May 29, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when starting to read about the conditions in Africa, to immediately want to pull myself back and retract myself and not stand face to face with the atrocities of the African people and myself within and as an experience of feeling uncomfortable within and as facing what I as humanity have accepted and allowed – and as such want to get away from my own self-responsibility and not face myself within and as the atrocities and suffering of the African people and thereby and within that accept and allow myself to spite myself as those that suffer and tacitly accept and allow the suffering to continue, through my deliberate refusal to face myself within and as it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and experience guilt towards the African people, within and as defining myself as a “white person” and within having associated being a “white person” with “power” and “superiority” have accepted and allowed myself to look down upon “black people” in defining Africans as “powerless” and “inferior” and as such experience myself as guilty – yet not in fact see, realize or understand how I am equally responsible for the suffering in Africa and the acceptance of myself as inferior and powerless as well as the acceptance of myself as superior and powerful.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that the situation in Africa and the history of Africa and the relationship between countries and races and cultures and wars is directly and indirectly reflecting my relationship within and as myself as the parts that I, as a whole, have separated myself into and as, both within and as myself in my inner relationship with myself and in the entire world
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason I experience resistance towards facing the atrocities that has taken place and is taking place in Africa, is because I within it, am faced with myself – within and as my own acceptances and allowances as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist within and as the mind and within and as the manifestation of myself as separation and fear into and as the driving-force of myself as ego – taking what I want when I want it without any consideration or regard for the consequences
I forgive myself that I, within and as the manifestation and representation of the “colonizing west” have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I had a right to invade, rob and colonize the African continent, exactly as I have done within and as the mind in and as the manifestation of the ego as the driving-force of and as myself as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, have accepted and allowed myself to invade, penetrate, infiltrate, take-over and colonize the physical, as the earth and my human physical body – based on fear of nor surviving, of not “getting what is mine” and as such have accepted and allowed myself to confirm my deliberate separation of and from myself – as substance, as life – through believing that I must conquer life and deplete it’s resources to sustain my own existence – while in fact doing nothing but abusing life and depleting life – and as such myself in and as life, in the delusion and insistence that I am separate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceived myself into believing that when I as the “colonizing west” colonized Africa, I was doing the Africans a favor within and as justifying to myself that they were “crude” “like animals” and “unintelligent” and that I was bringing them “civilization” and “culture” when in fact all I was doing, and all I cared about was to rob and exploit and abuse as much as possible for my own profit and that I created these deceptive beliefs about my apparent good deeds, so as to justify myself for myself why my actions are justified, so as to keep my own idea of myself as righteous and superior in fact, in defining myself as superiority “evolved” and “civilized” – exactly as I have done within and as the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that by invading Africa as the “colonizing west” I was doing the “common good” a service and as such justified everything I did in the name of the colonization as just and righteous – while in fact the only good I was doing, was my own self-interest, protecting and serving MY people, MY country, MY family, MY self and as such deceived myself into not seeing the consequences of my actions had on the people of Africa, the land and the animals exactly as I have done within and as the mind in the manifestation of myself as the continuous re-confirmation of myself existing in and as fear of not surviving in separation of and as myself into and as ego, where all I have cared about and considered is myself as ego, as I perceived, believed defined and experienced as MYSELF – while in fact compromising the rest of me, all of me – because I was only existing in and as this one part through which I held a totalitarian dominion over myself and invaded and took control over the physical and colonized it – exactly as I did in Africa
I commit myself to show humanity as myself that the atrocities in the world, the suffering, the abuse, the exploitation is a direct reflection of who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become within and as ourselves as who we are – as who I am
I commit myself to not repress or suppress the atrocities that I as humanity have accepted and allowed on this earth, through and within having claimed the earth as my dominion as the ego of the mind as the constant and continuous re-confirmation of and over myself as separate and separated into and as the fear of losing myself, the fear of not surviving – through which I have justified for myself abusing, exploiting, invading, dictating and dominating over life
I commit myself to investigate and research myself in and as the history of mankind and how I have created myself and to expose how the relationships I have created in the world with and as parts of myself in and as separation is reflecting directly and indirectly who and what I have accepted myself as
I commit myself to reveal and expose all parts of me that have become the manifestation of myself as ego so that I can commit egocide once and for all – end the dominion and colonization of the ego over and life, the physical earth and my physical body so that I can stop the atrocities and the suffering and return the earth to a place where Life thrives in equality as a heaven on earth
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Suggested reading for extended perspective: