The Be-Life Decree of Energy as “That which gives me Life”: DAY 26

May 14, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

If I were to do a life-review right now, the primary point I would look back as, as my “weakness” in life is emotions and with that energy as that which emotions are made up and fuel. Through my participation with Desteni I have learned that energy through the friction generated through emotions as inner conflicts based on separation, is what the mind-consciousness-system feed off and essentially consist of and exist as. Without energy, the mind cannot ‘survive’ – why? Because the mind is essentially not real, it is a delusional artificial parasite, a program that we have forced onto the actual physical – real – reality and because of that, it requires a constant re-charging (re-confirmation) to be “in check” as that which governs our lives through possession.

So far so good, I understand how it works. And I understand that emotions as that through which energy is generated, is only able to emerge and possess me, within how I have created relationships in my mind about who and what I am in relation to the world, myself and other beings. So a thought pops up and my connection to that thought as a relationship, wherein I define myself according to the thought is how it is possible to generate emotions. Emotions emerge when we’ve taken thoughts personally. So I understand all of this, so far, so good. However, I still have a tendency to become possessed by emotions and as such by energy. I feed off it because I am the mind – at the absolute detriment of the human physical body and life on earth in its totality. So my question to myself is the following: why is it that I, in spite of this knowing, am still allowing myself to become possessed by emotions more or less daily and constantly?

I see two points of limitation that I have held onto and not let go of:

The belief that I need motion/emotion/energy to sustain myself and exist here. I see how belief is directly be-life meaning it is a directive decision to ‘be-as-life’ that which I believe, which is like a decree that I have placed upon myself as a living principle. It is also that which I have accepted (as belief) myself as, as life – thus that “I will be life” through existing within and as, and generating emotion
I fear letting go of my decree of existing in motion/emotion/energy because of the acceptance that that is what is keeping me alive. As such, the fear is that within which I hold myself to the decree and use as a justification for not challenging my belief in emotion.

Emotion literally means “move out/out move”[i] which is then and thus the actual living declaration of separation, how we continuously separate ourselves from ourselves through creating relationships of friction towards the world, other beings and ourselves. What is interesting about the word “fear” is that its origin[ii] means: “to lie in wait” and “to plot against/taunt” – so fear is directly and specifically the act of self-sabotage, of hiding from oneself, of waiting for oneself, of plotting against oneself.

Therefore, in allowing myself to exist within and as emotion as the generation of energy, constantly and continuously, I am plotting against myself to sabotage myself. My direct submission to emotions, via the belief that I need emotions as energy to exist, thus makes me completely and totally the bitch of the mind. The evidence is clear in my daily experiences of emotional possession, where I have absolutely no control over myself. The ego, as the spokesperson for the conglomeration of personalities, all designed to generated energy through friction in one way or another – is then that which I experience myself as, as a “one” – one person, one individual, one human being, yet consisting of a myriad of various personalities that are all fighting each other to be “the one” – not ever realizing, seeing or understanding that I am already One, as living and existing here, one and equal with life as all that is here. The Ego is that which says “go mind! Go!” – Thus the front person in the one-man big band in my head cheering on the crowd as all the personalities to generate these experiences. Because no matter what: I allow it.

Knowing all of this has not changed anything. So what will it take for me to stop and change? The ‘level’ I have to change myself at, is at the level of my acceptances and allowances – because it is only in that that I am able to stand one and equal to myself as motion/emotion/energy. I got the information. I have applied lots of self-forgiveness on emotions, feelings and energy – but little has changed and if it was not clear before, it is now as crystal clear as it gets, that I am literally destroying myself through my acceptance and allowance of myself to participate in energy.

Let’s have a look at some of the definitions:

Defining energy as a good thing. Believing that I am in motion with emotion. Believing as the decree of saying: “Be life!” The ego as the voice of “sanity”, that which brings “us all” together – NOT! So E-Motion is energy in motion and in and through that the belief = be-life that I as “Life” am moving myself. See, because the mind is not really life, but only a simulation of it – it requires to create an optical illusion of movement (because life is Movement/Sound) to make me as the “Mover” accept that the mind is life. “E” also almost sound as “I” thus the illusion of self that is not life, but that is the mind, that is consciousness, the delusion of “self-awareness”. Another interesting definition is “energy”[iii] as it is defined as “forced expression” but also as “en” = “In” and “ergon” = “work” which actually comes from “urge” which means “to push/press hard/compel ” which in some languages also contains definitions of “religious performances”, “tie/fasten/squeeze” and even “enemy” and “hunt”. This thus means that emotion is the “thrill of the hunt” as the action of moving as energy, which is literally “hard work” and specifically ties in with how we as humans have become slaves to energy. This is our forced expression of life, insisting, forcing, and driving life as energy to work for absolutely no reason than to retain itself. And THAT is what I live and exist as. That is what I have given myself permission and decree to live within and as, through my be-life in energy as that which keeps me alive, while it is doing nothing but driving me to my grave, so that the system of itself can continue, completely lost, completely possessed and a living manifestation of misery because that which is not real can never be real. And I am responsible for that torture and taunt of myself as energy. I am the one that have gone along for the ride.

