Addicted to Abuse of Substance (Part 2): DAY 48

June 9, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

addicted title v1 copy 1024x331 Addicted to Abuse of Substance (Part 2): DAY 48Part 2 of where I walk the point of walking through and stopping addictions. Read part 1 here. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as a relationship towards and within addiction in defining, experiencing and accepting myself as an addict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that what is implied with the notion of “substance abuse” of and as addiction is in fact the abuse of substance as life as I within having made myself dependent upon something outside separate from me that I do not in fact require or need to live and exist have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as “substance abuse” as something that is completely “natural” and “just who I am” exactly as my mother and father have accepted and allowed themselves to exist within and as substance abuse and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, without question carry on the sins of the fathers within and as being enslaved and enslaving myself to fear and using addiction as a way of coping with fear to keep the truth and reality of myself at bay, always suppressed and as such keeping myself suppressed and kept in a cage of addiction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I accept and allow myself to do something that I have not agreed to, to instead of simply correcting myself through aligning myself through and in self-forgiveness and in self-honesty correcting my living, have accepted and allowed myself to go into depression, self-hate and self-judgment in and as a “lock-down” of and as a mind-possession

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into depression, self-hate and self-judgment when I’ve accepted and allowed myself to do something in and as self-interest as though feeling bad about what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and as will somehow make it better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I accept and allow myself to act in self-interest, have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate in the thought: “what the hell, I have already broken the rules so I might as well keep breaking them” equal and one to how people will use the concept of sinning and the belief that they will go to hell to accept and allow themselves to continue acting in self-interest and abuse themselves and others in the belief that they will go to hell anyway, so they might as well keep on sinning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in and as self-interest of ego – specifically based in and on the belief, experience and desire that “I just want to” and that “it feels so good” when the fact of the matter is that my starting-point is self-spite and self-abuse in specifically acting in a way that is not best for all and as such not best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear to manipulate myself through, within and as, so as to get myself to not push through my addictions and instead remain addicted and dependent upon energy and as such remain enslaved to, within and as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that the reason why I have not accepted or allowed myself to direct myself to simply walk and push through my addictions, is because I have separated myself from myself as responsible for the addiction and for myself within and as the experience within and as the addiction and because I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to fear – so I cannot stop or direct myself through the addiction, because I have not made the directive decision to do so, because otherwise I would obviously have done so

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to make the directive decision to walk through my addictions in self-support through breathing through the reactions in the determination that I will walk through this no matter what until it is done and that I instead have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can simply stop the addiction and as such leave myself unsupported believing that it is enough to stop the addiction in and as its physical application, when in fact I have to also change who I am within and as the addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not simply walk through the addiction and the fear in breath and discover myself as who I am without existing in fear and addiction and as such have accepted and allowed myself to remain existing within and as a self-imposed dependency to and enslavement to addiction

I forgive myself that I, because I have been preoccupied only with the point of addiction and how to stop that, have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and disregard what is behind the addiction as fear and as such have not accepted or allowed myself to face myself in and as that fear and as such face the source and origin of my addiction – as the only point through which I’ll be able to actually stop the addiction within pulling out the root as the origin of my addiction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to face myself in and as the fear behind the addiction which I can only face by actually stopping the addiction and walking into and through the fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a coward fearing to walk through addiction and as such postpone and procrastinate my process by and within waiting for myself to walk through the addiction and the fear behind the addiction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of and judge myself for what I perceive and judge as me being a coward in fearing to walk through addiction and as such postpone and procrastinate my process by and within waiting for myself to walk through the addiction and the fear behind the addiction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use as a justification that when one is stopping an addiction, one will be in a vulnerable state and therefore is justified to have emotional experiences and to use support to get through the point of withdrawal – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am prolonging the process of walking through the point instead of simply walking through it and support myself within and through breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ever question my addictions, where they come from, how I created them or what purpose they serve and that I instead have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself wholly and fully to them in complete and utter devotion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, experience, believe and define my addictions as ‘my freedom’, ‘my fun’, ‘my pleasure’, ‘my satisfaction’, ‘my extra little something’ and as such protect them and defend them within and as myself, not ever asking myself why I have created these addictions to begin with

I commit myself to support myself to walk through the addictions that I have committed myself to stop, through breathing through the experiences that comes up

I commit myself to not accept or allow myself to replace one addiction with another, as I see, realize and understand that that is not really stopping the addictions in fact but instead just shift around that which I’ve attached the addiction to and as such remain addicted and not facing myself in and as the fear behind the addiction

I commit myself to support myself in walking through the addictions in realizing, seeing and understanding that what is behind the addictions is fear and the only way I am going to be able to stop it, is by walking into and through the fear

I commit myself to establish a new living agreement with and within myself that is not based on addictions or dependency upon energetic rewards but upon me directing myself here in self-honest common sense within and as what is best for all – and to do so through making one-on-one agreements as to what I am going to do and participate within and as practically in my daily participation, to every night lay out a plan for the next day that I walk according to as a self-disciplined support and as so also make plans for the goals I will reach each week once pr. Week. I do this as a specific point of self-support where I place myself into and as a framework of discipline that I then simply have to walk into and through not being uncertain about what to do next.

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