October 23, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
Why do Women use Emotional Manipulation in Relationships? Why do many Women feel and experience that they have no choice but to manipulate? what is the Solution? An example of how one would use emotional manipulation is how one would make oneself feel and appear like a victim, through words, experiences and body positions with the purpose of making the other feel bad and then give i to get what one wants. There are many ways one can use emotional manipulation, whatever works. However it is not to say that males do not use emotional manipulation towards women and each other. Here we are simply looking at a particular relationship between males and females, where the female uses emotional manipulation to win over the man. So it is also not about blaming women or blaming males or creating conflict between the two, because we’re all responsible for the characters we’ve assumed for ourselves and it is up to each to change and set a different example of how it is possible to live effectively in equality with another human being.
I am continuing from the previous post I wrote, so suggest to read Who I am in Relation to MEN as Patriarchs: DAY 130 for context. Suggest to also read Heavens Journey to Life in conjunction with this blog as several blog posts is dedicated to explaining how males and females became how we are today and how it is possible to change.
When and as I see that I within a discussion with another am becoming emotional and that my voice starts changing as an indication that I’m stepping into an emotional possession, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here and bring my voice back to normal. Because I see, realize and understand that I’ve used emotions in relationship with others to manipulate the other to get what I want and so I see, realize and understand that becoming emotional when discussing with others and they don’t agree with me, is something that I’ve developed deliberately, however I might not be consciously aware of that in the moment. And I see, realize and understand that I’ve used emotional manipulation more in intimate relationships, both because I was more easily exposed but also because I experienced myself as being more and less at risk of losing the relationship than with strangers. So I see, realize and understand that with strangers and acquaintances I’ve used more subtle manipulation , both because I did not in the same extent define myself according to the relationship or experience myself as dependent upon the relationship, but at the same time because I have believed and accepted that the people I’m in intimate relationships with, like friends, partners and family are already ‘mine’ whereas I’ve had to put up more of a front with strangers and acquaintances
So I commit myself to stop using emotional manipulation in relationships, directly in intimate relationships and subtly in more distant relationships like with people I meet in shops or on the street or only interact with briefly and I also commit myself to investigate the ways I use emotional manipulation both in intimate relationships and with strangers and acquaintances because I can see that I’ve done it with strangers but I don’t see it as clearly as I see the emotional manipulation I’ve used in more intimate relationships
When and as I see that I am participating within and as the belief that the only way I can get what I want and get through to another in a discussion if they disagree with me is by becoming emotional, where I in the moment of discussion see that I can’t get through to the other person or they continue disagreeing with me make a ‘switch of strategy’ I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here and stop my reaction and experience. When and as I see that I’m able to simply stop and bring myself back and continue the discussion, I do so and when and as I see that I’ve become more emotional and am not yet able to stop the experience, I stop participating in the discussion and clear myself and continue the discussion when I’m sure that I’ve cleared myself
I see, realize and understand that the reason I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create the belief that I have to use emotions to manipulate with is firstly from seeing my mother and others using emotions to manipulate and secondly within and as not having developed a practical way of communicating or even knowing that it was possible to communicate without using emotions to manipulate and so I took what I saw others, especially my mother, applied and integrated it into and as myself, where I, in each relationship added another dimension to the ‘skill’ of using emotional manipulation as I saw what worked and what did not work with different people
I commit myself to stop participating in the belief that I need emotions to manipulate because I see, realize and understand that one does not need emotions to manipulate and the fact that we need emotions to manipulate is simply testament to how our relationships are not real or effective in any way what so ever and I see, realize and understand that it is possible to develop a way of communicating that is not based on emotional manipulation but on practical common sense equality between two equal human beings
When and as I see that I am participating within and as an experience of the emotions being something that is happening to me and that comes over me and that I have no direction over or responsibility for, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here. Because I see, realize and understand that am the one who within and as myself have decided that the only way to get what I want in relationships is through deliberate emotional manipulation so as to get the other to feel bad and then agree with me based on my experiences with my mother and seeing how others act in relationships and from there my own relationships towards others, in particular with males
I commit myself to stop believing and accepting that emotional experiences and possessions is something that is happening to me and I commit myself to take responsibility for who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and through emotions and emotional manipulation – because I see, realize and understand that even though the emotions and emotional manipulation has become automated to the point where it simply happens, it does not mean that I am not responsible for them and I see, realize and understand that even though I learned from others, such as my mother to use emotions to manipulate and did not learn how to communicate effectively, I am still responsible and I made the decision the to use emotions to manipulate instead of developing an effective way of communicating with others
