Desteni Cult - Anna's Journey to Life

Confessions of a Child: Internalizing External Conflict: DAY 166

January 17, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

In this blog post, I will be walking realizations, corrections and self-commitment statements on the self-forgiveness I’ve written on the Mind-Movement Character thus far. Since I’ve started walking this character, I have been more prominently aware of how I’ve come to embody this mind-movement character. In fact, because it was one of the very first characters I initiated and submerged myself into, it is a lot less multi-dimensional than other characters that have an entire storyboard and wardrobe and scripts to fill it out. Because this character has a very simplistic purpose and that is to use the mind to move myself away from myself, inside myself as well as using the physical to do so. And I notice how prominent this is a part of my daily life. From what I can see at the moment, it is in a way all there is, all I’ve done – is to run around constantly running away from myself even though I’m right here. I’ve actually also now started to doubt – though not necessarily in an unpractical sense – whether or not it is the best to write this character out as extensively as I’ve planned. Because I see how planning a months-long writing session on one character can have the effect that one does simply not step to the point of correction and change. Because basically I still live this character and it has detrimental effects on my participation, so it is most certainly why I am here to write it out. Therefore I will write out the dimensions of the time-line I scripted on DAY 163 and from there I will have a look at whether there are more dimensions required to be written out or if this is in fact what is required to be written out for me to stop and change and step out of the Mind-Movement Character.

For context of what I will be walking, here are the points I’ve walked so far beginning with an introductory post where I laid out the components of the mind-movement character:

So l will here be walking from the beginning of when I initiated the Mind-Movement character and I will script a correction for myself making the connection between the original pattern and how I am living it today.

SELF-CORRECTIVE AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS OF CHANGE

Reacting to the environment – internalizing the external instability and conflict

I remember reacting very much to the sounds, noises, smells and lights of ‘life’ of other people and their comings and goings and it overwhelmed me physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a baby and small child react to my environment by accepting and allowing stress to exist within and as me as I have accepted and allowed myself to let the energies I pick up on in my body into myself and have allowed the energetic instability and conflict to influence the stability and substance of my beingness through which I began internalizing the instability and stress and started accepting it as myself from which and where I eventually became this instability and stress as I accepted it as myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I reacted to in my environment was primarily stimuli as smells and sounds when in fact what I reacted to the most, was energies.

When and as I see that I am reacting to my environment through experiencing a physical sensation of energy within me where I perceive and experience that it is what is happening in my environment that is creating my experience, I stop and I breathe. (An example could be the stress of a cue in the supermarket where others are agitated, or if I pick up on my partner being in a bad mood). I allow myself to slow myself down through breathing to assess in common sense self-honesty for myself whether I am in fact ‘picking up on’ energies in my environment or whether I am the one projecting my own energetic reactions outwards onto my environment and when I am satisfied that it is me who is sensing the energetic reactions of another, I simply breathe and allow myself to be with the energy. Because I see, realize and understand that just because I pick up on energy does not mean that this energy defines me or influences me in any way what so ever. And I see, realize and understand that I can actually be here with the energy without fearing it or pushing it away in fear because when I stand stable here within and as myself as breath, I can simply stand with the energy without allowing it to become me. And I see, realize and understand that I’ve allowed the energy to become me. I also see, realize and understand that I’ve believed that the problem was physical – my environment, other people, noise, smells, overloading of physical sensations – but I see, realize and understand that the ‘problem’ was mental all along as energy is a mental process and that it is only within accessing and identifying myself as the mind that I have allowed myself to become influenced by energies. And so I also see, realize and understand that it doesn’t really matter whether I was affected by something in my environment or whether I created it alone within myself because the fact of the matter is that I allowed myself to define myself according to emotional and energetic experiences and more specifically of the experience of not being able to move away from – which is what I perceived as the solution as a small child – that which I was experiencing as I was projecting it onto and blaming my environment for creating experiences within me, not seeing, realizing or understanding that the solution was not to move myself away but to stand stable within myself directing the experience in common sense self-honesty.

So therefore I commit myself to stop internalizing the reactions I experience towards my environment when I am in the cue and hear someone being irritated or when I see someone fighting in a bus or when I sense that my partner is in a bad mood and I commit myself to insert a moment of pause and stop right there when I sense a change in my environment so that I can allow myself to feel whatever it is without internalizing it and making it a part of myself and fearing it and blaming it and reacting to it and I commit myself to support myself to embrace energetic reactions unconditionally as myself and as such reverse what I’ve done until now in terms of running away and pushing away.

The acceptance of self as weak starts with the baby

And I simply accepted it. I accepted myself as weak and unable to move.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to attempt to physically move myself away from the external influence I was experiencing as a baby affecting me, but because I could not move myself I tried again and again over a period of time and when I could not move myself at all – because there was no conscious realization, I simply could not move myself away from the influence, I accepted it and I accepted myself as a weak

So what I see is that from here, two patterns or characters emerged, one being the mind-movement character where I started moving myself away inside myself and the other being the giving-in-and-giving up pattern that I’ve been writing about extensively. And I see how these are interchangeably connected and most certain affect and define who I am today.

So – when and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in an experience of not being able to move myself away from what I am experiencing through which I step into the pattern of giving-in and giving up on myself in going into the ‘if I can’t beat them, then I’ll join them character’ I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that the origin point within this is a misunderstanding based on the fact that I could not move myself as a baby physically away from my experience, yet I did not understand that I did not have to move myself away physically as it was not my environment that was responsible for my experience of myself and that I could have simply breathed and stabilized myself inside myself – as such I see, realize and understand that I’m still living the same misunderstanding and that I’ve now turned it into a convenient self-sabotage scheme where the ‘solution’ to what I am experiencing is to give myself into it and to move myself away from it, only inside my mind and as such were the result is in fact that whatever experience I am facing, I actually amplify it and enslave myself even further to it in an ‘attempt’ to stop it. And I see, realize and understand that this experience is triggered in situations where I experience that my environment has control over me, in situations where I don’t already direct myself and as such I see, realize and understand that I’ve been creating a snowball effect through reacting to my own experiences instead of applying the simplistic solution of embracing my experience and unconditionally breathing through it without allowing myself to be influenced or defined by it. So – therefore I commit myself to practice the point of embracing my experiences instead of reacting to them.

(To be continued)

FREE Interviews and E-books:

* LifeReview – My Life as a Peace Activist
* The Spirituality of the Snail
* Spirituality Under the Microscope – Volume 2
* How I was able to Hear the Desteni Message
* What the FAQ in an Equal Money System – Volume 2
* Hell Spoof
* What makes me Starve in a World of Plenty
* Quantum Mind Self Awareness Step 1 and Step
* 2013 – The Future of Consciousness – Introduction
* Relationship Success Support – Introduction
* Quantum Systemization – Preview

Join us at Desteni, support is available on forum on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Check out the New FREE course from Desteni: Desteni I Process Lite.

Confessions of a Child: Internalizing External Conflict: DAY 166

Tags: Bernard Poolman, child-abuse, Desteni Cult, Desteni I Process, Equal Money Capitalism, fear of conflict, fear of parents fighting, Forgiveness, Internalizing conflict, Mind Movement Character, Physical body
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Projection is a Project to Protect Self-Interest: DAY 158

December 25, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

In this blog post I am sharing self-corrective and self-commitment statements in continuation to the following blog post:

The Gift of Projection is a Self-Honest Mirror: 157

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in backchat about another being egotistical because of how I perceive them as not doing what I think they should be doing I stop and I breathe and I flag point this for myself as a moment to stop up – because I see, realize and understand that the moment I am busy judging or blaming another in my mind, I am literally in the process of projecting what I am accepting and allowing in myself onto the other, even if it does not feel like it and it feels so real – when I am focusing on another in any negative or positive way in my mind – it is a projection and I stop and I bring the point back to myself in looking at how I am being egotistical and accordingly I commit myself to take self-responsibility for what it is I am accepting and allowing through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

When and as I see that I am reacting towards another where I’d focus in my mind in backchat on what I perceive that the other is doing or not doing and accordingly am accepting and allowing myself to react and where I see this and remind myself that I am projecting – where I in backchat say to myself that I don’t care that I am projecting or where I come up with justifications and excuses to make myself self-righteous in projecting onto another – I stop and I give myself a deep breath and I re-commit myself here to not participate in projection or to hold onto the projection but to bring it back to myself. Because I see, realize and understand that when I project all I do is try to hide from myself to not have to face and take responsibility for myself basically so that I can keep living in a way that I know is not best for all without having to also face the consequences of my action which is the ‘doctrine’ that we’ve all be living by on earth and that is the reason for this wretched mess we’re in now. And I see, realize and understand also that hiding from oneself is redundant because we’re right here, I am right here and I cannot escape myself. All I can do is to change or not change. And if I don’t change, I’ll keep creating the same crap over and over. So therefore I commit myself to stop arguing for my reactions towards others in my mind and I commit myself to discipline myself to bring all points of projection – positive and negative – back to myself so that I can sort myself out here and not send myself on a time-loop to accumulate even more consequences for myself to sort out later.

When and as I see that I am experiencing anger towards myself within and as an experience that “I am angry at myself” I stop. Because I see, realize and understand that for me to be angry at myself it requires that there is more than one of me as there is one that is angry and one that is myself and therefore I see, realize and understand that I am only angry at myself when I separate myself from myself and so for example if or as I accept and allow myself to be egotistical and act in self-interest, I’d separate myself from what I am accepting and allowing and in that create a split through which I would get angry at myself as a polarized reaction because I had already split myself in two – and so I commit myself to stop splitting and separating myself through firstly when and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to experience something towards myself stop myself and breathe. And I commit myself to investigate what it is I have separated myself from through which I’d create this experience of anger so that I can instead bring all parts of me back here and direct myself effectively as ONE in standing as the amalgamating principle within and as myself to no longer accept or allow myself to split myself into parts just so that I can fuck with myself, create inner conflict and abdicate self-responsibility.

When and as I see that I am being super hard on myself or another where I’d result to bullying and blaming and judging in expecting more of another or myself I stop myself and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand how I’ve created this expectation based on a belief and an ide(al) about how I am supposed to be and how another is supposed to be in and as superiority that has nothing to do with practical, actual reality and so reality is ‘doomed’ to disappoint because it cannot live up to this idea or fantasy. And so I see, realize and understand that when I for example become angry at myself for having participated in backchat it is because I had created an idea and a belief for example about who I am supposed to be as I have compared myself to others and so in seeing that I am participating in backchat that is what I focus on, instead of simply focusing on correcting and re-aligning myself to what is best for all in stopping participation in backchat. I see, realize and understand that I can only change myself through embracing myself in saying: “this is what is, this is who I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become, so be it – now I’ll change.” Meaning that it is not complicated – it is simply a matter of recognizing and accepting that this is so and then change myself. So therefore I commit myself to stop bullying myself and to stop being hard on myself and on another because I see, realize and understand that this behavior is not an expression of ‘high standards’ or ‘living by principle’ and as such that I when I step into this character am superior but in fact that it is a self-sabotaging and self-abuse character through which and within which I prevent myself from changing in fact because I am so focused on reacting towards myself for not living up to my own unrealistic expectations.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to react towards myself in anger, resentment, shame, blame and judgment within and as a particular character of perceiving myself as holding ‘high standards’ which I either project onto myself or onto another where I actually fear that part of me that I am judging because I see it as ‘wrong’ and ‘dirty’ and thus as ‘tainting’ my self-righteous self – I stop and I breathe and I remind myself that I am within this seeing everything in reverse because I am using morality to create a fake character of morality and high standards to actually hide my ‘true nature’ of self-interest so that I can keep existing in and as self-interest without having to deal with the consequences and so the anger I experience is actually more towards exposing myself in and as this character saying: “I don’t want this dirty beast in my house, put it in the basement so that I don’t have to look at it and the guests don’t think I am a monster when they arrive”. So through this ‘high horse morality’ character I am in fact deliberately hiding and suppressing my own evilness which also means that when the evilness does emerge and becomes visible and I see myself, it is actually a moment of gratitude and it is cool because the fact that I can see myself in self-honesty, means that I can change. So – therefore I commit myself to further investigate the ‘high horse morality’ character so that I can let it go and step out of this character and move myself to immediate self-correction instead of wasting time on judging and blaming myself through which I react with suppressing myself i.e. running away from myself.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself I stop and I breathe because I see, realize and understand that in being angry at myself I am in fact confirming for myself that whatever it is I am angry at myself towards is ‘who I am’ – I am literally in the anger solidifying myself in and as this particular point that I am angry at myself for being, which is obviously completely unreasonable and illogical. So therefore I commit myself to stop participating in anger towards myself as I have now shown myself how it is not only redundant but also how it serves the exact opposite purpose of what it is presented as, which makes it deceptive and thus I am self-deceptive when and as I participate in anger towards myself. I therefore commit myself to instead develop immediacy in moving myself to and within the simplicity of applying corrective action in terms of writing, self-forgiveness and directively changing my behavior through breathing as I see, realize and understand that this is the only way I can change in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my self-control and direction to self-interest and backchat and desire for stimulation and fear through abdicating my self-responsibility for myself as that desires and fear and as such making myself less than the desire and fear thus giving it control over me and as me making it my directive principle and thus making myself a slave to fear and desire

I commit myself to re-align myself to common sense, practical and simplistic living where I prescribe for myself the basic responsibilities of writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, caring for my body and interacting with others/the physical and where this is what I give my focus and attention to and so I commit myself to steer and direct my attention from entertainment and gossip and stimulation to practical common sense living. So when and as I see myself in backchat wanting to do something else than a point of responsibility that I have prescribed here for myself, I stop and I breathe and I remind myself that I am busy sabotaging myself and that the urge/desire I am experiencing in the moment towards consuming something (which is the most frequent urge) is not real and that the value I see within it through excitement and the craving I experience, is in fact about me deliberately running away from facing myself and taking responsibility and so I see, realize and understand that I require walking a self-education process of teaching myself to live based on different principles and I see, realize and understand that this can and will never happen ‘by itself’ but only through my direct and deliberate stewardship of myself and so I commit myself to re-establish myself here as the steward of myself and I commit myself to honor my life and myself by re-educating myself to value that which is substantial and real, the physical and this process and to let go of my mental value systems which only serves the absolute destruction and detriment of life in fact as I have proven to myself time and again.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to live and act in self-interest where I see that I am experiencing myself powerless towards the particular point or addiction that I am living, I stop and I breathe and I flag this point because I see, realize and understand that when an addiction is running me by its own where it is like it has a life on its own, it is because I have made a decision for the addiction to have control over me deliberately in abdicating my own self-responsibility as creator and authority over myself and therefore I see, realize and understand that to say and experience myself as powerless towards an addiction is a deliberate self-deceptive excuse and justification to not take responsibility for myself by making something/someone else the point of superiority and power in my life when in fact it is all a charade that I have orchestrated and set in motion at my own will, which also means that I can change myself and stop accepting myself as powerless. So therefore I commit myself to investigate in detail and specificity when and as such a point comes up where I would say “I want to stop but I can’t” and to bring the point back to myself in self-responsibility in reversing the permission I’ve given myself to abdicate myself to this point. I commit myself to stop accepting it as natural and normal to exist in self-interest and to accept myself as powerless towards the ‘forces’ that emerge from within and as me as fears, desires and addictions and I commit myself to re-define and re-align what ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ means to common sense practical living in a way that is best for all.

FREE Interviews and E-books:

* LifeReview – My Life as a Peace Activist
* The Spirituality of the Snail
* Spirituality Under the Microscope – Volume 2
* How I was able to Hear the Desteni Message
* What the FAQ in an Equal Money System – Volume 2
* Hell Spoof
* What makes me Starve in a World of Plenty
* Quantum Mind Self Awareness Step 1 and Step 2
Check out the New FREE course from Desteni: Desteni I Process Lite.

Projection is a Project to Protect Self Interest: DAY 158

Tags: angry at self, Bernard Poolman, blaming others, Desteni Cult, Desteni Group, Equal Money System, judging others, Projecting onto others, Projection, seeing others as the problem, self anger, self blame, Self-Judgment
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Back To Breath (Day 14 of 21) Happiness is a Warm Gun: DAY 146

November 22, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

Happiness is a warm gun because we use it to sacrifice life for positive feelings of happiness, believing that this makes life meaningful when all it does is kill and destroy

In the next blog posts, I will be writing out the final self-commitment and self-corrective statements on the “happiness doctrine” that I started writing out on DAY 143 as an aspect of the desire to have an easy life. Just now I looked up the word ‘easy’ in an etymology dictionary and it comes from the word ‘ease’ that from a particular definition actually means “to relax one’s efforts”. I can see how this is how I have been living the word ‘easy’ however the desire to have an easy life has been in context to not wanting life to be difficult or strenuous, basically as how it is more comfortable to ride a bike with the wind behind pushing one forward rather than having the wind coming towards oneself where one has to push against the wind to move. This perspective is most definitely cool in giving me insight into exactly how I’ve been living in a relationship to the word ‘easy’ in a desire/fear polarity. Another thing I also saw is that easy in Danish which is my first language translates to ‘light’ as in ‘not heavy’ which is also interesting considering the many energetic charges given to the word ‘light’. There are thus several dimensions in this that are relevant to open up, which I will commence within blogs to come.

I suggest to read the previous posts before reading this post for context of what I will be walking:

21 DAY Commitment: (Day 1) Bringing Myself Back to Breath: DAY 133

Back to Breath (Day 2 of 21) MY “ME” IS MADE OF MEMORIES: DAY 134

Back To Breath (Day 3 of 21) There is only Room for One Here: DAY 135

Back To Breath (Day 4 of 21) Deliberate Cognitive Distortions: DAY 136

Back to Breath (Day 5 of 21) Social Engineered Mind Authority: DAY 137

Back to Breath (Day 6 of 21) Getting Off The Mental Hamster Wheel: DAY 138
Self-Forgiveness

Back to Breath (Day 7 of 21) Chasing Projections: DAY 139

Back to Breath (Day 8 of 21) Clarifying the Starting-Point: DAY 140

Back to Breath (Day 9 of 21) Not Good Enough as an Excuse Not to Change: DAY 141

Back to Breath (Day 10 of 21) I’m More in My Mind than in Life: DAY 142

Back to Breath (Day 11 of 21) Just Do What Makes You Happy! 143

Back to Breath (Day 12 of 21) The Happiness Doctrine: DAY 144

Back to Breath (Day 13 of 21) Pursuing Happiness: DAY 145

I also suggest reading the following series by Sunette Spies on happiness.
SELF-CORRECTIVE AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS

When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in an experience that I HAVE TO ‘do what makes me happy/feel good’ and/or where I experience a great resistance towards doing things that ‘do not make me happy/feel good’ as though I would be committing a sin if I were to stray away from this doctrine, I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that I’ve created a form of religion around doing only what makes me happy, partly based on adopting this perspective from my mother and how I related to my mother in a way that I took everything she said as literal doctrines and prescriptions for how to life and partly from my external environment as advertisements and music and self-help books and from my friends who were living according to the same doctrine and the entire industry of ‘happiness’ that is pushing this doctrine in multiple different ways. And I see, realize and understand that I’ve within creating a religion out of only doing that which makes me happy and through believing in doing what makes me happy as the answer to having a successful and effective life, I’ve in fact sacrificed and compromised actual real living and real satisfaction within and as a self-expression in self-honesty. So therefore I commit myself to let go of the religion of happiness that I’ve held within me and I commit myself to show how the doctrine of only doing that which makes us happy is being impulsed extensively within the consumerist system and how we through believing in happiness as a doctrine we follow religiously are compromising reality because only doing what makes us happy is a flawed principle as that which makes us happy in generating a positive experience is not necessarily that which is best for us or best for all and therefore cannot be trusted as a living principle – which makes it suspicious the extent to which we’ve been impulsing the happiness doctrine in our and each other’s lives. And I commit myself to show and expose how within us following only what makes us happy, we are actually only caring about ourselves and are accepting and justifying abuse of others and of life in general.

When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in an experience of fear that if I don’t do what makes me happy I will be miserable and my life will be miserable, I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that this is a classic religious fear where one fears the consequences of not following god or the church. So I commit myself to stop participating in fear of my life being miserable if I don’t do what makes me happy.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to only focus on my own happiness, where I see that I am participating in only focusing on my life and my happiness I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here seeing, realizing and understanding that the only way I can live only doing what makes me happy is through ignoring what is actually going on, on earth and also that through only caring about what makes me happy, I am by default ignoring what is actually going on, on earth and even more so: the fact that I am living here only caring about what makes me happy has massive extensive consequences in the lives of others because I am endorsing a system that is based on exploitation, abuse and inequality of the lives of others because that is the only way I’ve been able to do what makes me happy. I commit myself to show how we deliberately make ourselves blind to the reality of what is here, so that we can justify only doing what makes us happy in deceiving ourselves into believing that what we do as we only care about ourselves has no effect on anyone else, while that is absolute bullshit – because why would we else actively and deliberately ignore what is here as the suffering on earth, as the destruction of the planet, as the extinction of the animals. I commit myself to have the world here with me in every moment, not accepting or allowing myself to be complacent because I now understand, see and realize that this is a deliberate tactic of the mind to avoid taking responsibility for myself and so I commit myself to walk with the world here with me and to daily keep myself oriented about the situation on earth

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately and with full intention disregard the fact that my ability to do what makes me happy is entirely contingent upon my access to money and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately insist that ‘happiness does not cost anything’ and ‘you can be happy anywhere’ and ‘I don’t need any material things to be happy’ instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that everything of what I’ve defined as making me happy, has been provided through me in one way or another through my access to money.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as excuses within my mind and in conversations with others where I say that “happiness is not material” and “you can be happy anywhere” – I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that these kinds of statements are direct self-deception as happiness is contingent upon having money in this world as only people with money have the luxury to feel happy but I’ve deliberately deceived myself into believing that happiness is not dependent upon money, so that I could lie to myself and pretend that it is not my money that is the reason for why I can experience happiness and as such I can justify using my money on only making myself happy. So I commit myself to stop justifying my happiness through pretending that it is not contingent upon money and I commit myself to show those who claim that happiness has nothing to do with money, how this is not so, and how the people in this world who do not have money also do not have happiness.

