July 15, 2014 in Anna's Journey to Life
In this post I’d like to share a realization that may be of assistance to others who have experienced similar points. (I will continue with the suppression point that I brought up in the previous post in my next post).
It started with me having broken a commitment to myself and I was frustrated because I couldn’t understand why I keep breaking this particular commitment, like you know when you tell yourself to not eat chocolate and then do it anyway for example, or that now you’re going to work on this project and then you don’t do it? So I walked a self-forgiveness process on the point starting with forgiving myself for becoming frustrated with myself and I started looking into the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of me accepting and allowing myself to break a commitment with myself. What I found was that there is an aspect/part of me that in certain, specific (though not all) situations still adhere to a ‘principle’ of ‘feeling like/not feeling like’ doing something. I realized how I’ve literally sworn to this ‘principle’ or ‘doctrine’ or ‘value-system’ – obviously now on a subconscious and unconscious level, because I’ve realized this about myself previously, but what I hadn’t realized was how deep-seated this ‘doctrine’ has become within me, to the point where I’d allow it (as myself) to override common sense and compromise myself. I’ve previously explained how I’ve grown up in a culture and especially with a mother who literally believes in this point of: “If you feel like it, you should do it” – “If you don’t feel like it, you shouldn’t do it.” – where one uses emotions and feelings to navigate oneself and make decisions according to.
For those who are familiar with the positive-thinking-new-age-culture, it is exactly the same: “surround yourself with people who ‘raise your vibrational frequency’ and discard anyone that makes you ‘feel bad’.” So for those of us inoculated into this cult-u-are, we believe that our emotions and feelings are the same as self-honesty, through the energetic experience towards something ‘guiding’ or ‘showing’ us what is best for us. So when I broke my commitment to myself I did so within a justification that “I don’t feel like it.” And the only reason why I followed that thought-backchat-experience sequence is because I’ve actually held onto this belief, even though I’ve consciously worked on changing it through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. So I realized that I’ve refused/resisted to let this ‘feel-good’ religion go, because that would mean that I wouldn’t any longer have a choice – lol – I would have to start doing things even though I don’t feel like it. I wouldn’t be able to hide behind or use my emotions and feelings as an excuse or justification. So I started through my self-forgiveness application to go deeper into why it is that I’ve accepted and allowed this belief/doctrine to override common sense. What I saw was the following:
The things I ‘feel like’ doing are most often things that are either easy, in my comfort-zone that doesn’t require effort from me OR they are things through which I trigger a positive energetic experience within myself. The things I DON’T feel like doing are either things where I have to challenge myself, do something new, expand beyond my comfort-zone OR it is things through which I trigger a negative emotional experience within me, such as for example through the fear of doing something new OR they are things where I cannot or don’t generate any emotional/energetic experience, where the mind is boosted somehow. This could for example be a ‘tedious’, practical thing that has to be done, that no one else sees or validates me through, like every-day tasks without any form of reward.
So what is so interesting is that I’ve let this ‘What I feel like/don’t feel like’ be a valid starting-point of priority/value within me, in spite of this actually being an extremely limited way to live. Consider it for a moment: What are the consequences of living and making decisions according to what I feel like or don’t feel like doing? I will not expand myself, because often expansion requires one to step out of one’s comfort-zone, one will be challenged, one will be confronted and face tough points. And it also keeps one enslaved to energetic experiences that very may well boost the mind-experience but that also deteriorate the body extensively. So ‘What I feel like/don’t feel like’ – is not something that I can trust. Obviously you can be lucky that what you feel like doing also just happens to be what is best for you – but if it is still based on an addiction to experiencing positive energy as in “this feels good” – then one is still not basing one’s decisions on practical reality.
And the thing is: this stance of ‘What I feel like/don’t feel like’ ONLY considers ‘me’ in the moment. There’s no consideration for the consequences of my actions, for my body or even for how my actions may affect others. ‘What I feel like/don’t feel like’ aren’t even real measures of ‘what is good’ because as I have shown, what I feel like doing will often be opposite to what would be best for me or what I’ve committed myself to do in a moment. When we follow our feelings as the directive for what decisions to make or what actions to take, we’re trusting that our feelings (simply because they are our feelings) are always right. But within that is no consideration for the practical reality in which we move. We have created a cult-u-are based on feelings as a navigation tool which is a dangerous thing to do, because do we even know where our feelings come from or how we created them? It’s like assuming that whatever is inside us is always best, just because it comes from inside us. Now – I’m not saying that the solution is then to stop trusting one’s ‘gut’ (for a lack of a better word) or to now just follow what other people are saying. I am saying that feelings and emotions cannot be trusted when it comes to making decisions. The self-honesty within making decisions that are best for oneself and others is NOT based on feelings or emotions but on a physical practical recognition of cause/effect and consequence relationships. It can be measured and weighed – and trusted.
I also realized that there’s a difference between that energetic ‘feel good’ feeling and then the physical satisfaction of having done everything to the utmost of one’s capacity in self-honesty. It’s not something that boosts my ego. It boosts my self-integrity, my self-value, my self-worth, my self-trust that I am capable of expanding my potential and myself. It’s real self-love. In that, it doesn’t matter if it is tough or hard or scary or boring at moments, because I am pushing myself to do what is best, what is most supportive, what is needed and what is practical in a particular moment.
Sometimes it can for example be cool and enjoyable to take an evening in bed watching a TV series, like if one sees that one is physically exhausted and need the rest or if I’ve not had any moments of relaxation with my partner for a while and would like to merely lay together for a moment. But if I go and watch TV in bed, when I’m not actually tired or in need of rest, when there are things and points in my world that will be compromised by me going to watch TV, it’s not going to be a real point of enjoyment and satisfaction. I might have a positive energetic experience because I’m ‘escaping’ doing something that I fear doing by avoiding it, but within that I’m creating consequences for myself, perhaps for others too and I’m compromising my own integrity and suppressing and procrastinating walking through a point of fear.
So the commitment I’ve made to myself is to stop accepting and allowing myself to rely on feelings and emotions to direct my decisions and actions, because I realize that whether I feel like or don’t feel like doing something is not valid. So instead I am committing myself to make decisions in common sense based on what I see is practically best for me to do in a moment.
Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course