September 17, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
– Friedrich Nietzsche
This is in continuation to:
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately procrastinate points that I KNOW and SEE require direction and thus do nothing but accumulate consequences for myself and for everyone else simply because I am giving myself the CHOICE to not do that which is required because I DON’T WANT TO in and through which I am declaring that I am the most important thing in the universe – in fact the only important thing and not even me as my physical body but me as a delusional mind-entity that exists only to survive in/as it’s illusional existence that I have abdicated myself to
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I haven’t developed self-integrity because ‘I am not a person of integrity’ and thereby blame me not living in/as self-integrity on ‘life’ and ‘biology’ and ‘genes’ and ‘my mother’ and ‘god’ when the fact of the matter is that the only reason why I have not lived in/as self-integrity within/as myself is because I’ve decided NOT to and thus have made up the excuse that ‘it’s just who I am’ to in fact justify why I am not living in/as self-integrity from and within a starting-point of honoring life in equality and oneness as what is best for all
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I HAVE in fact lived in/as self-integrity – but it was ‘integrity’ from the perspective of me ‘making a deal with the devil’ within/as abdicating myself to the mind so that I could separate myself from myself and externalize myself and not face or take responsibility for the consequences of my creation where I would be loyal to myself as the mind because I, through the mind could get what I wanted which was to use this existence, the physical and my body to get energetic experiences and as such how and as who I’ve lived ‘integrity’ as loyalty to/as the mind has been within and as consistently ensuring that I would remain in/as the mind and within accepting myself as ‘whole’ only in/as the mind while entirely disregarding the physical as existence, this world and my physical body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine my own authority within and as walking the directive decision to change myself from a human being of self-interest and separation to a human being that cares about all life and that lives based on the principle of giving as I would like to receive and of that which is best for all – and thus within and as this confirm myself as mind-authority through giving value, validation and legitimacy to the mind’s wants/needs and desires in wanting energetic experiences at all costs
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that the reason why I can’t trust myself to be in the best interest of all, is because I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place all my trust in the mind and in the mind’s wants/needs and desire
I see, realize and understand that integrity means to consistently – and thus absolutely – apply and live according to a principle and that I decide whether this is integrity of deciding to remain existing as a mind-system in and as separation from this physical existence, the earth and my body where the consequences of my decision is the total destruction, annihilation and abuse of myself as life – or whether I decide to develop a self-integrity in honoring life in/as the physical as that which has never been honored or regarded by me, but that in fact has always been here supporting me unconditionally and so the self-integrity as the decision to stand up as life is the consistency of application of the principle of ‘give as you would like to receive’ in living in all ways that which is best for all life
I see, realize and understand that integrity means to be sound/whole in the totality of my construction as a being and as such for me to stand within and as and live in self-integrity means to bring the parts of and as myself that I’ve separated myself into and as so that I do in fact stand sound/whole within and as myself in consistently applying myself in every moment as what is best for all – and until I do, dedicate myself and every moment to bring myself back to myself
I see, realize and understand that for me to in fact develop, live and stand in/as self-integrity I must apply myself consistently because one point of deliberate sabotage or compromise or procrastination compromises my self-integrity, exactly as a house cannot be completely stable if one beam is rotten and thus it is simply a matter of time before the house will collapse
I commit myself to develop self-integrity as the decision to stand up as life in equality and oneness with what is here in stepping out of the mind and into the physical and bring the parts of/as myself that I’ve separated myself into/as – and thus abdicated self-responsibility for to run rampart on my permission at the demise of all of existence – back to myself so that I can direct them in common sense to what is best for all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control myself – as a thwarted version of ‘self-direction’ where I act out of fear that I can’t trust myself to direct myself here, when in fact I show myself deliberately in the decisions I make whether I can trust myself or not – and thus I fear that I can’t trust myself because I in fact know that I can’t trust myself – because I’ve not made the decision to change what I trust – who I trust myself as – and what I consistently apply myself according to in and as self-integrity
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the belief that I can’t trust myself and that I have confirmed and validated and enunciated this belief for myself through participating within and as backchat in my mind as an internal conversation where I say to myself that I can’t trust myself and that I am an untrustworthy human being
I see, realize and understand that I’ve used the belief that I can’t trust myself as a point of self-manipulation through which I’ve made myself feel better about the fact that I can’t trust myself and thus make myself look innocent to my mind’s eye in saying to myself that “At least I know that I can’t trust myself and then take measures of control to ensure I don’t do harm” and that “I am SO self-honest that I can admit that I can’t be trusted. That’s at least something.” And so through this belief I’ve in fact limited myself to only accept myself as untrustworthy and to accept and legitimize that I have accepted myself as untrustworthy and thus created a backdoor where I could excuse and justify myself instead of in fact making the decision to change myself and change as ‘who’ and how I trust myself
I see realize and understand that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate self-distrust – which is in fact trusting the mind and thus trusting and validating my own self-abdication and as such that by making the directive decision to trust myself – I am making the decision to change myself and as such step out of the mind and that is exactly what I as the mind have been deliberately sabotaging through accepting that I can’t trust myself to stand up and live what is best for all
I see, realize and understand that to stand up and live that which is best for all – is a directive decision that only I can make for myself – and that’s it.
When and as I see, that I am participating in backchat as an internal conversation where I say to myself that I can’t trust myself or where I activate memories of how I could not trust myself in the past, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to my physical body.
I commit myself to stop distrusting myself to stand up – as I see, realize and understand that it is up to me to change my direction in the moment of application – to change what I trust, who I trust myself as, the integrity of consistency that I’ve decided to stand in and as – from self-interest to life – within and as changing who I am and how I participate from self-interest acting only according to my mind’s desires and fears to acting based on the principle of what is best for all as giving as I would like to receive
I commit myself to let go of the belief/acceptance that I can’t be trusted/am not trustworthy because I see, realize understand that I within that am making the directive statement and decision to trust the mind.
I commit myself to let go of the belief that I must control my way out of the mind, through and within which I am in fact indicating to myself my acceptance – and direction of myself to be inferior to the mind and in fact superior as the mind
I see, realize and understand that the only way to step out of the mind and to stop allowing the mind to be the directive principle of and as me, the authority of and as me, that which I trust and trust myself as and that which I stand within loyalty and integrity in/as – through practical directive application of changing myself, which I can only do in real-time moments of participation, application and breath – and which I can also only measure in real-time and which I can in fact only clearly see in real-time – in the menial and details of who I am in my participation
I commit myself to push through all experiences of resistance in immediacy as I see them emerging and as I do so, build and develop myself within and as self-integrity and self-trust
I commit myself to develop the self-trust to trust myself
I commit myself to change/direct/correct myself within and as the menial moments of my daily participation and to change all these points, point by point, writing by writing, breath by breath, until I’ve stood equal to and have directed myself in self-responsibility and are simply here directing myself immediately in the moment.
Give yourself the daily gift of reading the blogs from Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk!