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September 10, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life, Anna's Videos
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Celebrating the Journey to Life – How Each Blog Matters: DAY 76
July 21, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
Introduction:
Tomorrow it is Maya Harel‘s and other Destonians day 100 of writing the Journeys to Life blogs. For 100 days they have been writing in the commitment to change and stand up for what is best for all. It is not a competition to the finish – because we’re all walking together, blog by blog, breath by breath. In conjunction with sharing a point I realized through reading Maya’s blog, I’d like to make a shout out here to Maya and the entire group who are walking the Journey to Life blogs – as we support each other through reading and writing these blogs and slowly but surely, blog by blog build a body of support that will support everyone that reads it and listens to it.
So, the last couple of days I have been reading Maya Harel’s journey to life blogs on the self-diminishment character.
Part 1: http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2012/07/self-diminishment-character-day-94.html
Part 2: http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2012/07/they-are-better-than-me-i-so-fucked-up.html
As I was reading the first blog I was faced with/facing myself in and as this character within and as myself and I had an opportunity to see for myself how the script of the character is playing out. So what I will be doing in this blog is utilize the structure that Maya laid out for how the self-diminishment character is constructed, to walk myself through the experience I faced, so that I can release, delete and step out of this character – and step out of it. What has been so cool about reading the 7 year Journey to Life blogs is that as I was reading Maya’s blogs – I had a direct opportunity to face myself within and as it, but even more so, through seeing how the character is constructed so clearly, as I was facing it, I could not deny that it was exactly what I was participating within and experiencing myself in, as and through. First, I merely saw the character and could confirm for myself that it is as Maya described it, but eventually I actually went into a complete ‘round’ of possession within how I have designed and constructed the self-diminishment character for myself with my specific ‘twist’ on it. So the way that the character is played out that I have seen, through reading Maya’s blog and through looking at it for myself is that it plays out as follows:
It starts with the competition character, but even before that it starts with a belief/idea about self and about the world and before that with a starting-point of acceptance and separation. From there I see how I’ve gone into the comparison character through back-chat in seeing others as better than me and thus myself as worse than them. From there I have then gone into an inferiority character in declaring a winner and a loser from the competition-game based on the comparison mechanism as the method of ‘settling the score’. From there I have gone into validation and confirmation for myself through backchat about my experience and belief as being ‘real’ and really depicting what the situation is. Then from there I’ve assumed the jealousy character and in general search for characters, through which I can regain status in my mind by discrediting the other person. As I was walking through this character while participating within and as it, I noticed that the next step was that I would experience and participate in and as spite and blame, not towards a particular person or the persons I was comparing myself to, but to a ‘general other’ or ‘them’ as ‘the group’ or ‘the world’. Similar to the experience one can have within experiencing that “my life is so unfair”. I have investigated this pattern/behavior before (before I read about the self-diminishment character in Maya’s blog) – but I had not so clearly seen this point of spite and blame.
Because I have usually perceived myself in a positive sense as ‘being a victim’. But within reading Maya’s blog, I was able to see the deliberateness of the character and the self-responsibility and self-interest of the character. The backchat within this stage is something like “it’s unfair.”, “they did it to me” where I justify the position I have taken for myself of inferiority as real and certainly NOT as my creation or responsibility. I can also see how I would mask my blame and spite by not directing it directly towards the person or if I would do so, it would be somewhat subtle, more than I would go and actually think in my mind: “oh he thinks he’s so clever” or something. So I have developed a form of blame and spite that is not conspicuous to me – lol – (as the other) and as such I have hidden it from myself.
Basically through these stages, I then solidify the self-diminishment character for and within myself more and more through these various strategies. From the blame/spite character, I go directly into self-pity and once I reach this stage, I am already in full possession. What that means is that my entire body experience has changed, I feel heavy, my entire face feels heavy and my general experience of myself is apathetic and depressed, like I am buzzing and drawing myself into myself. What then happens is that I start acting according to the experiences/backchat/reactions/thoughts – accepting that “I am not good enough, I am fucked up because I am not like the people I compare myself to… so therefore: it is their fault and I might as well give up” OR I instead fight for placing myself in a position of superiority. So the next stage is the entire play-out of giving up, where I sort of say “fuck this”. It basically feels like I’ve lost my status, that I have lost everything and so the only two strategies I see available to somehow ‘win’ – is to either give up and within that sort of take revenge by saying: “see what, you were right, I am not good enough.” OR I will say to myself (which usually only happens after the entire cycle has played out), that: “okay, I got to pull myself together now!” and then I will experience an increase in energy and generate a positive energetic experience through which I try to prove myself worthy again, built up my “reputation” or “status”… until the next ‘crash’.
