I Pledge Allegiance to the Physical and Stop Crawling in My Skin: DAY 170

January 31, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life, Uncategorized

3883241284 9071df49b9 z I Pledge Allegiance to the Physical and Stop Crawling in My Skin: DAY 170In this post I am continuing with the mind-movement character where I am writing out self-corrective statements on the self-forgiveness statements that I walked on DAY 164 and DAY 165. As a side-note since I’ve not been writing on this character for some days, I can mention that I’ve started more effectively pushing through it in terms of not moving myself away or allowing myself to be impulsed by the experiences and thoughts that come up within me.

For context of what I will be walking, here are the points I’ve walked so far beginning with an introductory post where I laid out the components of the mind-movement character:

SELF-CORRECTIVE AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS

Within this – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution was not to move myself away from the noise and energy to prevent it from penetrating me, but to not accept or allow it to change or influence me and to instead remain stable within and as myself

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to blame my environment for my experience of myself as I react to my environment through which I believe that solution to stop my experience is to move myself away physically – I stop and I breathe and I remain here.

Because I see, realize and understand that I’ve been blaming the physical environment for creating my experience of myself within concluding for example that when conflict is happening outside me (for example in hearing my mother and father fighting and slamming doors and crying) it is also happening inside myself or that the outside influence is creating my inside experience and therefore that I must move myself physically away, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that unless I am in danger, the ‘problem’ is not in my physical environment and can therefore not be solved with me moving myself away physically but only through me actually facing myself and embracing myself inside myself, realizing that I’ve reacted through internalizing what was happening in my environment. Obviously I also see, realize and understand that it might be best to move oneself in certain situations simply as a bridge to assist oneself in not reacting (like from conflicts) but in the end if the problem is initiated inside myself, that is where I have to fix it. So therefore I commit myself to stop blaming my environment for creating experiences inside myself and as such I commit myself to stop looking outside myself for solutions to what I am experiencing inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I experienced that I could not move myself to accept myself as weak and as such because of and based on this have accepted and allowed myself to create a life-long pattern of caving in and giving in whenever I experience that I can’t move myself, mentally or physically away from something I experience as difficult through which I accept myself as weak.

I see, realize and understand how I have created a relationship between facing something that is difficult or unpleasant and that which I have perceived to be the solution as moving myself away from that which is unpleasant or difficult – without seeing, realizing and understanding that I’ve within this separated myself from myself through projecting my inner experiences outside myself, thus believing that if I move myself away externally the experience will go away. And so I commit myself to when and as I see that I am facing myself in a situation where I create an experience of inner discomfort, fear or feeling that the situation is unpleasant and I feel a strong urge to physically move myself away from whatever I am working with in the moment through which I triggered the experience – to stop and breathe. I commit myself to remind myself in those moments that it is not the point I am working on or the person I am speaking to that is creating discomfort within me. If I am working on my thesis and I come across something that is difficult, this is a practical point, but if I take that difficulty personally or react to it or fear it, then that indicating a relationship I’ve created towards the particular point I am faced with, which I can only change or deal with by changing myself and facing myself and not by physically moving myself away from the point (which I see now is actually a suppression tactic)

 I Pledge Allegiance to the Physical and Stop Crawling in My Skin: DAY 170Perceiving/Judging the body/self as limited because of the inability to move and subsequently feeling trapped because of it thus creating the desire to ‘escape’.

A particular reason for wanting out of that beingness was within how I interpreted it as limited because I could not physically move myself as a baby. It was like being trapped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I realized that I could not move myself away from the environmental influences that I was reacting towards through an experience of stress and fear and uncomfortability inside myself, to turn my reaction inwards and create a judgmental conscious experience of and towards myself where I started experiencing irritation towards myself in perceiving my own physical body as a prison type of experience in concluding that because I can’t physically move myself away from what I experience inside myself there must be something ‘wrong’ with me through which I actually started perceiving my body as a threat to me in blaming my body for my experience because I blamed my experience on my inability to move myself physically – while in no way actually investigating where the experience I am feeling comes from to begin with.

