Discontinuing The Sexual Hunger Games: DAY 211

June 8, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

In this post I will be writing self-correction and self-commitment statements on the man-eater character that I wrote about in my previous blog-post. Today I’ve been walking self-forgiveness out loud as well on the specific memories where I executed the ‘Man Eater’ and accepted and allowed myself to live it out no matter the consequences. It has been a fascinating point to walk through exactly as I’ve described because it is a point of ‘pure evil’ from the perspective of how the ‘Man Eater’ or the ‘Player’ as it is also known as when it is a male accessing and executing this character has absolutely no regard for others. I even found that the ‘Man Eater’ sees people who are in relationships as more desirable partners because the ‘win’ of seducing them is considered more difficult and has higher stakes.

Self-Corrective and Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see that I am accessing the ‘Man Eater’ Character as indicated by how I change my behavior when around specific people in my reality within and as a desire directed towards the specific person, I stop and I breathe. I stop all energetic experiences and I remind myself that I am accessing the ‘Man Eater’ character or it’s polar opposite of the ‘Willing pray’ depending on the dynamic I experience between myself and the other person and that nothing good has ever come out of me executing this character into action and that it’s starting-point isn’t what is best for all. Because I see, realize and understand that the starting-point of the ‘Man Eater’ character has nothing to do with sexuality or relationships or the actual seeking out of a partner, but only has to do with an energetic experience of thrill, power and control that is pure evil as pure ego. I hereby commit myself and make a directive decision within and as myself to stop participating in all ‘hunger games’ or ‘hunting games’ towards chasing other people sexually because I see, realize and understand that the starting-point of such games isn’t what is best for all, as this character and energetic entity is based solely on self-interest. I also commit myself to stop any and all experience towards other people as being potential sex partners because I have made a commitment to walk with one partner in this life in an equal and one agreement of assisting and supporting ourselves to become our utmost potential and I honor that agreement absolutely. Therefore I commit myself to stop participating in and accepting thoughts of desire towards other human beings because I see, realize and understand that this serves absolutely no practical purpose as it is only an energetic purpose that has no care or consideration for actual physical life or substance. As such I commit myself to stop, deconstruct and let go of the ‘Man Eater’ as I’ve identified myself within and as and I commit myself to let go of the desire to seduce, consume and control other people sexually for the sake of me feeling powerful and empowered – because I see, realize and understand that this isn’t real empowerment as all that gets ’powered’ is the energy in my mind with devastating consequences for the physical and for myself and other people.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to see, perceive and experience other people and in my case, males in particular, as sexual objects or potential sexpartners – I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to instead focus on seeing other people as equals here, as beings who are equally here as life. Because I see, realize and understand that seeing other people as sexual objects or objects of desire otherwise isn’t real in any way as one is only actually seeing one’s own self-interest and perceived lack that one then believe that ‘devouring’ another human being or that which one see in another will somehow fulfill this lack. As such I commit myself to instead bring the points that I desire in/as other human beings back to myself and in common sense investigate how/why it is that I am not living this in/as myself and then accordingly walk a process of changing and expanding myself to equally as one live and express that which I see in another as myself.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as a desire to be ‘adored’, ‘wanted’ and ‘desired’ by another human being, I stop and I breathe and stabilize myself here within and as myself and my physical body. Because I see, realize and understand that when I am looking for something for myself in another, it is an indication that I’ve separated myself from/of/as that point within and as me and so by seeking it in another I am actually only confirming my own separation from/as the point even further, thus pushing myself further away. Therefore – I commit myself to when and as I see that I am desiring for another to feel something for me or to be something so that I can have a certain experience for/within/as myself to bring this point back to myself and investigate what it is that I am not living in/as myself and then accordingly walk a process of amalgamating myself with/within/as this point.

When and as I see that I’m accepting and allowing myself to feel and experience myself as weak and powerless towards males in particular, as indicated by how I want to change myself and my behavior and make myself appear to them as more than who and what I believe myself to be, in and as inferiority – I stop. I breathe and I stabilize myself here within and as my physical body and myself.  I see, realize and understand that I’ve projected my own acceptance and experience of myself as being inferior, weak and powerless onto males and as such I’ve held males responsible for this experience of and as me, but have within that also given my perception of this relationship the power and authority to define and determine my value. Therefore I commit myself to take back my authority and power of defining who and what I am back to myself by taking responsibility for myself within and as also seeing, realizing and understanding that I am not weak, powerless or inferior and that this experience of myself is to a large extent founded in me having believed in cultural polarities assigned to males and females and between males and females which has nothing to do with our actual, practical value as beings, equally existing here in this reality. As such I commit myself to develop self-integrity, self-respect and self-worth through the directive decision that I am making here to care about myself and stand with and within myself in the expression of who I am. As such I commit myself to develop and establish a sound sexuality and sexual expression that is based on my self-expression as who I am here within and as the physical based on the principle of what is best for all and not as an energetic thrill or possession that has no regard for life.

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2012 – The Dark-Side of The Fairytale of Parenting

January 18, 2012 in World Exposed Blog

How many parents do not feel like bad mothers and fathers, constantly existing in guilt and self-judgment every single day? How many do not believe that everyone else is perfect and well-equipped of being parents? And how many actually are? Welcome to the Dark-Side of The Fairytale of Parenting.

