Confessions of a Child: Initiation of the Giving-in-and-Giving-up Pattern: DAY 164

January 11, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life

409489 309930959044008 219034844800287 791246 1963943538 n1 Confessions of a Child: Initiation of the Giving in and Giving up Pattern: DAY 164In this blog post I am writing out self-forgiveness on the first memory that I wrote out in my last blog post in the time-line of the development of the Mind-Movement character. For context of what I will be walking, here are the points I’ve walked so far beginning with an introductory post where I laid out the components of the mind-movement character:

SELF-FORGIVENESS

Reacting to the environment – internalizing the external instability and conflict

I remember reacting very much to the sounds, noises, smells and lights of ‘life’ of other people and their comings and goings and it overwhelmed me physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a baby and small child react to my environment by accepting and allowing stress to exist within and as me as I have accepted and allowed myself to let the energies I pick up on in my body into myself and have allowed the energetic instability and conflict to influence the stability and substance of my beingness through which I began internalizing the instability and stress and started accepting it as myself from which and where I eventually became this instability and stress as I accepted it as myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I reacted to in my environment was primarily stimuli as smells and sounds when in fact what I reacted to the most, was energies.

The acceptance of self as weak starts with the baby

And I simply accepted it. I accepted myself as weak and unable to move.

BY 54M 1024x1024 Confessions of a Child: Initiation of the Giving in and Giving up Pattern: DAY 164I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to attempt to physically move myself away from the external influence I was experiencing as a baby affecting me, but because I could not move myself I tried again and again over a period of time and when I could not move myself at all – because there was no conscious realization, I simply could not move myself away from the influence, I accepted it and I accepted myself as a weak

Within this – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution was not to move myself away from the noise and energy to prevent it from penetrating me, but to not accept or allow it to change or influence me and to instead remain stable within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I experienced that I could not move myself to accept myself as weak and as such because of and based on this have accepted and allowed myself to create a life-long pattern of caving in and giving in whenever I experience that I can’t move myself, mentally or physically away from something I experience as difficult through which I accept myself as weak

Thank you for walking with.

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 Confessions of a Child: Initiation of the Giving in and Giving up Pattern: DAY 164