So – reading Maya’s blogs in conjunction with actually playing out this character for myself, has given me a really cool opportunity to face myself within and as this character, walk through it, stand up from it and STOP playing out the cycle before it gets to the point where I am completely possessed and harm myself and abuse myself in a delusional attempt to regain status in my own mind.
What I see, is that the self-diminishment character is who and what I have already accepted myself as and that it is as such laying latent ready to be activated whenever I am faced with a situation where I am faced with someone that I see as better than me – or even that part is PART of the play-out, so that the self-diminishment character, which is really between oneself and oneself in one’s own relationship with self, can only operate and function and play out itself as a role, if there are other parts/characters to play up against, which will then either or both be projected onto other people or simply played out in the mind towards projections of people – lol – which is one and the same, just only one is three dimensional. The basis of this character is comparison through competition. When I started looking at this, I could see that competition is not where it starts. It might be where each individual play-off/game/scene of the character starts, but before that is even the acceptance of competition as being real, legitimate and valid. So this means that I in fact constantly exist within and as this character-system and that it can activate at any point, because I have already accepted myself in and as this character-system based on an idea and belief of who and what I am and who others are and what the world is – competition because we are separate – while in fact it is me who’s accepted myself as separate. But it is also a self-delusion of building up a status in my own mind, about who I am, that is then threatened when someone is that in fact and I am faced with the reality that I am not that. Lol – this means that my self-delusion is threatened.
So reading these journey to life blogs are fantastic as a support, where we, through the realizations that another has walked through, can assist and support ourselves to see how we ourselves have lived out and participated in specific characters, personalities and patterns. Though it is not that I can simply now take the realizations that Maya has seen for herself and superimpose them onto myself, because I got to live the change for, as and within myself. But the writings of another CAN support us to see how the patterns/characters/personalities play out and so that we can immediately apply self-forgiveness and move ourselves to the correction and stepping out of the particular characters.
Here’s a video I did in conjunction with this blog where I expand on the points mentioned here:
Follow the blogs daily at Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk!
Reality check: DAY 14
May 1, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
I have been reading blogs from the Destonians blog in the 7 year journey to life and I must say that I have never in my life read anything as supportive and self-honest as these blogs. I am grateful beyond words for the blogs that are being written and would like to take this opportunity to say thank you! I have added excerpts from some of the blogs I have read today below my writing that assisted me immensely.
For today’s writing, I gave myself a reality check. I had written an entire writing that I did not post yesterday because it was not finished and that I then muddled over all day today in terms of how to “bring the point through” within myself. It was not effective. So what I did instead was to read these blogs of other Destonians and that assisted me. In fact I experienced that some of the blogs were written for me. If you have not yet heard about the 7 year journey to Life, I suggest checking it out here.
