Commitment as Directive Decision to Change: DAY 101

September 2, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

commitment 768x1024 Commitment as Directive Decision to Change: DAY 101Introduction: What is a commitment? What does it mean to write “I Commit myself to Change?” Will our Writings Change us? Or do we Change through Writing as a Tool?

I will continue with the Consumption Character in blog posts to follow, but for now I will share a specific point that I see requires immediate direction.

It is a continuation to the following posts:

Changing for Life: DAY 100

Learning How To Walk… The Talk: DAY 55

Who am I as Passion as a Living Expression in Every Moment? DAY 54

Give ME MORE or I’ll Throw a TANTRUM! (Part 3): DAY 46

More IS Less (Part 2): DAY 45

MORE Wants MORE Wants MORE (Part 1): DAY 44

What is the WILL of Self?: DAY 40
Who I am’ as Fear of not Writing Effectively: DAY 33

To Hell with “(Not) Good enough”: DAY 32

Chasing The Mirage of “Good Enough”: DAY 31

‘Who I Am’ as the Question: “Will I Ever Be Good Enough for THEM?”: DAY 30

Who I am as the Question: “Will I ever be Good Enough?”: DAY 29

And it is inspired by the following blog series by Lindsay Craver:

Day 138: You Deserve to Rest

Day 139: What do You Think of Me?

Day 140: A Slave Driver, a Zombie and a Vampire walk into a Bar…

Day 141: What’s YOUR Sorry Excuse?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that writing that: ”I commit myself to stop, to change, to correct, to become…” will automatically change me and is enough for me to change and as such experience frustration and anger towards myself when I do not change according to my words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one to my words in, as and through practically living the change that I am committing myself to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that making a commitment in words is dependent upon me acting upon my words and that if I don’t act upon my commitment to change, my words are useless and deceptive because I did not in fact make a commitment to change, even though I wrote or spoke it and as such all I have proven to myself is that I cannot trust my own words because I do not live the words I speak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate why and how I am making commitments when my actions clearly show that I did not commit myself to change and thus I am showing myself a discord and a misalignment between my words and my actions, where what matters is in fact that I have lied to myself and to question why I am allowing myself to lie to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately lie when I speak and write that I commit myself to change, when my actions show that I did not make that commitment in fact, because otherwise I would have immediately changed as I have proven and shown to myself with points where I did in fact walk my commitment to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write and speak the words that I commit myself to change, that I forgive myself – when in fact my starting-point of writing is to ‘live up to’ that which I perceive to be ‘someone else’s’ expectations to me, to ‘stay in the race’, to ‘not miss out’, to not ‘stand out’ and as such all I have proven to myself within and as that, is that it is more important to me to present myself as an image of someone who is committed to change to others, than to actually and in fact give myself the chance and opportunity to commit myself to change and accordingly walk my commitment into practical application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that when I say or speak that I commit myself to change and do not immediately change, then I did not make the commitment in fact and as such simply wrote or spoke words that I did not stand by or stand as in self-honesty and dedicated directive will and decision to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that writing is simply a tool to assist and support myself to enable myself to prescribe a specific change of action and re-write the codes with which I live by – however that the changing of the code in fact is within practical application and therefore my words are useless and self-sabotaging and a lie if I do not in fact live by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my words, within believing that my words are ‘speaking FOR me’ and thus ‘as’ me – but where I am in fact creating a character in and through my words that I have separated myself into and as to present myself as an image to others, as outside and separate from me, as that is all that have mattered to me – to prove myself to others and within and as that believe and accept that it does not matter who or what I am inside myself or in my in-fact actions because all that has mattered is how well I am at presenting myself a certain way to others whereas what is inside me and as me, I have already disregarded and abandoned in accepting myself as never good enough and therefore not even worth changing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, define, perceive and believe my writings, as individual writings and as the collective writings, as a ‘proof’ that I am ‘walking-with’, that ‘I am changing’, that ‘I have done enough’ and as such create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of positive energetic in experiencing ‘satisfaction’ when I’ve completed a writing, especially if it is long within and as perceiving myself as having ‘done good’ and such pad myself on the back in the belief that I am ‘completed a task’ – while in fact, when I look back on my writings I can clearly see that many of my writings are completely useless and only stands as a proof of my vanity and fear and existence as a being that is absorbed with my own image and reflection only where I believe that proving myself to others equals making myself worthy, where I’ve not allowed myself to see, realize or understand that proving myself to ‘others’ is in fact proving myself only to a separate mind-entity that I have created in my mind and projected onto my external reality and defined as ‘others’ – and the entire time I was writing, I was NOT HERE because I was not in any way writing FOR me, AS me, I was writing FOR THEM, but even ‘THEM’ was myself in my mind that I had separated myself into, where I thus attempted to prove myself to myself in separation of and from myself and thus proved nothing than the fact that I am continuously accepting and endorsing myself as separate and separated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if my words are not aligned with who I am here, if I am not writing as, from, within who I am here, if I am not making a directive decision to change who I am here through my writings – then my writings are useless and are written with a hidden agenda in, of and as the mind and then THIS is what requires my attention and awareness and then this is what I require to commit myself to change first and foremost before anything else – because otherwise I will continue to write myself into and as an alternate reality in my mind that is in fact based on self-interest, deception and delusion and where I abuse my writings for my own secret agenda of the secret mind and thus only prove to myself that I cannot be trusted and that I cannot trust myself and that I am simply writing within and as procrastination of actually facing and changing myself in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I have made a commitment to change and are not living that commitment into immediate practical application, then I require to go back and see in self-honesty how and why I am overriding my commitment to change and what it is I have not yet taken self-responsibility within the point that I am committing myself to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself when I see that there is a point that I have committed myself to change that I am not yet changing and then accept that ‘it is too hard to change’ or ‘I am too stuck in this pattern’ or ‘I don’t know what it is I am missing’ or ‘I’ll give it a little time’ or ‘I’ve got more important points to focus on now, so I’ll just leave this for later’ instead of ‘grabbing my teeth onto the point and locking my jaw on it’ and so not let go or give in until I am certain and satisfied that I have thoroughly investigated the point and effectively changed myself accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that writing that I am committing myself to change is enough and should work ‘by itself’ and thereby I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my own self-responsibility to in fact direct myself to change in and as separating myself from writing and from myself in and as writing in accepting writing as being more than me and me as less than writing within and as defining writing as yet another external application of presentation through which I can present myself to others and thus make myself worthy through the eyes of others – while in fact my writings should stand completely alone, it shouldn’t matter if anyone else ever saw my writings, because what matters is who I am within my writings and what matters is that writing is simply a tool – a tool that is dependent upon who I am, not the other way around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don’t change, no one will notice or care and that it will have no consequences for anyone else anyway and therefore it does not matter if I don’t change – which is exactly the opposite of me acting within presenting myself as an image to others – yet where it’s all happening in my own mind and has nothing to do with my external reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I am the one that does not care if I change – and that does even not notice myself changing and that does not even want to or dedicate myself to change – because otherwise: I would have changed

