November 18, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
In this blog I am continuing with walking myself back to breath where I in my previous blog was opening up the desire for an easy life and how this is affecting me in my daily living. I was specifically looking at the ‘doctrine’ that I’ve learned from my mother and from my general society as a child of ‘do what makes you happy’ in seeing how I’ve been living according to this principle throughout my life, having the consequence that I would only do the things through which I would generate a positive energetic experience that I defined as happiness, whereas I would stay the hell away from anything that did not generate such an experience – which in many instances also have been such points that one simply has to do in life, like doing the dishes even though you don’t want to. Because I’ve been born into a rich society with a strong welfare state I was thus able to avoid doing most of the things that did not ‘make me happy’ – which I am now facing the consequence of in terms of opportunities I’ve missed and skills I’ve not developed because they did not fall under this ‘doctrine’.
So in this and in the coming blog I will be prescribing self-corrective application for myself to walk through with regards to this ‘doctrine’ of doing only what makes me happy while staying the hell away from anything that does not make me happy. I am also looking at the question of how this ties in with my commitment to walking myself back to breath. Because walking through this point does not directly influence me in bringing myself back to breath. In fact I would not say that I’ve been particularly ‘successful’ these last 12 days of bringing myself back to breath. In some respects I’ve been effective, in others not. So in the coming posts I will focus more on this point and if necessary walk another 21 days and another until I am satisfied that I have brought myself back to breath. Now – by bringing myself back to breath in this context, I do not mean that I will have no more thoughts and that I will only be breathing here in and as the physical. This is obviously the end-point, however I am aware that I’ve got an lengthy process to walk before having brought myself back to breath. So the point I am referring to here, is more to do with actually willing myself to be here as breath, because that is why I started writing this blog series, because I was not walking here willing myself back to breath. And I see how the desire for a specific life or a specific experience ‘stands in the way’ of me bringing myself back to breath. Simplistically because I’ve allowed myself to prioritize otherwise – prioritizing the illusion over reality, self-deception over self-honesty. So I will be walking this however necessary, changing and aligning as I go – and this is the commitment I make to myself.
The doctrine: “Just Do What Makes You Happy”
When and as I see that I am participating within living out the statement “do what makes you happy” through which I will pursue something based on the justification that “it makes me happy” or negate something based on the justification that “it does not make me happy” – I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here.
Because I see, realize and understand the utter absurdity in this statement and how I’ve lived it within how I now see, realize and understand that I’ve not cared about or considered the consequences of what ‘makes me happy’ nor have I considered whether this ‘happiness’ is even real and valuable – because if I had, I would have seen, realized and understood that doing what makes you happy is not a common sensical way of living because one is basing one’s life on an experience of positive energy defined as happiness that is fleeting, unpredictable and that can’t be trusted as a real life value in that it does not in fact contribute to create a life that is best for self or best for all. So therefore, I commit myself to delete and stop and let go of the doctrine within and as me that I’ve accepted as a prescription for how to live a good/successful/fulfilled life and I commit myself to stop living according to it and thus stop only doing that through which I can generate a positive experience of feeling happy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I only to what makes me happy and not do what does not make me happy, my life will be good and fulfilled and successful and I thus forgive myself that I’ve never actually accepted or allowed myself to question what it means to be happy and whether I can trust the experience of happiness – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that happiness is a feeling that is based on self-interest because I within happiness only care about myself and how I feel, while taking nothing and no one else into consideration and thus happiness cannot be trusted as a prescription for how to live life, because it is not based on the principle of what is best for all, but only on personal energetic experience of positivity that one can actually justify abuse through for example through saying: “well, I see the consequences but I am going to do it anyway because it makes me happy and that is all that matters.”
When and as I see that I am participating within the belief that “if I only to what makes me happy and not do what does not make me happy, my life will be good and fulfilled and successful” in my daily participation where I will do something only because “it makes me feel good” as that which I’ve equated with being happy where I don’t stop to consider the consequences of what I am doing or even see the consequences and still don’t care – I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here. Because I see, realize and understand that I within this am A) enslaving myself to chase positive energetic experiences and interpreting everything according to whether it will provide me with a positive energetic experience which is actually just a polarity in comparison to negative energetic experiences as the positive and the negative cannot exist without each other and as such positive energetic experiences are not real as in substantially founded in reality but only as flimsy and unstable experiences in/through the mind. And B) that I within only doing what makes me feel good am not at all caring about or considering the consequences of my actions through which I’ll actually create real fuck-ups for myself and for others as I’ve equated ‘good’ with ‘feeling good’ instead of equating ‘good’ as a practical consideration of what is best for all and myself within any giving point of participation. And so I commit myself to let go of and to stop participating in the belief that if I just do what makes me happy, my life and I will be good/successful and fulfilled. Because I now see, realize and understand that real goodness, real success, real fulfillment is to create myself as a being that lives in a way that is best for all and accordingly create a world that is best for all where ‘happiness’ is not even required because we’re living fulfillment in every moment with everyone here in and as self-expression. And I commit myself to educate myself to understand, see and realize the consequences of my actions and to decide upon a course of action based on the consequences for myself and for everyone else so that I can accordingly make a decision and direct myself to do and live what is best for all
To be continued
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