February 1, 2014 in Anna's Journey to Life
As we walk this process in the journey to life I have noticed a point within me of not seeing process as ‘my own’. What I mean with this is that I’ve seen how I in certain situations perceive myself as accountable or responsible – but towards others and not towards myself. And I have found that this is quite common for us human beings in how we tend to follow instead of lead. We grow up learning how to be followers, because as we are young children, our self-will and any potential of self-direction is broken, ironically by a society equally made up of followers, followers who are following religions, beliefs, values and ideals that have absolutely no root in reality.
And so, as we embark on this journey of becoming self-willed and self-directed, it is imperative to stop existing as followers – because otherwise we’ll make process into a religion or project the responsibility for what we’re doing onto someone else/something else. What I found within me as I started to investigate this point is that I felt responsible to someone undefined. This is very similar to how people will feel responsible towards an idea about God or Jesus or even The Universe. And the consequence is that our actions will not be our own in the sense that we’ll be doing things within a belief that this is what others wants us to do and as such we will be separate from the starting-point upon which we walk – such as the principles we are walking in the journey to life and with the Desteni Group.
We are so used to being followers that we do not even notice that this is what we’ve accepted ourselves as. And the world is a clear reflection of this – but what is most alarming is that we don’t even know what we’re following or whom we are following. We are like a swarm of bees all following each other as a mass without a focal point, each of us following imaginary leaders but without any real direction.
So I will here be walking self-forgiveness in relation to this point – specifically in relation to seeing process as something that is not mine, something that I’m doing for someone else, something that someone else is responsible for and that I’m simply following as I’ve followed my entire life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, perceive and experience process as something that is not mine, as something that I am doing for someone else/something else and that I am thus separate from and thus not doing for myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I’ve accepted myself as a follower since I was a child being introduced to the school system and the world system in general, learning how to always wait for instructions and permissions to act
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have become a follower and that I have instead deceived myself into believing that I was directing and controlling my reality and making independent choices and decisions when in fact I never was because I was always just a follower
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as a follower in all areas of life and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to bring my follower-personality into this process of walking the journey to life without being aware of it because I’ve accepted it as a part of who I am without as much as a question
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning and walk into the day as a follower – following an unspecified and undefined ‘someone/something’ that I haven’t even clearly defined for myself but that certainly isn’t walking for myself within and as a decision to walk this process for myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not walk process for myself, not even knowing exactly what this would mean because I have never in fact done anything for myself in my entire life in terms of actually making decisions based on what is best for me and best for all as me in equality and oneness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stepping out on my own and live from within and as a starting-point of self-independence and self-reliance where my primary point of cross-reference is myself and my self-honesty because I have been used to be a follower my entire life and I have been taught to be a follower and that consequences follow those that do not follow and because I fear what might happen if I step out on my own two feet
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to walk this process feeling responsible towards someone/something else – instead of standing responsible for myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always seen, defined and accepted myself as being owned by the world-system from within and as a starting-point of fear of retribution, punishment, ostracizing and ridicule and judgment – where even when I saw my self-honesty I never acted upon it and always made sure to be a follower because I had fully accepted myself as encaged within and by the world-system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to walk this process. I have to walk it for myself first and foremost because it is through me as an individual who has abdicated myself to the mind and separated myself from what is here that I will be able to walk the journey to life and as such realign myself as an individual as one part of this separated existence into equality and oneness – there is virtually no other way. I cannot change anything if I don’t change myself first
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as a follower where I am waiting to be given direction or permission by others, I stop myself. I breathe and I bring myself back here to the commitment to direct and lead myself. I realize that I have been a follower my entire life – because that is what I have been taught to be by people who are also followers. And thus I realize that none of us are actually following anything of real substance because we are not self-directed or self-willed, we’re all just following each other which is in fact us following the mind as we’ve accepted and allowed the mind to be that which governs our lives. I realize that I cannot walk this process being a follower – because being a follower is a program that the mind runs on my permission and as such I realize that I cannot walk this process until I start directing myself as the mind to stop being a follower and start being self-govering and directive. I realize that I cannot be self-directive unless I am self-honest and standing one and equal with all parts of myself. So I commit myself to push myself to be self-honest so that I can trust myself to direct myself effectively in a way that is best for myself and so best for all. I commit myself to stop being a follower. I commit myself to become a leader. I commit myself to become self-directed. I commit myself to direct myself in this process.
Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course