To be continued

FREE Interviews and E-books:

* LifeReview – My Life as a Peace Activist

* The Spirituality of the Snail

* Spirituality Under the Microscope – Volume 2

* How I was able to Hear the Desteni Message

* What the FAQ in an Equal Money System – Volume 2

* Hell Spoof

* What makes me Starve in a World of Plenty

* Quantum Mind Self Awareness Step 1 and Step 2

Check out the New FREE course from Desteni: Desteni I Process Lite.

Suggest reading Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, support is available on forum on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All.

Back To Breath (Day 14 of 21) Happiness is a Warm Gun: DAY 146

Tags: Bernard Poolman, Desteni Cult, Desteni Group, Equal Money System, fake happiness, happiness cannot be bought, Happiness is a warm gun, how to be truly happy, true happiness, what makes her happy
3 Comments »

The Good Human is Pure Evil: DAY 116

September 21, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

“What is the Flaw of Human Rationality? It pretends not to see the Horror and Death at the End of the Schemes it Builds.” – Cosmopolis

This is in continuation to:

The Secret Mind Cover-Up Character: DAY 115

Discussions as the Battle between Good and Evil: DAY 114

Oops, You Missed a Spot! DAY 112

Bad Cop vs. Pure Evil: DAY 111

Staff Sargent F.E.A.R Thomsen: DAY 110

Wrestling Imaginary Alligators of the Mind: DAY 109

Becoming a Person of Integrity: DAY 102

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to approach myself/my process/my relationship with myself from a starting-point of speaking to myself in my mind (as backchat) and acting according to this backchat in deliberately ‘pulling myself together’ through which I will constrict my body, clench my fists and jaw and straighten myself like a solider, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

Because I see, realize and understand that I have within and as that moment, stepped into the ‘contain/control myself as evil’ character through which I believe that I must/can/should control and contain myself – as for example in acting in self-interest, addictions or secret mind fantasies that I’ve judged as ‘amoral’ – where I have assumed a character of ‘strength’ and ‘assertiveness’ like a solider preparing for battle, but where my assertiveness and strength is not real, because it is a character that I have deliberately assumed through entering into/accessing a specific energetic experience and not a self-directive expression and as such, I see, realize and understand that I cannot assert myself within and as a decision to stop a particular behavior or personality through this control/contain character, because I within and as it am judging/suppressing/fighting/fearing and making myself inferior to that which I perceive as ‘lurking in the shadows of my mind’ as ‘the evil/monster within me’ and as such are separating myself from myself as the monster within and as me, through attempting to resist it and push it away, instead of actually directing myself to understand who I am as this monster and why and how I am accepting and allowing myself to let this ‘monster/evil’ within be the directive principle over and as me. So I see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to step into the control/contain character, I am in fact doing nothing but providing a cover-up/cop-out for myself the secret mind, believing that ‘it’ is something separate from me that is dangerous and that I must repel and exorcise in/through fear and thus in fact only abdicate myself further to/as this secret mind entity that I’ve separated myself from/into/as – instead of facing, forgiving and embracing myself directly in and as it, in self-honesty and self-responsibility

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to want to ‘eradicate’ a part of myself through shoving it away, pushing it away, dismiss it and ‘get rid of it’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

I see, realize and understand that I within wanting to get rid of a part of myself, am in fact doing the exact opposite of taking self-responsibility and that ‘who I am’ within and as that is an imposed morally superior character based on judgments/ideas/opinions/beliefs through which I am in fact compounding and covering up that which I am attempting to annihilate from/as myself – exactly as how wars are manifested in the world that is supposed to bring peace but only brings more violence and that does in fact support the creation of peace on earth, but only more violence but through which the violence is made justified and as such is covered up

I commit myself to stop fighting myself as the secret mind and I commit myself to stop judging myself as the secret mind and I commit myself to stop separating myself from myself as the secret mind and I commit myself to instead face and embrace myself directly in/as the secret mind, through self-honesty in practically in/through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application where I bring all parts of/as the secret mind out into the open here so that I can direct myself and take responsibility for myself as the secret mind and accordingly direct myself to stand up within/as what is best for all

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience of fear towards exposing myself/being exposed as ‘who I am’ within/as the secret mind and where I will do anything to cover-up and avoid being exposed – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity

I see, realize and understand that I have not in fact feared myself as ‘the evil/monster inside of me’ but that I have only feared being caught as that and as such that I would not be able to continue living/existing as the secret mind as the ‘evil/monster inside myself’ because I would be faced with the consequences and thus as long as I keep ‘who I am’ secret I have believed that I could avoid the consequences of who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become and exist as exactly as everyone is hiding who they in fact are at all costs to avoid prosecution and the consequences of being caught – through which the law system has in fact served exactly like my control and contain character in perpetuating, compounding and justifying who we are within and as the secret mind and not to in fact understand the consequences of our actions and who and what we accept and allow ourselves to be and exist as and as such change and align ourselves with/within/as what is best for all – because to do that we must expose who we are and embrace who we are in fact in self-honesty so that we can forgive ourselves and thus release ourselves from the ‘spell’ we’ve placed ourselves under/into/as

And I see, realize and understand that through accepting myself in/as the secret mind, specifically as secret and thus with a bunch of characters that I have created/invented to cover-up/cover for the secret mind, I am directly and indirectly responsible for the secret mind’s dominion on/over this entire earth, where the truth of ourselves lurks in the shadows as civil wars that no one hears about except for the people suffering because of it, as exploitation of people for profit and as the immense abuse of animals that happens behind closed doors and that we are all well aware of, but where we portray happy farm animals on our milk cartoons and present meat clean and with the blood washed off so that we can pretend that we are not a part of – or responsible for or creating the brutality and abuse that is being perpetuated on this earth – exactly like it is the same men who go home to sing to their children in their ‘nice homes’ who will go to some outskirt of the earth and have sex with children or how people will become trapped in the addiction to porn because through it they believe they must hide themselves to not be exposed as the evil they accept and allow within and as them

I commit myself to expose and show the secret mind and to show how it is absolutely vital that we bring the secret mind out into the open and expose the fake and deliberate characters that we’ve placed as cover-up/covering for the secret mind because the secret mind is currently who we are as what we’re accepting and allowing to be the undercurrent that is governing this world through/within/as secrecy and until we uncover what we have deliberately covered up we can’t change ourselves or what is here in and as this world

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as a belief and experience that I am evil and that I am the only evil person on earth and that everyone else is ‘good’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

Because I see, realize and understand that I have created myself into and as a separate individual part and have as all created everyone into and as separate individual parts that believe that what they experience has nothing to do with everyone else and that through this I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and justify that ‘what I accept and allow in/as/through my mind in the secrecy of my private personal reality, stays in and as my mind in and as my private personal secret reality’ – so that I could in fact continue living/existing/acting in self-deception as deliberate abuse in denial of the consequence that my acceptance of/as myself has on everything/everyone all of existence

And I see, realize and understand that I’ve created a world system of/as a cover-up/covering for – as a veil of ‘civilization’, ‘meaning’, ‘benevolence’, ‘justice’ – exactly as within/as my own mind, through which I’ve hidden/suppressed/contained my true nature as humanity – as pure evil defined as the self-interest to deliberately abuse through deliberately denying the consequence of my creation as my responsibility – and so as I’ve believed my own lie, I have created a friction/conflict within and as myself between the reality of myself as that which I have kept secret and the cover-up of pretending that ‘everything is fine’ and ‘as it should be’ that I knew was a lie

I see, realize and understand that in every moment of participation where I brush off a point within and as myself that I see has consequences for others/the world and simply deny/ignore/suppress it within and as myself, I am literally and directly compounding a world system that is based on a lie that we have deliberately invented and agreed to lie by – those of us who are so ‘fortunate’ to be able to do so because we’re not directly and obviously faced with the physical, practical consequences of who and what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become – through which we’ve continued pretending that who we are and what we accept and allow has no consequences

I see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow myself to fight myself as the mind within and as separating myself from/as/within/into the mind in creating a morally superior character through which I judge/annihilate and suppress myself, I am directly responsible for, compounding and creating a world system with thousands of charity organizations and activists movements and religious/spiritual movements that “fight for peace/justice” and that has absolutely no effect but only perpetuate the self-deception and the consequences even further, through placing oneself in opposition to the system and as such as inferior to the system as well as superior to the system, and where we are ‘fighting’ ‘evil’ in the world without any result whatsoever because we are separating ourselves from the origin of evil which is ourselves and are thus only fueling the point even further by accepting ourselves as inferior in matching an ‘evil monster’ of superiority through which we are in fact confirming the authority of evil and abuse and are also justifying our own self-abdication and self-responsibility as the creators of the evil and abuse in the world instead of standing one and equal with/as/within the system and direct the system accordingly to create a world and a self that is best for all, through taking responsibility for all parts and manifestations that are here on earth as our own creation

I see, realize and understand that for me to change myself, I must stand equal to who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become AS the monster and that only by embracing/facing/forgiving myself AS the monster – can I change

I commit myself to equalize myself with/as all parts of manifestation in/as this reality/world as myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and as such enable myself, point by point, breath by breath, to take responsibility for the totality of the creation of what is here as myself as all

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as a belief/self-judgment/self-definition of myself as ‘having a tendency to give in/give up’ to the mind in/as specific patterns/experiences/addictions/behaviors as an ‘evil’ that I ‘can’t shake off’ or as something that ‘is within me, that is not me’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

Because I see, realize and understand that giving into/giving up to the mind is not a ‘personal tendency’ or ‘personal weaknesses’, nor is it a global ‘evil’ like the devil that is within me – because it is who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become since the inception of myself as a separate individualized entity and for all ‘intends and purposes’ it is ‘who I am’ and thus I see, realize and understand that by creating the mind, I had already abdicated myself to it and so it is not in fact ‘a tendency’ but in fact ‘who I am’ as who and what I’ve accepted myself as and who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to stand equal to – and therefore I see, realize and understand that there is no ‘fight’ or ‘battle between good and evil’ going on because ‘good and evil’ are two sides of the same coin and ‘the battle’ is that through which I as a mind generate energy from the physical to sustain myself and thus to sustain my own self-abdication of myself as life, through which I am in fact annihilating myself as life, which is evident by the process of death and which is evident within and as the manifestation of this world as a whole – where we in order to get THE MOST out of life, are in fact annihilating ourselves as life.

I see, realize and understand that I have deliberately created ‘good’ and ‘evil’ so that I could justify myself in and as an illusion of ‘fighting for the good’ and thus I see, realize and understand that when I give in/give up to the mind, I justify myself as a victim to evilness and make the excuses that ‘I fought for the good, but the evil was too strong’ when in fact I’ve already decided ‘who I am’ which is self-abdication and separation of myself as life, into and as a figment of imagination as the mind through which I live out my desire for energies and experiences

I commit myself to stop, let go of and release the idea/belief/experience/acceptance and self-judgment that I have a tendency to ‘fall for’ the mind – and I commit myself to stand clear within and as the realization that who I am is the mind and the mind is who I am and that whatever I experience and participate within and as is 100 % my own responsibility and creation

I commit myself to stop all definitions/experiences/ideas/beliefs about myself as ‘good’ and ‘evil’

I commit myself to develop self-trust within/as myself through consistent application and pushing for absolute self-honesty within/as myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and I commit myself to through this development of self-trust and self-integrity through consistency, stand up as life, to walk out of the mind and into the physical, and I commit myself to dedicate myself to apply myself in self-honesty in every moment of every breath, to change myself into someone who lives what is best for all and so the decision to trust myself – in/as walking process

I commit myself to let go of all fears and beliefs that I can’t trust myself to walk process absolutely – within seeing, realizing and understanding that this is simply a decision I make in every moment of every breath and that I make every time I ‘fall’ until I am simply standing here in/as self-trust as who I am.

