August 12, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
Introduction: In this blog I am specifically looking at the “People Pleaser” Character. In this blog series I am walking my relationship to other people through the various characters that I have created an assumed for myself in strategically placing myself in relationships to others so to place myself successfully in my world. I am in this post in fact coming back to the very first post I wrote in this series that started with an experience that “Everybody loves me” through and within which the “People Pleaser” Character is a part of a network of characters all designed to make people like me.
This is a continuation to the following posts:
- Everybody Loves Me – I Am a Star! DAY 79
- If They Don’t See Me, does that mean I’m Not Here? DAY 80
- Intermission with the Comparison Character: DAY 81
- If a Tree Falls in a Forest and No One is Around to Hear it, Does it Make a Sound? DAY 82
- Lost am I in Light Supernal, yet on that Light I Turn my Back: DAY 83
- Adults Rotten Values Becomes The Men Children are Made of: DAY 84
- Redefining The Word Attention: DAY 85
- The Showing Off Character: DAY 86
- Oneness According to The Jealousy Character: DAY 87
- Desire to Connect/Fear of not Connecting with Others: DAY 88
- The Key to Connecting with Other People: DAY 89
I had the opportunity to investigate this character when my partner’s mother came to visit a couple of days ago. Immediately as she came, I saw how I stepped into this character. At night I had a stressful dream where I was running around trying to please a group of people and I was completely unable to satisfy all of them. While my partner’s mother was here, I saw how I would step into this character as pr. Automation and was in moments able to step out and stop participation. But what I saw specifically is that I did not want to let go and step out of this character. Please see the quotes below by Sunette Spies where she specifically shares self-forgiveness and self-commitment statement on the “People Pleaser” Character.
Here I will write out the characteristics of the People Pleaser Character
Thought: An image of a big sweet smile with big white teeth
Backchat: “I feel so harmonic.”, “Everybody loves me”, “I am such a good person”, “If I am good to them, they will be good to me.”, “If I am not good to them, they will not be good to me.”, “I am better than them because I sacrifice myself for them”, “I feel powerful within pleasing others,” “It is good to sacrifice oneself for others”, “I worry if they are pleased or not, it is my responsibility”, “If they are not pleased it will be my fault and I will feel like shit”, “I feel that I am a good person in taking responsibility for how others experience themselves”, “I feel so good in being able to make others feel good in my company.”, “I AM a good person.”, “I fear I can’t please them.”, “If I don’t please them, they won’t like me and they will leave me.”, “I did it, I fooled everyone into believing that I am a good person.”, “If only they knew what I am really like.”, “I know I am evil so I have to do whatever it takes to become good.”, “Yes! I did it. I am finally a good person!”.”
Reactions: Feeling calm, feeling harmonic, Feeling happy, feeling excited, feeling loved, feeling scared, feeling tense, feeling stressed, feeling rushing, anxious
Physical changes: feeling disconnected from my human physical body, Feeling that I am only here in my arms, shoulders and head, the rest of my body feels disconnected/not here
Perspectives: It is interesting that the image of the People Pleaser is a big white smile, because it is only in the human world that smiling is indicating something positive. In the animal world, one will show teeth specifically to threaten another animal. So when looking at the backchat involved in this character it goes from fear to deliberate strategy to a positive experience when achieving the desired result of getting others to believe that one in fact is a good person and being able to please others and thus feeling good about self – where the smile is in fact a form of ‘attack’ through deception in presenting self as something one is not in fact, so as to achieve a specific result. It is quite clear that I have not been a people pleaser my entire life. I was not a people pleaser as a child. I had no to little morality as a child. I deliberately created the people pleaser character so as to become more than what I was as a strategic move in changing myself to fit into the world. And the reason why I’ve been refusing to give it up is because I have liked myself as this character. I have felt like a good person. Without this character, I face myself as NOT being a good person in fact – while actually the “good person” I have believed myself to be in and as the people pleaser character – was not real or good because my starting-point was from the start to gain something for me, to become more inside myself – and not to in fact give to or support others. I do however see how this character can be redefined within me aligning myself and standing one and equal to this character transforming it into and as an expression of life.
