June 1, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life
What is Self-Will? Does Self-Will only mean directing ourselves in Common Sense or do we also act in WILL of SELF when we allow ourselves to participate in and as the mind? What does it mean to be Self-Willed? Are we Self-Willed already or are we not? Can we say that Self-Will is the same as “So-Say-We-All” as each Human Being’s decision as to “who” they will be and how we each come together to shape the totality that is this world upon this Earth. Is it not exactly the same inside our own minds? That each part is acting out its own Will? But what about the Will of All? What kind of World are we creating through “each their own will” as that which we come together as, as this world and as ourselves?
“What I realized is that when I don’t want to do something – I have decided that not wanting to do it is who I am – so obviously I will then live who I am.” – Matti Freeman
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when a thought emerges, to immediately and without question, follow the thought into action – doing or not doing that which the thought tells me, within and as accepting that it is “ME” “directing” me – thus accepting myself as a thought and within that, accepting myself as directed by a thought, accepting myself as submitted to the thought, not even as a slave, but as a willing follower, specifically within identifying the thought as “ME” telling myself where to go, what to eat, who to be, who I am, what I like, what I don’t like, what I will do, what I will not do, what I will say, what I will not say, how I will feel, how I will not feel, how I will express myself, how I will not express myself, what I will buy, what I will not buy, what I will watch, what I will not watch, what I will focus on, what I will not focus on – and as such accept and allow myself to exist and live ONLY directed by thoughts, not questioning this, because I have accepted that the direction and directive of thoughts is simply “ME” and because it is “ME” it is ‘good’ and ‘reasonable’ if I follow the thought.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that the nature of thoughts are produced, designed, preprogrammed and created with the distinct and sole purpose of keeping myself in and as the mind – separate and separated from and of myself here in and as the physical, as life, as substance, as common sense, as totality, as wholeness, as self-expression, as self-honesty, as self-direction, as self-expansion, as self-trust, as self-integrity – and that so, every time I allow myself to BE a thought, to live BY a thought, to FOLLOW the directive of a thought to feel or act or don’t feel or don’t act, I am re-confirming my DECISION to separate myself from myself and reconfirm the DECISION that I, as an individualized entity existing in, of and as the mind on energy is ALL that matters, all I care about, all that is important – and as such re-confirm my decision to abdicate myself as life, as wholeness and accept and allow myself to remain scattered and divided within and as myself in and as self-dishonesty and self-deception, only producing more abuse, suffering and corruption within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be interested in “ME” in and as the mind, directed by and through thoughts to EXPERIENCES within and as the question of interest as ego: “what can I get out of it?” – as the question that is the very foundation of abuse, exploitation and consumerism and enslavement, believing that for life to be lived and enjoyed, I must consume it, take it, eat it, feed on it, deplete it – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all I am doing, is depleting myself because I am attempting to gain life by separating myself from it, through creating artificial “needs” and “desires” for points, manifestations, experiences that I have separated myself from in a total delusion, believing that I must consume myself back to life, not realizing that it is the very nature of consumption and how I participate within and as consumption through greed and justification through which I am re-confirming myself as depleted, missing, lacking, “in need” – instead of simply realizing that I am here as Life and I do not require to consume myself as life to be life – that all I have to do to be life, to return to myself as life, is to give up myself as separation, as fear of losing myself, as carrying on in greed believing and accepting that thoughts are “ME” when they are in fact representing and showing me who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as the mind as the manifestation of self-separation through fear of loss, into and as an artificial entity living of the physical life-substance transformed into energy.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when there is something I find difficult to do or to push through – that it is because it is “who I am” as who and what I have accepted myself as and are re-confirming for and as myself and re-consolidating every time I allow myself to participate within and as it – therefore I see the purpose of self-discipline which is the initial form of self-direction, where all I have to focus on is DOING IT or NOT DOING IT depending upon the point I am facing, until I am able, capable and willing to simply direct myself in and as Breath with ease
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize, understand, recognize or acknowledge the power of my SELF-WILL – where I do not participate in ANYTHING without first having willed myself to, even if I no longer remember it – because the WILL to forget also is one of the programs that I have infested and inserted into the program of myself as the mind that I TOO have WILLED myself into and as, in the WILLING myself to deliberate abdication and separation and ignorance and denial – because how else can I exist as a self-interested, greedy, entity of desire and energy, if I do not hold onto to the drive, justification and acceptance of myself as separate – it is the very fact that I WILL myself to be separate that is the entire driving-mechanism of who and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all that is required is that I stop doing this or start doing that, not seeing, realizing or understand that yes, it is about DOING IT/NOT DOING IT in and as physical and practical application, but that it is also about allocating myself as “who I am” as who and what I have accepted myself within and as, that is the source/origin of my acceptances and allowances, because otherwise I will not be able to change, because I have already “set my Will in motion” – and have WILLED myself to created automated programs and