Give yourself the daily gift of reading the blogs from Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk!

Tags: Being a good person, Bernard Poolman, Desteni, Desteni Cult, evil inside me, Evil people, my evil mind, remove the darkness within, the devil in a sunday hat, The good human
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The Secret Mind Cover-Up Character: DAY 115

September 20, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

Who and What is the Secret Mind? What is the Character that Covers the Secret Mind Up with Lies and Morality to Let the Secret Mind Roam in the Shadows?

This is in continuation to:

Discussions as the Battle between Good and Evil: DAY 114

Oops, You Missed a Spot! DAY 112

Bad Cop vs. Pure Evil: DAY 111

Staff Sargent F.E.A.R Thomsen: DAY 110

Wrestling Imaginary Alligators of the Mind: DAY 109

Becoming a Person of Integrity: DAY 102

When and as I see that I am seeing/perceiving/experiencing/reacting towards a conflict in my external environment – meaning in others or in my relationship to/with others, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

Because I see, realize and understand that when I in fact see a conflict in my external reality in common sense self-honesty, equality and oneness, there is no reaction and I stand equal and one with what I see within and as myself within and as understanding the process of creation through which I have manifested the particular conflict and accordingly I am able to direct it effectively – because it is no different to directing myself and as I’ve equalized myself in/as the point of conflict, I also understand how to direct the conflict in aligning/re-aligning to what is best for all. Within this – I see, realize and understand that whenever I am reacting towards a conflict that I see/perceive/experience in/as my external environment – that I am no longer seeing what is here in fact, but am projecting a conflict within and as myself onto my external reality and thus that the conflict that I am seeing as external, is in fact showing me a conflict within and as me that I have separated myself from/into/as and thus I see, realize and understand that I require stopping myself from reacting and instead bring the point of conflict back to myself so that I can equalize myself with/as the point conflict and through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application take self-responsibility for the conflict that I have manifested and created within and as me and that I have separated myself from/into/as and projected onto a separate external reflection of myself so that I may release the conflict and resolve the conflict in a way that is best for all where I stand one and equal to/with/as the point of conflict and direct myself accordingly to change.

I commit myself to stop externalizing my inner conflicts and I commit myself to take responsibility within and as myself for having separated myself from my inner conflicts and through this have projected my inner conflicts onto an externalized reflection of myself and through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application bring the point of conflict back to myself and accordingly direct myself in common sense self-honesty to release and let go of the conflict and equalize the origin point of the conflict within/as me to what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop externalizing myself through separating myself from myself, where I would see my external environment through my own mind and thus as a reflection of my own self-separation – and I commit myself to do that, through identifying and making myself aware of when and as I am seeing/perceiving/experiencing/defining what is here as more-than this physical reality and to accordingly bring this back to myself so that I can take responsibility for that of and as myself that I’ve separated into and as an externalized reality.

An example of this can be how we, when being ‘in a bad mood’ of for example feeling depressed, it will look like the entire world is depressed, rain will appear ‘sad’, everything suddenly looks grey and often we will interpret it as such that it is this external ‘sad’ reality that is causing our experience of depression and sadness when in fact it is the exact reverse. Similarly to how one, when one is ‘in love’ will suddenly see the world as more colorful or glowing – which is no different. So the point is to identify these ‘filters’ that we lay upon the physical reality which is actually a really cool tool to identify how we’ve separated ourselves from ourselves, because each filter is telling us something about ourselves – and is not in fact a representation and reflection of the actual physical reality.

When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience of feeling/thinking/believing/experiencing/blaming something/someone in/as my external reality for how I experience myself, as though they are the creator of and thus responsible for how I experience myself – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

I see, realize and understand that blaming another for how I experience myself is a deliberate application of self-manipulation that I have used to abdicate self-responsibility for myself and for myself as the creator of myself and the experiences that I accept and allow within and as me. I see, realize and understand that it is through this projection-of-responsibility character, that I am directly responsible for and the creator of religions where people hold an idea of a god/devil responsible for who they are – and as such disenfranchise their own ability to change their situation through which they justify the continuation of their existence in and as abuse and powerlessness

I commit myself to stop all blame within and as myself and I commit myself to stop and let go of the belief that another can in any way be responsible for what I experience within and as myself and as such I commit myself to give myself back the power to change myself through giving myself back the responsibility and authority for who I am and thus for changing who I am to a being that is best for all

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as a judgment/blame/resentment/experience/perception/belief/definition/acceptance of another as being untrustworthy through which I experience myself as morally superior and thus as trustworthy in comparison to another – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and my physical body in and as self-integrity

Because I see, realize and understand that I have separated myself from my own untrustworthiness (for example) and through this have created an additional personality/character/entity of ‘looking down upon’ myself as superior to myself that I have thus projected outside myself onto my relationship with another – that in fact is reflecting my polarized relationship with myself, in and through which I am in fact deceiving and diluting myself to believe that I am morally superior to another that I see as morally inferior so as to abdicate my own self-responsibility for myself as being untrustworthy

I commit myself to stop and let go of the morally superior character and I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, bring to the surface of my awareness here, to deconstruct and expose to myself in self-honesty all the character that I have invented and placed myself in/as through which I have created internal conflict and friction within and as placing myself in/through/as my mind in oppositional characters of polarity where one will be the dominant but hidden/secret character where the other will be the visible/public character that is inferior from the perspective of me not actually accepting myself as it, but only use it to cover-up the secret character and as such create a self-relationship/self-definition/self-image where the public character is the dominant/superior as that is one I participate within and validate through/as/within my conscious mind and through which I deliberately suppress/hide the secret character through judging/fearing/being ashamed of it and such through which I accept and allow myself to remain enslaved to/as this character by allowing myself to exist in/as it in secrecy as an undercurrent that I have made myself deliberately unaware of

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to step into the morally superior character towards myself through which I judge myself and ‘look down upon’ a part/aspect/point of participation of/as myself that I in/as this character see as inferior/a threat/bad/a monster/must be suppressed – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

I see, realize and understand that the only purpose of the morally superior character is in fact to hide and cover-up a secret character of immorality – in/as deliberate self-interest so as to be able to continue existing in/as this character of self-interest through justifying it by placing a moral superiority upon myself so that “At least I feel bad about what I have done/who I am” and through deliberately keeping it secret through suppression through judgment/shame and as such separate myself into two oppositional characters that exist interdependently

I commit myself to stop all judgments of myself and all reactions towards myself through which I suppress myself

I commit myself to stop hiding the characters that I have accepted as ‘who I really am’ within and as my ‘real’ motivation for participation/being/living in a specific way that I know is within a starting-point of self-interest and abuse and that I thus have hidden from myself deliberately and feared deliberately – so that I could continue existing in/as it in secrecy in the belief that I could thus avoid the consequences of and what I accept and allow myself to be/exist as and as such avoid taking self-responsibility for who I accept myself as

I see, realize and understand that there is absolutely no avoiding or escaping the consequences of whom and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become/exist as and that it is only through separating myself from myself as the whole of existence and deliberately make some ‘parts’ of and as myself – such as other human beings, animals or the entire earth pay and suffer and face the consequences in my name

I see, realize and understand that I have made myself deliberately oblivious to the consequences of who and what I accept and allow myself to be/exist as where I have no clue whatsoever what the consequences in fact are of my every move, word, thought and deed and that it is specifically because I have been born into a society with the most money and into a stable system through which I have been able to hide the consequences from myself and as such deceive myself into believing that whatever happens on the other side of the world – or even in the apartment next to mine, is not my responsibility or creation. And as such – I see, realize and understand that I have deliberately accepted and allowed myself to create consequences of utmost abuse, suffering and pain for billions of beings on this earth – beings as animals that are left to rot or kept in secret facilities while humans conduct experiments on them or breed them in horrendous conditions for profit – all the while I have been living my life and have taken my ability to buy cheap products and products that are ‘tested’ to not make me sick – without ever considering how that is made possible or what the consequences are and how I am in fact creating those consequences through who and what I accept and allow myself to be.

I commit myself to face the consequences of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and exist as, directly and I commit myself to develop the ability and self-honesty and equality required for me to in fact see in absolute detail and specificity the exact consequences of my every action, word, thought and deed, so that I may enable myself to assess whether a point of participation is best for all or not

I commit myself to show that who and what we each accept ourselves as, both within ourselves and in our participation in this reality, is the creating the total sum of consequences as well as the individual consequences manifested in/on/as this earth – even when we don’t see it, admit it or are aware of it – and that there is NO running away from who we are within and as the consequences we are manifesting: either we keep creating consequences which will only create more suffering or we stop take responsibility through getting to know ourselves and understand how we are in fact creating this world and as such commit ourselves to change – no matter what, we WILL face and walk through the consequences

When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience of fear towards a part of and as myself that I see emerging in a moment either within myself or as reflected in another and I immediately want to suppress/hide myself as that part of myself – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back to myself here in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.

(To be continued)

The Secret Mind Cover Up Character: DAY 115

Tags: Bernard Poolman, Desteni, Desteni Cult, Good person, Inner Being, integrity, Moral Person, morality, Secret Mind
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Wrestling Imaginary Alligators of the Mind: DAY 109

September 13, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

Is it Possible to Control the Mind? How do we Control the Monsters of the Mind? Must we Fight Them? How do we Develop Self-Trust in a world without Trust?

I am here sharing a point of feeling myself totally powerless towards having discussions with others. And so when I do ‘share’ my perspective – it will not be in breath, here breathing, supporting another unconditionally as myself or in common sense, but will be a ‘hissy fit’ in fact of blame, resentment, judgment, spite and desperation. I literally make it a fight. The worst part is that from what I can see at the moment, there is no distinction between points that in fact ARE unacceptable and that requires correction and support and points where I am interpreting what my partner is saying from within a reaction in myself. This means that I have no effective way of directing, trusting or assessing myself in the moment of communication. Often it leads to fights where I am primarily the one that is fighting, where I’ll raise my voice to a higher pitch and go into ‘discussion mode’ which I experience within myself as ‘battling the beast’ – almost like I am here as a ‘god fearing’ Christian person who is battling ‘the devil within’.

I’ve applied self-forgiveness and written on this point quite extensively on my Danish blog, however it still happens, and afterwards I feel ashamed, feel shitty, evil and guilty. In the moment of experiencing anger, I definitely experience it as righteous and even necessary for me to become angry as I perceive myself as being ‘up against’ a sort of ‘mind/ego-monster’ that is extremely powerful and resourceful and that can twist my words and manipulate me to doubt myself and take the blame on myself. This specific experience comes from memories of past relationships where I did this – but obviously all of it, is reflecting my relationship with myself. Afterwards I experience myself depleted and strained in/on my physical body.

When I bring this back to myself I can see that these points most often emerge when I have compromised myself in my own living participation, when I have shown myself that I cannot be trusted to care for what is best for all, when I have sabotaged a point of responsibility that I have taken and I am fighting inside/with myself believing that I must control and contain my own ‘beast’ or ‘monster’ of self-interest, ego and inconsideration.

So if I bring all of this back to myself, this is what the point is: I am not effectively directing myself to live in a way that is best for all. I fight with myself as ‘who I am’ in/as self-interest/ego in actually perceiving/experiencing/believing/accepting ‘who I am’ as self-interest/ego to be ‘more than’ and ‘stronger than’ me. This is based on memories of myself ‘giving in and giving up’ where I know that I have a tendency to do so and accept that ‘this is who I am and will be’ and instead of directing myself in practicality, self-support and common sense, I’ll judge myself and fight myself and believe that I must ‘control/contain the monster’ to become someone who can be trusted with caring for what is best for all. And as I accept myself – yet suppress and separate myself from/within/as – so will I see, perceive and experience my partner in/as a direct reflection of my relationship with myself. I am in fact ‘the monster’ that does not care and I am also the one who does not trust myself to care because of holding onto memories/definitions of myself as being untrustworthy and therefore have employed a point of self-control/containment to ‘deal with the issue’ which does in fact NOT deal with the issue, because my starting-point within that has been accepting that ‘this is who I am and will ever be’ and as such accepting myself as ‘the monster’ as superior and myself as the directive principle to decide who I am/will be as inferior as well as suppressing myself as ‘the monster’ in judging/moralizing it as inferior and presenting a superior character of ‘care’.

WHO is ‘The Monster’ of Self-Interest, Ego and Justification?

If I am cleaning and my starting-point is to “just get it over with” I will often neglect a specific point that I see requires cleaning. In that moment I know exactly what I am doing, I know that I am compromising myself and my living environment and I’ll come up with justifications like “well, it’s not that bad” or “I’ll leave it for later” or “I got so much to do so if I do this as well, I won’t have time for the important stuff.”

I do it through procrastinating deliberately – and it is within this deliberateness that I undermine and devalue my own self-integrity – I see what is required yet I CHOOSE not to do it, because I DON’T WANT TO. An example can be resisting any point of application and then complying with that resistance. That is undermining my own authority as directive principle and thus my development of self-integrity. I thus can’t trust myself to act in the best interest of all, because what is currently sitting in the driver seat deciding where I’m going is who I am as the mind, as self-interest and ego. But then at the same time, on top of this, I’ve placed another image of me as a responsible driver sitting there steering myself towards a world that is best for all. Clearly a point of self-deception.

I discussed all of this with my partner and he also pointed out that the main point in all of this is self-distrust where I allow thoughts/backchat/emotions and feelings to be the directive principle of how I care for – and control the cats and him and that I don’t trust myself to be here in the moment in directing myself HERE. The point that then immediately came up within me is: “well of course I can’t trust myself . Just look at me .” And then I’ll start listing in my mind all the reasons and ways that I can’t trust myself. What I’ve seen within this is that if I hold onto the belief that I can’t trust myself and within that experience it as righteous because I am saying to myself that “At least I know that I can’t trust myself and then take measures of control to ensure I don’t do harm”. When I think about the fact that I can’t trust myself, I experience a sense of ‘pride’ almost, like I am being ‘really self-honest’. “I am SO self-honest that I can admit that I can’t be trusted. That’s at least something.” But then when am I ever going to trust myself? When am I ever going to allow myself to build self-trust if all I do is remind myself how I can’t be trusted? And is that not exactly perpetuating the self-distrust in that I through that give myself permission to ‘not be trustworthy’? Yes. The cats thus represent my relationship towards ‘life’ as the process of changing myself to become a person that cares for what is best for all and that acts accordingly in every moment. The cats are what I see/define as Life/Innocence. My partner represents my relationship with myself in/as the mind and then the pivot as the question of how to live effectively as what is best for all, represents my process of walking myself out of the mind and into the physical in equality and oneness.

The solution:

What I see as the solution is that I must identify how I am untrustworthy to myself and then change these points of participation from self-distrust and compromise to self-trust and self-integrity, within and as changing the directive principle within which I apply myself in the particular point – and in all points. Furthermore I see that I require releasing and letting go of the belief/acceptance that I can’t be trusted/am not trustworthy. Because I can see how I’ve been using that as a backdoor to justify why I can’t apparently trust myself and then if/when I allow myself to deliberately compromise a point of participation, I can say: “see, I said I could not be trusted.” I believe that I must control my way out of the mind, that I must ‘smoke it out’ with force and contain it, like wrestling a giant alligator and using constraints to control it because I know that it’s stronger than me and would eat me in a second. The thing is though that there is no alligator and the alligator is not fighting me. It’s merely doing what I’ve programmed it to do in my abdication of myself. So it’s like instructing the mind to drive me for me, so that I can sit with my feet up and ‘enjoy the ride’ and then instructing it to “whatever I do or say, don’t let me take over the steering wheel” and then suddenly start yelling and screaming that “I must now take over the steering wheel” and “why are you driving? Why are you not letting me drive, it’s my car”. Lol.

So this entire point is actually utterly simplistic – because the point is for me to start taking responsibility for myself and that means within the immediacy of the moments of my day because that is where ‘the real shit goes down’. This is the point – to change/direct/correct myself within and as the menial moments of my daily participation and to change all these points, point by point, writing by writing, breath by breath, until I’ve stood equal to and have directed myself in self-responsibility and are simply here directing myself immediately in the moment. I can’t trust myself because I have not directed myself in every moment to become someone who can be trusted. It’s as simple as that. Wallowing in me not being able to trust myself is not going to change a damn thing – on the contrary. It’ll only open backdoors for me to slip through saying “sorry, I couldn’t help it” with a cheeky smile on my face and blushing cheeks. It’s not a matter of turning this point into an emotional farce/drama of saying “ohhh nooooo, I can’t trust myself, I’m so bad and evil” OR to say: “I can so totally trust myself, I’m awesome, it’s everyone else who’s fucked.” There is absolutely no practical reason for me not being able to change and direct myself in self-trust, trusting myself to develop self-trust. And there is absolutely no practical reason that I can’t live with my partner and the cats in a way that is effective, through me standing as an example within my relationship with myself. So that is my directive from here on out.

In my next post I will commence with self-forgiveness and self-corrective commitment statements.

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Tags: Bernard Poolman, Blame, Desteni Cult, Don Quixote, Forgiveness, Human, Mind, relationships, self trust, Self-Distrust, Thought, Tilting Windmills, Wrestling Alligators
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Gluttony: DAY 107

September 9, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

What is Gluttony? Why do we become Gluttonous? Is there no end to Gluttony? When will we stop Consuming Life to be Life? How does one stop being a Glutton?

(It is suggested to watch The Century of The Self for context to this blog series)

I am continuing here with Self-Corrective Self-Commitment statements on the Consumption Character from:

When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as fear as equating the feeling/experience of ‘nothing’ when I don’t have an external point of stimulation on or inside my body with dying/not being alive and thus within and as that believe that when I take/get a point of external stimulation I will be/become alive and not die – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in self-integrity within and as the decision and dedication to stand up in equality and oneness as what is best for all.

When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to fear not being alive/living/that I will die if I don’t have an external point of stimulation to consume/ingest/digest within and as me – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in self-integrity within and as the decision and dedication to stand up in equality and oneness as what is best for all.

I see, realize and understand that I have equated and defined living/being alive with/as only an energetic experience of MORENESS that I’ve derived from consuming the physical and I see, realize and understand how this is in fact how I’ve lived and existed in/as the exact opposite of living/being alive and how the consequence of me living this miss-equation is in fact the depletion, destruction, death of me and through which I’ve never in fact accepted or allowed myself to live, because I only believed/accepted/experienced living as something MORE than what is Here, not seeing realizing or understanding that MORE and LESS is an interdependent polarity manifestation that within it’s construct/design is infinite as MORE always wants MORE and always equates /produces/is produced by the acceptance/manifestation/experience of LESS

I commit myself to stop hunting/chasing/wanting/needing/desiring MORE than what is HERE and I commit myself to realize that what is HERE is WHOLE yet that I determine and direct what that WHOLENESS is – which is at the moment, because of who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become in my desire for MORE, is in fact LESS – because I’ve denied, disregarded, devalued what is HERE as WHOLENESS as myself as who I am

When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and the Consumption Character in and as constant fear of lacking, losing, not being satisfied or full or whole – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back HERE to myself in and as my physical body in self-integrity within and as the decision and dedication of/as myself to stand up in equality and oneness as what is best for all

I see, realize and understand that the only reason I would fear/experience myself as NOT whole, is because I have already accepted myself as a hole – as a manifestation of lacking/loss/leaking as a separate entity that exists in competition with everything/everyone else to consume life – and I see, realize and understand that my want/need/desire to become whole/full/complete/satisfied is in fact me confirming and validating and legitimizing myself as half/hole/lost/losing/lacking/leaking within and as accepting myself as separate from what is HERE as myself in and as my physical body and as all of existence as a whole

I see, realize and understand that I can never ‘get to’ WHOLENESS unless/until I realize that I exist within/as the WHOLE that is Here as all of existence – and thus I see, realize and understand that I within my desire/want/need/urge/chasing after MORE – as wholeness, completeness, satisfaction, fullness – was in fact only confirming/validating and legitimizing my own DELIBERATE Self-Separation where I in fact did not want to be WHOLE, but wanted to CONSUME ALL and TAKE ALL and in my delusional belief defined this as being/becoming WHOLE while all I did was digging myself into and as a bigger and bigger HOLE in/through/as my mind

Thus – I see, realize and understand that being WHOLE means to give up the delusion/illusion of separation, which means that I must realize myself as the WHOLE that is HERE and take responsibility for myself as the WHOLE that is here and walk-with/as the WHOLE that is HERE in bringing myself back to WHOLENESS in/as Equality and Oneness – which I can only do – if I give up and let go of my quest to become/be/get/have/consume/take MORE and

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application in taking responsibility for myself as who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as my abdication and separation of and from myself to transform myself into a being, as a human being that GIVES to all as myself as I FOR-GIVE me in GIVING myself back to myself – through stepping out of the Consumption Character as the Desire for MORE/Fear of LOSS

I commit myself to become someone that GIVES as I would like to receive and I see, realize and understand that I can only do/be/live that by letting go of FEAR of LOSS because it is through fear of loss that I am keeping myself existing within and as the Consumption Character in greed and self-interest

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as fear that whatever I perceive/experience/believe that I have, will be taken from me by another as outside and separate from me and that I will thus be lacking/losing that which I have – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here – to myself in and as my physical body in self-integrity in and as the decision and dedication of/as myself to stand up in equality and oneness as what is best for all

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an urge/want/need/desire to take/get/have/consume MORE based on the fear that another will take form me what I believe that I have – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here – to myself in and as my physical body in self-integrity in and as the decision and dedication of/as myself to stand up in equality and oneness as what is best for all

I see, realize and understand that when/as I accept and allow myself to justify and thus act on the urge/want/need/desire to take/get/have/consume MORE based on the fear that another will take form me what I believe that I have, I am directly and indirectly responsible for and the creator of the inequality existing on earth, where countless beings are suffering in absolute hell while a minute few exist in over-consumption and just keeps consuming/taking more and more