There is nothing else to say. This is simply what it is. What I mean, is that there is no mystery behind it or any back doors as some reason for why energy should exist. So I have been a 100 % loyal slave to energy, no questions about it. It has been my drug nr. 1 and I have been willing to let all of existence suffer including self-destruct to remain existing as energy – all because of the starting-point of myself as fear of loss – fear as we discussed is defined as “to lie in wait” and “to plot against/taunt” – so fear of loss is to lie in wait of loss, in and acceptance and anticipation of loss as well as plotting against self as loss. None of it is Real!

So Thought = Living Word that is formulated through the decree of belief as the deceptiveness in creating personal relationships towards thoughts in saying: “be-life!” When the relationship is that of acceptance, I become that which I have accepted as real.

SELF-FOR-GIVENESS:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in energy and through my belief as a decree of my directive will have directed myself to be energy through the living directive of that which I believe will be-life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that energy cannot be “that which gives me life” because energy is generated BY and through the physical as Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, define, experience, believe and accept energy as “positive” as “that which gives life” when energy is in fact a simulation of life, a depletion of life, a delusion/illusion that wants to be life instead of life – a physical impossibility and as such not life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason why I have experienced difficulty in stopping participation in energy, is because I have accepted energy as “that which gives me life” in the living decreed as word and deed as the directive to be-life that without energy I will and cannot exist – within and as having accepted myself as the mind consisting of and existing as energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and accept myself as dependent upon energy to exist, within and as having defined and accepted myself as the mind – as a delusion as a simulation of life that is not life in fact and therefore is dependent upon life-source-substance to ‘exist’ even though that ‘existence’ is not real because it is in no way self-sustainable and is dependent upon a source outside separate from it, not realizing that something that is dependent upon something else to exist, cannot be life in fact as life is here, constant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself and accept myself completely, entirely and unconditionally as a devoted follower of energy – a follower indeed as a slave because and within how I willingly only do that which energy as experience, feeling and emotion tell me to do and fear doing anything that is not directed by energetic experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing anything that is not dictated and directed by energy as experience, emotion and feeling within how I have accepted energy as “that which gives me life” and fear as that which protects me – not admitting to myself or being self-honest about what fear really is, as that which I use to plot against myself – and where I lie in wait as an ambush as I use energy to hunt life down and lie in waiting for myself to bring myself back to myself and actually start living – and also lie AS waiting through using fear to keep myself at bay

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself according to and submit myself to fear of doing anything that is not directed and dictated by energy and as such only allow myself to act according to energy, as energetic experiences, emotions, feelings, desires and cravings based on the decree as the direction to be-life that energy is that which “gives me life”

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that energy is NOT that which gives me life – as life is here, constant, while energy is fluctuant, unstable and able to be depleted and inflated according to manipulation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize that it is through my acceptance of energy as “that which gives me life” that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to energy as a slave in believing in energy as a decree that I deem and direct to be life – that I deem and direct to be life within and as accepting and defining myself as consciousness in a relationship with energy as “that which gives me life”

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that life is that which gives life to life in the simplicity of life being life without any intermediaries or conditions or dependencies that makes it what it is

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I direct myself according to energy only – as experiences, emotions and feelings – I am living the decree of the directive delusion that I have accepted as life as “who I am” and that I as such am not living as all, but in fact depleting myself as life through sucking the life out of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a willing slave of energy within and as the experience, belief, experience and acceptance of energy as “that which gives me life” – not seeing, realizing or understanding that I am the one that have accepted energy as that which gives me life, never considering or questioning if that is so in fact – never questioning that I constantly need to fill myself up with energy, charge myself, that I must use my body and other human beings to charge and discharge energy, not realizing the extensive abuse that I have exposed myself as the physical, as the body and the earth to through my submission and addition to energy in the decree as the living statement of be-life that energy is “that which gives me life”

I forgive myself that I have not ever accepted or allowed myself to question the decree as the directive living statement of be-life of energy as “that which gives me life” without ever investigating what energy in fact is or how I have created energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to willingly as in with-will have submitted myself completely and entirely to energy in the decree as the directive be-life that energy is “that which gives me life”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to willingly as in with-will have submitted myself to the fear of not existing within and as energy within and as believing and as such making the directive decree that fear is protecting me from danger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be willing to do and say and kill and destroy and torture and harm anything and any one for energy within and as having completely and entirely submitted myself to the belief as a directive decree of be-life that energy is “that which gives me life” and that without it, I cannot exist

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize, understand or admit to myself that the basic definition of an addict, is someone that believes that they cannot live without something that they do not in fact need and that in many cases is harmful to them and their surroundings – it is no different than my relationship to energy

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have created and existed within and as a relationship with energy within, through and as the acceptance that if I unconditionally submit myself to energy and allow energy to direct and control me, my life, my participation and my human physical body – energy will then grant me life – not seeing, realizing or understanding the absolute delusion that I have diluted myself into and as and how it is entirely in reverse as how I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to, as and within energy and precisely within and because of that have not granted myself life and have in fact denied myself life through my deliberate subjecting of myself to energy, when in fact, if I allowed myself to direct myself here in and as breath in stopping all participation in energy, I can in fact direct myself in and as my human physical body, to walk out of the mind and into the physical as life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that while I am ‘honoring’ myself as emotions, feelings and experiences simply by allowing myself to participate in and accept myself to experience and validate emotions and feelings within and as me – I am in fact dishonoring and invalidating myself as life in and as the physical – and therefore, the only way to in fact honor myself as life, is by stopping all participation in emotions and feelings and experiences as energy as the very manifestation of energy is existing within and as disservice, dishonoring and invalidation of myself as life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to value me as life in any way what so ever – to not even recognize myself as life and as such in no way accept or allow myself to honor myself life as life and only honor myself as energy – as the very destruction of myself as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let energy penetrate, permeate and infiltrate my entire being and living and participation in and as this world and this reality, from a decision as to whether or not I should drink coffee or eat something to anything I participate within and as and any decision I make

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be willing to stop participating in energy through emotions and feelings and experiences and inner conflicts and friction – because I have submitted myself so extensively to the fear of stopping energy in the belief as a directive decree of who I am as be-life that energy is “that which gives me life”

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that life is that which gives me life and that I as life, am that which have given myself life and as such that by submitting and subjecting myself to energy, I have abdicated myself as life and separated myself from myself as life and have declared the delusion “life” and as such set myself on a path of complete self-destruction and depletion in insisting that the delusion is that which is giving me life and that life does not exist without energy and as such that who and what I am, is energy and not life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that every moment that I accept and allow myself to direct myself within and according to energy – through, as and within emotions, feelings and experiences, I am in fact disowning myself as life and as such diminishing myself to exist within and as a slave to energy only

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is ONLY through my acceptance and allowance that ANYTHING exist in and as this world and this reality – and that the very fact that I am not aware of this, simply shows and indicates the extent to which I have separated myself from and as such abdicated myself as life and that the only solution is that I bring myself back to the point of acceptance and allowance and through self-honesty stand myself up as self-responsible for and as myself here and all and anything that I have accepted and allowed myself in and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe – and in that declare a directive decree as what I allow myself to be-live – that I am less than and inferior to energy within having accepted and believed energy as “that which gives me life” and that as such is more than me and superior to me and by that very acceptance, reigns over me and that I am such a slave to energy in any and all ways

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only reason I am a slave to energy, is because I have accepted myself as such – and that my acceptance and allowance is the directive principle of and as me – and that therefore I do not have to be a slave to energy and that I CAN direct myself here to step out of the mind and into the physical as life as who I am

I commit myself to investigate all points of participation that are based on energy and to expose and reveal to myself all points where I have accepted and allowed myself to live and participate in my world and my reality based on energy and to check myself in every moment of every breath to make sure that I am participating here as a physical directive of and as myself

I commit myself to support myself to stop the directive will of and as myself as the living decree of who I am as be-life that energy is “that which gives me life” and to support myself to birth myself here in and as the physical as life

I commit myself to support and assist all and anyone who as I have lived or am living according to the belief that energy is that which gives us life – to realize, see and understand as I support myself to see, realize and understand – that energy is not that which gives us life and that life is that which gives us life and that we as such are life and not energy

I commit myself to support myself to step out of the mind and into the physical and to get to know myself as life without participation in and existence as the mind – through supporting myself in breath and breathing and through writing and applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements and through walking my Desteni I Process – assist and support myself to birth myself as life, in and as the physical

I commit myself to support myself to honor myself as life through stopping any and all participating in energy and energetic experiences of emotions, feelings and experiences and as such stabilize myself here in breath in and as the physical

Suggest to follow the blogs daily at Creation’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk

Related entries:

DAY 27: Be-Living in Thoughts as ‘Who I am’

DAY 28: I Think Therefore I am NOT!

Suggested reading/watching for further perspectives:

2012: Energy Dependency vs. Self-Trust

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=za16xBYH5vU&feature=youtu.be

2012 System Demons 24 – Energy Demon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88F24Q8LGLs

Day 29: The Most HORRID Disease on Earth

http://journey-of-lindsay.blogspot.se/2012/05/day-29-most-horrid-disease-on-earth.html

Day 31: The Secret of Breath

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.se/2012/05/day-31-secret-of-breath.html

2011: The Ego Defending Backchat Demon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXMImqztYWI&feature=related

[i] http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=emotion

[ii] http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?allowed_in_frame=0&search=fear&searchmode=none

[iii] http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=energy

Tags: Addict, Belief, Believe, Creation, Creator, emotions, Energy, Energy Junkie, Experiences, Feeling, Life, Source
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Who I Am as The Creator of Resistance: DAY 3

April 17, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the creation, manifestation and design of resistance, as a systematic implantation that I have inserted into my very beingness, as the gatekeeper through which I keep myself separate from myself, so as to not see, realize or understand myself as creation and creator and so that I don’t walk out of the mind and into the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as resistance as a total encompassing impenetrable fortress of experience that I have created around and within myself, to ensure that I would remain separate, existing as parts excluded from each other, so as to not realize myself as the creation and creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I within the creation, manifestation, experience and acceptance of myself in and as resistance, were doing myself a favor, were supporting myself to fight against that which I perceived as a threat, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it was all in reverse – and that which I perceived as a threat, was in fact the key to my freedom: myself as the truth and true nature of who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into seeing, perceiving and defining myself, in, into and as the creation of resistance in complete reverse – as the protection of myself from threats outside, separate from me – when in fact I was protecting myself within perceiving and accepting and experiencing the realization and transcendence of myself as a threat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize resistance to manipulate, deceive and force myself to remain enslaved within and as the confinements of the mind, creating and manifesting and participating in the delusional experience and acceptance that I within the experience of resistance, am protecting myself from being penetrated, infiltrated and invaded by something/someone outside separate from me that I have perceived as a threat to my very existence, not realizing that that something/someone, was in fact myself, as the truth and reality of myself as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, as the creation and creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest and create myself into and as resistance against the systems that I have created to contain myself and as such as resistance towards the oppression of myself instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I as resistance and oppression are two coins of the same creation and manifestation that I have created and manifested with the purpose of enslaving and containing myself and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I could change myself as the system of oppression through resistance

I forgive myself that I have not ever accepted or allowed myself to question the experience, definition and acceptance of resistance that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as, and that Instead deliberately have refused to question the experience of resistance, within the very nature of resistance as exiting in an experience of suppression and retraction in the self-deceptive belief and self-delusion that within accepting myself in and as and giving into resistance, I was protecting myself and supporting myself and caring for myself, to make sure that I stay away from all that I perceived as a threat to my existence

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that how I have defined, accepted, lived and experienced “my existence” in the context of resistance, has been as survival only and I forgive myself that I have not ever accepted and allowed myself to stop up and question the definition that I have created and accepted of “my existence” as survival

