle as a loop

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to move myself out of myself as myself as my beingness as the darkness and silence and stability of my human physical body within and as interpreting my beingness as the prison in which I am trapped and unable to move and the reason for my experience of being in a prison and being overwhelmed and in pain over all the stimuli I am experiencing

131097039122855815 Ib3uVHTv c Confessions of a Child Capitulating Life to the Smothering Embrace of Lies: DAY 162And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come into this world totally unprepared through the process of forgetting and ‘starting over’ to some extent as a blank slate because I see how I did not stand a chance and I also see that the only one who could have woken me up was myself, but I wholeheartedly accepted and believed myself to be that new child coming into a new world and that everyone else who were already in the world was wise and would guide me safely and that the world is a wonderful place – but wait? If I did not have any memories or awareness and apparently was new, why did I expect that the world would be a wonderful place and that my elders would guide me safely through? I wholeheartedly believed they would. Perhaps because I knew that that is how it should have been, because I only had my innocence with me, the last part of me that is real and that can never go away, but I did not have the awareness of what I have walked in this existence

(to be continued)

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 Confessions of a Child Capitulating Life to the Smothering Embrace of Lies: DAY 162

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The Mind Movement Character – Introduction: DAY 159

December 29, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

Across the Universe across the universe 295168 1920 1459 1024x778 The Mind Movement Character   Introduction: DAY 159This writing is an introduction to the Mind Movement Character that I will be writing about. For context this is a Q and A between myself and Sunette Spies from a chat that I will be utilizing as the starting-point for this writing in terms of flipping the point around from fear of being here to desire to be in/as the mind.

Q: Why would one be afraid of being here in silence/darkness/stillness with oneself? I experience this as a primary point though I don’t see much reason for it in term of ‘issues’ to sort out. That it is more like a basic point that one simply requires pushing through. Is this so?

A: The Mind plays a nice trick on you with that one – it’s not in fact that you FEAR silence/darkness/stillness, what you’re actually experiencing is an excitement that manifest towards your Mind, cause you DON’T WANT to be silent/still/in darkness – so, you say you “fear it”, but actually you don’t want to go there, because there’s something else you WANT that you think/believe your mind-life can give you / get you

Writing

I am the most comfortable in an environment with sounds and lights and movement and people speaking. I enjoy being alone but only if I am moving myself. I enjoy laying in the dark about to go to sleep but only if I let the mind chatter likes a radio. Silence scares me. Non-movement scares me. Some time ago I recalled a memory from when I was a baby where I was not yet able to move myself or otherwise were conditioned to remain in the situation I was in or at least experienced myself as such and I remembered how I, because I could not move myself away from that which I feared, I started moving myself inside myself and started splitting myself and started developing thinking as a separate awareness where I literally disconnected myself from my body here. It could have been because of hearing my parents fighting though I don’t recall that specifically. I simply recall wanting to get away and move myself and not being able to and then it was like I started moving faster and faster inside myself and ‘loosened’ or ‘broke off’ a part of myself where I then felt sort of safe. And so ever since I’ve been on the move. Whenever something traumatic or difficult happened in my life, I’d dust myself off and keep moving. All I knew was that I had to keep moving. And so the result has been that I don’t want to stand still or stop or relax or rest even for a moment. ‘Instinctively’ I simply keep moving. I am the most comfortable when I am busy and when there’s loads of practical stuff to do. I tend to get kind of wonky in my mind when I am at home all the time. Because then I start moving inside my mind instead, turning on the radio of back chat chatter. When I work, it is easier for me to keep the mind quiet and focus on what I am doing. So this is what I will be walking here in greater detail. I will have a look at the individual dimensions of this Mind Movement Character so that I can effectively walk myself through it and step out of it so that I can remain here and face and embrace myself instead of spending my life and time on trying to run away from myself. I’ve written about this point in several blogs so for context here are the previous blogs I’ve written on this point:

agostino arrivabene 06 The Mind Movement Character   Introduction: DAY 159

The Mind Movement Character Dimensions:

For context on what I will be walking and how to write out Character dimensions, please read the following blog by Sunette Spies:

Character Dimensions – Introduction (Writing): DAY 162

Thought:

  • Seeing myself shooting forward through the universe away from darkness and stillness into light and sound

Desire:

  • Desire to move/be in/as energetic movement, generating energetic experiences
  • Desire to feel energies moving inside myself

Fear:

  • Fear of standing still/being still/darkness
  • Fear of not being able to move

Imagination:

  • Imagining myself being swallowed and drowned by the darkness if I stop up
  • Not knowing what will happen if I stop up
  • Imagining myself being progressive and self-moving
  • Imagining how much I will get done
  • Imagining how it will be to be locked inside myself in total silence and darkness infinitely
  • Imagining what I have to do (anything!) that is not remaining here in silence with/as/within myself

Backchat

  • “I am doing important stuff”
  • “I am moving myself to help someone else”
  • “I HAVE TO move”
  • “I can’t help myself”
  • “I know I shouldn’t but it feels so good to move myself”
  • “I don’t want to sit still; it feels like I’ll burst if I don’t move myself NOW”
  • “I’ll just to this… then I’ll return to sitting still”

Reaction:

  • Panic
  • Feeling desperate
  • Feeling trapped
  • Feeling relieved when I move myself
  • Feeling happy and ecstatic and anticipating when I move myself
  • Feeling like I’ve dodged a bullet when I move myself
  • Feeling comfortable when I am moving myself like I am ‘getting somewhere’
  • Feeling uncomfortable as soon as I sit down to focus on something

Physical:

  • Feeling like I am crawling in my skin when I am sitting down
  • Feeling jittery
  • Feeling movement

Consequence:

  • The consequence is that I don’t step out of the mind
  • The consequence is that I kill myself in and as the physical
  • The consequence is that I never get to relax or rest or be intimate with myself
  • The consequence is that I don’t get to know myself
  • The consequence is that I remain within and as the mind

 

In my next blog I will continue with writing out self-forgiveness on the first dimension: thought.

Art by Agostino Arrivabene

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Projection is a Project to Protect Self-Interest: DAY 158

December 25, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

Self Deception by tekhiun 756x1024 Projection is a Project to Protect Self Interest: DAY 158In this blog post I am sharing self-corrective and self-commitment statements in continuation to the following blog post:

The Gift of Projection is a Self-Honest Mirror: 157

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in backchat about another being egotistical because of how I perceive them as not doing what I think they should be doing I stop and I breathe and I flag point this for myself as a moment to stop up – because I see, realize and understand that the moment I am busy judging or blaming another in my mind, I am literally in the process of projecting what I am accepting and allowing in myself onto the other, even if it does not feel like it and it feels so real – when I am focusing on another in any negative or positive way in my mind – it is a projection and I stop and I bring the point back to myself in looking at how I am being egotistical and accordingly I commit myself to take self-responsibility for what it is I am accepting and allowing through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

When and as I see that I am reacting towards another where I’d focus in my mind in backchat on what I perceive that the other is doing or not doing and accordingly am accepting and allowing myself to react and where I see this and remind myself that I am projecting – where I in backchat say to myself that I don’t care that I am projecting or where I come up with justifications and excuses to make myself self-righteous in projecting onto another – I stop and I give myself a deep breath and I re-commit myself here to not participate in projection or to hold onto the projection but to bring it back to myself. Because I see, realize and understand that when I project all I do is try to hide from myself to not have to face and take responsibility for myself basically so that I can keep living in a way that I know is not best for all without having to also face the consequences of my action which is the ‘doctrine’ that we’ve all be living by on earth and that is the reason for this wretched mess we’re in now. And I see, realize and understand also that hiding from oneself is redundant because we’re right here, I am right here and I cannot escape myself. All I can do is to change or not change. And if I don’t change, I’ll keep creating the same crap over and over. So therefore I commit myself to stop arguing for my reactions towards others in my mind and I commit myself to discipline myself to bring all points of projection – positive and negative – back to myself so that I can sort myself out here and not send myself on a time-loop to accumulate even more consequences for myself to sort out later.

When and as I see that I am experiencing anger towards myself within and as an experience that “I am angry at myself” I stop. Because I see, realize and understand that for me to be angry at myself it requires that there is more than one of me as there is one that is angry and one that is myself and therefore I see, realize and understand that I am only angry at myself when I separate myself from myself and so for example if or as I accept and allow myself to be egotistical and act in self-interest, I’d separate myself from what I am accepting and allowing and in that create a split through which I would get angry at myself as a polarized reaction because I had already split myself in two – and so I commit myself to stop splitting and separating myself through firstly when and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to experience something towards myself stop myself and breathe. And I commit myself to investigate what it is I have separated myself from through which I’d create this experience of anger so that I can instead bring all parts of me back here and direct myself effectively as ONE in standing as the amalgamating principle within and as myself to no longer accept or allow myself to split myself into parts just so that I can fuck with myself, create inner conflict and abdicate self-responsibility.

self deception by bonnycastle d37qewe 1024x671 Projection is a Project to Protect Self Interest: DAY 158When and as I see that I am being super hard on myself or another where I’d result to bullying and blaming and judging in expecting more of another or myself I stop myself and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand how I’ve created this expectation based on a belief and an ide(al) about how I am supposed to be and how another is supposed to be in and as superiority that has nothing to do with practical, actual reality and so reality is ‘doomed’ to disappoint because it cannot live up to this idea or fantasy. And so I see, realize and understand that when I for example become angry at myself for having participated in backchat it is because I had created an idea and a belief for example about who I am supposed to be as I have compared myself to others and so in seeing that I am participating in backchat that is what I focus on, instead of simply focusing on correcting and re-aligning myself to what is best for all in stopping participation in backchat. I see, realize and understand that I can only change myself through embracing myself in saying: “this is what is, this is who I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become, so be it – now I’ll change.” Meaning that it is not complicated – it is simply a matter of recognizing and accepting that this is so and then change myself. So therefore I commit myself to stop bullying myself and to stop being hard on myself and on another because I see, realize and understand that this behavior is not an expression of ‘high standards’ or ‘living by principle’ and as such that I when I step into this character am superior but in fact that it is a self-sabotaging and self-abuse character through which and within which I prevent myself from changing in fact because I am so focused on reacting towards myself for not living up to my own unrealistic expectations.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to react towards myself in anger, resentment, shame, blame and judgment within and as a particular character of perceiving myself as holding ‘high standards’ which I either project onto myself or onto another where I actually fear that part of me that I am judging because I see it as ‘wrong’ and ‘dirty’ and thus as ‘tainting’ my self-righteous self – I stop and I breathe and I remind myself that I am within this seeing everything in reverse because I am using morality to create a fake character of morality and high standards to actually hide my ‘true nature’ of self-interest so that I can keep existing in and as self-interest without having to deal with the consequences and so the anger I experience is actually more towards exposing myself in and as this character saying: “I don’t want this dirty beast in my house, put it in the basement so that I don’t have to look at it and the guests don’t think I am a monster when they arrive”. So through this ‘high horse morality’ character I am in fact deliberately hiding and suppressing my own evilness which also means that when the evilness does emerge and becomes visible and I see myself, it is actually a moment of gratitude and it is cool because the fact that I can see myself in self-honesty, means that I can change. So – therefore I commit myself to further investigate the ‘high horse morality’ character so that I can let it go and step out of this character and move myself to immediate self-correction instead of wasting time on judging and blaming myself through which I react with suppressing myself i.e. running away from myself.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself I stop and I breathe because I see, realize and understand that in being angry at myself I am in fact confirming for myself that whatever it is I am angry at myself towards is ‘who I am’ – I am literally in the anger solidifying myself in and as this particular point that I am angry at myself for being, which is obviously completely unreasonable and illogical. So therefore I commit myself to stop participating in anger towards myself as I have now shown myself how it is not only redundant but also how it serves the exact opposite purpose of what it is presented as, which makes it deceptive and thus I am self-deceptive when and as I participate in anger towards myself. I therefore commit myself to instead develop immediacy in moving myself to and within the simplicity of applying corrective action in terms of writing, self-forgiveness and directively changing my behavior through breathing as I see, realize and understand that this is the only way I can change in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my self-control and direction to self-interest and backchat and desire for stimulation and fear through abdicating my self-responsibility for myself as that desires and fear and as such making myself less than the desire and fear thus giving it control over me and as me making it my directive principle and thus making myself a slave to fear and desire

Medusa in Denial by rborozan 768x1024 Projection is a Project to Protect Self Interest: DAY 158I commit myself to re-align myself to common sense, practical and simplistic living where I prescribe for myself the basic responsibilities of writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, caring for my body and interacting with others/the physical and where this is what I give my focus and attention to and so I commit myself to steer and direct my attention from entertainment and gossip and stimulation to practical common sense living. So when and as I see myself in backchat wanting to do something else than a point of responsibility that I have prescribed here for myself, I stop and I breathe and I remind myself that I am busy sabotaging myself and that the urge/desire I am experiencing in the moment towards consuming something (which is the most frequent urge) is not real and that the value I see within it through excitement and the craving I experience, is in fact about me deliberately running away from facing myself and taking responsibility and so I see, realize and understand that I require walking a self-education process of teaching myself to live based on different principles and I see, realize and understand that this can and will never happen ‘by itself’ but only through my direct and deliberate stewardship of myself and so I commit myself to re-establish myself here as the steward of myself and I commit myself to honor my life and myself by re-educating myself to value that which is substantial and real, the physical and this process and to let go of my mental value systems which only serves the absolute destruction and detriment of life in fact as I have proven to myself time and again.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to live and act in self-interest where I see that I am experiencing myself powerless towards the particular point or addiction that I am living, I stop and I breathe and I flag this point because I see, realize and understand that when an addiction is running me by its own where it is like it has a life on its own, it is because I have made a decision for the addiction to have control over me deliberately in abdicating my own self-responsibility as creator and authority over myself and therefore I see, realize and understand that to say and experience myself as powerless towards an addiction is a deliberate self-deceptive excuse and justification to not take responsibility for myself by making something/someone else the point of superiority and power in my life when in fact it is all a charade that I have orchestrated and set in motion at my own will, which also means that I can change myself and stop accepting myself as powerless. So therefore I commit myself to investigate in detail and specificity when and as such a point comes up where I would say “I want to stop but I can’t” and to bring the point back to myself in self-responsibility in reversing the permission I’ve given myself to abdicate myself to this point. I commit myself to stop accepting it as natural and normal to exist in self-interest and to accept myself as powerless towards the ‘forces’ that emerge from within and as me as fears, desires and addictions and I commit myself to re-define and re-align what ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ means to common sense practical living in a way that is best for all.

Join us at Desteni, support is available on forum on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All.

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 Projection is a Project to Protect Self Interest: DAY 158
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