June 20, 2012 in Uncategorized
The character “Gollum” in the Lord of the Rings is someone I can relate very much to. I can relate to his monstrosity, his level of obsession and how his obsession with possession transformed him and consumed him into a monster of sorts that lives only to remain in possession and control over that which has power over him as his ‘precious’ – in the movies it is the ring, in my life it is the mind, my thoughts, emotions and feelings and my addictions in particular.
The character then also experiences a split personality with “Sméagol” as the original being that is innocent but at the same time weak while Gollum is the strong one that is willing to kill to get to keep his precious. The same relationship dynamic is playing out in “The Cell” where a social worker enters the mind of a serial killer to rescue a girl and finds him split into a child personality and a god/demon personality, whom which are not reconciled as the god/demon rules over the child and the child fears the god/demon, just like Sméagol fears Gollum.
I will write here about my own inner Gollum and Sméagol and how they exist as separate ‘entities’ within and as me as ‘entities’ or ‘beings’ at play inside of me and that the authority of and as me is not what is best for all life – because in many and most cases, it is the thoughts, emotions, feelings and addictions in particular that dictate and determine who and what I am and what I participate within and as and what not.
Gollum is that which protects the ‘precious’, that which will fight off anything or anyone that threatens the ‘precious’ and who will scheme and manipulate and lie and deceive – and even kill to make sure that I don’t lose possession of ‘MY precious’. Sméagol is more that which is submitted to the obsession with the possession – the inner weakness that is drawn to a certain addiction. These two then come together in this one being, the one that is drawn towards the addiction and submitted to it and the one that fights for the addiction – in an ‘entity’ that is completely consumed by this one point, never restless, always afraid of losing ‘MY precious’. Having a look at Gollum in “The Lord of the Rings” he has lost all contact to his former life, all he exists for is the ring. There is absolutely no practical reason for him to be addicted to the ring, besides the energy and power the ring makes him feel. It does not keep him warm or feed him or give him the company of others. To possess the ring, he must be entirely alone because anyone could be a possible threat to his possession of the ring.
The God/demon and the child in “The Cell” have a similar yet different relationship-structure. They exist in a man’s mind due to the abuse he was exposed to as a child. The child-entity is thus him as ‘purity’ – the being that is still stuck in the past, incapable of defending himself, stuck in a past moment of terror and petrification. The God/demon entity is a mind-delusion personality that he has developed through the abuse of his childhood. It is similar to Gollum, the strong one and the one that thrusts forth the addiction – in his case to kill and murder women. The child simply exists in there in his mind, hidden and suppressed, constantly running away from the violence and abuse.
All of these entities are existing within and as me – and they specifically exist in my relationship with addictions. I have been writing quite a lot about these addictions – and it is clear that how I exist in addictions, is more solidified – through my own decree – than I thought. When I am in the addiction I think that I can simply let it go, and I make the decision – but when I am to go through the stopping of the addictions, a storm of experiences and emotions come over me. I understand that this is a manipulation tactic of the mind. It is Gollum telling Sméagol that they cannot exist without the ring. It is the God/demon that pushes the child away to claim his ‘throne’ inside the mind of the serial killer. I become and live for addiction. It is my obsession and possession. It is interesting with the word possession because it is a double-edged sword because its meaning holds opposite definitions: To be in control of something/someone – to own it and on the other hand one can BE possessed oneself, thus being owned by something or someone else. In the experience of addiction, one is both the one possessing something and the one being possessed by something. One owns and owned at the same time. Sméagol is possessed by the desire and obsession for the ring and Gollum is obsessed with possessing the ring. The God/Demon in “The Cell” possesses the women he kill and the child is being possessed by the memories of his childhood and by the God/Demon.
So what I will be picking up and continue to write about is the point of addictions and how I have allow these entities within and as me through addiction, through back chat, through thoughts to be the directive principle and authority over me – where I am clearly not standing as the authority of myself and where the consequences are a depletion of life into and as consumerism, where life is being consumed by addiction as that which I’ve held precious within and as a starting point of fear. Obviously what Gollum/Sméagol does is that he separates his own life value into the ‘preciousness’ of the ring as the energy (as ‘life’) he perceive himself to be getting from it – and then he fears losing it, in fact because he’s already separated himself into and as it.
I’ll continue in my next post with Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective statements.
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