So, for today’s blog I will leave the point I have been writing about aside for tomorrow, to allow myself to do a reality check where I stop for a moment and allow myself to be humble and simply write out what is here. The point I have been looking at lately is how I perceive myself as “who I am” according to “what I do” and how I perceive what I do. This has the result that my experience, perception and definition of myself is unstable, conditioned as it changes with my perception of what I do. So this is what I am here to look at.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is what I do that determines who I am, instead of realizing that it is who I am that determines what I do, how I do it and who I am within it
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that it is who I am that determines what I do and not what I do that determines who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can change who I am, by changing what I do and how I do it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that if or when I change what I do and how I do it, I will change as who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to change who I am, by changing what I do – not realizing that what I do, and whether it is best for all, is determined by who I am, as who and what I accept and allow myself to be
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate changing who I am, by preoccupying myself with attempting to change what I do and how I do it, not realizing that no matter how much I try changing what I do, it will not matter if I don’t change who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself – and value myself – based on what I do believing, experiencing and accepting that how I and others value what I do, is what makes me who I am
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I cannot change who I am, by changing what I do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my experience, perception, definition, belief and acceptance of who I am, based on what I do – believing that what I do, changes who I am and as such exist in and as instability
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience, perceive, believe and accept who I am based on my perception and judgment of what I do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience, perceive, believe and accept who I am in relation to others in and as how I perceive myself according to their perceived valuing of me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change what I do, in the hope, wish, desire and believe that it would change who I am, not realizing that what I do, does not matter until or unless ‘who I am’ is standing for what is best for all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the “doing” of self-forgiveness means that I am “forgiven”, not realizing that self-forgiveness in fact is a statement of change, of self-realization to take self-responsibility and that if I do not live the responsibility that I have emerged through self-honesty, I have written self-forgiveness in vain and in vanity as make myself “appear” as something without actually and in fact change myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, judge, define, experience and accept myself as “too far gone”, that it is impossible for me to stand up now – that it is too late, that I have changed too much – instead of seeing and realizing that the reason why I am not changing is because I have not directed myself to change myself
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that making the decision to change myself, in fact means directing myself in every moment to act accordingly – that the decision to change is not something that happens in the mind as an “intention” but that in fact is a constant living declaration of my decision to change that I can only apply within and as the moment I am faced with/facing
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that what I do is determined by who and what I allowed myself to be and as such until I face and direct who I am, as who and what I allow myself to be, what I do is irrelevant from the perspective that I will simply direct myself
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to effectively direct myself within what I do because I have not allowed myself to stand stable in self-trust within and as who I am determined and directive within the decision to walk and live what is best for all – as stopping that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become in and as the automated patterns of and as the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on ideas that I have designed and developed through years of participation into personalities, where my actions are conditioned and limited to live according to these ideas and where I have not actually been living or participating here, because I have been preoccupied in my mind in a delusional reality that I have acted out onto and forced into physical reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience, perceive and believe that I don’t know how to be “who I am” – if I don’t base “who I am” on calculations of ‘profit’ in terms of getting energy from the attention of others or complying with fear
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that when what I do, is unaligned to what is best for all, and as such unaligned to what is best for me, it is not (necessarily or only) about changing what I do – but about changing the starting-point of who I am and investigate for myself in self-honesty who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and accept myself as, as “who I am”
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I am able to change the starting-point of who I am, through directively changing myself in practical application, yet that it is not the practical application that “makes” who I am.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to take self-responsibility for and stand self-responsible for who I am and how who I am affects and influences my world and my reality as all that is here, believing that if I simply “do” and “act” “the part” I will have done “my part” – not realizing that if I do not direct myself to take self-responsibility for who I am in each moment, who I am will be determined by my past acceptances and allowances as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and exist as
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus only on changing what I do and in that seeing that it is what I do that is “the problem” and thus the solution – instead of seeing and realizing that I determine what I do, based on who and what I accept myself as and as such that if I do not directively direct who I am, and self-honestly investigate who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and exist as – I will allow myself to be directed by, as and within self-interest as ego because that is who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and live as
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that if I do not directively direct myself towards and according to what is best for all, I allow myself to direct myself and be directed by self-interest of and as ego and as such as abuse, deception and separation – and therefore I am responsible for the abuse and suffering that exists in the world – whether I direct myself or not, but only by directing myself can I stop and change what is here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I allow myself to act in ways that is not aligned to what is best for all – and that as such is abusive, deceptive and delusional, then it is because there is something wrong with what I do – believing that I must change what I do – instead of realizing in self-honesty, that it is who I am, as who I allow myself to be, that determines whether what I do, is best for all
I commit myself to investigating who I am in self-honesty as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and exist as in detail and depth until no part of me is here that I am not directively directing
I commit myself to walk a self-directive process of changing who I am, as all points and parts that are not standing for what is best for all and that are existing conditioned to and enslaved to the past
I commit myself to stop attempting to change myself through changing what I do and instead, when and as I see a point where I have allowed myself to live unaligned to what is best for all, to align this point/part/personality as “who I am” to what is best for all, through a self-directive process of changing my starting-point of who I am and through this, change my living application
I commit myself to, when I see that what I do is not aligned to what is best for all, to investigate my starting-point of “who I am” and to take self-responsibility for changing and aligning who I am to what is best for all
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to so tacitly define myself as a failure that when opportunities of success came along I would immediately fall back and retract because I had already decided within myself that it was useless to even try, because I was already fucked.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the personality design of ‘I am a failure’ and to allow this personality to run on autopilot behind everything that I participated in.” – Lindsay Craver’s Journey to Life Blog.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with the fact that I have been spiteful, manipulative, and ‘evil’ within me and within the relationships I have had in my world where due to the extent to which I had abdicated my own point of caring about myself as life, I extensively abused, manipulated, and deceived others because I regarded ‘others’ with the same disdain and disrespect that I had for myself.” – Joe Kou’s Journey to Life Blog
“I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the thought of “I regret because I’ve missed a chance to…” is a red flag to turn the point back to myself and see the REAL point that I’ve missed which is ME, as a living expression of Life as the Physical due to being occupied in my mind within thoughts, feelings and emotions.” – Maya Harel’s Journey to Life Blog
Visit us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk.
