Siding with Ego or Egocide? (Part 2) Commitment to Change: DAY 36

May 27, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

alter ego by tilabgf d4dp9z7 716x1024 Siding with Ego or Egocide? (Part 2) Commitment to Change: DAY 36I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to in fact direct myself within and as making a commitment as to how I am going to live and change and correct myself – within realizing, seeing and understanding how I have not been living what is best for all – through self-forgiveness – and how to direct myself accordingly to in fact change my living application to what is best for all – and as such compromise the point of making commitments within and as deceiving myself, lying to myself and presenting a false image of myself simply to “keep up” – and thus not in fact write or apply self-forgiveness or write commitments – as a directive decree and DECISION of Self-Change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise the point of making commitments within and as deceiving myself, lying to myself and presenting a false image of myself simply to “keep up” – and thus not in fact write or apply self-forgiveness or write commitments – as a directive decree and DECISION of Self-Change

I forgive myself that I, within having accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through making commitments I have not brought into living directive application – have accepted and allowed myself to compromise and sabotage myself to the extent where I cannot trust myself or be trusted – because I could just have NOT made the commitment and said: “this is who I am, I am not going to change” – but instead I said “I AM CHANGING” as a lie to myself and to everyone else, while in fact I was not DIRECTING MYSELF TO CHANGE – evident through the very fact that I HAVN’T CHANGED.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as a deceptive laziness and spitefulness, where I expected that the writings would do the work for me – and as such place and accept myself as less than the writings – and not as the directive principle over and as me – and as such completely fuck myself into and as self-deception – within believing that the writings would be and should be more than me and would direct me to change, without me having to do anything myself and actually and in fact CHANGE myself through self-directed self-will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from writing through inferiorizing myself to writing in and as a deliberate point of self-manipulation of abdicating self-responsibility for myself in and as writing perceiving the writing as more than me and as such letting the writing stand accountable for my change – which is impossible, because it is WHO I AM that is the directive principle in writing and if I abdicate self-responsibility – the mind as ego will direct the writing FOR me, because I am not directing myself – because I am separating myself from myself – which is the very manifestation of and as myself as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I was making commitments – when in fact, by the very evidence of me not living the correction and change that I stipulated for myself in writing these commitments – I did NOT make a commitment in fact to change myself and my participation – because otherwise I would have changed in fact.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize that I have deceived myself into believing that I was making actual commitments to change – when the direct evidence, the fact that I was not changing – that I was not directing myself to change – shows me that I was NOT making commitments in fact, or I would have changed immediately

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself – and to spite those that are walking the self-commitment to change in standing up for what is best for all, through taking self-responsibility for who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become – by allowing my writings to be redundant and self-deceptive because I am not changing and as such have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the point of writing – abuse the possibility to change by not directing myself to change in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as spite through writing and not changing and therefore writing in vain – in the vanity of wanting to present myself as walking-with – when the fact that I am not changing, is proof that I am NOT walking-with, or I would have changed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as an experience of fear that this writing will also be redundant – and as such indicate to myself that I have already accepted this writing as redundant, because I have still not made the decision to change – as fear is indicating a point of me separating myself from myself as that which I am already living – which is not changing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from changing myself – and thus from directing myself to change, as indicated by the fear I experience of this writing being redundant – instead of simply making the directive decision to change – right here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that making a commitment is a point of self-support – where Self places a directive principle before self, that self simply has to walk into and through and that the commitment is the support self gives self in making the decision to change – and therefore, because I have not changed, I have not made the decision to change in fact – or I would have changed

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that if I make a commitment to change – and don’t change – then it is better to not make commitments at all, because it is thus not a commitment in fact, but in fact a point of self-dishonesty, deception and spitefulness – allowing ego to direct self in writing – to in fact “buy” time – while not changing and as such allow the ego to direct, control and dictate the point of writing – while self is inferiorized – by self’s own decree – and as such not write in fact – because it is all a scam and a show – because otherwise I would change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only thing that matters is that I direct myself to change in fact through supporting myself in writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements in preparing myself to simply walk into and through the point of change, in directing myself here to live the application of correction that I have seen and realized is required – and that writing for the sake of writing or proving myself to others is absolutely bullshit – and in fact abusive – because why write if it is not to change myself? What is the writing even, if I don’t change myself? It is abuse.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to make the commitment to change in fact and that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my only “problem” is who and what I accept and allow myself to be and live and exist as – within and as separating myself from myself here, into polarized bits and parts, inferiors and superiors that either subordinate or dictate who and what I am – and as such abdicate self-responsibility and that the only solution is to stand one and equal with and as myself, as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – which means that I have to be self-honest about who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and not allow myself to accept myself as inferior or superior to or as parts of and as myself – but to stand united in and as myself in directing myself according to what is best for all, in point by point investigating who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and how that has not been best for all and how I can change myself to live what is in fact best for all

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize, see and understand that I cannot change myself if I am not self-honest about who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and to stop separating myself from myself – stop accepting myself as separate and separated – and understand the details of how I have created and manifested myself into who and what I am now, as who and what I have accepted myself as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write self-commitment statements subconsciously with a backdoor – so that I don’t have to actually live the commitment in changing myself in fact and as such specifically deceive myself into pretending that I am changing and covering up the fact that I am not changing and that I am not planning on changing – because otherwise I would change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize or understand that if I don’t make the commitment – and walk and change and correct myself accordingly – to what is best for all, it means that I have already made a commitment – to not changing, to remaining as mind, as ego, as fear – as is evident in the fact that I am not changing – and as such, that only by changing my commitment – can I change in fact

I see and I realize and understand that I can only change one point at a time, that I can only direct myself effectively here in this breath, breath by breath and NOT within controlling myself or attempting to change all of me at once – but I can utilize the practical, physical support of feedback of changing myself here, one pattern at a time, one addition at a time, one personality at a time to ensure that I do in fact change and correct myself to live in a way that is best for all

I commit myself to not make any commitments I am not living – because I see and realize that this is not making commitments at all, but in fact deceiving myself, abusing the point of writing and making commitments and is completely and entirely redundant and unacceptable

At the same time, I commit myself to ensure that I don’t deceive myself through using the point of “only making commitments I can keep” to make excuses and justifications for not in fact challenging myself and the limitations I have created for and within myself as well as the resistances I have allowed myself to comply to

I commit myself to support myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-commitments to prepare myself to walk practical changes of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become in and as self-interest of ego as mind in separating myself from myself – to a living, breathing, physical being that lives and stands for what is best for all – in bringing all parts that I have separated myself from, into and as back here in and as self-responsibility

I commit myself to support myself to commit egocide through practically directing myself to change, one point at a time, breath by breath – making clear and concise and practical commitments and to ensure that I live the practical application of these commitments and to cross-reference the changes that I direct myself to correct in my living application in self-honesty

I commit myself to investigate the commitment I have made to ego, to the mind, to remaining as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become, live and exist as and to challenge my commitment in self-honesty in standing one and equal to the commitment I have made to the mind – in investigating the implications of this commitment until I stand one and equal to what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become in understanding how and a who I have created myself and what the consequences are of my acceptances and allowances, and as such change myself through correcting myself in and as one pattern at a time, one commitment at a time – changing my commitments until all commitments I have made and are making as to who and what I will live and exist as – is living in and as a way that is best for all.

Suggest to follow the blogs daily at Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk

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