October 2, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
I am continuing with investigating how the movies and stories I was introduced to as a small child and how they affected me throughout my life in ways more extensive than I have ever been aware of, simply because I did not realize how that which impulses us as children, stays with us and becomes the foundation of who we become as characters and personalities, literally like databases for scripts of scenes we come to play out as ‘who we are’ and how we see and perceive the world. As I’ve been walking through my relationship with fairytales, I’ve realized how these stories are designed by ourselves as humans occupied by a mind-consciousness-system to serve a particular role in the development of the characters and personalities that we come to accept as ‘who’ we are. The symbolisms are thus specific to the T and not coincidental or random. They teach us about the world and how we’re supposed to experience and see the world – and more importantly how we’re supposed to relate to other people and ourselves.
This is a continuation to: My Fairytale Prince and The Ever After that Never Comes: DAY 117
In this blog I will be investigating the Disney movie Bambi specifically. However it could be any Disney movie or story that made an impact on us as children. My mother for example often tells the story of how when I was two years old, I was placed in a room at daycare with all the other children to watch Dumbo and how I was absolutely traumatized and cried hysterically afterward. As I’ve mentioned before, as a child I did not distinguish between fiction in the stories and reality. It was however not so that I could not tell the difference if I was asked (at least after the age of 4-5) but even still, I can see now how I took the information inside myself and took it very seriously, no matter whether it happened in my physical reality or on screen or in a book that was being read to me.
So the story about Bambi and how his mother died was very traumatic for me. I watched the scene last night of how Bambi’s mother dies to see if I would still react and if I could remember how I experienced myself back then and the feeling was heart wrenching. If you don’t know the Bambi story or require a reminder, here’s a recap:
“A doe gives birth to a fawn named Bambi, who will one day take over the position of Great Prince of the Forest, a title currently being held by Bambi’s father, who guards the woodland creatures from the dangers of hunters. The baby fawn is quickly befriended by an eager, energetic rabbit named Thumper, who helps to teach him to walk and speak. Bambi grows up very attached to his mother, who he constantly spends time with. He soon meets other friends, including a baby skunk named Flower and a female fawn named Faline, as well as his powerful, majestic father, the Great Prince of the Forest. Curious and inquisitive, Bambi frequently asks about the world around him and is cautioned about the dangers of life as a forest creature by his loving mother.
During Bambi’s first winter, his mother is shot and killed by a deer hunter while trying to help her son find food, leaving the little fawn mournful and alone. Taking pity on his abandoned son, the Great Prince leads Bambi home. Upon the arrival of spring, Bambi has matured into a young stag, and his childhood friends have also entered adulthood as well. They are warned of “twitterpation” by Friend Owl and that they will eventually fall in love, albeit the trio view the concept of romance with scorn and trudge off. However, along the way, Thumper and Flower both encounter their beautiful romantic counterparts and abandon their former thoughts on love to remain with their new romantic interests, and soon Bambi encounters his friend Faline as a gorgeous doe. However, their relationship is quickly interrupted and challenged by a belligerent stag called Ronno, who attempts to force Faline away from Bambi. Fortunately Bambi successfully manages to earn rights to the doe’s affections by conquering Ronno in battle.
Bambi is awakened shortly afterward by the smell of smoke, and is warned of a wildfire by his father. The two flee to safety, although Bambi is separated from Faline in the turmoil and searches for her along the way. He soon finds her cornered by vicious hunting dogs, which he manages to ward off, and he makes it with his father, Faline, and the forest animals to shelter on a riverbank. The following spring, Faline gives birth to twins under Bambi’s watchful eye as the new Great Prince of the Forest.” From Wikipedia.