patterns and looping programs and patterns and infinity-cycling programs and patterns that I could “leave it to” while I abdicated myself from myself and “checked out” and refused to take self-responsibility for and as and within my creation of and as myself here. So I WILLED myself to separate myself from myself, I WILLED myself to create relationships with the separate parts of myself and to create divides and conflicts and fear of losing myself between these parts and I WILLED myself to be at war with myself and I WILLED myself to deceive myself into and as the parts of and as myself that I had separated myself into and as and I WILLED myself to forget who I was and how I had walked myself to where I am here and WILLED myself to fear losing myself and I WILLED myself to become addicted to and dependent upon energy within and as my separate state as an artificial entity existing IN the physical but not OF the physical, because that was exactly what I had separated myself into, from and as – because being OF the physical, means being WHOLE, being ONE, being EQUAL – and I WILLED myself into deceiving and diluting myself into believing that I had to stay away from all and anything “WHOLE” – because I WILLED myself to deceive and dilute myself into believing that I would lose myself in the “HOLE” of “WHOLENESS”, that if I allowed myself to return to TOTALITY, that I would exist in and under a “TOTALITARIAN” system, that if I allowed myself to return to EQUALITY, I would lose myself as individuality – ALL because I wanted to remain within the belief, definition, acceptance and experience of myself as ONE – yet at the same time insisted that I was SEPARATE – something that is a physical impossibility – which is exactly what we have founded this reality and world upon, which is why it doesn’t not work and life is being depleted - because we are living something that is not physically possible, yet we have forced it into physicality as a program that is not life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I look at these words and this self-realization to see that it is rather “extravagant” and that I easily become preoccupied with “getting it” as sorting out the mystery of life and that I cannot relate this back to my daily practical living – but I see that this is exactly the source/origin of who I am today, how I walk the way I walk and as such both aspects are equally important, where I from each end, the beginning and the consequence walk myself to “the middle” or the center of myself which is HERE as who I am.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to support, push and demand of myself to direct myself in and a breath and to not accept or allow myself to be directed by or within or as thoughts – because I have accepted the thoughts as “ME” and as such most often being “the protector” of “ME” in allowing me to avoid that which I fear – not seeing or realizing or understanding that what I fear is MYSELF as who and what I have accepted myself as and that the fear is indicating the exact point of separation of and from myself and that every time I accept and allow myself to be directed by and direct myself within and as and based on fear, where the thoughts are the “PR-people” of fear that ensures that only the interest of fear is what is promulgated and propagated – but only through my direct participation and acceptance and permission and essentially WILL
I commit myself to change my WILL from WILL of mind as purposefully and deliberately re-confirming my separation of and from myself as Life to Self-Will in and as Self-Directing and Self-Trusting myself in and as all participation, to Stand up for what is Best for All Life, which is to stop ALL participation in, of and as the mind that is and has been preprogrammed by me through my direct will and decree to be and become who and what I have become within and as the Mind.
I see, realize and understand that the WILL to stand up as Life, slowly but surely through deconstructing and deprogramming myself as all and everything I have constructed and programmed myself in and as, as the mind – where thoughts are at the forefront of my decision to separate myself from myself as life – is and can only be a directive decision combined with a physical movement, breath by breath – and I commit myself to support myself through self-discipline as the directive decision in the moment to change who I am and what and how I will participate in my world, my reality, my mind and my human physical body through the realization that as I have WILLED myself to separate myself from myself, and as I have WILLED myself to forget that I am the creator of myself, as I have WILLED myself to deceive myself into believing and accepting myself as less than the mind – so I must WILL myself back here, to the Physical, to Breath, to Common Sense, to Self-Honesty, to SELF-WILL as Life and I see, realize and understand that as I have WILLED myself to be and become who and what I exist as now, within and as patterns and personalities and automated preprogramming has been an accumulative process where I have solidified and re-confirming and propagated my decision of separating myself from myself over and over and over, until it became all I was, all I accepted myself as – where anything that was NOT mind, I feared, resisted, were repulsed and disgusted by and judged and rejected – so must I accumulate myself as SELF-WILL as what is best for all life. And that I cannot expect myself simply “unlock” some “magic key” and then it is all over – but that I have to walk accumulation of SELF-WILL as a new living decree – and I don’t accept myself to simply give up every time I fall or experience it difficult to stop a pattern or to blame or judge myself because all of that is still of the old system – not supportive or supporting and NOT best for all. So I don’t accept that. Instead I accept and permit myself to support myself to walk in simplicity: Focus on bringing myself back to breath, focus on stopping the WILL of the mind, as that which I have abdicated myself into and as, through the decisions I make on a moment-by-moment basis and that determines who I will be in the next moment.
I commit myself to Will myself to stop the mind
I commit myself to Will myself to stop participating in thoughts
I commit myself to Will myself to remain here as breath – walking breath by breath, point by point
I commit myself to Will myself to Develop Self-Will as certainty that I WILL stand up as Life
I commit myself to Will Life
Suggest to read the following blog for extended perspectives: DAY 41: The Probe-Agenda of The Mind (Part 1)
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