I will continue in my next post with specific self-forgiveness. Here are some awesome quotes by Sunette Spies on these characters:
“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how we’ve always been trying/attempting to be good in the eyes of others, the world system, driving and motivating ourselves through fear of others responses/reaction, through fear of failing in the system; instead of; everyone individually and collectively aligning ourselves and our living to try and be GOOD OUT THERE, without investigating the starting-point of WHO WE ARE WITHIN OURSELVES in our living in/as this world. So busy pleasing OUT THERE that we dont pay attention to the reality/truth of ourselves as what we do/compromise to try and be GOOD, instead of living/being WHO WE ARE within ourselves in our relationship to ourselves and so all within this existence. Focused so much on trying to do good/be good in a select few peoples eyes, instead of focusing on a SOLUTION in this world that is PRACTICAL for all of humanity in equality and oneness here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within/through my life try/attempt to be good in the eyes of others, please my relationships that I in this process completely neglected my relationship with myself within myself and the extent of evil, compromise and fear I in fact exist within in this process of trying to please and be good in the eyes of a select few human beings. Instead of within/throughout my life focusing on who I am, developing trust with me, self-honesty with me, intimacy with me and in this, see/realise/understa
nd why/how being a good person, does not change me, others or this world as a whole for/of humanity, cause each individual is so preoccupied with trying to be good/pleasing, that we miss the reality/relationship with ourselves and who we are within/towards humanity and this physical existence as a whole.
So, I commit myself to assist and support me in walking through this character of I am a good person people-pleaser trying to shape myself through the eyes of others, but develop INTIMACY into me I see, to see the reality of me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as the Mind; to stop the exhausting life experience of trying to please a select few human beings within fear/anxiety, and change/transform my living to a PRACTICAL PHYSICAL SOLUTION to this world/humanity as me. To not waste this life in trying to please others, but walk every moment of breath as I establish my equality and oneness with me in self-honesty in what it means to live as a solution to this world/reality.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how ‘respecting elders/adults’ links into/with/as this I am a good person character, getting respect through being good – however the very being good is done in fear and respect is thus a reward for being good within the starting point of fear, and thus what is in fact respected is fear/authority – what thus in this happens to self-respect, respect for nature/the body/this physical existence with/as respect being limited to exist within fear and a character in our relationship to authority, which is why/how respect as real equal and one recognition/consider
ation of what is here, what is real in equality and oneness do not exist, as it is not even real within the relationship with ourselves, that no self-respect/integri ty exist regarding how we take care of ourselves, each other and who we are within ourselves and our living
When/as I see that I am accessing this I AM A GOOD PERSON character, where I go into fear/anxiety/anxious
ness in wanting to ‘overplease’ – I stop, I breathe and realise that the moment is not about fear/pleasing, but doing practically what is required in the moment for me, and so for the other as me in walking the responsibility of the moment practically – getting done what’s required to be done, considering me/other as me in the moment
I commit myself to assist and support me to establish who I am in my relationship with me in every moment of breath, to finally start focusing on WHO I AM, instead of always exhaustingly trying/attempting to please others, as I see, realise and understand that I cannot in fact be real with others in who I am in my interaction with them, if I haven’t even established the real relationship with me/who I am in every moment of breath. This does not mean to now isolate me from people – lol; no, it’s to practically observe myself within me in how I interact with others, to investigate the personalities I created and so in my writing/self forgiveness change my living from fear to here, which I see, realise and understand will be a process I commit to walk for me” – Sunette Spies
Read Sunette’s Blog here.
Suggested blogs to read in conjunction with this blog:
Give yourself the daily gift of reading the blogs from Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk!