November 4, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
Today I watched the documentary “Human Resources”. It exposes how behaviorist psychology have been used to sedate and brainwash people into the organic robots we’ve become today that learn through television and live through the mind, without ever touching the ground, except for with our feet that we’re not even remotely in ‘contact’ with, as the body has become the slave that serves the mind’s every demand and desire. A specific point that I saw in conjunction to the blog post I wrote yesterday, is how I decide who I am in every moment of every breath. When I allow myself to follow preprogrammed desires and fears – I am not living here. It is as simple as that, yet we’ve created an entire world-system based on this deceptive programming, where whatever your kink is that ensures that you’ll stay in ‘la-la-land’ of self-deception in your mind, will be readily available for you to consume or dream yourself into. There’s not a part on earth – except for the places where real people really fight for their life every single day to survive – where our days are not governed by this system. From health obsessions to politics and spirituality and sex: Whatever rocks your boat, you’ll get it… if only you have the money to pay for it as you sell your life to the system, so that you can have your little island of delusion in your mind.
So – when I had a look at this for myself, in terms of the decisions I make in my own daily participation, of ‘who’ I decide to be and how I use cognitive distortions to fuck with myself, it is clear how each of us is actively participating in pretending like the emperor is fully clothed and the world is in perfect order. And as in the story, it is only the children who sees the emperor in his phony self-deception walking around naked and deluded – but in reality children are quickly taken into the fold of the organic robot farm that this world has become, just so that no one risks waking us up from our ‘beauty sleep’ – where we like Sleeping Beauty lie in a dead-like sleep waiting for some savior to come and kiss us and make it all better. The only difference is that we’re actually alive, even though we’re sleepwalking through existing raving havoc on the world… and we don’t even care to realize it, because the dream-state illusion feeeels soooo gooood, like being on crack, where as soon as you come out of the daze and open your eyes, you realize that you peed your pants, that you live in a dump and that you’ve got to turn tricks in freezing cold in your underwear to survive, because you spent all your money on crack. Who wouldn’t go back to the crack pipe? And to be clear: by ‘crack’ I mean the alternate realities we live in in our minds and in our consumerism system. And by ‘open your eyes’ I mean seeing the wretched place we’ve made this earth into in all its gory.
I will here bring the point back to my writings on cognitive distortions and share here two quotes by Bernard Poolman from today as well as Bernard’s blog that specifically addresses these points and the points made in the documentary.
“Indecision is inherently part of social engineering and ensure dependency on others so that no leadership develop that can threaten the system.” – Bernard Poolman
“Perception is the Reception we build in ourselves to ensure self interest is protected and justified.” – Bernard Poolman
The blog I wrote about yesterday was about prioritizing cognitive distortions, meaning where I will prioritize the maze and haze of the mind over practical reality and the realization that when I do that, I can’t be and am not here in actual physical reality – and that this serves one purpose and one purpose alone: self-interest of the mind, which is to stay comfortable inside my own delusion. The specific point I walked through was that of seeking approval from others, which connects directly to what Bernard mentioned about indecision, because that is exactly what I realized I had used this cognitive distortion of wanting approval from others to – to not stand up as the authority within and as myself to take responsibility for making the decision in self-honesty of determining whether what I do and who I am within a given point of participation is approvable or not. Furthermore, I also saw how I would use distorted perception to do this – which I realized, as Bernard mentioned, only serves the purpose of justifying my own self-interest. And therefore – the solution here is to: change my perception, change my priorities and to make the decision to stand as the authority in self-honesty and self-trust to be able to assess whether who I am and what I do, is best for all or not.
As a side-note I’ll mention that I actually experienced the ‘wanting approval’ point very strongly today and it was clear to me that even though I had realized some vital points, I had not yet scripted a directive commitment to myself to stop participating in this experience – and prioritization of cognitive distortion. And what furthermore happened is that I then later on ‘got’ the approval I had been seeking and then felt good, which simply shows how I’ve within this point have become a total slave to a single mind-delusion that’s got nothing to do with anyone or anything else or anything real or substantial. And obviously while we’re busy playing these mind games, the real world passes by and millions die suffering and screaming in vain.
So I am here now to make the commitment to myself to stop this particular cognitive distortion and to stop prioritizing cognitive distortions that I’ve used to justify and live in self-interest as a mind-system.
When and as I see, that I’m accepting and allowing myself to participate in back-chat, thoughts and reactions as emotional experiences, I stop myself and I give myself a moment to breathe and I remind myself that I am participating in the mind as a priority that I am actively making for myself, even though it might be automated and ‘happen so fast’ – because I see, realize and understand that because it is practically possible to stop participation in back-chat, thoughts and reactions – as I’ve proven to myself, it also means that I can change my priority and thus that I have no excuse NOT to, as I’ve seen, realized and understood that ‘who’ and ‘what’ I am within and as my participation in thoughts, back-chat and reactions, is based on cognitive distortions where I’ll distort reality and see it according to my own inner distortion and fit it to my own self-interested mind where I only care about myself as the mind and I see, realize and understand that me allowing myself to prioritize the self-interested cognitive distortions of the mind is what fucks up this reality at an existential level, as I by doing that give everyone else permission to do the same and stand as an example of ‘who’ we all prioritize to be and for this world to be – which has created a world concocted up of cognitive distortions, while the real actual reality suffers under this cruel and insane regime I’ve concocted in and through my abdication of life to the mind.
