September 29, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
This is a continuation from: My Fairytale Prince and The Ever After that Never Comes: DAY 117
I see, realize and understand that I have been using daydreaming and fantasizing to deliberately separate myself from myself here in and as my physical body where I would fantasize about how my life would be different as though I could fantasize myself into a different life and a different experience of myself and as a different person than who I am – not seeing, realizing or understanding that the only way to change my experience of myself, my relationship with others and my life situation is through actual physical change, which I can only do if I also face myself and take responsibility for having created my own experience of myself, who I am and my relationship with others
I commit myself to stop participating in daydreams and fantasies
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience of myself as being powerless, helpless and hopeless based on the belief that I am facing my life as ‘the hand I’ve been dealt’ within and as a belief that I can do nothing to change who I am or my experience of myself because of the acceptance that another is the authority over me – just like when I was a child and accepted that I could not do anything to change my situation or my experience of myself because I accepted adults as the authorities over and as me
I see, realize and understand that we’ve created a world where we’ve created child/adult characters mimicking children as the creations/creatures and the adults as the creators, just like humans define themselves as creatures/creations and god as the creator and as such children are at the mercy of adults, no matter how abusive or non-sensical the adults might be, exactly as the god we’ve portrayed in the bible and willing abdicated ourselves to and as such children are placed in a position of being powerless, helpless and hopeless exactly as humans perceive themselves in relation to god or any other illusionary entity of power. As such – I see, realize and understand that the position and condition children are in, in this world is at the mercy of adults who have no clue how to live in a way that is best for all and as such are representing the part/point of and as ourselves of that of and as ourselves that we’ve abdicated to an illusory authority, so that we could abdicate our own responsibility as authorities as creators of ourselves, this world and this reality
I commit myself to let go of the belief that I am powerless, helpless and hopeless
I commit myself to stop accepting myself as submitted to an authority that is outside and separate from me
I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application learn how to become an authority and to develop the ability to respond – as responsibility for myself as the creator of and as myself in a way that is best for all, where I move self-directed and not based on memories or experiences within/through my mind
When and as I see, that I am participating within and as an experience and belief of someone else being in power, where I’ve placed them in my mind as standing as a point of independence and freedom through which I believe that I can free myself, gain self-empowerment and independence, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body.
I see, realize and understand that the fact that I’ve believed that I can gain/regain for example self-empowerment, freedom and independence only through another, shows how I’ve separated myself from self-empowerment, freedom and independence
I see, realize and understand that as I have separated myself from myself as self-empowerment, freedom and independence, I’ve projected it onto a reflection of my self-separation, as onto males within and as defining myself as a female as inherently powerless, submissive and dependent upon a male to gain some form of power, freedom and independence, yet within that have made myself dependent on another as outside and separate from me, to give to me that which I have separated myself from – which is obviously not possible.
I see, realize and understand that I – within and as defining myself as female – as a female character in a relationship to a male character in and as a story as a world system with a specific moral and storyline and history, have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to a story and thus have defined all females and all males according to the same story and have thus accepted the total relationship in the world system between males and females, where I’ve consequently accepted all females as inferior, submissive, weak, powerless and dependent and all males as authoritative, superior, dominant, strong, powerful and independent – and consequently I see, realize and understand that I’ve created a world of inequality that is accepted as natural and normal, because I’ve accepted it as natural and normal in/as myself
I see, realize and understand that I’ve been wanting/desiring/needing for a boy/man/father/male/god to save me as that point which I’ve separated myself from, thus seeking my own reconciliation in my own self-separation and thus confirm my own self-separation instead of in fact bringing the point back to myself and developing self-empowerment, independence, self-authority and strength through bringing this point back to myself and realize that I am the one who’s created myself as powerless, dependent, submissive and weak
I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application bring the dichotomy of power/powerlessness, submission/dominance, dependence/independence, inferiority/superiority that I’ve defined males and females according to and thus myself as a female in relationship to males and bring these polarities back to myself in equality and self-responsibility
(To be continued)
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