Who I am as A ‘Player’ Shopping for Sex: DAY 17

May 4, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

shame affiche france1 768x1024 Who I am as A Player Shopping for Sex: DAY 17Today I had a discussion with another Destonian about the movie “Shame” and its portrayal of sex addiction. We discussed how the movie could be supportive for those with a sex addiction, but also how it might not be enough for the being to actually assist in realizing themselves.

The movie particularly reminded me of guys I have known that lived like the guy in the movie, as players and how it from the outside seemed like they were having the time of their life, jumping from woman to woman, being “invincible” – and so to get a look into that “world” is quite interesting.

So what I will do for today’s writing is to write Self-Forgiveness on this point as support for those who are experiencing this point of “shopping for sex”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shop for sex, in the hunt in an insatiable desire for experiences of sexual climax

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shop for sex as a commodity, as a quick fix immediate satisfaction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my shopping for sex as an exciting hunt for the next experience of climax, not seeing how I am addicted to the attention I get from the opposite (and sometimes same) sex and the anticipation of an energetic experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed with the desire for new and more sexual experiences in an experience that I can’t get enough, completely blind to anything but this desire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to the desire for new and more sexual experiences, preoccupying every moment of every day with how I can get sex from the people around me, or online, plotting and scheming and planning how to concur my next “prey”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the people around me as potential prey for my sexual desires, carefully calculating and strategizing how to seduce them and get what I want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel, believe and experience myself powerful when I succeed to seduce someone after having strategically selected them and deliberately toyed with them to get them to have sex with me and to feel, believe and experience myself superior to them when I do and in that see them as less than and inferior to me, not caring about how they experience themselves and quickly discarding them when I have secured my satisfaction, seeing them as disposable waste after I am done with them sexuality predatorprey 40a 747x1024 Who I am as A Player Shopping for Sex: DAY 17

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to consider my own actual experiences of myself when I shop for sex and not even see the people that I hunt down as prey for my sexual desires as real or in any way beings, but only as objects existing to fulfill my desires

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of defining myself and being defined by others as a “player”, seeing, perceiving, associating and defining the label “player” with power, control and superiority – not realizing that it is myself who is being played by my own ego and the addiction to energy, through which I am merely a puppet following the desires in the belief that I can in any way satisfy them, even though no matter how much sex I have, it is never enough and I always have to get more and more to even experience the slightest experience of satisfaction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire new and more sex all the time in an experience that I cannot get enough, yet not accepting this in following an subconscious belief that it in fact is possible to “get enough” when it is clear and I do in fact knows that it is not possible as all evidence shows that no matter how much sex I have, it will never be enough and in fact the more I get the more I want, not caring about what it might do to me or others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to care about or consider the risks I am taking and the possible consequences in having sex with lots of different people and ways without using protection, because I am completely and entirely engulfed in the desire for the hunt and climax

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience, define and believe myself to be a “real man” or “real woman” because I am able to “score” other people to have sex with and in how I have perfected this ability to seduce and get someone to have sex with me – not realizing that my perception of what a “real man” or “real woman” is, is based on a pre-programmed definition of enslavement, wherein and from we as men and women believe ourselves to be free and freeing ourselves – while in fact what we are participating with is, is the continued enslaved of ourselves through the mind in, as and through energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend and deceive myself into believing that what I am doing when I seduce and score other human beings to have sex with, is real and intimate interaction, when in fact I am completely cold and strategic and not in any way here or present with myself or the other human being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, define and experience the human beings I prey on for sex, as objects I can use as I please, and to see them as less intelligent and smart than me because I am able to manipulate them and make them believe that I care about them and then use them sexually with their own consent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a right and a prerogative to have sex within anyone I want to, in any way, manner or form I want to without any consideration for anyone, including myself and my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am truly free and emancipating myself through having sex with many different people and new ways – when in fact I am enslaving myself to a one-dimensional expression of and as myself through and in which I am completely immersed, constantly thinking about my next sex-fix

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume sex like a commodity, not realizing the actual price I am paying is myself, my self-integrity, physical body and living a life of actual self-satisfaction and expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value –only value – in sex and sexual “accomplishments” and as such not valuing myself in any way what so ever or life or interaction with other human beings in a way that is real and really fulfilling or even exploring and expressing myself in and through sex in a way where I am honoring myself as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force myself to go out “scoring” another human being to have sex with, because I fear that if I don’t, I will miss out of an energetic excitement and there might be something wrong with me and I will have to live a boring mundane life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my belief that random sex with random people is emancipating and freeing as an excuse to not face myself within and as the fear of being intimate with myself and with another human being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being intimate with myself and with another human being and because of this, have constructed and designed a “player” personality for myself that I can hide within and from myself, holding myself and how I actually experience myself at arm’s length, never getting close to myself or to another human being

picnic www Who I am as A Player Shopping for Sex: DAY 17I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the label “player” with a positive energetic charge of superiority and cynicism associated with capitalism, where I perceive myself as a “taker” as “the fittest” in the competition to survive because I am able to manipulate and deceive other human beings to have sex with me – justifying through the belief in “free-choice” and individuality where all I care about is my own immediate satisfaction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist completely immersed and enslaved into and as a capitalist personality as defined in the label of a “player” that I believe I need to survive – not realizing that my starting-point is fear of loss and as such a complete self-diminishment and compromise for survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my actual experience of and as myself – that I am petrified for being tied to a mundane and boring life – that everything is meaningless including myself and that there exist no actual satisfaction – in the label of being a “player” in assigning my life and myself and other human beings “meaning” that is defined within the energetic satisfaction I experience myself achieving from sex and sexual accomplishments

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize that the personality of being a “player” is directly linked to the capitalistic system – where the player is playing the system for money and sex – existing as and perceiving him/herself as a player, player the game, thus existing as a supporter, mascot and laky of the system, supporting the system to continue as is, within perceiving myself as a “winner” and as such being willing to do anything to protect my perceived position in the system

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to face myself within and as my actual experience of and as myself and through that sort myself out in self-honesty, in seeing, realizing and understanding exactly why and how I experience fear and petrification and meaninglessness and why exactly I have become addicted to sex and scoring – and as such understand the entire system of sex, ego and energy of and as mind participating in sort out the totality of this reality and actually learn how to enjoy myself simply by being with and as myself

I commit myself to expose the hook-up culture and those placing value in being players and assist them to see how they are in fact enslaved to their own idea of freedom and through the addiction to energetic excitement that they experience themselves achieving through sex and sexual accomplishments

I commit myself to develop a relationship and interaction with myself and other human beings that is actually intimate and based on real values of self-enjoyment, expression and mutual trust and enjoyment and to stop all relationships that are based on energy and ego

I commit myself to expose the capitalistic system and the personality design of the “player” that plays the game in the system without any regard for life or other human beings or even for self

I commit myself to expose sexual addiction and assist those humans that are addicted and enslaved to sex to the system of sex and sexual acts as how it has been designed as a system of enslavement to keep us all existing in and as the mind

I commit myself to explore and develop sex as an expression of myself as life in and a the physical and to support others to do the same

Recommended Reading: I was a Sex-Slave

First FREE interview  in the ”What is SEX?” The series  Understanding the Secrets of Sex

The rest of the series is available here:

Part 1-6: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-introduction

Part 7: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-part-seven

Part: 8: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-part-eight

Part 9: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-part-9

Part 10: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-part-10

Part 11: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-introducing-the-relationship-system-part-11

Part 12: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-the-primary-and-sub-relationship-systems-of-mind-and-sex-part-12

Part 13: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-relationship-profiling-part-13

Part 14:  http://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-how-we-create-relationship-profiles-part-14

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