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the existence that I have believed and perceived myself to protect fiercely through my participation in and devoted submission to resistance, was the existence of myself as fear and within that the existence of myself as greed, as being completely absorbed by, within and as the fear of losing myself and losing the existence I have perceived myself to have and as such create the notion of survival as a way of justifying and substantiating my existence of myself as fear into and as physical practical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take resistance for granted and to take the experience of and as in and as resistance for granted, in never questioning it or challenging myself to push through the experience of resistance and instead unconditionally accept resistance as a part of myself, in and from which I am protecting myself from that which I perceive to be a threat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my creation, manifestation and participation in, of and as resistance based on and because of it being a “gut feeling” and an emotion – as I have defined myself within and according to emotions and feelings as that of and as myself that I could trust as real and true, simply because “I feel it”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately subdue and suppress and deny myself self-honesty and self-realization in moments where I am faced with resistance and where I deliberately create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of resistance – where I am fully aware that when I allow myself to give into and submit myself to resistance, I am preventing and prohibiting myself from facing and realizing myself in self-honesty, as the truth of and as myself as the creation and creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I, in moment of facing resistance in and as myself, have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an automated submission to and a decision to give into and to comply with resistance, based on the acceptance and belief that resistance is in fact protecting me from that which I perceive to be a threat to my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately and knowingly give into and submit myself to resistance in and as a refusal to face myself, as the truth of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – because I know that if I allow myself to face myself in self-honesty, I have but no choice but to take self-responsibility and to unravel and expose to myself the true nature of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such have no choice but to change myself, to let of all that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such in giving into resistance, in fact making the choice to remain existing in self-deception, interest of and as ego as fear only in wanting to remain existing as I am, in the fear of losing myself - not realizing that all that I exist as, as I have accepted and allowed myself exist, is the very manifestation and creation of loss and the very insistence of myself as loss and the very deliberate action to create myself into and as loss

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself in and as resistance, to dare to get to know myself as resistance, by investigating and questioning who and what I am as resistance and how I have created myself into and as resistance and how and why I have created resistance as a protection installation into and as the totality of myself, as a fortress in which I believe and perceive myself to have created out of the necessity of keeping perceived threats on my life out, when in fact the entire and total purpose of the fortress of and as resistance that I have created for and as and with myself, is to keep myself enslaved, hidden, constrained and trapped in fear

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to love fear, to cherish fear, to unconditionally submit myself to fear within and because of the experience of safety and security that I created as a self-deceptive justification to remain existing within and as fear and as such, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as a relationship with fear, as separate parts of myself that I have brought together in their separate manifestations, in the purpose of protecting myself as the mind

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to fear, without question, to deliberately inferiorize myself to fear and deliberately create, make, accept and experience fear as more than me, as stronger than me, as wiser than me, as smarter than me – within and as through the very manifestation and creation of fear, as that which I have created to justify my separation of and from myself and the very act of separating myself from myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that fear does not exist, that fear has no substance or ground, as fear is merely the reflection and the continued deliberate creation and acceptance of myself as separate from and of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever make myself forget that I created fear, out of and as the very manifestation and reflection of my self-created separation of and from myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand what the reason why, what I resist, persists, is because I resist is myself as the very creation and creator of and as myself, and what persists is the creation of and as myself that I am the creator of and such cannot escape myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, feel, experience and accept that I can trust myself as fear and as the manifestation of fear as the experience and creation of myself in and as resistance because I trusted the decision to separate myself from myself to protect myself and such I remain existing in that trust of my decision as creator and creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in and as the separation of and from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in and as the creation of myself as resistance and fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest resistance into and as this here human physical body and in and as the manifestation and creation of the mind as the very manifestation of myself as resistance towards facing myself as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself by creating, manifesting and trusting resistance as physical experiences of “gut feeling” in my stomach with and through which I signal to myself that I am facing a point of threat and that I thorough experiencing the gut feeling, am telling myself to not go there – to run, to hide, to remove myself from the point I am facing and so not face or see or realize or understand or change myself as that point and instead remain as I am, as I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, as the very suppression of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that when I experience a “gut feeling” as I have defined the experience of fear in the solar plexus of the human physical body, I must remove myself from the point that I perceive as threat within which I believe that the feeling in the solar plexus of the human physical body, is telling me to remove myself so that I can protect myself from the threat that I have perceived to be on my very existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience, believe and accept the gut feeling in the solar plexus of the human physical body, as the truth of me, as intuition, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I am experiencing is not the truth of me, but the very manifestation of the refusal to face myself in and as the decision to separate myself from myself as the refusal to return to myself as the totality of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and such take responsibility for and as myself as the creator and creation of and as myself, to in fact change myself by stopping and letting go of who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into and as creating and manifesting resistance to facing and changing myself, by manifesting the resistance into and as the human physical body as experiences of tiredness, drowsiness, headache, itching, anger, irritation and pain – through which I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the compliance and submission of myself to resistance by deceiving myself into and as believing that what I am experiencing are mere physical and random experiences, that specifically requires me to remove myself from the moment of facing myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into and as creating and manifesting an experience of relief and release of physical discomfort, when I comply with resistance and submit myself to resistance and not push through or question the manifestation or experience of resistance and as such justify for myself that I through complying with resistance, are in fact protecting and caring for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that only by pushing through the experience of resistance, will the experience of resistance stop and that I within pushing through resistance, will see, realize and understand that resistance, however substantiated and dense I have experienced it physically, was not real, but an energetic installation and manifestation of self-deception as deliberate suppression to not face myself here – in and as self-honesty, in and as self-responsibility as the creation and the creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that within pushing through resistance, I am giving myself the gift of myself as realizing myself as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such giving me back to me and in that re-claim from myself as the delusion that I have bewildered myself into and as in deliberate abdication of and from myself here, as the creation and the creator of myself as all there is, the authority to face me, to direct me, to take responsibility for me and in that the authority to change myself from and as who and what I have created myself into and as and accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as – to amalgamating and bringing back to myself, all parts of and as me, that I have separated myself into and as, till and as wholeness of and as me, as all life that is here, equal and one

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself as resistance and to be grateful for myself as resistance, as the manifestation of resistance represent clear benchmarks as to what I require walking through to bring myself back to myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that every time I allow myself to give into resistance, I am directly responsible for the creation, acceptance, prolonging and intensification of consequence as suffering and abuse upon the very substance and flesh that is who I am, as this earth and the life-forms manifested and creation in and upon it – that will and do continue, until I bring all parts of and as myself back to myself in and as self-responsibility as the creator of myself, as all that is here as life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the consequences of me accepting myself to give into and go into and submit myself to resistance, is the prolonging of suffering for all life that is here as me, that I have abdicated myself from, into and as, as parts existing in relationships of inequality and abuse, that I by participating in resistance as a refusal to face myself in and as accountability for the creation of what is here, as the creator of and as myself as what is here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that resistance is futile and that by resisting the very creation of myself as the systems that is manifested here on this earth, I am perpetuating war, abuse and suffering by and within separating myself from myself as the creator of – and thus the responsible for – what is here as life

I commit myself to push through resistance and to clearly identify for myself specifically which experiences is indicating resistance, so that I can with ease push through them, in clearly seeing directly and in self-honesty that what I am experiencing is resistance and that by pushing through it, I bring myself back to myself

I commit myself to continue pushing through resistance until I am able and capable of walking through resistance with absolute ease, self-trust and determination and I as such move myself through the final layer of resistance and no more exist in, of or as resistance in any way and thereby see, face, realize, embrace and take responsibility for myself in fullness and wholeness of myself as creation, as the creator of myself as all that is here

I commit myself to pushing myself to push through all points of resistance – to identify in self-honest when and where I experience resistance and to assist myself to consistently walk and push through resistance until no push is required and I simply face myself directly in and as the totality of the creation of and as myself as the creator of myself as all that is here

When and as I see that I am experiencing resistance, through in self-honesty having identified a point of resistance, I push myself in the realization that for every time I push myself, I am standing myself up and that resistance is merely the representation and manifestation of my abdication of, from and as myself and as such understand that I will persist until I have pushed through all and any forms of resistance – as the refusal to face myself here and take self-responsibility for who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

When and as I experience tiredness, that is clearly not physical, because it comes as a rush of sleepiness and specifically manifests as a want, need and desire to close my eyes and drift away – I Stop. When and as I see thoughts emerging as deliberate justifications of the resistance wherein I claim to myself that tiredness is physical and a physical need to rest, I stop. I breathe. I do whatever it takes to move myself out of the experience of tiredness, yet without replacing the one experience of resistance with giving to another – and so, I continue with what I was doing, when the experience of resistance emerged, as I realize that the resistance indicates a point as an opportunity to transcend a point of separation and as such realize myself and amalgamate a part of myself that I have separated myself into and as

As such – I commit myself to welcome and embrace resistance as a point of direct and undeniable self-support that I through witnessing before myself here – have enabled and are enabling myself to walk through until it is done.

For extended perspectives on the creation of resistance – and the releasing and facing of self as resistance, please read Creation’s blog here.

Tags: Blame, Creation, Creator, Denial, Desteni I Process, God, Gut Feeling, Projection, psychology, Resistance, Resisting, Suppression, We are One
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Anna’s Journey to Life: DAY 1

April 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

DAY 1

Here I begin. I begin the journey of walking myself out of the mind – to nothingness as the purification of myself of the past, of existing in as a repetition of the past – and as such I stop. As I stop and stand responsible for all that I have created myself into and as, in forgiving myself – I let go of the old and give myself the opportunity and responsibility of birthing myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within and as an experience of inferiority, self-suppression and self-judgment, when reading the self-forgiveness of others in which and through which I see and perceive that they are able to grasp and expand themselves into realizations on points that I perceive myself as yet unable to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of shame and self-judgment when reading the self-forgiveness of others and seeing how they are forgiving points that I perceive as existential and written in far more self-honesty that I am able to apply myself within in, even though I do see the common sense of every word they have written

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inferiorize myself to the words of others, if or when I see that they are directing a point in self-honesty that I do not yet have directed within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read the writings of others, from a starting point of comparison and thus competition and within that measure myself, as how I perceive myself, against how I perceive them – not seeing or realizing that I am not perceiving what is here in fact, as I am perceiving myself from within and as the mind, in and as separation from and of myself her, in a relationship to my world and reality as reflected in and onto others as points outside separate from me that I compare myself to from a starting-point of fear as ego – not realizing that I am comparing myself to and competing with myself in my mind

I forgive myself that I, through separating myself from myself here, into and as parts that I have created separate relationships with, in and as the mind and in and as the physical reality as others, have accepted and allowed myself to compete with myself – believing, accepting and experiencing that I, in and as how I have perceived, experienced and accepted myself as ‘a part’, must compete with other parts, in my mind and in the physical reality, in order to exist and survive and here, to make process as how I have perceived and associated process with survival as existence as the only way I have allowed myself to live.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have created the manifestation of competition out of and from my own self-delusion and deception, in that I have made something physically impossible, possible through the mind and through that have forced my insistence on the delusion as real, in and onto the physical – not realizing that who I am within competition is self-delusion and deception as competition is based on there being One winner where the parts believe that they can and must be that One winner to be able to exist – not seeing, realizing or understanding that I already am One and that I as such can only “win” the “ability”/”opportunity” to exist, by bringing all parts of myself back together in equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself in humbleness, that when I see the expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty in another’s writings, that that too exists equally in me and that all that is required for me to align myself to, as and within that point here as myself, is to allow myself to stand equal to it and one with it and to see how I can walk a practical process of implementing and integrating that realization for, in and as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand humble as an equal in gratefulness of the expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty applied by another in writing, as a step for all of us to expand ourselves in self-realization and self-honesty and to see that this is therefore an opportunity for me to accept, allow and direct myself to expand myself in and as self-realization and self-honesty

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish and elate myself in my mind, as ego, as fear to actually separate myself from myself as expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty, by separating myself from the words directed by another, by perceiving them as a threat to my self-image in the belief that because “only One can win”, it must mean that I am then not effectively directing my words as I compare my words to the words of the other as inferior because they do not contain the same point of expansiveness in self-realization or self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only way I cannot stand equal with words, is if I separate myself from them – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see and understand that it was not the words that was separate from me or the other being – but that it was I, who accepted myself as separate in the moment of reading the words, in fact as a point of deliberate self-diminishment wherein and through I did not allow myself to stand as an equal here and as such apply myself accordingly in implementing the self-realizations and points of self-honesty that I saw within the words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, accept and insist on that what another is applying for themselves, is and must be separate from me and at the same time, within having created a phony sense of “oneness”, believe that as “all is me” yet I am in competition with “other parts” to stand as that point of “oneness”, the other have then taken something from me – have won OVER me and is thus superior to me as I see, perceive, believe and experience and accept myself inferior accordingly

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is not the other being I am inferior to, as I could simplistically direct myself to stand as an equal with and as their application of self-realization and self-honesty and as such that what I stand inferior to, is myself, as the mind, as that which I have abdicated myself to, which is evident within how I reacted in the moment of seeing another’s writings and going into competition, fear and shame instead of looking practically at the point in self-honesty and self-support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand and accept myself as inferior to competition, within without question having accept competition as a basic foundation of my existence through which I can ensure my own survival and perceived “oneness”