A couple of days ago I was walking home and outside the door to the apartment building was a boy at the age of three standing with his mother. The boy was playing on a rock covered in snow and the mother was standing a little to the side with her hands and face focused on her phone. First I thought about how it was not cool that she was preoccupied on her phone while the child was left to play by himself and I felt sorry for him.

Then it occurred to me that properly a lot if not most parents do actually not enjoy spending time with their children and that there are very few people who are either educated to teach children or who “naturally” simple enjoy it (often also because they enjoy the self-image of themselves as a parent.)
I started looking at how tough it is to be a parent and spending so much time not actually wanting to be with the child, but having to pretend that one is enjoying it, because otherwise one is classified as a “bad parent”. It really takes very little before people are seen as bad parents and ironically it takes a very long time before abuse against children by their parents is being stopped by anyone.

So I was looking at how isolated parents feel and how ashamed they are and how they judge themselves for not actually wanting to be with their children, but they have no where to change this or even share themselves openly. Why? Because most people are able to put up a front of looking like they got everything (and everyone) under control, that they are oh so happy with where they are in their lives, even though underneath it all they sometimes regret even having had children.
The dream of a happy family that started off so promising with a man and a woman that loved each other and a love-child under way in a big fertile stomach, ends abruptly as soon as the parents realize, for real, that this – is for life. And the man is not the man the woman dreamed he would be and even though she knew all along, she pushed her gut-feeling away for the picket-fence dream. And the man realizes that the woman’s body is changing and is not what he dreamed it would be and the woman who before wanted sex all the time, are now devoting all her attention to the child. And the child is screaming louder and more intense than either of them could have ever imagined and the anger and helplessness coming up inside them is so unbearable that they sometimes feel like they are going insane and they secretly wish that they could just get up and leave – some even do. And for the vast majority that is not rich, life is filled with money-problems and bills that seem to pile up like literal mountains of guilt and debt and powerlessness – and it feels like everything is just piles of shit on an otherwise shitty day.

It is the classic story,  right? The Dark-Side of the fairy-tale of parenting.

And everyone knows it or have experienced it for themselves as parents or children themselves, this apathy and feeling like you’re trapped in a nightmare of your own creation. And you don’t really understand how you got there, because everything was supposed to be fine, once you got the man, once you got the job, once you got the house, once you got the child.
This is why there is no continuation to “they lived happily ever after…” – because deep down everyone knows that it is a crock of shit, yet everyone also insist on “giving it a shot” anyway, because maybe, just maybe this is the right man, the right job, the right house and the right decision to get a child just now that will make all the pieces of one’s shitty life suddenly fall into perfect place and the birds will forever twitter in joy – NOT.

So – what is this? Because it is not some single man, woman or family who is participating in this – it is literally every single person on earth, (except for the few who for some reason have been designed with a different program to stand as a contrast and a teaser to show everyone else what they’re missing out of.) who is participating in this “ride of a life-time” – of every life-time, where we chase a fantasy reality, perpetuated as real and realistically obtainable by virtually every single movie, magazine, newspaper and recording artist on the planet.

And by keeping up the charade, these fake faces with toothpaste add smiles and perfectly kept homes and bodies, for those who are even able to do that much, by telling each other stories about how much we love our kids and how blessed we are to have had them and how we have never regretted it for a single second, even though we do in silence every day – we keep this bullshit sugar-coated night-mare going.

So – it is time for some honest parenting.  It is time for self-honest parents that dare share and expose and face their experiences with being parents. Parents that dare facing the Dark-Side of what it means to be a parent.

How many parents do actually enjoy spending time with their children? How many do not secretly wish that they never had children or feel ashamed that their children is reflecting the absolute worst in themselves? Why are these points never addressed or openly spoken about? At the Desteni Forum they are – and we bring all points back to Self – in Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty – so that we can Stand as Self-Responsible Human Beings and as examples for the generations to come.

The truth is that no-one has ever learned how to actually be parents, because how can we be intimate with our children, when we don’t even know how to be intimate with ourselves? How can we enjoy and express ourselves with our children, when we exist in constant fear, suppression and self-denial trying to get the hell out of any ‘authentic’ experience of vulnerability and openness because that only make us face how we really feel inside. And we believe that if we were to face that, our worlds could collapse and we can’t, we just can’t. So we don’t – and we keep pretending that everything is fine and dandy, just like everyone else. And we keep getting up in the morning and going into the hamster wheel we call “my life-choice” or “my career” or whatever we wish to imagine our life was like, believing that we say it enough, perhaps it will come true one day. It doesn’t.

In the Desteni I Process, we walk-with ourselves and each other to support ourselves to become self-honest and self-responsible parents, to ensure that the shit we’ve been born into and have carried with us from our parents and theirs before them, is not transferred to yet another generation. And as such we put and end to the viscous cycle of the sin of the fathers and prepare the birth of a NEW humanity – a humanity that cares for all life, equal and one.

Self-Honest Parenting in all its Dimensions is the Pinnacle for the Birth of a New Humanity.

YouTube – DESIRE is who I am

May 22, 2011 in Anna's Process Blog

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0yi3cOE0Do&w=425&h=349]

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