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that it is has no consequences if I do not change and as such I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use this belief and create this belief deliberately so as to act without taking self-responsibility where, because I do not see the immediate consequences of my actions, I can convince myself that my actions do not have consequences and as such continue to validate and endorse them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, even when I do see that my actions have consequences, not care about these consequences because what I have valued is my ‘free choice’ to ‘do what I feel like’ as the only point of motivation that I have directed myself to move myself according to

I forgive myself that I within, acting in spite of the consequences that are evident, but that I’ve deliberately hidden from myself, stood and accepted myself as an abuser of life and as an endorser of abuse of life, while in my words have pretended to care about life and as such have existed in complete self-deception and self-dishonesty about ‘who’ I in fact am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘no one cares about me anyway, so why should I care about myself?’ as based upon my childhood memories where I accepted myself as worthless because I took the actions of others personally and in fact molded myself in spite where I believed that if I spited myself, I would take revenge of those who I perceived as not caring about within and as blaming them and giving them the responsibility for me and such that I could show them their neglect of me by deliberately ruining and destroying myself as I perceived myself to be ‘their responsibility’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately NOT care about myself and deliberately abuse and destroy myself to spite and blame those that I perceived as having abdicated their responsibility for me – my mother and the other adults in my childhood specifically as well as ‘the world’ in general – in a belief that I was taking revenge upon them and getting them to notice me and care about me if I destroyed myself and showed them what their abdication of responsibility for me did to me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am the one who has not cared about me and as such have abdicated self-responsibility for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of frustration towards seeing that my writings are useless and that I am not changing and that my writings are therefore self-sabotage and self-deceitful within and as believing that I can do nothing but to give up on myself in seeing that even though I have walked extensively in writing the points about not being good enough, the point about only caring myself as a presentation and still not having resolved or changed this within and as me and as such accept that I am a victim to my own detriment and diminishment instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that looking at myself from within and as this perspective and stance, IS in fact that same self-diminishing starting-point and as such all I am doing is confirming my own belief and acceptance of and as myself

