June 14, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life
In this post we are going to start the process of writing self-forgiveness on the Paranoia of Falling in Love so that we can once and for all let go of this state of insanity through releasing the energetic relationship we’ve created towards Falling in Love within and as getting to the bottom of what Falling in Love in fact is and as such take responsibility for ourselves as Falling in Love based on the Realization that Falling in love isn’t a Real Self-Expression but a Mentally and Chemically induced state of insanity. We will begin here by opening up the submission of ourselves to the experience of falling in love and why we’ve not ever questioned the validity of the falling in love experience.
For context to what we’ll be walking here, please read the previous posts in this series:
- The Insanity of Falling in Love – (Relationship Paranoia – Part 3): DAY 212
- Discontinuing The Sexual Hunger Games: DAY 211
- She’s A Man Eater: DAY 210
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that falling in love is a real experience as indicated by the fact that it’s an experience and that I am feeling it inside my body and so I’ve deceived myself into believing that it is real because I feel it, not seeing, realizing or understanding how emotions and feelings aren’t real in fact, because they are’nt based in physical reality but in a state of mental relationships that I’ve reacted to energetically and that fluctuates and changes and therefore isn’t solid or stable or substantial
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to believe that falling in love is a real experience, meaning where the fact that I am feeling it indicates that it is real because I want to believe that there’s magic in the world, because I want to believe that falling in love is a shortcut to perfecting myself and making myself whole and because I want to believe that I am special and that another person can be the solution to all my problems so that I don’t have to look at or get to know myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately ignore the fact that every time I’ve fallen in love, I’ve always fallen out of love again, often from one moment to another only to then go onto to finding someone else to fall in love with, not seeing, realizing or understanding how something can’t be real, if it can simply disapear from one moment to the next without any substantial consistency or constancy
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to believe that falling in love is real because of how I’ve experienced falling in love as a ’deep’ and ’spiritual’ and ’existential’ experience that gave my life meaning and purpose and that offered a way out of my life with myself because someone would come along and through their very being would sort me out and I would be perfect and life would be perfect forever and ever
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not question the validity of falling in love and within this that I’ve not questioned whether falling in love is real or not, because I accepted and allowed myself to base my belief in falling in love on what I heard from other people, from stories and from the media while never accepting or allowing myself to cross-reference the point for myself and investigate what falling in love in fact is, what it’s consequences are and whether or not it is real
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately integrate the propaganda presented to me throughout the culture I’ve been born into of what falling in love is into and as myself so that I could justify and validate my experience of falling in love as being real and meaningful because I wanted it to be real
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that falling in love is the meaning of life and the purpose to my life and therefore within and as this believe that life itself has a positive, magic, spiritual and existential meaning that is falling in love – as the symbol of ’becoming ONE’ with another person and together come into union and through this oneness create new life – meaning finding a man and having a child — never questioning how this is in fact working in practical reality or asking the question of how creating a family can be the meaning of life considering how we’re living together on this planet
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist, refuse and fear letting go of my belief in falling in love as being the meaning of life and the purpose to my life because if I were to let it go, life wouldn’t have meaning and there wouldn’t be a positive starting-point and purpose with my life and as such I would be faced with the reality of life on earth and the reality of my life where there are no magic or quick fixes and where things aren’t meant to be in some divine plan that we’re as humans just to dense to comprehend at this point and then life would be empty and pointless and cruel – not actually seeing, realizing or understanding how facing what life has become in brutal self-honesty is actually the key to creating a life worth living on earth with real substantial purpose and meaning that we ourselves have defined and not some fuzzy feeling that hasn’t got any practical value or purpose
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how the definition of ‘falling in love’ literally shows what the experience is, as a ‘fall’ from and within oneself in submission to something/someone outside of self that self has no direction over or of which clearly contradicts the belief that falling in love is a real experience – because how can it be real when we don’t even know where it comes from or why or how we’re falling in love as something we haven’t got any direction over
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define falling in love as a ‘spiritual’ and ‘divine miracle’ and based on this have justified falling in love as a real experience in spite of the fact that I’ve got absolutely no self-directive will when it comes to falling in love because I’ve accepted and believed that there must be some force or higher power governing the process of falling in love, through which I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior and therefore subjected to the experience of falling in love and thus also the experience as being superior and more than me – through which I’ve justified not questioning its validity exactly as how people use ‘faith’ as a justification to not question their belief in god while in fact what has made my experience of falling in love ‘divine’ is simply the fact that it’s not self-directed and that I’ve got absolutely no control over it.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how while I don’t have any self-directive will when it comes to falling in love – - it doesn’t mean that I am not deliberately making myself falling in love, because I see, realize and understand that the falling in love experience is determined by the relationships I’ve created towards symbolic representations of things that are desirable in my reality based on memories from when I was a child and throughout my life where I’ve ‘copy/pasted’ various qualities, features, personalities together than I’ve then come to define as ‘my type’ – never ever questioning why this is my type or how I’ve created the particular desire
I will go up to hear for now and will continue with self-corrective statements in my next post, after which I will continue opening up the dimensions of falling in love.