Thus – I commit myself to stop, delete and let go of the urge/want/need/desire to take/get/have/consume MORE and I commit myself to develop a way of living that is in equilibrium with/as all life as what is best for all through the implementation of an Equal Money System and through bringing myself back here to the physical in and as equality with/as my physical body through breathing/breath

When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into and as a positive energetic experience when I consume/have consumed something externally onto or in my body where I feel and experience myself satisfied/full/whole/happy/excited/relaxed/feeing complete/whole – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in self-integrity in the decision and dedication of/as myself to stand up in equality and oneness as what is best for all

I see, realize and understand that the Consumption Character is not Real – because the Consumption Character is not HERE in and as the Physical, yet it is dependent upon the Physical to maintain itself as it extracts energy from the physical only to maintain itself as the Consumption Character

I see, realize and understand that the positive energetic experience that I’ve derived from Consuming the Physical has been within and as experiencing myself obtaining/getting/being/becoming/having MORE which in fact only has been within and as experiencing/accepting myself as LESS in and through my separation of and from myself HERE in and as the physical

I commit myself to stop participating in positive energetic experiences when consuming something externally in and onto my physical body and I commit myself to change myself into someone who nurtures myself in oneness and equality with/as the physical and through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application investigate and get to know myself in detail and specificity as all the points/parts/aspects of and as myself through which I have accepted and allowed myself to consume more than what is required for me to sustain myself and to develop a way of nurturing myself in a way that is best for all through getting to know and understand how the physical works in detail in equality and oneness so that I can direct myself accordingly

I commit myself to support myself to walk through and breathe through the fear of not constantly consuming and to support myself through breathing, to remain here in and as my physical body in and as stepping out of the mind and the addiction to energy that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become consumed by/within/as

When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to through backchat participate within and as a belief/idea/experience as a justification that it is the physical that – as something separate from me – is ‘demanding/craving/needing/urging/wanting’ to consume and thus that I am blaming the physical and making the physical responsible for my addiction to energy and my abdication of myself to the Consumption Character – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in self-integrity in the decision and dedication of/as myself to stand up as life in equality and oneness as what is best for all.

I see, realize and understand that by projecting myself as the Consumption Character onto the Physical I have abdicated self-responsibility for myself as the creator of the Consumption Character and have thus abdicated myself to the Consumption Character within and as accepting the Consumption Character as MORE than me – as Superior to me here in the physical and that I have thus abdicated my power to change myself and to stop and step out of the Consumption Character

I commit myself to equalize myself to/as the Consumption Character by taking responsibility for myself as the creator of and as the Consumption Character and accordingly take responsibility for stopping, deleting and stepping out of the Consumption Character

(To be continued)

Tags: #TeamLife, Bernard Poolman, Century of The Self, Desteni Cult, Earth, Gina Rinehart, Glutton, Gluttony, Gluttony as Sin, Gollum, One Ring, Sméagol, Substance Abuse
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Who I am as a Christian: DAY 5

April 19, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

Here am investigating the label of “being a Christian” and “Christianity” as how it has existed and played a significant role in the world. I have not in any way been brought up as a Christian myself. My mother however was brought up in a quite strict Christian home and the reason the family allegedly became Christians was because they were in past generations partaking too much in card-games and drinking and in that risking to lose their farms in gambling. It was then my great grandmother put a stop to all the “sinning” and they all became devoted and serious Christians. My mother then in her generation, stepped out of the church and brought me up strictly atheist. She would always say “there is more between heaven and earth but I want nothing to do with it.” For her the church had been a oppressor lead by her own mother, that forced her to suppress her self-expression and feel ashamed and guilty. So she opted out. I was christened and had a confirmation as part of the traditional protestant ceremonies, but none of it was done in the spirit of faith of any form.

As I started participating with Desteni and started unraveling the patterns and personalities I have become, I could see how the point of Christianity and being a Christian culturally was permeating me pervasively. Whether I would like it or not – I was a Christian. So when I here in this writing investigate myself as a Christian and as Christianity, it is based on this subconscious participation (meaning where I was not aware of it, but still lived it as it was passed onto me culturally and in the family) as well as the Christianity that I have seen playing out within and between human beings on earth – seeing it as myself and investigating how I have allowed myself to become a Christian. So I am walking this point for all, from here as myself. This is thus in no way meant to slander Christians or Christianity, but to expose the true nature and purpose of Christianity and to discover how Christianity can be redefined in way so that it can be lived and applied as what is Best for All. If any reactions come up, I suggest to investigate those for oneself as they provide a clue to the lies that we have told ourselves to not have to face the true nature of who and what we have become. What is cool about walking the point of Christianity from this perspective, is that I in fact have little personal experience with it – although for the points of judgment I do have, I will too forgive myself. But otherwise I will look at Christianity as it exists in general and as such might be able to see points that those who have had a more close relationship with Christianity might not immediately see, exactly as they might see points I do not see and as such we bring back all the “missing pieces” of how we have created and designed ourselves into and as that institution and relationship that is Christianity and the personality accompanying as “being a Christian.” – So this is merely a layer of Christianity. All the layers must be opened up; exposed and purified until all aspects of Christianity and being a Christian stands within the living application of what is best for all Life. I invite all to partake in this Journey of Life to discover the construct and label that is Christianity and being a Christian.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the cross is not a symbol of unity or holy sacrifice, but that it is a symbol of violence, separation and conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place all my faith and hope for humanity in the resurrection of Jesus Christ

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Jesus speaks to me in my mind, instead of seeing, realizing and understand that the only one that exists in my mind is me and that I have created the character of Jesus in separation of and from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in an afterlife consisting of hell and heaven, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that hell is here on earth and that earth could be a living heaven for all, if I dedicate myself to do all and everything possible to ensure that what is best for all life become the living principle within which I live and to stop all preoccupation with hoping for a better life in the after life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going to hell and to hope that I will go to heaven, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that hell is already here on earth and that the heaven I hope to go to when I die, is not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the bible as a holy book and to believe that if I follow all the rules and doctrines and words as they are stated in the bible, that I will go to heaven

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place blind faith and trust in the bible and that what is written in the bible is in fact the word of god instead of questioning for myself whether the words of the bible are standing for what is best for all life or not and such decide for myself if I will live those words or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a Christian in the belief that I have chosen Christ and the faith in god and the church on my own volition and in my own free will, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have been programmed and brain-washed to place all worth, value, faith and trust outside myself, within seeing that that was what my parents did and as such to please them and to ensure my own survival, I submitted myself unconditionally to the belief in god, Christ, the church and the bible without ever asking or questioning this for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I simply within defining myself as a Christian, are saved from the consequences as suffering, abuse and inequality that is manifested here on this earth, by god as a reward for my blind obedience and in that never question how such a god could allow such atrocities to exist in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Jesus died for my sins and that I am inherently a sinner – yet at the same time believe that I am created in the image and likeness of god and such not allow myself to see the direct contradictions and flaws that are evident in the Christian doctrine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and blindly trust in the righteousness of god to punish humanity for sinning, when in fact, sin could not exist without god creating the possibility for sinning in the first place and such that god is the creator of sin and thus responsible for sin and thus punishing humanity as his own creation for what he has created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the wrath of god and to fear being sent to hell and forever burn in the flames separated forever more from god – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that this physical world as this earth, is already burning in flames and will exist as a hell until I stand up and take self-responsibility, realizing that I am the creator that I have separated myself from, into and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and design the concept of “god” and “god” as the ruler of the kingdom of earth, heaven and hell – deliberately so as to justify my own separation from and of myself and so as to justify my own abdication of and from myself as the creator and so to project myself as good and evil onto an after-life that I must create blind faith to believe in, because I cannot go there without dying and such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap and enslave myself to live and exist in a life of anticipation, waiting, hoping and fearing for the after-life, not living here in any way what so ever because I believed that the after-life was the real life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify why I have a life with comforts, money, resources and earthly pleasures, by making-up the belief that I am blessed by god and such explain to myself in my own mind why it is righteous and acceptable that I have while others do not have, in the belief that I am special, chosen by god, a good Christian and as such that those who do not have what I have must be bad and that it is therefore fair and just that they are suffering

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and a polarity relationship between being good and being bad, believing myself to be inherently a sinner and thereby justify for myself when I commit a “sin” that I could not help myself because I was “born that way” and within that create an experience of guilt and shame that I believe that through punishing myself before god, I have redeemed myself and hope that god will therefore have mercy with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the devil for my “sins” and as such justify why I have allowed myself to “sin” and as such allow myself to continuing “sinning” by making the excuse that I am “weak” and that I cannot take responsibility for myself, because what I do and who I am is the responsibility of “god” or “the devil”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the responsibility for my actions onto two points of polarity as “good” and “evil” outside separate from me, as “the devil” and “god” and within and through that have justified the total and complete abdication of self-responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that god is almighty and good and that if evil exists then it is the fault of the human that has allowed itself to be seduced by “the devil”, instead of seeing that this makes no sense, as god would always hold the primary responsibility for what is created

I forgive myself that I, within creating the concept of god to justify my separation from and of myself, have created the concept of “free will” and a such abdicated all self-responsibility for myself as the creator, by making-up the story that god in his goodness gave humanity free will to test their faith in him

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that “original sin” can only be created by god and as such that only god can be responsible for the creation of “original sin” and within that I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have created both the concept of god and the concept of “original sin” to separate myself from myself there as the creator of what is here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the concept of “free will” cannot exist together with the concept of the punishment of god as the punishment of god indicates conditioning and consequence while free will stands within the concept of no consequence. As such, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest myself within the definition Christianity as existing in the tension field between “free will” and conditioning, not ever seeing, realizing or understanding how I have trapped myself and deceived myself to be able to live without taking self-responsibility for myself as the creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that every story told in Christianity, tells the truth of what really happened and who and why and how we are here on earth, and within that never allow or dare myself to question or to find out for myself whether this is so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that god has created life to test his creation to determine who is worthy of living with him in heaven and to immediately wish and hope and want and desire to be the one that gets to live with god in heaven, never questioning why god would create existence as separate, why god would create the human as not good enough and as having to prove itself worthy to god, instead of simply creating a reality and an existence where all is perfect and there is no separation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe and trust in Christianity and in myself as a Christian out of fear, that if I don’t, I will go to hell and burn forever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that god could see everything I was doing and thinking and feeling and as such fear the punishment, wrath and judgment of god, yet at the same time experience and accept myself completely submitted to god and such accept myself as complete free of responsibility and consequence, within the belief that all is in the hands of god

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything something good happens to me – especially when it comes to money – that I am blessed by god and such more than those who do not have money, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I only have money because I am born into a system, where I have been conditioned and programmed to have, while other do not have and that this system is the manifestation and consequence of my own separation of and from myself that I have justified through creating the construct, entity and belief in god as a creator outside separate from me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the construct of god, to deliberately separate myself from myself as the creator

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the construct of polarity as heaven and hell as outside separate from me, specifically in the construct of the afterlife where I have no access and such separated myself from the responsibility and consequence of what I have accepted and allowed my creation to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that I, within the definition of myself as “a Christian” am a “good person” without ever questioning or considering what that would practically mean or entail – and how I have been existing in and as a polarity relationship in my mind with that I have judged as “bad” believing that if I practiced and believed enough in Christianity and in Christ and in god I could be or become good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people believing in Christ, Christianity and god are good people and that people not believing in Christ, Christianity and god and the bible are bad people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I question my faith, belief and self-definition as “a Christian” that I will be bad, instead of realizing and seeing that “good” and “bad” are two sides of the same polarity that exists co-dependently and thus cannot exist without one another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in sin