What I can see with how I reacted to the Bambi story is in particular in how it made me aware of my relationship with my mother. I can also see that the point in time where we’ve watched these movies and heard the stories is very specific, because it is like the younger we are, the more direct and almost ‘pure’ we will integrate the information as we’ve not yet developed a conscious mind with thoughts and all kinds of other information that we’d filter the new information with. And in this case I watched Bambi when I was 3 – 4 years old and it made a huge impact on me. The primary point that was instilled or activated within me through watching Bambi was: FEAR. From that moment on, I started experiencing myself more vulnerable in the sense of fear of being alone in the world. It made me aware of the possibility of losing my mom and consequently also how important my relationship with my mom is. I did not however remember anything about Bambi’s father coming to him afterwards and guiding him. I remember that Bambi was all alone. And I remember that I did not understand how the people could shoot Bambi’s mom and I was angry at them for shooting her. It is interesting, because one does not see the people who shoot Bambi’s mom. There is no reference to hunters hunting for meat as a point of practicality. Instead it is more a depiction of poachers that are simply representing a point of needless violence and brutality that leave a child all alone in the world. When Bambi’s father comes to him after Bambi’s mother is dead, the father does not give any sort of explanation or assist Bambi. As I recall he is quite absent throughout the movie and stands as this point of mysticism, like covered in fog and only appearing once in a while because he has the responsibility of protecting the forest. The story ends as does most fairytales with Bambi being happy and amongst friends and him gets his woman deer and they get their baby deers. I don’t remember feeling relieved about that. But I see how it is part of the network of information subtly and directly guiding us into procreation and how procreation is the end goal and how procreation will solve everything and makes us happy. But I could not get the images of Bambi and his mother being chased out of my head. After watching these movies, no one talked to me about what I was experiencing and the way the movies were a part of child life I simply got used to it and did not contemplate further on what I had watched.
However growing up I had a tremendous fear of losing my mother specifically based on a fear of being all alone in the world and unprotected. My father was quite absent and died when I was 7 and after that I used to have many nightmares and an extreme fear of fire. In Bambi there is also a big forest fire. Another interesting point from the Bambi movie that I did not remember, but that is emphasized in the summary above is how Bambi’s mom constantly warned him about the dangers of the forest. So this entire story is meant to instill fear, but also dependency on our parents. Furthermore it instills a polarity where it starts by creating massive fear and feeling of loss and then provides ‘the solution’ as going into a relationship, falling in love and procreating. And this was exactly what I focused my life on. Without being aware of the ‘plot’ I was entering into, I have focused my entire life on relationships, believing that once I was in that position of ‘making my own family’ everything would be good and perfect. What is Not mentioned in Bambi however, is how the scenario with the poachers is just going to repeat itself over and over, as Bambi or his female companion might also be hunted and killed, leaving their children orphan and so it goes generation after generation.
Another point I also see, is how we are viewing the story of Bambi from the animal’s perspective where the humans in the story are the villains without faces. The symbolism that I see within this is how the story is speaking to our ‘nature’ or ‘beingness’ or ‘wildness’ like that part of us who resonates/identifies with a wild animal. The animal in us thus is taught a lesson about fearing humans and how humans (ruled by the mind) are ruthless and brutal. We also learn that the only way to survive and live is by multiplying ourselves, something that is then defined as ‘love’ and ‘building a family’ but what is in fact recreated? The same cycle of abuse and brutality. That Bambi grows up and becomes an adult deer and gets together with a female deer and have sex and create more deer is no solution to that which caused Bambi’s mother’s death – the brutality and abuse of humans. And this is exactly how it is no solution to the problems we’re facing on earth to grow up and start a family, because the same fucked up scenario is recreated over and over again.
The solution to losing one relationship is to create more relationships. Nowhere is Bambi assisted and supported to walk through his experiences and to realize that he is still here. So like with the other stories, Bambi leaves us living in an illusion where we believe that the solution to our experience of immense fear (so promptly activated by the scene where Bambi’s mom dies) is to grow up and procreate. That is what I and thousands if not millions of other children learned from watching Bambi and that is what our children will continue to learn – until we stop up and realize that there is no such thing as ‘it’s just a story’ – especially when it comes to the information we introduce to small children. Why not share with them how the world actually works? Why not take them to the forest and see an actual deer? (Oh right, because the deer have all been killed by humans if not extinguished by now). Why not show children that deer and humans are equal and have an equal right to live and exist? With an Equal Money System – this is possible.
I will continue in my next post with writing self-forgiveness to release myself from the indoctrination of the Bambi story and to bring the points back to myself in self-responsibility so that I may stand clear from this one point of brainwash that has affected my lives in ways I had never imagined.