When and as I see that I am participating in discussions with males from a starting point of seeing, experiencing and defining myself as a female, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here. Because I see, realize and understand that the way I’ve defined males and females is based on characters of inequality and polarity that I’ve developed that has nothing to do with the practical and physical reality of males and females as equals in existence and as such I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the role of a female and define another as the role of a male and thus participate in the discussion from a starting-point of seeing both of us as characters where I, because I am female accept and define myself as inferior and because the male is male, I’ve defined him as superior. And I see, realize and understand that I as the females in this world in our role that we’ve accepted for ourselves as inferior, have developed the ability to use emotional manipulation within seeing that I, in my inferior role in my relationship with males as superior have no ability to get what I want through equal communication – not seeing, realizing or understanding that it is through my own acceptance of myself as inferior that I’ve accepted my unequal relationship with male. And I see, realize and understand that I as the females of this world, have used any form of emotion from jealousy, to sadness, sex anger and self-victimization to affect males so that they would emphasize with me or feel bad and give me what I wanted or agree with me
I commit myself to stop accepting myself as unequal with and inferior to males, within and as defining, assuming and accepting myself as a character of being a woman/female and I commit myself to stop seeing, defining, experiencing and positioning the males that I am communicating with in characters of being male as superior and so within and as this, I commit myself to establish and develop an effective way of communicating with males as equals in equality
When and as I am in a discussion with a male and I see that I am perceiving and believing that no matter what they will get the last word and no matter what I can’t communicate as an equal with them, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back to myself here and stabilize myself so that I can communicate effectively
I see, realize and understand that when I am in communication with a male and I am expecting them to be the role of a male as superior, I am accepting them as such and accordingly accepting myself in the role of a female as inferior and am thereby recreating the scene between males and females, no matter how the other is expressing in fact because I’ve defined all males as getting the last word all the time no matter what is in fact happening instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is up to me to change how I interact with males in stopping and stepping out of the character that I’ve assumed and accepted for myself as a female
I commit myself to stop expecting and accepting that males always get the last word and that it is impossible to have an equal communication and discussion with a male, because I see, realize and understand that it is up to me to redirect myself to communicate as an equal instead of waiting for the male to give me permission to speak and wait for them to agree with me and give me what I want
When and as I see that I am experiencing and participating in envy, spite and blame towards males within defining myself as inferior to them and as a victim because I am female, where I’ll in my secret mind will plot how to win over him and dominate him, I stop. I breathe and bring myself back here in stopping participation in my secret mind. Because I see, realize and understand that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try to win over and dominate males exactly because I accepted myself as inferior and as a victim instead of stopping my acceptance of myself as inferior and as such develop equal and one effective communication with males
I see, realize and understand that I’ve secretly desired to be like males and have power and control and dominance over others and that I’ve known within and as myself that the roles between males and females of submission and dominance are not real but are roles and characters that we’ve played and within and as that I’ve developed a way to win over and dominate males within the very roles of dominance and submission where I used my secret mind to manipulate a male to push his buttons and speak to his weakness of for example desiring to have sex with me or falling in love with me or whatever I saw as a weakness I could exploit – lol – so I see, realize and understand that while accepting the male/female roles of submission and dominance I also secretively did not accept them and as such have plotted to subvert males, feeling powerful and energized when I did and powerless and defeated when I did not
I commit myself to stop desiring to be like males as what I’ve defined males as, as a role of dominance in a polarity relationship with females as submissive, because I see, realize and understand that neither role is real in fact and is simply roles of polarity and inequality that we’ve assumed for ourselves and I see, realize and understand that the point of equality is not for females to assume the same role of dominance that male has now, because that simply means that someone else has to be the submissive and the inferior such as males or children or animals or other women, which is what happen when women take over the role males currently possess as characters and I see, realize and understand that that is NOT a solution – because the original starting-point is still inequality, polarity and abuse and so I commit myself to establish an equal and one relationship between males and females where our manifestation as males and females is simply different physical expressions that says nothing about our value or positions in our relationships with each other
(To be continued)
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