When and as I see, that I am participating within and as a want, need and desire to follow what comes up in/through/as my mind – I stop and I breathe and I remind myself that I am wanting/needing/desiring to follow the mind because of the belief that I’ve deceived myself into believing that only through participating in the mind can I get what I want. Because I now see, realize and understand that who and what I am within and as the mind, is already a cognitive distortion of reality in itself – as that is in fact its purpose, where not even what I want is real, and I see, realize and understand that when and as I set myself out to pursue whatever comes up in/through/as my mind, I am sending myself on a wild goose chase into oblivion – because I see, realize and understand that what these cognitive distortions in/of/as the mind is based on, is in fact the deliberate separation of myself from myself as that which I’ve set out to ‘get’ and ‘have’ such as seeking approval in others, instead of investigating the point of approval within and as myself and see how I exist in relation to that word and asking myself why I don’t approve of myself or why I am not approving myself or what approval even is.
So I see, realize and understand that the more I chase something in/through/as the mind, the more I am in fact separating myself from the point I am chasing (such as approval) because the very foundation of that search is based on me having already separated myself from that which I search for – because otherwise, why would I have to search for it? Why not then instead simply bring the point back to myself and either embrace and develop it in and as myself or walk a self-corrective process of getting to understand who I am within and as the point and how I’ve separated myself from/as it?
So – I commit myself to stop chasing after things and experiences beings in my mind and I commit myself to stop participating in the belief that I can only get what I want through following what comes up in/through/as the mind, like fears, ideas and desires and I commit myself to, as I see a particular want/need/desire as something I am chasing in/through/as the mind or a fear that I am trying to run from – to instead stop and bring this point back to myself and investigate for myself, either immediately on the spot bring the point here or when and as required, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application so that I can accordingly direct the point to an equation of what is best for all and best for myself, whether that is to let the point go or to re-align it or to develop myself within and as it.
When and as I see that I am participating within and as an experience of fear and concern and worry based on an interpretation of something another has done or not done, through which I’ve jumped to the conclusion that they’re not approving of me – I stop. I breathe and I remind myself that I am busy prioritizing a cognitive distortion and that I am basically fucking with myself and projecting an inner cognitive distortion that is between me and myself, onto my relationship with another that I’ve also concocted in my mind and only my external reality. I remind myself that when I am seeing something in/through/as the mind – it is not real, because I am not here directing the mind, I am here believing myself to BE the mind, thus allowing myself to be directed BY the mind and therefore ‘who’ I am within my seeing, is not real. I am using my perception to fuck with myself.
I see, realize and understand that what I’ve done within and as this particular pattern of prioritizing cognitive distortions, is to take something that is real – the fact that something I do is disprovable for example, but also the fact that I don’t trust myself to stand up alone, and have made it someone else’s responsibility and so my entire focus has been on proving myself to another so that they could approve me, all the while the real point was the fact that what I did or who I was within that which I wanted approval for, was in fact disprovable or that I simply did not trust myself to stand and be able to determine whether something I do or am is approvable or not and as such made the claim that I can’t take responsibility for approving me and therefore it is okay if who I am and if what I do is disprovable and then I could simply sit and wait for someone else to approve me, completely independent of whether or not what I did and who I was, was in fact approvable.
I commit myself to stop participating within and as worry and fear and concern as to whether another approves of me and I commit myself to as soon as I see myself starting to jump to conclusions and taking another’s actions or lack of actions personally – stop and breathe and bring myself back here and realize that I am fucking with myself deliberately.
I see, realize and understand that if I was taking responsibility for and trusting myself to determine in self-honesty whether who I am and what I do is approvable, I wouldn’t require someone else to approve me, and I also see, realize and understand how I’ve deceived myself through projecting my responsibility for determining whether or not who and what I am is approvable or not onto another, because then if I believed that they approved of me, I could relax and feel good about myself and when I believed that they were not approving of me, I would feel bad about myself and focus on changing my behavior so as to be approved by another – instead of bringing the point back to myself and trust myself to determine whether what I do and who I am within a given point of participation is approvable or not and as such also give myself the responsibility to through determining whether or not what I do or who I am is approvable or not, change and correct myself
I commit myself to stop participating in a want/need/desire for someone else, as outside of me, and as a reflection of my own self-separation from the responsibility and authority to determine whether or not what I do or who I am is approvable or not – to approve of me and I commit myself to stop deliberately doubting myself and distrusting myself, both as a point of self-sabotage as an excuse to abdicate responsibility but also because I’ve been self-dishonest and therefore knew that I couldn’t trust myself to be self-honest.
I commit myself to stop abdicating my own self-responsibility and authority to determine whether or not what I do or who I am is approvable or not and I commit myself to develop the self-honesty, self-trust and common sense to be able to determine whether or not what I do or who I am is approvable or not
I commit myself to take responsibility for and develop the authority over and as myself in self-honesty and self-trust to determine and decide whether what I do or who I am within and as a given moment of participation is approvable – meaning best for all/self-honest or not and to when and as I see that what I do or who I allow myself to be is not approvable – as a practical measurement of whether it is best for all and if I am self-honest within and as it, without personalizing or energizing the point – to re-align myself within and as this point of participation, either immediately in the moment or through walking it in writing in getting to know and understand myself within and as this particular point and as such enable myself to assess whether who I am and what I do is self-honest and best for all.
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