Throwing Myself to the World to Survive: DAY 174

February 19, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

Energy Boost Throwing Myself to the World to Survive: DAY 174For context of what I will be walking, here are the points I’ve walked so far beginning with an introductory post where I laid out the components of the mind-movement character:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as I decided to turn against myself as the physical and in reacting to the physical to decide to move myself into the world as that which I perceive as the source of my reactions because I could not stand the experiences inside myself and I could not move myself away from them physically and so I made a ‘can’t beat them, join them’ type of survival move where I turned my attention towards my external reality and away from my own physical body and simultaneously also into an inner mental reality

mind energy brian geckle Throwing Myself to the World to Survive: DAY 174I see, realize and understand how I have pushed myself away from the physical and into the world within a deliberate strategy to ‘join them’ because I understood that I could not ‘beat them’ within the experience I had as a baby where I reacted to my environment and to the energies I experienced inside me and because I could not physically move myself away from them because I could not walk, I understood it as though I could not ‘beat them’ instead of seeing, realizing and understanding how I was creating my own reaction inside myself and that I could have simply breathed through the energy and stabilized myself here in the physical – which is basically the same mistake I’ve been making ever since. And so I see, realize and understand how I have literally thrown myself against the energy and against the world making the decision to then be ‘swallowed’ by the world as a strategy towards coping with my reaction – where I could have simply realized that I didn’t have to stay in the reaction. As such, I commit myself to walk a process of stopping this pattern of ‘joining them’ to the point where it has even become a positive experience of throwing myself into the world where I feel fearless and empowered and where I have severely abused and compromised myself all to avoid feeling reactions inside myself which I eventually forgot and simply acted in an automated pattern of energetic catapulting. When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to step into the desire to ‘join’ where I can see in self-honesty that it would be best for me to not throw myself anywhere, I stop and I breathe. And I commit myself to give myself back to myself one step at a time.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I will get out of denying myself as the physical and giving myself into the mind and the external reality is in fact life as I understood the alternative to be agony and darkness inside my physical body, when in fact everything is completely in reverse and the agony I experience is in fact what I’ve done with myself as life, as darkness through my surrendering of myself to the mind and therefore the only way ‘out’ is through the consequence of who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become

energy flow mind control1 Throwing Myself to the World to Survive: DAY 174I see, realize and understand that the way I have convinced myself to push myself outside of myself and to ‘join them’ as the world of energy was through convincing myself and making myself believe that this ‘world’ was LIFE – that this was what life was. As such I also see, realize and understand how I within this turned against myself and believed that there was something wrong with me and later believed that I am oversensitive and take things too seriously. As such I commit myself to stop the belief and to stop participating in the belief that turning myself outside myself and against myself is the same as life. Because I have seen for myself clearly, through living according to this belief that what I have been doing was not living in any way whatsoever. In fact I’ve been busy destroying myself. So when and as I see that I am participating in the belief that moving myself as the mind is the same as living, I stop. And when I see that I am participating in the belief that stopping myself as energy and stopping myself as the mind is not life, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to my physical body. And I commit myself to walk a process of discovering what life is in fact.

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 Throwing Myself to the World to Survive: DAY 174