I see, realize and understand that I have used deliberate self-diminishment and self-destruction to spite and take revenge upon others that I perceive as having abdicated care and responsibility for me – in separating myself from and abdicating self-responsibility for me having abdicated my own self-care and self-responsibility

I see, realize and understand that I have deliberately abused and destroyed myself to get others to notice me and care for me within and as believing that if they saw what they were doing to me, they would stop and notice me and care for me – while all along, it was myself I was calling out to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dedicate and commit myself to let go of the belief and acceptance that I am not good enough

As I am writing this, an experience has emerged – or rather this is what I was experiencing the whole time, but now I am facing it here through writing it out and speaking the words out loud. The experience is that of ‘heaviness’ as ‘depression’ and ‘apathy’ and it is based on me looking at the point of ‘I am not good enough’ where I see that I have still not resolved the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I have been ACTIVELY AND DELIBERATELY HOLDING ON to the acceptance of myself as being not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the words/sentence of “I am not good enough” a mantra within and as my mind that I have actively and deliberately repeated over and over to cement myself into and as it as a way of hiding myself and abdicating self-responsibility – within seeing that the only way I can abdicate self-responsibility ‘legitimately’ is if I am practically, biologically, permanently and decisively NOT GOOD ENOUGH because that is the only excuse that I have been able to accept and allow myself to use as a justification for not taking self-responsibility for myself and change myself (besides deliberately ‘forgetting’ through separation, suppression and denial.)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason why I have been actively holding onto the belief that I am not good enough is because I know that were I to let the belief go that I am not good enough – if I were to admit that the belief that I am not good enough is not real and is something I have deliberately convinced myself is real – I would have nowhere left to ‘run’ and would have to take self-responsibility and face myself in self-honesty and face my fears and admit my true nature of my secret self to myself and I would no longer be able to justify any point of excuse or abdication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actively and deliberately hold onto the belief and acceptance myself as not good enough because I believed that it was easier than facing myself and facing my fears and having the courage to stand up as myself in self-honesty self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the belief and acceptance of myself as being not good enough and as such within and as that have held onto my abdication of self-responsibility for who and what I am within and as the belief that it is someone else/the world that is responsible for and the origin of me not being good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto blame and holding another – as my mother, the adults in my world and the world itself – responsible for who I am and such from there could forever abdicate self-responsibility in always tracing it back to my past and my childhood in blaming someone else for who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an experience and ‘zone’ of comfort within confirming, believing and accepting that I am not and will never be good enough – because as I have stated that myself, no one can ever have expectations to me or demand anything of me or be disappointed with me because I have already failed and as such do not have to prove anything – yet:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that this ‘failing myself before someone else can fail me and therefore do not have to prove myself worthy’ is polarity pattern to the pattern of constantly trying to prove myself worthy to others and that these two polarities exist within and as the same pattern that is only existent within the frames of my own mind as the story I have told myself about myself of ‘who I am’ – where my entire life has been revolving around abdicating self-responsibility in one way or another and as such I see, realize and understand that I subsequently have abdicated my ability to change myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I have deliberately and actively used and utilized the belief/mantra/character that “I am not good enough” to hide myself within so that I don’t have to take any risks or expose myself or reveal myself or risk losing myself because “I am not good enough anyway, so there is no point in investing myself in this or that point of application”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I never in fact was ‘not good enough’ as I have perceived and defined this – specifically in my relationship with others/the world – but that there is obviously points that I am practically not good enough at, yet this does not in any way define or invalidate my worth and is simply a practical fact that can be corrected and changed. Yet I do also see that there is a relevance at an existential level where ‘not good enough’ is who and what I have accepted myself as, in my separation of and from myself in my quest for MORE – for becoming MORE, getting MORE, experiencing MORE – while completely abdicating the fact that I am the one who has made and accepted myself as life – as less to begin with

file6701261851253 1024x680 Commitment as Directive Decision to Change: DAY 101I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how extensively I have limited myself through living the mantra of “I am not good enough” in the innumerable points and opportunities that I have missed to express and expand myself because I had committed myself to holding on to the belief that I was not good enough and if I were to give myself the chance and opportunity to expand myself – I would have to let go of the belief that I am not good enough and I did not allow myself to do that because I was using the belief that I am not good enough to deliberately hold myself back so to not risk anything or take any chances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that the belief, experience, definition and acceptance of myself as “not good enough” has been a scam, a self-deception, a deliberate strategy of abdicating self-responsibility, that could only work if I convinced myself that it was true/real and as such I made myself the victim of my own scam in ensuring that I never in fact was good enough so that I could ‘play the part’ effectively and convince others (that was actually myself) that I indeed am “not good enough”

When and as I see that I am writing from a starting-point of believing that my writings will automatically change me FOR me – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to and within writing HERE and ensuring that I commit myself to change as a directed decision and not as something I do automatically in an expectation that simply writing/speaking words will change me FOR me.

I see, realize and understand that I’ve separated myself from my words within and as making my words more than me in perceiving my words as ‘standing alone’ and as a separated external point that will change me for me – and as such that I have abdicated self-responsibility for my words as I have not stood equal and one to my words but have written in separation from myself within and as an image of myself as being more than who and what I am here

I commit myself to no longer write automatically and to no longer separate myself from my writings and I commit myself stop expecting my writings to change me FOR me – as I see, realize and understand that I AM my writings and thus if I am separating myself from my writings, I am writing in, as and through separation and thus my writings will not only be useless but in fact detrimental and self-sabotaging as I am not writing HERE with myself to in fact direct myself to change, but only to live up to an image about who I want to be and who I believe I should be

I commit myself to take responsibility for changing myself through writing and I commit myself to the understanding the I am the directive principle in and through my writings and it is not my writings that are existent as something separate and external from me that will direct me for me

When and as I see that I am accessing and participating in an experience of frustration within seeing that I am not changing according to the commitments that I have made to myself in writing – I stop. I breathe and I stop the experience and I look at, in self-honesty whether the fact that I have not yet changed, is simply a matter of applying myself consistently in and as walking a process of changing myself because the point/pattern I am working with/walking is layered and has been accumulating/accumulated and therefore requires an equal dedication and commitment to keep changing OR whether I have in fact NOT made the commitment to change and thus have written the words in and as a point of separation and self-deception in pretending that I was committing myself to change, so that I could present myself as changing and thus in fact hide and justify for myself the fact that I have not committed myself to change. Accordingly I direct myself to be patient with myself within the points that I see as simply requiring consistent application of change or where I require opening up the point in more detail and specificity OR whether I require going back to my commitment and see and investigate how and why I pretended to commit myself to change, yet did not override the original permission that I had given myself to be and become the specific point I pretended to commit myself to change. As such – I take responsibility for my commitment to change and I ensure that I do in fact change – either through consistently applying myself or through opening up the layers of the point I am facing or through re-assessing my commitment to change and accordingly re-align myself in bringing myself back from separation to commitment to change here in fact as a directive decision.

I see, realize and understand that it is redundant and useless to experience frustration when I see that I am not changing a specific point that I have committed myself to changing through writing – and that what is required is that I take responsibility for the fact that I have not yet changed in investigating how and why I have not changed and accordingly correct, align and re-commit myself to change

I commit myself to take responsibility for my commitment to change and I commit myself to ensure that I do in fact change – either through consistently applying myself or through opening up the layers of the point I am facing or through re-assessing my commitment to change and accordingly re-align myself in bringing myself back from separation to commitment to change here in fact as a directive decision.

When and as I see that I am not or that I have not stood equal to my words, within and as seeing that my words and my actions are not equal and one – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here and I investigate how and what I have separated myself from, into and as through not standing equal to and as my words in seeing, realizing and understanding how I have separated myself from my words and my words from myself within and as stepping into a character, an image of myself as more than who and what I am here and accordingly re-align myself to standing equal to my words, through and within writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective practical application.

I see, realize and understand that when and if I do not stand equal to my words – in that I live the words that I speak AND I speak the words that I live – I am separating myself from my words, I am abdicating my self-responsibility for my words and for myself within and as my words because I am stepping into and accepting myself as a character, as more or less than who I am here. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one to my words in, as and through practically living the change that I am committing myself to

I commit myself to stand equal to my words and I commit myself to when and as I see that I am not standing equal to my words – as my words as myself – to re-align myself within and as my words in standing equal to my words through investigating how and why I have separated myself from my words

I commit myself to stop speaking/writing/communicating words that I do not stand equal and one to

When and as I see, that I am speaking/writing/communicating words that I do not stand one and equal to – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here in and as the physical.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to self-trust within and as ensuring that I can trust the words I speak because I stand one and equal to them in directing myself within what is here as who I am in the moment in self-honesty, common sense and consideration of what is best for all within and as the moment

