June 6, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
I am continuing the post from yesterday on wanting more and more and more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire more – just “more” as something undefined yet which I believe is defined in what I want, need and desire in the moment and as such have failed to see is a general pattern that I have lived addicted to and dependent upon for years without end and as such deceive myself to not see what was actually behind my immediate want, need and desire
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire more sex, more food, more experiences, more success, more good looks, more friends, a mother that is more, a father that is more, a sister that is more, more candy, more pleasure, more men wanting me, more pets, more drugs, more cigarettes, more talks, more touch, more love – never realizing that behind my desire for more is an experience of fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my desire for constantly and continuously getting more, is about me separating myself from myself here where I constant and continuously look for something, someone outside myself to “fill me up” not seeing, realizing or understanding that the only reason I am seeking for someone/something outside of myself to “fill me up” because I have separated myself from and am separating myself from myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my desire for more is always build upon an experience/acceptance/belief that I am less, that I have less and as such by simply chasing after more all the time, I am not accepting or allowing myself to look at the actual starting-point through which I can sort the entire point out, which is the belief, experience and acceptance of and as myself as “less”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that for me to stop chasing after more, to stop desiring more all the time and to stop experiencing that what is here and that who I am here is not enough, I must accept myself here as who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become, in and through breath allow myself to be and remain here in and as my human physical body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in my desire for “more” outside, separate from me, I am actually searching for myself yet constantly missing myself here – deliberately in fact – and thus re-perpetuating the belief/experience/acceptance of myself as “lacking” and “less” instead of simply stopping and breathing and allowing myself to get to know myself here
I commit myself to stop chasing after “more” as something undefined and indistinct yet which I have attached onto specific points/manifestations in my world and my reality and as such have believed that it was THIS or THAT specific desire that would make it all better because I realize that I have no need to chase after more because what is required is simply that I stop running away from myself here and in accepting myself as less
When and as I see that I am desiring, wanting and experiencing a need to be someone/something more than whom and what I am here, I stop and I breathe. Because I realize that by desiring “more” I am in fact accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself and as such experience, believe, define and accept myself as less and lacking – which is why I experience the want, need and desire for more in the first place. So by stopping the desire for more, I bring myself back to the acceptance of myself as less and can as such stop that by remaining here breathing and as such stop the entire cycle.
I commit myself to identify and disclose for myself all points where I have wanted, needed and desired more and to stop them one by one until I have no more desires for more than who and what I am here and no experience, definition and acceptance of myself as less than and lacking – so that I can live and be here, whole and complete and sound
I commit myself to get to know myself, through walking a process of disclosing for myself all personalities and patterns that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create myself into and as so that I can stop and take responsibility for all points, parts and experiences and make a directive decision as to what I will accept and allow myself as and what not
I commit myself to support myself to realize that I don’t need more to be able to live and exist here effectively and to allow myself to simply be and live here without attempting to become more or run away from an experience and belief and acceptance of myself as less.
I commit myself to support those who too are enslaved to the want, need and desire for more to assist them to expose for themselves how the desire for more is actually an indication of how we’ve separated ourselves from ourselves and as we stop the desire for more and the acceptance of ourselves as separate, we can bring ourselves back here to the physical and to life in and as wholeness and completeness
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