Entertainment (PART 3) = IT-ENDS-IN-THE-MEN: DAY 12
April 28, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
Here I walk the 3. and last part of my writing about entertainment and how entertainment exists as a veil through which those with money cover their eyes
I forgive myself that I, as humanity have accepted and allowed myself to exist collectively in self-enslavement to entertainment as a form of terror upon ourselves as life
I forgive myself that I, as humanity have accepted and allowed myself to terrorize myself through preoccupying myself in entertainment, while actually disregarding what is going on, on earth in its entirety and in fact abuse life through my participation in entertainment as it is exactly the purpose of entertainment to keep me ignorant and numbed down
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend an obscene amount of money on entertainment in all forms, where consumerism itself has become a form of entertainment that I have allowed to totally and entirely engulf my life and my participation here on earth, where I work to survive, only so that I can purchase entertainment with which I can avoid facing myself here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about being entertained in the definition of being “amused” than about Life, the earth, the animals, other humans or even myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as perfectly legitimate that billions are spent every day on entertainment alone and that I have disregarded and refused to invest in making life dignified for all life.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be self-honest about what entertainment actually is and how it is created and how I have affected the world, as all by and through my participation in and acceptance of entertainment as “normal” – while in fact it is an addiction to creating imaginary realities in and through my mind to keep myself from facing and seeing what in fact is here and who I am here
I forgive myself that I, as all of humanity, have accepted and allowed myself to use and utilize entertainment to pretend to live out a “perfect” reality through movies and shopping and clubbing and doing drugs, where everything for a moment seems “alright” and “perfect” and “good”, while in fact this very manifestation is creating extensive consequences for all life.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I have perceived as an “innocent pastime” where I partake in various forms of entertainment, is actually a very specific installation of enslavement that is promulgating abuse and deception.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I, within the definition of entertainment as a “pastime” have accepted and allowed myself to give myself a “pas”, as passivity, as letting the world pass by, as granting myself as “pass” from facing what is here
I commit myself to not use entertainment in any way or form to suppress myself or to avoid facing myself in self-honesty or to avoid facing what is here as this world
I commit myself to expose and reveal all ways in which entertainment has been used to deliberately cover up what is here as this world and on this earth and create an imaginary reality wherein those who have money can hide and pretend that all is fine in the world
I commit myself to share the message until all hears and sees how we collectively have held ourselves in a grip of self-enslavement and how we have used entertainment as a veil we have placed in front of our eyes to not realize who we are and what we have accepted and allowed
I commit myself to change how we have seen and used and abused entertainment – and finally bring actual self-enjoyment back to life, back to earth and back to ourselves in finding ways to express ourselves that does not compromise what is best or all life
I commit myself to stop entertaining myself in my mind, where I am seeking constant and continuous stimuli so to not have to face myself and what is here as this world.
I commit myself to re-define entertainment to a form of expression and enjoyment, that is not based on keeping ourselves enslaved to ignorance and disregard of what is best for all.
Visit us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk.
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