I see, realize and understand that I’ve been blaming my body and perceiving my body as a traitor to me, I’ve judged the body as useless and traitorous because I could not move myself with or out of my body as a child and therefore came to interpret the body as a prison or as a ‘somewhere’ in which I was trapped. In this – I see, realize and understand that I’ve separated myself from the body and then I’ve projected the responsibility for my own experience of myself onto the body as a ‘vessel’ separate from me – while all along I was doing it all to myself from the first moment I reacted to my environment by taking things personally and then separate myself inside myself. So I commit myself to reestablish myself here in and as my body. And I commit myself to establish a relationship with myself in and as the body of self-respect and dignity because I see, realize and understand that I’ve been punishing, abusing and exploiting the body as a form of punishment and abuse since I was a child. I commit myself to stop blaming the body for the experiences that come up within me. When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to blame the body or when I see I am experiencing irritation towards the body for a particular experience I have, I stop and I breathe and I remind myself that this is a pattern of self-abuse and that I am not separate from my body. I commit myself to stop seeing the body as an enemy and as a prison that I am trapped inside, because I see, realize and understand that this is my own reaction to my experience of myself that I’ve projected onto the body. I see, realize and understand that real freedom can actually only come through bringing myself back to the physical and that it is the mind that is the prison I’ve created for/of/as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and to create a judgment towards my body as being limited and imprisoning me inside myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding how it is not my body that is limited – but how I am allowing myself to be influenced by and define myself according to environmental influences instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can simply breathe and remain stable within and as myself

When and as I see that I am reacting to my environment, I stop and I breathe and I remind myself that it is not the environment that is responsible for how I experience myself and that it is how I’ve defined and accepted myself in a relationship to the environment through which I am taking the influence personally. So I commit myself to take responsibility for the experience I accept and allow within and as myself as I see, realize and understand that it is my own responsibility to direct what I experience. As such I commit myself to develop stability and awareness and self-direction to stop reacting to my environment through stopping and through investigating the relationships I’ve created towards my environment in writing (an example is reacting to loud music or many people talking at once which is something I react intensely to). I see and understand that it is possible to breathe through any experience that comes up and so I commit myself to practice the point of breathing through the experiences that comes up within me so that I can realize this for a fact within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire to escape my physical body so as to escape the experience I’ve created inside myself through holding my physical body responsible for my experience through blaming my physical body for me being unable to move myself away from my experience, not seeing realizing or understanding that the inability of the body to move is not responsible for my experience as I have created my experience of myself through allowing myself to be influenced by my environment and invert the energy of stress, fear and conflict I experience in my environment inside myself and accordingly define myself according to it – and therefore I am responsible for my own experience as I am the one who has created it by and within myself

tumblr kt1l6rwsnj1qzbqvao1 500 large 85901511 I Pledge Allegiance to the Physical and Stop Crawling in My Skin: DAY 170When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to want to escape this moment here – which I identify through tagging and flagging the experience of physical irritation and a feeling of ‘crawling inside my skin’ followed by a desire to either sleep, speak, watch TV or eat – I stop. I allow myself and I commit myself to breathe and simply be with myself for a moment there. Because I now realize see and understand that this is one of those moments that have become automated, where I react to what I experience inside myself, blame the body for it and then believe that I can get away from the experience if I move myself physically and alter/intervene with my physical experience for example through eating or sleeping. I also now see, realize and understand that the solution to stopping and directing the experiences that comes up within me, is in fact to remain in the body, rather than to run away from the body.

My beingness won’t get me anywhere

Because the equation I made for myself was that I could not ‘get anywhere’ with/through/as my own beingness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as I judged and blamed my body for restricting me and limiting me, to in the same breath have disregarded and devalued myself as my body is myself and thus within and as that split myself inside myself annihilating my own body and thus myself essentially by blaming myself in and as separation from myself instead of simply realizing that I am the creator of my own experiences and therefore have the power and ability to change my experience of myself

I see, realize and understand that I’ve been deliberately punishing and torturing my body my entire life and that I’ve been deliberately annihilating the body through and within believing and accepting that the body is at fault for all unpleasant experiences within me – while I have oddly enough never actually given the body credit for all the positive experiences (such as in sex). I see, realize and understand now that I’ve lived my entire life in this self-annihilation without ever realizing that the part of me that I was pushing away and attempting to suffocate and quiet was in fact the part of me through which grace and peace and freedom was possible. As such I see, realize and understand that I’ve lived completely in reverse as I’ve believed that the body was the prison and the mind was the key to freedom and I can clearly see how I am still living this today in that my allegiances is more with the mind than it is with my body. As such I commit myself to walk a process of changing my allegiances from the mind to the body. And I commit myself to be patient with myself as I walk this process because I see how I’ve been loyal to the mind for a very long time and that it is going to take dedication and consistency to change my allegiance. I also see, realize and understand how one dimension of how I’ve been allegiant to the mind is because I misinterpreted the situation when I was a baby and I could not physically move myself. I realize that I blamed the body for my inability to move and in that moment I made the body my enemy while in fact I did not see how the actual point was within me reacting to and internalizing the environmental influences where I could have simply embraced it without fear or resistance and made the decision to stabilize myself inside myself. So I also see, realize and understand how I’ve lived this same moment over and over throughout the rest of my life, in every time I react, I turn to the mind and move myself in the mind while blame and ostracize the body because the experience is felt within and as the body. So – I commit myself to begin allowing myself to feel the experiences that come up within me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to as I perceived and experienced that it was my body that was to blame for me not being able to move myself away from what I was experiencing inside myself, push myself away and turn myself away from myself in creating a split inside myself where I in fact came to see, define and experience myself as a threat to myself in and as separation from myself

I commit myself to initiate a process of establishing stability, integrity and self-respect for myself in and as the physical body, through breathing and through begin making decisions according to what is best for my body and not what satisfies the mind’s ‘need for speed’.

I will continue in my next post with self-forgiveness.

FREE Interviews and E-books:

Join us at Desteni, support is available on forum on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Check out the New FREE course from Desteni: Desteni I Process Lite.

 I Pledge Allegiance to the Physical and Stop Crawling in My Skin: DAY 170

Confessions of a Child: Internalizing External Conflict: DAY 166

January 17, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

Fighting parents Confessions of a Child: Internalizing External Conflict: DAY 166In this blog post, I will be walking realizations, corrections and self-commitment statements on the self-forgiveness I’ve written on the Mind-Movement Character thus far. Since I’ve started walking this character, I have been more prominently aware of how I’ve come to embody this mind-movement character. In fact, because it was one of the very first characters I initiated and submerged myself into, it is a lot less multi-dimensional than other characters that have an entire storyboard and wardrobe and scripts to fill it out. Because this character has a very simplistic purpose and that is to use the mind to move myself away from myself, inside myself as well as using the physical to do so. And I notice how prominent this is a part of my daily life. From what I can see at the moment, it is in a way all there is, all I’ve done – is to run around constantly running away from myself even though I’m right here. I’ve actually also now started to doubt – though not necessarily in an unpractical sense – whether or not it is the best to write this character out as extensively as I’ve planned. Because I see how planning a months-long writing session on one character can have the effect that one does simply not step to the point of correction and change. Because basically I still live this character and it has detrimental effects on my participation, so it is most certainly why I am here to write it out. Therefore I will write out the dimensions of the time-line I scripted on DAY 163 and from there I will have a look at whether there are more dimensions required to be written out or if this is in fact what is required to be written out for me to stop and change and step out of the Mind-Movement Character.

For context of what I will be walking, here are the points I’ve walked so far beginning with an introductory post where I laid out the components of the mind-movement character:

So l will here be walking from the beginning of when I initiated the Mind-Movement character and I will script a correction for myself making the connection between the original pattern and how I am living it today.

SELF-CORRECTIVE AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS OF CHANGE

Reacting to the environment – internalizing the external instability and conflict

I remember reacting very much to the sounds, noises, smells and lights of ‘life’ of other people and their comings and goings and it overwhelmed me physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a baby and small child react to my environment by accepting and allowing stress to exist within and as me as I have accepted and allowed myself to let the energies I pick up on in my body into myself and have allowed the energetic instability and conflict to influence the stability and substance of my beingness through which I began internalizing the instability and stress and started accepting it as myself from which and where I eventually became this instability and stress as I accepted it as myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I reacted to in my environment was primarily stimuli as smells and sounds when in fact what I reacted to the most, was energies.

blog.krisatomic1 Confessions of a Child: Internalizing External Conflict: DAY 166When and as I see that I am reacting to my environment through experiencing a physical sensation of energy within me where I perceive and experience that it is what is happening in my environment that is creating my experience, I stop and I breathe. (An example could be the stress of a cue in the supermarket where others are agitated, or if I pick up on my partner being in a bad mood). I allow myself to slow myself down through breathing to assess in common sense self-honesty for myself whether I am in fact ‘picking up on’ energies in my environment or whether I am the one projecting my own energetic reactions outwards onto my environment and when I am satisfied that it is me who is sensing the energetic reactions of another, I simply breathe and allow myself to be with the energy. Because I see, realize and understand that just because I pick up on energy does not mean that this energy defines me or influences me in any way what so ever. And I see, realize and understand that I can actually be here with the energy without fearing it or pushing it away in fear because when I stand stable here within and as myself as breath, I can simply stand with the energy without allowing it to become me. And I see, realize and understand that I’ve allowed the energy to become me. I also see, realize and understand that I’ve believed that the problem was physical – my environment, other people, noise, smells, overloading of physical sensations – but I see, realize and understand that the ‘problem’ was mental all along as energy is a mental process and that it is only within accessing and identifying myself as the mind that I have allowed myself to become influenced by energies. And so I also see, realize and understand that it doesn’t really matter whether I was affected by something in my environment or whether I created it alone within myself because the fact of the matter is that I allowed myself to define myself according to emotional and energetic experiences and more specifically of the experience of not being able to move away from – which is what I perceived as the solution as a small child – that which I was experiencing as I was projecting it onto and blaming my environment for creating experiences within me, not seeing, realizing or understanding that the solution was not to move myself away but to stand stable within myself directing the experience in common sense self-honesty.

So therefore I commit myself to stop internalizing the reactions I experience towards my environment when I am in the cue and hear someone being irritated or when I see someone fighting in a bus or when I sense that my partner is in a bad mood and I commit myself to insert a moment of pause and stop right there when I sense a change in my environment so that I can allow myself to feel whatever it is without internalizing it and making it a part of myself and fearing it and blaming it and reacting to it and I commit myself to support myself to embrace energetic reactions unconditionally as myself and as such reverse what I’ve done until now in terms of running away and pushing away.

The acceptance of self as weak starts with the baby

And I simply accepted it. I accepted myself as weak and unable to move.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to attempt to physically move myself away from the external influence I was experiencing as a baby affecting me, but because I could not move myself I tried again and again over a period of time and when I could not move myself at all – because there was no conscious realization, I simply could not move myself away from the influence, I accepted it and I accepted myself as a weak

So what I see is that from here, two patterns or characters emerged, one being the mind-movement character where I started moving myself away inside myself and the other being the giving-in-and-giving up pattern that I’ve been writing about extensively. And I see how these are interchangeably connected and most certain affect and define who I am today.

fovos Confessions of a Child: Internalizing External Conflict: DAY 166So – when and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in an experience of not being able to move myself away from what I am experiencing through which I step into the pattern of giving-in and giving up on myself in going into the ‘if I can’t beat them, then I’ll join them character’ I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that the origin point within this is a misunderstanding based on the fact that I could not move myself as a baby physically away from my experience, yet I did not understand that I did not have to move myself away physically as it was not my environment that was responsible for my experience of myself and that I could have simply breathed and stabilized myself inside myself – as such I see, realize and understand that I’m still living the same misunderstanding and that I’ve now turned it into a convenient self-sabotage scheme where the ‘solution’ to what I am experiencing is to give myself into it and to move myself away from it, only inside my mind and as such were the result is in fact that whatever experience I am facing, I actually amplify it and enslave myself even further to it in an ‘attempt’ to stop it. And I see, realize and understand that this experience is triggered in situations where I experience that my environment has control over me, in situations where I don’t already direct myself and as such I see, realize and understand that I’ve been creating a snowball effect through reacting to my own experiences instead of applying the simplistic solution of embracing my experience and unconditionally breathing through it without allowing myself to be influenced or defined by it. So – therefore I commit myself to practice the point of embracing my experiences instead of reacting to them.

(To be continued)

FREE Interviews and E-books:

Join us at Desteni, support is available on forum on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Check out the New FREE course from Desteni: Desteni I Process Lite.

 Confessions of a Child: Internalizing External Conflict: DAY 166

Born for Porn? (By: Earth Global Review)

June 19, 2011 in Anna's Process Blog

 Born for Porn? (By: Earth Global Review)   Looking at the children and youth of this world, we see our own creation. We see the custody we keep, the legacy we leave behind; we see where 'value' is placed and what is perceived as 'worthwhile' by the modern human being.   We see that in the current money-system children are products, assets of profit, and "if we are going to spend on them, they better learn something that brings money in". How about pole dancing? I read an artic … Read More

via Earth Global Review

Sociological Images and how SEX Sells for Profit (By: The Solution is Always Equality)

June 13, 2011 in Anna's Process Blog

 Sociological Images and how SEX Sells for Profit (By: The Solution is Always Equality) Who and what, are the real products being sold for profit?  In a world where economies are down and people are struggling to survive, including the many who are starving to death – how is it that sex can sell anything?   If I can get you to feel energetically as I'm attempting to sell you something, then I can sell you just about anything.  If I can create subjectivity according to an image association within your mind, then I will eventually con … Read More

via The Solution is Always Equality

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