August 30, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
In this blog I will be reviewing the last 100 days of walking in writing the Journey to Life. In the vlog I did today I talked about how I do not experience this 100. Day as a point of celebration as what I have realized most of all, is how I’ve only just gotten started within my journey of writing myself to freedom. The more I write, the more I realize that I don’t know – lol.
“Every obsession in our extensive database of Weird Stuff Only Humans Would Do starts off as one thought – one moment of “that makes me feel gooood” coupled with, for whatever reason, the choice to disregard the voice of reason coming from inside saying “Umm, that doesn’t seem like the kind of thing one should like…”. The only reason one would have to ignore the Inner Voice of Common Sense is if one’s desire to satisfy oneself is stronger than one’s desire to satisfy the basic obligations of life – and that is the product of one’s environment: when parents tell their children that they are “special” – more special than anything else, which leads the child to believe that they now have the right to have power over those that are “less special”.”
This is the point I have seen within myself as well and when I was writing about the Consumption Character, I could see that there was something ‘missing’ or not yet applied within my writing of self-forgiveness. I did briefly mention it, but the point that I saw required more explicit exposure is the fact that when I exert my ‘power’ as a consumer and for example follow a desire for a particular beverage (made sure is a constant by advertisement), that what requires self-forgiveness and transcendence in terms of stopping and taking self-responsibility, is not only the fact that I have abdicated myself to a desire, that I am following a program in/through my mind that is directing me – but also the fact that when I do exert that ‘purchasing power’ I am subsequently creating consequences for the billions of beings on earth without even being aware of it and without even caring about making myself aware of it, for most of my life.
More and more stories about humans deliberately abusing animals and children and other adult humans are emerging. It’s escalating. And our personal disregard for the life around – and in us, is what creates this situation, at an individual and at a collective level. When I exert my ‘right’ to make decisions for other life-forms and for life in general through how I move about in the world and take what I want, I am actively condoning and partaking in deliberate abuse of life.
And I can see in clarity how I personally have done this to an utmost extend throughout my life. My entire focus has been on ‘getting what I want when I want it’ and I have been supported by a society and a family culture that said to me: “the most important thing is that you are happy” or “it’s important to find out what you want out of life” and so I pushed all care and consideration for everything and everyone around me, including myself here in and as the physical to set out on this hunt for “fulfillment” and “happiness” and “personal development” and “enlightenment” while I with my in-fact actions was trampling on life in complete disregard as I consumed my way through existence. And now we face a reality where animals and children are and even nature is exposed to the most horrendous abuse and torture. I cannot deny that the origin of that comes from me – from my human nature within taking what I want and leaving the rest to rot and die. And at the same time it’s easy to then get caught up in an emotional break down and feel guilty and angry at the abusers and feels apathetic towards changing the situation because the abuse is everywhere, it is penetrating our homes, our TV screens, our earth and our physical bodies. But observe what then happens? From this emotional reaction, a sneaky little backdoor opens like a soft, so soft cushion that we can lay our head on and “rest” for a bit. And we once again lull ourselves into a dream-like state of zombie sleep, where we say: “but I can’t, I can’t deal with this.”, “why do I have to?”, “I have enough problems already, just to make MY life go round, I can’t afford thinking about others.”, “I can’t save the world by myself.”, “nobody else are changing, so why should I?” and so as we tell ourselves these lies, we slowly but surely creep back into our comfortable life of not caring, until the next time reality surfaces its tortured face.
So, I’ve realized that it’s unacceptable to become consumed with emotional reactions about the horrendous situation on earth, because the purpose of going down such a road again, is in fact to create a backdoor that one can slip through silently and close behind oneself without anyone noticing that “I made the choice not to care in full awareness”.
So I am here to say that I made the choice in full awareness to not care. And the result is this world. And it is not about me personally or you personally or anyone personally – yet at the same time it is. Because we each make up the pieces that construct this entire monstrous reality that we have forced onto the physical world. And as long as I hold it together on my end, there’s no reason you should let go on yours. And so only I can make the commitment to let go for myself here.
I have decided for myself that I am going to use the abuse of animals and children to motivate me to change. Because every time I see a picture on Facebook or Daily Mail or hear about one of these cases of extreme abuse, that is rapidly increasing in all parts of the world – and I am sitting there with my diet coke or I have make the choice to not do my writing because I would rather watch TV, I am facing – not even remotely but at least to some degree – the consequences of my choice. And I can’t stand myself as that point. I can no longer sit by and pretend like I am an innocent little consumer citizen that are making active choices and are in support of a better life for all, because “I buy organic” or “I support a sponsor child in Africa.”. And you know what? I know that this is not even remotely enough. This is not even the beginning. And obviously animals should not have to be tortured just so that I can get my finger out of my ass and smell the shitty stink of this world. But work now it works as a SELF-reinforcing mechanism where I want those fucking stories and pictures stuck in my face even though I don’t want it and I desperately want to go to sleep and make the choice to not care.
So – I’ve only just gotten started. And from where I am standing at the moment, I am going to keep ripping this bloody mess open for all to see, who is willing to see and actively keep sharing and showing so that those who are unwilling now, might become willing and to will see what is going on and how it is ourselves within these seemingly minute and irrelevant acts that are in fact the source and origin of all horrors taking place on earth.
When I write my blogs, I usually write quite “safe” within writing out patterns that I easily see. Writing out this point I experience some anxiety, because I am exposing something that I have not shared with anyone and I experience anxiety within the possibility that I am wrong in my assessment how what is required and that I’ll get prosecuted for not walking process the right way. But you know what? Who cares? Who cares about what? Who cares for the wellbeing of the billions of animals being tortured while I sit here and worry? So it is pretty clear here what is relevant and what is not. It is relevant to investigate and expose who we are in our living participation and from there start expanding our understanding of how our living participation creates consequences for all other life forms. And that it is in fact possible to change how I live and how I see the world and myself within it.
And I do that through writing out these blogs, through dedicating myself to become effective, specific and self-honest within my writing. And I do that through bringing myself back to breath as I walk in my daily participation, so that I don’t miss what is here, in seeing the characters that I step into and how memories influence and control my actions and how backchat escalates into abuse. And I do that through sharing my writings and not giving up even though no one might read my blog today or tomorrow or people unfriend me on Facebook because I’m constantly posting stories of animals being abused and children being raped. And I do that through my commitment to change within self-corrective application where I change how I live in my world and my reality, with myself, my body and with the beings around me, my partner, the animals we live with, our physical environment, the people I meet, the people I support, people I come across on the internet and as such all of us here together on this earth.
No matter what I do, I am still here and I stil face the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed. There is no escape. There is no out.
So I am committing myself to walk this journey to life in humbleness and in focusing on what IS relevant in fact. And I am committing myself to investigate and take responsibility for all aspects of my participation, until I am self-directed in every breath and all actions. And I start with what is immediately seen because I can’t walk all of it at once. That’s it.
Give yourself the daily gift of reading the blogs from Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk!