January 11, 2013 in Anna's Journey to Life
In this blog post I am writing out self-forgiveness on the first memory that I wrote out in my last blog post in the time-line of the development of the Mind-Movement character. For context of what I will be walking, here are the points I’ve walked so far beginning with an introductory post where I laid out the components of the mind-movement character:
- Confessions of a Child: Time-Line of The Mind-Movement Character: DAY 163
- Confessions of a Child Capitulating Life to the Smothering Embrace of Lies: DAY 162
- CONsciousness FORMed Babies: If You Can’t Beat Them, Join Them. DAY 161
- Travelling at The Speed of Light of the Mind: DAY 160
- The Mind Movement Character – Introduction: DAY 159
I remember reacting very much to the sounds, noises, smells and lights of ‘life’ of other people and their comings and goings and it overwhelmed me physically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a baby and small child react to my environment by accepting and allowing stress to exist within and as me as I have accepted and allowed myself to let the energies I pick up on in my body into myself and have allowed the energetic instability and conflict to influence the stability and substance of my beingness through which I began internalizing the instability and stress and started accepting it as myself from which and where I eventually became this instability and stress as I accepted it as myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I reacted to in my environment was primarily stimuli as smells and sounds when in fact what I reacted to the most, was energies.
The acceptance of self as weak starts with the baby
And I simply accepted it. I accepted myself as weak and unable to move.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to attempt to physically move myself away from the external influence I was experiencing as a baby affecting me, but because I could not move myself I tried again and again over a period of time and when I could not move myself at all – because there was no conscious realization, I simply could not move myself away from the influence, I accepted it and I accepted myself as a weak
Within this – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution was not to move myself away from the noise and energy to prevent it from penetrating me, but to not accept or allow it to change or influence me and to instead remain stable within and as myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I experienced that I could not move myself to accept myself as weak and as such because of and based on this have accepted and allowed myself to create a life-long pattern of caving in and giving in whenever I experience that I can’t move myself, mentally or physically away from something I experience as difficult through which I accept myself as weak
Thank you for walking with.
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