June 5, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and thus have existed within and as a loop and pattern of addiction within and as a cycle of infinity within the desire and experience that More wants More wants More, where I have constantly and continuously and without hesitation or stop have accepted and allowed myself to constantly look for more in all and anything that I participate within and as
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how most, if not all my movement and desires and experiences has been base within and on the starting-point of more wants more wants more as a constant and continuous drive of and as myself to stay in constant movement, newer slowing down, but making sure that I always stay in motion generated by, through, within and as energy constantly and continuously feeding off and using the physical body to get more and more and more – not ever realizing, seeing or understanding that “more” does not exist – that more will always be in front of me as a carrot attached to a stick, where all I see is the carrot, chasing it, believing that if I run faster, push a little harder I will get it – while all along the purpose is to have me running as a mule in a state of self-deception as a slave of my own limitation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a desire wanting more and more and more and more – in an endless constant and continuous craving for something/someone indistinctable and outside separate from me, yet distinctable within how I have related it to each moment to something distinct and as such in that specific moment with that specific desire believed that THIS was what I wanted and needed to fulfill my endless desire for more
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all my desires have been desires for “more” and that I have desperately translated this “more” into and as practical reality in pinpointing and attaching this desire for “more” to specific points and manifestations in my world and my reality where I’ve with each of them have believed that THIS is IT, while not seeing, realizing or understanding in and as self-honesty that the turning-point was always “more” and never in fact anything specific or distinct but just more and more and more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize or understand that within preoccupying myself in my conscious mind with the specific point of desire as “more” than I am facing in the moment, I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself to cover up and suppress my subconscious mind and the fact that what I actually experience desire towards is an indistinctable “more” that I have not clearly defined for myself or investigate in depth in anyway whatsoever because I have been so pre-occupied within my conscious mind with attaching my desires to specific points/people/manifestations/addictions that I then believed was THE point.
(To be continued)
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