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason why I perceive myself as perceived “oneness” as under threat , why I believe I must compete with others, is because my “oneness” is not actual Oneness – as I, within who and how I have accepted myself as separate from myself, from Life, from substance, from others – am existing as a “part” only – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that what I actually feared, resisted, refused and denied, was letting go of myself as “a part”, as separate and actually and in fact accepting and embracing and realizing myself in and as the oneness and equality of all that is here

I forgive myself that I, within resisting, refusing, denying and fearing to let go of myself as a separate part, have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from life and thus exclude life from myself and as such cut myself off from realizing myself here as life, from bringing myself back here as life and as such defend, propagate and insist on remaining separate, with all the consequences that my separation of and as myself entails – of suffering, abuse and inequality that I have accepted and promulgated and defended only within and through exerting myself as separate

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that only by keeping, forcing, deceiving and enslaving myself to remain within the delusion that I am separate, have I been able to justify existing in interest as ego as fear, accepting, allowing and justifying abuse and suffering by separating myself from it, denying it in and as myself, denying that I am the creator and the responsible for it and as such specifically prevent myself from realizing myself here as life, in and as equality

When and as I read the words of another, that I see is written in and as an expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to live, implement, integrate and realize within and as myself in equality – I embrace the words here as myself and I look directly and specifically at what the “gap” is that I have created between myself and these words – as to why I am not living these words and this self-realization and this self-honesty equal and one. And as such I place for, as and within myself a practical self-correction from where and in and through which I can in fact practically implement and integrate the points of self-realization and self-honesty as expansiveness that I have seen in the words of another – in realizing that I can only be separate from the words and the practical living of the words, if I have already separated myself from them as myself and that therefore what is required, is that I collapse that “gap” of separation, until I stand one and equal living these words in and as myself.

I see, realize and understand, that what is required, is that I remain here, in walking myself out of the mind and into the physical – through directive self-application to, as and within self-honesty in every moment of every breath – diligently, specifically, directly direct all points and parts of and as myself that I have separated myself from, into and as, by writing out the patterns/personalities/relationships that I have accepted and allowed myself to create in separation of and from myself here as the physical, by directing, stopping, releasing all thoughts/emotions/feelings/reactions/back chat in clear a-(w)here-ness of and as myself in every moment of every breath, not allowing one single thought to “slip through” undirected as I understand that that is the very definition of self-abdication, through which I have allowed myself to inferiorize myself to the mind, by letting the mind stand as the directive principle of and as me – instead of me directing myself here in a-(w)here-ness to be, become and live that which is best for all life – as myself, one and equal.

When and as I see that I am participating in competition through comparison or jealousy within my mind alone or projected towards someone/something outside separate from me, I stop. I breathe through the experience and I direct it within myself firmly in the realization that who and what I am competing with, is myself, in and as the delusional belief and acceptance of myself as separate, yet attempting to assert myself as one – as I realize the absolute self-deception and self-delusion that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and manifest myself into and as – and how the only thing I am creating through participating in this, is my own detriment as I am essentially living and existing as a delusion which is not physically possible, that is not life, that is not best for all and that can only fall, as I am here as Life, no matter how hard I have tried to annihilate and abdicate myself.

So – I embrace myself as the mind. I embrace myself as the point of delusion, in which I have attempted to make myself “whole” and “one” through manifesting the exact opposite and reverse – as fighting, annihilation, separation and abuse and I give myself the opportunity, gift and responsibility of bringing myself back Here – back to earth – back to this here physical body that does in fact exist as ONE – where no competition, separation, fighting, deception is required because all forms and manifestations exists in equality.

I realize that Life can only exist in equality – and as long as I deny myself as equality – I deny myself as Life and I will continue splitting and separating myself and fighting myself – because who I am cannot be denied. So I stop the fight against myself. I stop insisting on remaining separate. I stop competing with myself as delusional parts of separation as constant polarities diminishment and grandeur.

I live here. I walk here. I participate here. And all points that I see that I am standing separate from, within and as, I realize is my own delusional creation – and as such my responsibility to bring back to myself. I realize that it is not within “being separate” that I must direct myself, because it is within the very acceptance, creation and manifestation – and insistence on separation, that I have allowed myself to deny myself as life, as expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty.

So, with these words, I open my eyes to my acceptances and allowances – to what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as – and I walk here, giving myself the opportunity to expand and realize myself in self-honesty in every moment of every breath.

Tags: Anna's Journey to Life, Creator, Desteni I Process, Earth, Life, Oneness and Equality, Rebirth, Self-Forgiveness, We are God, We are One, We are the Creator
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