June 23, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and judge myself for what I perceive as me falling after having written out corrective application that I would walk in previous days writing not complying to the commitments I have made to myself and as such going back on my word which I have perceived as making myself untrustworthy and worth-less as I see that the value of our words is only as much as we live by the words and if we don’t live by the words we speak – as in walking the talk – then our words are useless, instead of accepting and allowing myself to be patient with myself and to continue pushing, instead of when I in one moment accept and allow myself to go back on my word, give up on myself and judge myself and go into a state of self-suppression, instead of simply correcting myself immediately and walk into the next moment clear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by writing the corrective statement as how I will live and apply myself differently, I will simply change immediately and that if I don’t, then I have failed my entire process and might as well give up – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this belief and self-judgment is simply a deceptive justification conjured up by myself within and as the mind as that of and as me that exist in self-deception as interest of ego only, only to serve the interest of the mind, which is nothing more and nothing less than the mind remaining the mind – and as such realize, see and understand that as I place the correction before me, I prepare myself to walk into a corrective process, which might take many trial and error moments before I correct the point into and as completion and as such that by writing the corrective statement it does not mean that I have now corrected the point or that the point is now correct, but merely that I am entering into the ‘corrective phase’ of standing up and that this is exactly where I must stop all judgments towards myself, because the purpose of such judgments is to preoccupy me within and as the mind to NOT push and walk the correction in determination and diligence, where I keep pushing no matter what until I have corrected the point and have proven to myself that I stand within and as eternity in self-trust and certainty
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest myself into and as a tendency to write out corrective statements that sound great, but where I am in fact writing from a starting point of inferiority/superiority where my starting-point is not in fact to support myself to practically walk through a point in specificity, but instead to impress others and show them how much I am capable of, as in proving myself worthy to others, in pushing myself to stand up by attempting to live up to something I believe I must be and stand as – instead of allowing myself to write self-corrective statements that are specific and practical and grounded in and as my practical reality, where, when I place the self-corrective statement before me through writing, I also place the decision to walk the correction and the awareness of myself when and as I walk in my daily participation that I am walking into and as a corrective phase where I test my application and where I, if it is required, go back to writing and write out the point in more specificity as I see that there are still points I am not seeing and thus missing which is why I am not yet able to walk the correction and if not, where I simply make the directive decision to walk through the point and then simply do so, and do so again and again if it is required – until I am sure that I got it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let my corrective statements be my preparation to walk into and as a corrective phase of practical changing how I live and thus who I am in how I live, but that I instead have rushed through writing the self-corrective statements in being preoccupied within and as my mind, in and as interest of ego – in and as fear, where my focus is on getting my blog out, on keeping up with the writings and on proving to others that I am walking effectively – so this is a specific point that I will focus on correcting, where I stop the tendency within and as me to become impatient once my blog is almost done and I experience I have pushed it out of me, to want to get it over with so that I can share it with others and ‘earn my mark’ in various ways – which I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe is required for me to be good enough – through which I am actually sabotaging and making the point of writing redundant and abuse the point of writing to serve the agenda of the mind – instead of writing for me alone, not accepting or allowing myself to participate in thoughts about how others see it and me and how that will reflect worth back to me – because I see, realize and understand that I within that am actually decreasing my worth as myself here as life, both by separating my worth from myself by projecting it onto others and by focusing on proving myself to others, instead of actually establishing real worth within and as myself through writing for me in specificity and self-support, in establishing worth as self-trust, as self-direction, as self-will, as self-honesty, as self-expansion, as self-expression – as myself, through establishing myself here as a self-correcting human being that no longer accept or allow myself to exist within and as the mind in and as interest of ego only.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself, to be angry and to judge myself when I immediately after having prescribed self-correction for myself to straight into doing the opposite of what I have prescribed, thus judging myself for sabotaging my own self-correction as being ‘weak’ and ‘evil’ – instead of investigating why it Is that I sabotage my own correction, whether the correction requires specification or to be made more practical or whether I require to write more about the point and understand myself in specificity – or whether I simply require keep standing up from the fall – instead of accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and blame myself as being ‘weak ‘ and ‘evil’ and then consequently go into and as the pattern of giving up on myself and as such give up on correcting any points and as such sabotage myself and abuse myself
When and as I in one moment see that I am accepting and allowing myself to go back on my word, to give up on myself and judge myself and go into a state of self-suppression, I stop and correct myself immediately in the moment, either through applying self-forgiveness, writing or simply breathing and walking through the point depending on what point I am facing and then walk into the next moment once I am sure that I am clear
I commit myself to, when and as I write the self-corrective statements to make them practical and direct and specific and to make sure I am patient with myself as I walk the correction, in making sure that the correction I make is in fact self-supportive and that I, when and as I walk through the correction am preparing myself to walk into a corrective phase, that might be trial and error or where I might require to go back to my writing – and as such support myself to walk through the point no matter what it takes, not accepting or allowing myself to judge or shun myself because I realize the redundancy in doing that and that I only do that to sabotage myself and as such give into the mind and give up on myself
When and as I see and realize that I want to rush through my writing and as such rush through the point of writing and prescribing self-corrective statements because I want to prove myself to others or keep up with a score in my mind – I stop. I breathe and slow myself down and write my self-corrective statements out in specificity because I realize that rushing through my writing, is self-sabotaging and self-abusive and that I do not establish real worth by shunning myself in an attempt to prove myself to others, but in fact do the exact opposite – and so I stop. And I develop myself within and as worth through my writing and my self-corrective statements.
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