I commit myself to support myself to develop equal and one communication so that when I speak/write/communicate I speak/write/communicate one an equal with what is here as myself and so that when I see that I am not standing equal to my words, I immediately correct and align myself

When and as I see that there is a discord between my words and my actions, I stop. I flag this point within and as me and such support myself to be aware of when this happens and such I in the moment breathe and bring myself back here to the physical and re-align myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application until I stand equal with my words and my words and my actions are one and the same

I see, realize and understand that when there is a discord between the words I speak/write/communicate and my actions, I have in fact lied to myself and allowed myself to speak/write/communicate within and as self-dishonesty, self-interest and separation – because otherwise my words and my actions would be equal and one

I commit myself to investigate where and how my words and actions are not in alignment and as such one and equal and to expose my own self-dishonesty to myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and as such re-align my words and my actions in an equal and one application of what is best for all

When and as I see that I am writing/speaking/communicating words – and especially self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements – where I see that my starting-point is to ‘live up to’, ‘impress’, ‘prove myself to’ what I perceive as someone else’s expectations to me or through fear in ‘staying in the race’ or to ‘not miss out’ – basically where I am writing from a starting-point of separation of presenting myself as more than who and what I am here – I stop. I take a deep breath and I bring myself back here to myself in and as the physical.

I see, realize and understand that I have separated myself from my words and made my words the agenda of my secret mind in self-interest as ego in presenting myself as an image and as more than who and what I am here, as someone who is more committed to prove my change to others, than to actually and in fact give myself the chance and opportunity to commit myself to change and accordingly walk my commitment into practical application

I commit myself to align my starting-point within writing/speaking/communicating to expressing myself here self-directively in self-honesty within the principle of what is best for all

I commit myself to no longer speak/write/communicate from a starting-point of self-interest as ego and secret mind agenda

I commit myself to stop and delete all images and presentations of myself as more or less than whom I am here in self-honesty

When and as I see that I am expecting that my writing will change me rather than me changing myself through my writing – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as the physical in and through my writing in ensuring that I am not writing based on any experience or hidden secret mind agenda, but that I am writing here in self-honesty to in fact change myself so that I may stand up as a changed human being that have changed myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to live the principle of what is best for all, in standing equal to my words here

I see, realize and understand that writing is simply a tool to assist and support myself to enable myself to prescribe a specific change of action and to re-write the codes with which I live by –

I see, realize and understand that changing the code in fact is within practical application and therefore my words are useless and self-sabotaging and a lie if I do not in fact live by them

I commit myself to honor myself through writing and to create and manifest and develop self-integrity and self-trust and self-honesty through my commitment to changing who I am within writing from self-interested secret mind agenda to a practical expression of myself where I give myself the opportunity to investigate the codes I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live by and within so that I can change these codes and re-write them in a way that is best for all

When and as I see that I am perceiving/experiencing/believing that my words are speaking FOR me I see that I have stepped into a character of using my words in speaking/writing/communicating to present myself as this character as more or less than who I am here – I stop. I take a deep breath and I bring myself back here to myself in and as the physical

I see, realize and understand that I have misused and abused my words to present the characters that I have created and assumed for and as myself and so have used my words to make the characters seem ‘alive’ and to get others to support and validate me as these characters within agreeing with, responding to or accommodating my words

I see, realize and understand that I have within my relationship to myself deliberately separated myself from myself and suppressed myself as self-honest self-expression within and as regarding who I am as useless and worthless and never good enough or even capable of changing – within and as accepting that this was the only way I could survive as I understood that who I am in fact is not going to be accepted in this world-system according to the responses I perceived myself as getting from my environment

I see, realize and understand that I have held onto memories as ‘proofs’ of apparently ‘learning’ ‘who to be’ where I’ve held onto the shock, fear, emotions and feelings of the memories along with the pictures and the conclusions that I drew based on these experiences, so that I would ensure that I would never face such an experience again – while in fact not seeing, realizing or understand that by holding onto the memory within and as myself and the emotional experience within the memory and the suppression of myself as who I am within and as the experience, I have in fact been reliving the memory constantly

I commit myself to have the courage to express myself here without suppressing myself

I commit myself to face all memories and experiences and expressions that I have deliberately suppressed within and as me

I commit myself to stop disregarding and annihilating myself as an automated survival mechanism

I commit myself to dare to live myself as a self-honest self-expression whether or not my environment will accept me because of it or not

I also commit myself to asses my environment, so that I do not compromise myself by believing that I must now express everything – because I see, realize and understand that to effectively place myself within the world system, I require following the rules

file6541250566530 784x1024 Commitment as Directive Decision to Change: DAY 101When and as I see that I am accessing and participating in an experience towards my writing, either negative or positive – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to write within and as my human physical body in standing equal and one with my words in an expression of myself.

When and as I see that I am accessing and participating in an experience of accomplishment and satisfaction towards my writing as something separate from me through which I must prove myself with to others – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to writing in support of myself so that I can walk through my mind and equalize myself here in and as the physical

I see, realize and understand that when I am accessing an experience or are participating in thoughts about my writing – then I am not here writing unconditionally FOR myself as self-support

I see, realize and understand that when I perceive and experience myself as writing for another as outside and separate from myself, I am not actually writing FOR another but FOR my mind as that which I have separated myself into and as in a desire to become more than who I am here and in a belief and acceptance of myself as less than my writing and myself as who I am here

I commit myself to stop writing FOR others in separation of and from myself FOR the mind in and through inferiority and superiority

I commit myself to write FOR me here in support of myself as I walk through the mind and get to know myself in detail and specificity and through self-honesty bring all of myself here in writing so that I may let go and release all of who I have been within and as the mind and as such prepare myself to stand up from within and as the physical in self-corrective application of changing myself and my living participation

When and as I see that I am reacting within seeing myself in my mind and evaluating as analyzing and judging myself as not having lived up to my own commitment to change and where I experience myself as being stuck in a pattern – I stop. I breathe and I stop and I let go of the experience, the reaction and the back chat.

I see, realize and understand that I have created, manifested and participated within and as a pattern and character of giving up on myself as soon as I am not living up to my own expectations and that this pattern is a deliberate self-abdication strategy from within and as my mind through which I have created a backdoor for myself to slip through in and through giving up on myself and thus allowing myself to give up on myself and not ever give myself the chance to learn, expand or develop myself

I commit myself to ‘grabbing my teeth onto the point and locking my jaw on it’ and so not let go or give in until I am certain and satisfied that I have thoroughly investigated the point and effectively changed myself accordingly and I commit myself to do that with all and every point that I may face and asses in common sense self-honesty whether I can delete and release myself from the point immediately through direct change or whether I require to walk a process of changing

As such, I commit myself to walk-with myself in common sense – instead of walking with and as my mind only and to thus be flexible towards changing myself and at the same time not limit myself and deceive myself into believing that I must walk a process and such merely justify procrastinating the point of change

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in a reaction of fear, doubt and worrying towards my writing when I see or believe or perceive that no one is sharing my writings or reading my writings and thus fear that there is something wrong with my writings – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to the point of writing FOR me WITH me HERE.

I see, realize and understand that what matters is who I am within my writings and what matters is that writing is simply a tool – a tool that is dependent upon who I am and not the other way around

I see, realize and understand that I have separated myself from myself as the value of my writings as I see, realize and understand that the value of my writings is only as valuable as I am making myself in the moment of writing within the starting-point of who I decide to be in and through my writings

I commit myself to stop the fear how others see or perceive me

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am defined and valued by how others see, define or perceive me

I commit myself to dedicate my writings to me and to my change and to simply share my writings so that others may find self-support within them exactly as I find self-support within the writings of others and NOT as something that apparently proves my worth or value in the eyes of others

I commit myself to value myself through and within my writings in writing from a starting-point of honoring and valuing myself and supporting and developing myself in self-integrity and self-trust and self-honesty

When and as I see that I am participating in, accepting and accessing a belief that it will have no consequences if I do not change, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here.

I see, realize and understand that all and everyone are interconnected and interdependently existing in and as this existence

I see, realize and understand that I have deliberately created myself as an separate entity that have not direct experience or remembrance or awareness of the interconnectedness of this existence and myself in it so that I could pretend like I had free will to do whatever I wanted, which was only possible at the expense of suffering of others because I did not exist in equality and oneness with all that is here, ensuring that my actions and my living does not have consequences that are abusive towards anyone

I commit myself to, as I bring myself back from separation through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, to develop awareness of the consequences that exist in and as this existence and how I am directly responsible for and the creator of these consequences so that I may enable myself to direct myself accordingly to change my living to what is best for all and ensure that I do not accept or allow or participate in abuse and to understand in full detail what the consequences of each and every single action, moment and point of participation is

(I will continue with the self-commitment statements in my next post)

Give yourself the daily gift of reading the blogs from Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk!

 

 Commitment as Directive Decision to Change: DAY 101