September 20, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
This is in continuation to:
When and as I see that I am seeing/perceiving/experiencing/reacting towards a conflict in my external environment – meaning in others or in my relationship to/with others, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
Because I see, realize and understand that when I in fact see a conflict in my external reality in common sense self-honesty, equality and oneness, there is no reaction and I stand equal and one with what I see within and as myself within and as understanding the process of creation through which I have manifested the particular conflict and accordingly I am able to direct it effectively – because it is no different to directing myself and as I’ve equalized myself in/as the point of conflict, I also understand how to direct the conflict in aligning/re-aligning to what is best for all. Within this – I see, realize and understand that whenever I am reacting towards a conflict that I see/perceive/experience in/as my external environment – that I am no longer seeing what is here in fact, but am projecting a conflict within and as myself onto my external reality and thus that the conflict that I am seeing as external, is in fact showing me a conflict within and as me that I have separated myself from/into/as and thus I see, realize and understand that I require stopping myself from reacting and instead bring the point of conflict back to myself so that I can equalize myself with/as the point conflict and through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application take self-responsibility for the conflict that I have manifested and created within and as me and that I have separated myself from/into/as and projected onto a separate external reflection of myself so that I may release the conflict and resolve the conflict in a way that is best for all where I stand one and equal to/with/as the point of conflict and direct myself accordingly to change.
I commit myself to stop externalizing my inner conflicts and I commit myself to take responsibility within and as myself for having separated myself from my inner conflicts and through this have projected my inner conflicts onto an externalized reflection of myself and through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application bring the point of conflict back to myself and accordingly direct myself in common sense self-honesty to release and let go of the conflict and equalize the origin point of the conflict within/as me to what is best for all.
I commit myself to stop externalizing myself through separating myself from myself, where I would see my external environment through my own mind and thus as a reflection of my own self-separation – and I commit myself to do that, through identifying and making myself aware of when and as I am seeing/perceiving/experiencing/defining what is here as more-than this physical reality and to accordingly bring this back to myself so that I can take responsibility for that of and as myself that I’ve separated into and as an externalized reality.
An example of this can be how we, when being ‘in a bad mood’ of for example feeling depressed, it will look like the entire world is depressed, rain will appear ‘sad’, everything suddenly looks grey and often we will interpret it as such that it is this external ‘sad’ reality that is causing our experience of depression and sadness when in fact it is the exact reverse. Similarly to how one, when one is ‘in love’ will suddenly see the world as more colorful or glowing – which is no different. So the point is to identify these ‘filters’ that we lay upon the physical reality which is actually a really cool tool to identify how we’ve separated ourselves from ourselves, because each filter is telling us something about ourselves – and is not in fact a representation and reflection of the actual physical reality.
When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience of feeling/thinking/believing/experiencing/blaming something/someone in/as my external reality for how I experience myself, as though they are the creator of and thus responsible for how I experience myself – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
I see, realize and understand that blaming another for how I experience myself is a deliberate application of self-manipulation that I have used to abdicate self-responsibility for myself and for myself as the creator of myself and the experiences that I accept and allow within and as me. I see, realize and understand that it is through this projection-of-responsibility character, that I am directly responsible for and the creator of religions where people hold an idea of a god/devil responsible for who they are – and as such disenfranchise their own ability to change their situation through which they justify the continuation of their existence in and as abuse and powerlessness
I commit myself to stop all blame within and as myself and I commit myself to stop and let go of the belief that another can in any way be responsible for what I experience within and as myself and as such I commit myself to give myself back the power to change myself through giving myself back the responsibility and authority for who I am and thus for changing who I am to a being that is best for all
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as a judgment/blame/resentment/experience/perception/belief/definition/acceptance of another as being untrustworthy through which I experience myself as morally superior and thus as trustworthy in comparison to another – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and my physical body in and as self-integrity
Because I see, realize and understand that I have separated myself from my own untrustworthiness (for example) and through this have created an additional personality/character/entity of ‘looking down upon’ myself as superior to myself that I have thus projected outside myself onto my relationship with another – that in fact is reflecting my polarized relationship with myself, in and through which I am in fact deceiving and diluting myself to believe that I am morally superior to another that I see as morally inferior so as to abdicate my own self-responsibility for myself as being untrustworthy
I commit myself to stop and let go of the morally superior character and I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, bring to the surface of my awareness here, to deconstruct and expose to myself in self-honesty all the character that I have invented and placed myself in/as through which I have created internal conflict and friction within and as placing myself in/through/as my mind in oppositional characters of polarity where one will be the dominant but hidden/secret character where the other will be the visible/public character that is inferior from the perspective of me not actually accepting myself as it, but only use it to cover-up the secret character and as such create a self-relationship/self-definition/self-image where the public character is the dominant/superior as that is one I participate within and validate through/as/within my conscious mind and through which I deliberately suppress/hide the secret character through judging/fearing/being ashamed of it and such through which I accept and allow myself to remain enslaved to/as this character by allowing myself to exist in/as it in secrecy as an undercurrent that I have made myself deliberately unaware of
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to step into the morally superior character towards myself through which I judge myself and ‘look down upon’ a part/aspect/point of participation of/as myself that I in/as this character see as inferior/a threat/bad/a monster/must be suppressed – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
I see, realize and understand that the only purpose of the morally superior character is in fact to hide and cover-up a secret character of immorality – in/as deliberate self-interest so as to be able to continue existing in/as this character of self-interest through justifying it by placing a moral superiority upon myself so that “At least I feel bad about what I have done/who I am” and through deliberately keeping it secret through suppression through judgment/shame and as such separate myself into two oppositional characters that exist interdependently
I commit myself to stop all judgments of myself and all reactions towards myself through which I suppress myself
I commit myself to stop hiding the characters that I have accepted as ‘who I really am’ within and as my ‘real’ motivation for participation/being/living in a specific way that I know is within a starting-point of self-interest and abuse and that I thus have hidden from myself deliberately and feared deliberately – so that I could continue existing in/as it in secrecy in the belief that I could thus avoid the consequences of and what I accept and allow myself to be/exist as and as such avoid taking self-responsibility for who I accept myself as
I see, realize and understand that there is absolutely no avoiding or escaping the consequences of whom and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become/exist as and that it is only through separating myself from myself as the whole of existence and deliberately make some ‘parts’ of and as myself – such as other human beings, animals or the entire earth pay and suffer and face the consequences in my name
I see, realize and understand that I have made myself deliberately oblivious to the consequences of who and what I accept and allow myself to be/exist as where I have no clue whatsoever what the consequences in fact are of my every move, word, thought and deed and that it is specifically because I have been born into a society with the most money and into a stable system through which I have been able to hide the consequences from myself and as such deceive myself into believing that whatever happens on the other side of the world – or even in the apartment next to mine, is not my responsibility or creation. And as such – I see, realize and understand that I have deliberately accepted and allowed myself to create consequences of utmost abuse, suffering and pain for billions of beings on this earth – beings as animals that are left to rot or kept in secret facilities while humans conduct experiments on them or breed them in horrendous conditions for profit – all the while I have been living my life and have taken my ability to buy cheap products and products that are ‘tested’ to not make me sick – without ever considering how that is made possible or what the consequences are and how I am in fact creating those consequences through who and what I accept and allow myself to be.
I commit myself to face the consequences of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and exist as, directly and I commit myself to develop the ability and self-honesty and equality required for me to in fact see in absolute detail and specificity the exact consequences of my every action, word, thought and deed, so that I may enable myself to assess whether a point of participation is best for all or not
I commit myself to show that who and what we each accept ourselves as, both within ourselves and in our participation in this reality, is the creating the total sum of consequences as well as the individual consequences manifested in/on/as this earth – even when we don’t see it, admit it or are aware of it – and that there is NO running away from who we are within and as the consequences we are manifesting: either we keep creating consequences which will only create more suffering or we stop take responsibility through getting to know ourselves and understand how we are in fact creating this world and as such commit ourselves to change – no matter what, we WILL face and walk through the consequences
When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience of fear towards a part of and as myself that I see emerging in a moment either within myself or as reflected in another and I immediately want to suppress/hide myself as that part of myself – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back to myself here in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
(To be continued)
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