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a sinner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believed that I have sinned when I allowed myself to deliberately abuse and cheat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in sin in and as a moral polarity relationship to sanctity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a saint

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a saint

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define saints as good and positive and sinners as bad and negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity relationship to, towards the words saint and sinner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a polarity relationship between the words saint and sinner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my actions is what determines whether I will be accepted as life or not – and thereby interpret and understand “being accepted as life” as separate from me and as based on a Christian belief of redemption and tiding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify suffering, abuse and war in the name of god

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize or understand that within the very justification of creating war in the name of god, I have contradicted my belief that god is all-loving and all-mighty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the suffering and abuse of children in the name of god

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately instill the fear of god in my children, to ensure that they would remain on what I believed to be “the righteous path” which in fact was nothing more than my own fear of god – hiding my own fear of facing myself as creator

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and trust that everything that it says in the bible is true, because my parents told me so, because I trust my parents to speak the truth and to know everything there is to know about the world

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider, that my parents have been brainwashed exactly as I have been brainwashed to without question, accept the bible as the truth, within fearing that were I to question the bible, god, jesus and the church, I would have to question this entire reality and why and how it exists and I would be faced with myself as creator, in the realization that everything and all that is here, is my creation and responsibility and that there is nothing or no one “behind” this world or existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, experience, define, accept and judge myself as superior within the label of being “a Christian” comparing myself to those that are not labeled or labeling themselves as “Christians” as inferior and less than me, judging them to be “heretics” and me to be “a child of god” and such believe that I have more right to exist, to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create churches as places of worship using the money of poor people to create a shrine to worship god, when in fact god does not exist, except for as the manifestation of the justification of my separation of myself as creator

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, hope, trust in the goodness of god and to believe that god will come or that god will send Jesus and that the nightmare and hell that is life on earth as it exists, will as if by divine intervention be uplifted and everyone will live happily ever after

Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to question or investigate this belief or how I have created it within and as myself or what the consequences are of me waiting for god or Jesus to come and save me and humanity, while I do nothing but pray, go to church and live to survive and be “a good Christian”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only god can forgive me and within accepting that as true, have abdicated all self-responsibility for myself here and thus disabled myself to not be able to change or correct myself, because I within this am submitted and subjected to that which I perceive to be god

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that “wicked ways”, “sinning” or “the devil” cannot exist without god’s direct creation, approval of and acceptance of these as real, because if god was not responsible he would not be almighty and then he would not be god

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that in order for me to be forgiven by god, I must repent, pay and feel guilty instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not the way to take responsibility for what one have accepted and allowed and that any god that would demand this of his children, should not be trusted as we according to the belief, are created in his image and likeness

Luke 17:3-4

“Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that if I simply confess my sins and repent that I will be forgiven by god and within this not realize that I as such have justified the continuation of sinning, that I have allowed myself to continue sinning as long as I repent, confess and feel bad – and such that I have created this application of Christianity to justify acting in ways that are harmful, abusive, deceptive and not best for all

Matthew 6:12

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, hope, have faith in and trust that if I forgive my debtors, my debt will be forgotten – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the practical manifestation of this point in the lives of human beings, is that those who make profit of others, are allowed by all to do so and that everyone is existing in debt because of it and in the peril and fear of not surviving that comes with it, thus enslaved to the debtors whom we believed we must forgive so as to stand favorable with god in the here-after

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as in debt to god for having given me life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, accept and trust that I cannot and am not allowed to forgive myself in submitting myself to the belief that, that would be blasphemy against god, acting as if I am more than god, when in fact only god can forgive – instead of seeing, realizing and understand the flaw and lack of common sense in this belief, that god is the one that has created me as I exist and such it is in fact me who should forgive god for having created a flawed creation if the belief where to be real

Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason why I have not given myself the permission to forgive myself, is because I have separated Myself from myself as the creator and that I within self-forgiveness, stand up as the creator of and as myself and as such stop the separation of and as myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that within taking self-responsibility for myself as creator of what is here, I give myself the gift of self-forgiveness, of giving myself back to myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that in forgiving myself, as in giving myself back to myself, I am standing up as creator and as such taking self-responsibility for myself as creation and thereby enabling myself to change what is here as hell on earth to heaven on earth, because I have given myself back the authority and direction over creation as the manifestation of myself as creator

Ephesians 5:1-33

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. …”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the flesh of the human body, the animals, nature is inherently “bad”, “dirty”, “filthy”, “evil” and “dangerous” and within that have rejected and suppressed all things related to nature and the physical, in the belief that “the devil” had his grip in the physical and as such I feared that were I took allow myself to embrace the physical, sexually or otherwise, that I would fall out of God’s grace and as such be condemned

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disgusted, rejecting, punishing and separating myself from myself as a physical human female, within the belief that I am responsible for the original sin and the fall of man – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding why the aversion, perversion and taboo regarding nature, the female, the physical and sex has been created and impulsed by the propagators of Christianity, as myself to ensure that I remained enslaved to and as the delusion of myself as separate from myself as life here, equal and one

I forgive myself that I have not ever accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that Christianity in its entirety have been created, with my direct and indirect permission, hand and approval, to deceive myself, as all of humanity, into waiting for something that never comes, into accepting a life of survival, war, abuse and suffering in the belief that if only “turn the other cheek” and prove myself worthy, that god WILL come – instead seeing, realizing and understanding that I have based my hope and my belief, on the fear that I am all there is, that we as human beings are alone here, that we are self-responsible for what is here, that no one is going to come and save us and that we have to sort ourselves out practically, physically, in self-honesty – taking self-responsibility for what is here as our own creation

Re-definition of “Good” and “Bad” as I have participated in and lived these words as an example of a Christian Polarity and how a word can be unraveled and purified to stand for what is best for all.

Current allocation:

God and Bad are moral convictions, that as a compass tells me whether I have acted morally correct or morally incorrect. When I have done good, I am good. When I have done bad, I am bad. Thus, good and bad defines me as a moral being. Good and bad is what determines how I will be judged and weighed by “god” and thus determines whether I will go to hell or to heaven.

Dictionary Definition:

good

n adjective (better, best)

1 to be desired or approved of; pleasing. Ø(good for) beneficial to. Øexpressing good wishes on meeting: good morning.

2 having the required qualities; of a high standard. Ø(often good at) skilled at doing or dealing with a specified thing. Øappropriate. Ø(of language) with correct grammar and pronunciation. Østrictly adhering to the principles of a religion or cause: a good Catholic girl.

3 morally right; virtuous. Ø(of a child) obedient; well behaved.

4 enjoyable or satisfying: a good time. Ø(of clothes) smart and formal.

5 thorough: a good look around. Øat least; no less than: a good twenty years.

Etymology:

O.E. god (with a long “o”) “virtuous; desirable; valid; considerable,” probably originally “having the right or desirable quality,” from P.Gmc. *gothaz (cf. O.N. goðr, Du. goed, O.H.G. guot, Ger. gut, Goth. goþs), originally “fit, adequate, belonging together,” from PIE root *ghedh- “to unite, be associated, suitable” (cf. O.C.S. godu “pleasing time,” Rus. godnyi “fit, suitable,” O.E. gædrian “to gather, to take up together”). As an expression of satisfaction, from early 15c.; of children, “well-behaved,” by 1690s.

Bad

Dictionary Definition:

n adjective (worse, worst)

1 of poor quality or a low standard. Ø(often bad at) not able to do a particular thing well. Øinappropriate.

2 unwelcome or unpleasant. Øsevere or serious. Ø(bad for) harmful to.

3 offending moral standards or accepted conventions.

4 injured, ill, or diseased.

5 (of food) decayed.

6 guilty; ashamed.

Etymology:

c.1200, “inferior in quality;” early 13c., “wicked, evil, vicious,” a mystery word with no apparent relatives in other languages.* Possibly from O.E. derogatory term bæddel and its dim. bædling “effeminate man, hermaphrodite, pederast,” probably related to bædan “to defile.” A rare word before 1400, and evil was more common in this sense until c.1700. Meaning “uncomfortable, sorry” is 1839, Amer.Eng. colloquial.

Sound:

GOOD:

GOOD – as a sounding of calling for god

GUT – conscience

GO-IT

GOT – having

BAD:

BAD – sounds like a sheep

BAD – in Danish it means “prayed”

BANNED – outcast/rejected/excluded

BAIT

Redefinition: Good and Bad.

Realizations:

It is interesting to see that the definitions I have held of ”good” and ”bad” primarily has been the never definitions that specifically pertain to guilt and morality as being well or misbehaved, whereas the original words are more specifically descriptive, such as ”bad”: defile (making something sacred dirty)

So one of the original definitions of good is “unite” and “suitable” whereas bad is specifically defined not in opposition to good but as something entirely different, in “defiling”. So if “good” is a sounding as calling for god and “bad” is the defiling of something sacred, there are the secret mind definitions, of whatever I have through the self-religion I have created and participated in, as “good” and “bad”. As can be seen in the definitions of “bad”, it also pertains to human characteristics, which fits with how I have defined “doing bad” as “being bad” – and thus taken the act of acting badly personally, emotionally and not seen the practical context of the words. I also see a definition immanent in the definitions about where “good” pertains to “godly” and where “bad” pertains to earthly, which can also be seen in how I have defined sex and bodily fluids as “bad.”

My conclusion is that how I have defined “good” and “bad” is based on morality, a morality that I have integrated into and as myself based on Christianity and self-religion according to my personal experiences of “doing bad” and “doing good”. Another interesting definition, is how “bad” in Danish means “Prayed” and how “good” sounds like calling for god, and then at the same time there is the word “banned” in “bad” as well. This indicates a point of separation where I perceive myself as already bad, yet in a position of attempting to become good (stop sinning, be redeemed and forgiven by good). Thus, good is acting in “god’s will” and “bad” is acting against “god’s will” but here “god” is partly the entire moral system that I have integrated into and as me, as well as the mind in itself and fear. Another point that is then seen in how I acted out this pattern is how I believed I could redeem bad behavior by being good. I also did not in that moment take my partner’s experience into consideration – all that existed was my fear of being bad, which actually originated from me exerting anger in judging my partner as having done something bad. So all in all, I was entirely enslaved to my idea and submission to “good” and “bad” in and as a religious relationship with/towards “god” in which there was no common sense consideration of practicality. And through the guilt I have created when having done something bad, I have sent myself into a time loop of emotional experiences and in fact abdicated self-responsibility within placing the point of “god” and “bad” in a relationship to something/someone as a “higher force” outside separate from me, instead of applying the corrective action to the practical point I see in self-honesty in and through and as which I have allowed myself to stand unaligned with what is best for all.

Re-definition:

Good is when a point is functioning optimally and does not require immediate alignment as it stands for/within what is best for all

Bad is when a point is not functioning optimally and thus requires immediate alignment to what is best for all

When and as I see that I have accepted/defined/judged/experienced myself as “good” or “bad” within and as a positive/negative polarity relationship in separation of and from myself in a relationship with a “god point” as morality and fear in and as my mind – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to consider the practicality of the situation/point I am standing before in seeing how I can effectively correct/change/align myself in and as my application to what is best for all.

I do not accept any form of morality or moral considerations that is not based on what is best for all.

Good and bad as polarity does not define me. When I have acted unaligned with what is best for all, I stand self-responsible for/as/within correcting and aligning myself to what is best for all.

I commit myself to investigate all aspects of Christianity and the belief in god and Jesus and to get to know exactly how I have created myself as Christianity and as the definition of myself as “a Christian”

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for the creation of and as myself as Christianity

I commit myself to in all ways see, realize, understand and live the practical correction within the realization that we as human beings are alone here, that we are self-responsible for what is here, that no one is going to come and save us and that we have to sort ourselves out practically, physically, in self-honesty – taking self-responsibility for what is here as our own creation

I commit myself to walk a process of living the words of Jesus Christ of “loving thy neighbor as thyself” and of “treating another as you would want to be treated” until all my actions, all my participation is aligned to these principles – the only principles of Christianity that is valid, because they stand aligned with what is best for all

Tags: am I christian?, Desteni Cult, Desteni Group, Desteni I Process, God, Good Christian, Jesus, Questioning my beliefs, questioning my faith, Redemption, True Christian
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That which I Fear, I Live

March 30, 2012 in Anna's Process Blog

Within and as living in and as fear of silence, I have silenced myself. Within and as living in and as fear of missing out, I have missed out on myself.

I forgive myself that I, in fear of silence, have accepted and allowed myself to silence myself, as self-honesty, as the inner voice of common sense, of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to silence myself and to make myself deaf to my own ears by and through preoccupying my mind with thoughts, emotions and feelings to silence out myself as self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in fear of silence, it was myself here I feared, feared facing myself in the silence of simply being here, with and as all of who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I just silenced myself enough with self-talk in the mind and with TV shows and talk outside of myself, I could get myself, as that which I did not want to be or face myself as, go away – when in fact all I have done is carved myself further into a point of enslavement inside myself instead of simply facing myself here in self-honesty and as such release myself from the chains that is my own creation, as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I, in fear of missing out, have accepted and allowed myself to miss me, myself here, have accepted and allowed myself to miss out on myself here and on the moments of opportunity

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in preoccupying myself with and within fear of missing out on something “out there” as separate from me, I have deliberately missed myself here and as such manifested exactly that which I fear, as missing out, because the opportunity of participation is here with me, as me

I see that in living in fear, I have lived that which I have feared and as such I have made fear the directive principle of and as me.

I see that fear does not protect me or keep me safe from that which I fear, because it is through fear that I have created that which I fear as a living statement of and as myself.

I see that I am the directive principle of and as me, no matter what I accept or allow myself to live in and as or experience.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to experience and participate in fear of missing out, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back Here. I see that Here is where the opportunity is to live in a way where I will not miss out, because I am here.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to fear silence, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, seeing and looking at in self-honesty what it is of and as myself that I have silenced. I push myself to embrace myself as silence in self-honesty as the hereness of me.

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Tags: Desteni Cult, Desteni Group, Desteni I Process, Equal Money System, fear, Fear of Mising Out, Fear of Silence, psychology, Psychotherapy, Self-Realization
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2012 – Who’s Voices are speaking in our Heads?

March 18, 2012 in Anna's Process Blog

Artwork by Andrew Gable: "Inner back chat personalities". Click the image to see more of Andrew's art

As I was listening to the interview Voices trapped me in my mind, I started looking back at my life and my experiences with voices in my head. When I was around 9-10 years old, I started noticing how there were several layers of thoughts in my mind. I started playing with it and discovered that I could sing in my head as the same time as I was thinking about something else. I got fascinated by it and the more I started looking at my thoughts, the more loud the thoughts seemed to become.

I remember how when I became aware of the fact that I was thinking that I started to verbalize thoughts in my mind as words and it became difficult to stop. Initially I was fascinated by it, i felt I was special and superior, but I also noticed how I constantly had conversations going on in my mind. It was as though I was sitting in a little bubble inside my head, that all “who” I was, was this little bubble of consciousness sitting in my head talking about what was going on outside my eyes. I would talk and talk and talk about what I saw and heard. Exactly as in the interview, the self-speak in my mind started becoming nasty and judgmental once I started becoming a teenager, towards others as well as towards myself. The thoughts were mean and brutal and I would feel ashamed. The girl in the interview Voices trapped me in my mind explained how she refused to accept that the voices were herself and that she simply could not accept that she was not the sweet girl that she had believed and experienced herself to be. For her it became the end.

I had no doubt that the voices in my head were my own, in fact I instead identified strongly with the voices. It became my comfort. As I grew older the thoughts and self-talk as back-chat in my mind became patterns that ran and ran in loops, like a constant noise from a radio. In my mind I would analyze how I had acted in situations, if I had been good enough, what I had said. I would also plan how I would be in the future, if I were to meet a boy, how I would act, what I would say.

At the same time I turned my thoughts against myself. I hated myself, I despised myself and others. I created thought loops of self-judgment where I would repeat the same words over and over: “I hate myself”, “I am such an idiot”… over and over.

An interesting aspect of my relationship with judgment as back chat was that through out my life I have listened to my mom verbalizing her back chat as judgments towards herself and others. When we watched TV, she would comment on the clothes people were wearing, their faces, hair, body form and place judging remarks, nasty comments and spite. She did the same towards herself, saying that she was a bad mother or that she hated herself.

I would judge my mom for her judgment of others. I would literally talk nasty shit about my mom in my mind for being judgmental. And within this, in promising myself that I would never be like my mom, I started building and creating a personality – a self-belief, definition and ideal of myself as the opposite of how I saw my mom . So I started suppressing my own back-chat and judgment. I judged myself for being judging and I created this personality of someone that is “nice”, “warm”, “tolerant”. I wanted to get as far away from how I saw my mom as possible. I wanted to get as far away from myself as possible. The more I suppressed the back chat, the more extensive it grew in the back of my mind and I would literally become possessed for days at a time, where I became completely apathetic and could do nothing but lay in my bed. It would take over my body and I would become tense in my back, shoulders, neck and in my legs.

After I listened to the interview Voices trapped me in my mind I started looking at when this pattern started with the voices in my head. And I saw that even when I was a small child and I experienced shock, I would start separating myself from my physical body. Ironically I have been using these thoughts to keep me pre-occupied and away from myself, even if the nature of the thoughts always, always have been self-centered. Even when I thought about others and how to support them, it would be part of my plan of making myself this “good-natured” personality.

In the book New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, Eckhart Tolle states the following:

“What a liberation to realize that the “voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”

I used to read Echart Tolle and loved quotes like this. I believed that it made me enlightened, uplifted and an upstanding citizen. But what does it actually imply? It implies that we are not responsible for what goes on inside us, for what we participate in and as, as thoughts, emotions and feelings. According to Tolle we are not the voice in our head – we are the observer that sees the thoughts and so we apparently become “liberated” through separating ourselves from the voices in our head. Yes, that is liberating from the perspective that we then have a justification, with endorsement by the spiritual authority that Tolle has become, to not take responsibility for ourselves. It is like a permanent absolution or remission of sins for Catholics: “it is not you, so don’t you worry about it” – sure that gives a form of temporary relief but then what when the thoughts and voices just keep coming, keep speaking? And what happens when we gather in social settings and spiritual gatherings and everyone else is apparently “free” of thoughts and of the dense darkness of the material world and our inner shit just keep coming up? Who will we believe ourselves to be? I believed that there had to be something wrong with me because I could not get to that state of mind that I believed Tolle was in. I thought that there was something wrong with me because everyone else seemed so at ease, so comfortable.

A really cool thing about the interview on Voices trapped me in my mind that assisted me, was when she said that we are only able to judge ourselves because we separate ourselves from ourselves, the same with being hard on ourselves, self-hate and even these ideals we create about ourselves. We externalize ourselves and place ourselves in a relationship with the reflection we have created of ourselves in the splitting up of ourselves. This is what I have done even with and through walking with Desteni. And I can clearly see how I ironically have been holding onto the self-judgment in separating myself from myself because I wanted to hold onto the ideal image I had of myself as being tolerant, “good natured” – anything that I saw my mother was not. And in looking back, I was exactly like my mother. I judged and despised her for being judgmental and no-one is responsible for that than me.

So what is the solution? Not to reject the thoughts or the voices in our head saying “this is not me” – because it IS me – it is who and what I have created myself as, who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, through years and years of participation as the voices in my head, endorsing them, fueling them, holding onto them as myself. This is the point: the voices in our head ARE us – they are a part of us that we have separated ourselves from and thereby given away our self-authority to in doing that.

Thus, it is when I accept the fact that these voices, these thoughts, experiences, emotions and feelings are my own creation of myself in separation of and from myself, that I become able to change. In taking responsibility for the fact that this IS who and what I have created and accepted myself, I can make the directive decision to change. Because until, unless I do that, I exist in a self-made prison, a prison made up of bits and pieces of myself secluded into parts in my mind, into bits and pieces, existing only as that voice as those different voices in my head.

We cannot simply say “this is not me” as a positive affirmation and then be done with it. That is not taking self-responsibility. That is not self-direction. What it is, is self-suppression in fact and it is a direct abdication of self-responsibility. It is fear of what is inside us, as us — and then only way we can change, is by facing that.

Through walking this process, I have experienced extensive difficulty with self-judgment, meaning that I have found it difficult to stop. Listening to this interview, assisted me to see that there was a point I was missing. I was missing the point that I have been unwilling to let go of my ideals, ideas and definitions of myself that was positively charged. And they were so based on a fear that I was becoming my mother. When I judged my mother, I saw her as I believed others would see her. I judged her as I saw her through what I believed were the world’s eyes, but it was my judgment of myself, it was me separating me from myself.

I could had looked at who my mother was within this judgment. I could have seen that it was her judgment of herself projected onto the world. I could have supported her to stop. I could have simply seen it for what it was and not participated. I could have learned to understand what judgment is and why it exist in the world. But I did not, because that is not what we learn in this world, that is not the pattern that has been established of how to live and exist. Instead we learn that we must unconditionally follow in our parents footsteps, take over from them, become like them — it is such an integrated rule that we do not even have to write it down in our constitutions or speak about it out loud. It is just the way it is.

No matter what – it is my responsibility because I created it within myself as who I am. I accepted the voices in my head as myself. I am the voices in my head that I have separated myself into and as. So it is my responsibility stop, stand up and change myself. See, the voices in my head might be who and what I have created and accepted myself as, but that does not mean that I have to stay this way forever.

Through participating with Desteni, the Destonians and especially through walking the Desteni I Process I have been assisted with tools and perspectives to actually, by my very own hand, to stop participating in thoughts and back chat. The difference is that we do not suppress the thoughts, we do not pretend that they are not us or who we have become — instead we embrace the thoughts and investigate them in detail, seeing exactly how we created them, one by one. For me this has been a continuous process and I see now that the idealized idea of myself has been a primary point as an obstacle with which I have placed road blocks for myself. So I am here, I am walking this process – I fall and I stand up. And if I can do that, anyone can.

Let’s walk.

Tags: depression, Desteni Cult, Desteni I Process, Desteni2012, Destonians, Equal Money System, Fear Week, Inner conversation, Self Talk, Voices in the head
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