Who I Am as The Creator of Resistance: DAY 3

April 17, 2012 in Anna's Journey to Life

I Resist Therefore I eXisT by HeDzZaTiOn Who I Am as The Creator of Resistance: DAY 3I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the creation, manifestation and design of resistance, as a systematic implantation that I have inserted into my very beingness, as the gatekeeper through which I keep myself separate from myself, so as to not see, realize or understand myself as creation and creator and so that I don’t walk out of the mind and into the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as resistance as a total encompassing impenetrable fortress of experience that I have created around and within myself, to ensure that I would remain separate, existing as parts excluded from each other, so as to not realize myself as the creation and creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I within the creation, manifestation, experience and acceptance of myself in and as resistance, were doing myself a favor, were supporting myself to fight against that which I perceived as a threat, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it was all in reverse – and that which I perceived as a threat, was in fact the key to my freedom: myself as the truth and true nature of who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into seeing, perceiving and defining myself, in, into and as the creation of resistance in complete reverse – as the protection of myself from threats outside, separate from me – when in fact I was protecting myself within perceiving and accepting and experiencing  the realization and transcendence of myself as a threat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize resistance to manipulate, deceive and force myself to remain enslaved within and as the confinements of the mind, creating and manifesting and participating in the delusional experience and acceptance that I within the experience of resistance, am protecting myself from being penetrated, infiltrated and invaded by something/someone outside separate from me that I have perceived as a threat to my very existence, not realizing that that something/someone, was in fact myself, as the truth and reality of myself as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, as the creation and creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest and create myself into and as resistance against the systems that I have created to contain myself and as such as resistance towards the oppression of myself instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I as resistance and oppression are two coins of the same creation and manifestation that I have created and manifested with the purpose of enslaving and containing myself and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I could change myself as the system of oppression through resistance

I forgive myself that I have not ever accepted or allowed myself to question the experience, definition and acceptance of resistance that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as, and that Instead deliberately have refused to question the experience of resistance, within the very nature of resistance as exiting in an experience of suppression and retraction in the self-deceptive belief and self-delusion that within accepting myself in and as and giving into resistance, I was protecting myself and supporting myself and caring for myself, to make sure that I stay away from all that I perceived as a threat to my existence

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that how I have defined, accepted, lived and experienced “my existence” in the context of resistance, has been as survival only and I forgive myself that I have not ever accepted and allowed myself to stop up and question the definition that I have created and accepted of “my existence” as survival

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the existence that I have believed and perceived myself to protect fiercely through my participation in and devoted submission to resistance, was the existence of myself as fear and within that the existence of myself as greed, as being completely absorbed by, within and as the fear of losing myself and losing the existence I have perceived myself to have and as such create the notion of survival as a way of justifying and substantiating my existence of myself as fear into and as physical practical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take resistance for granted and to take the experience of and as in and as resistance for granted, in never questioning it or challenging myself to push through the experience of resistance and instead unconditionally accept resistance as a part of myself, in and from which I am protecting myself from that which I perceive to be a threat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my creation, manifestation and participation in, of and as resistance based on and because of it being a “gut feeling” and an emotion – as I have defined myself within and according to emotions and feelings as that of and as myself that I could trust as real and true, simply because “I feel it”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately subdue and suppress and deny myself self-honesty and self-realization in moments where I am faced with resistance and where I deliberately create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of resistance – where I am fully aware that when I allow myself to give into and submit myself to resistance, I am preventing and prohibiting myself from facing and realizing myself in self-honesty, as the truth of and as myself as the creation and creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I, in moment of facing resistance in and as myself, have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an automated submission to and a decision to give into and to comply with resistance, based on the acceptance and belief that resistance is in fact protecting me from that which I perceive to be a threat to my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately and knowingly give into and submit myself to resistance in and as a refusal to face myself, as the truth of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – because I know that if I allow myself to face myself in self-honesty, I have but no choice but to take self-responsibility and to unravel and expose to myself the true nature of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such have no choice but to change myself, to let of all that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such in giving into resistance, in fact making the choice to remain existing in self-deception, interest of and as ego as fear only in wanting to remain existing as I am, in the fear of losing myself  - not realizing that all that I exist as, as I have accepted and allowed myself exist, is the very manifestation and creation of loss and the very insistence of myself as loss and the very deliberate action to create myself into and as loss

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself in and as resistance, to dare to get to know myself as resistance, by investigating and questioning who and what I am as resistance and how I have created myself into and as resistance and how and why I have created resistance as a protection installation into and as the totality of myself, as a fortress in which I believe and perceive myself to have created out of the necessity of keeping perceived threats on my life out, when in fact the entire and total purpose of the fortress of and as resistance that I have created for and as and with myself, is to keep myself enslaved, hidden, constrained and trapped in fear

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to love fear, to cherish fear, to unconditionally submit myself to fear within and because of the experience of safety  and security that I created as a self-deceptive justification to remain existing within and as fear and as such, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as a relationship with fear, as separate parts of myself that I have brought together in their separate manifestations, in the purpose of protecting myself as the mind

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to fear, without question, to deliberately inferiorize myself to fear and deliberately create, make, accept and experience fear as more than me, as stronger than me, as wiser than me, as smarter than me – within and as through the very manifestation and creation of fear, as that which I have created to justify my separation of and from myself and the very act of separating myself from myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that fear does not exist, that fear has no substance or ground, as fear is merely the reflection and the continued deliberate creation and acceptance of myself as separate from and of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever make myself forget that I created fear, out of and as the very manifestation and reflection of my self-created separation of and from myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand what the reason why, what I resist, persists, is because I resist is myself as the very creation and creator of and as myself, and what persists is the creation of and as myself that I am the creator of and such cannot escape myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, feel, experience and accept that I can trust myself as fear and as the manifestation of fear as the experience and creation of myself in and as resistance because I trusted the decision to separate myself from myself to protect myself and such I remain existing in that trust of my decision as creator and creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in and as the separation of and from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in and as the creation of myself as resistance and fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest resistance into and as this here human physical body and in and as the manifestation and creation of the mind as the very manifestation of myself as resistance towards facing myself as who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself by creating, manifesting and trusting resistance as physical experiences of “gut feeling” in my stomach with and through which I signal to myself that I am facing a point of threat and that I thorough experiencing the gut feeling, am telling myself to not go there – to run, to hide, to remove myself from the point I am facing and so not face or see or realize or understand or change myself as that point and instead remain as I am, as I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, as the very suppression of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that when I experience a “gut feeling” as I have defined the experience of fear in the solar plexus of the human physical body, I must remove myself from the point that I perceive as threat within which I believe that the feeling in the solar plexus of the human physical body, is telling me to remove myself so that I can protect myself from the threat that I have perceived to be on my very existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience, believe and accept the gut feeling in the solar plexus of the human physical body, as the truth of me, as intuition, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I am experiencing is not the truth of me, but the very manifestation of the refusal to face myself in and as the decision to separate myself from myself as the refusal to return to myself as the totality of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and such take responsibility for and as myself as the creator and creation of and as myself, to in fact change myself by stopping and letting go of who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into and as creating and  manifesting resistance to facing and changing myself, by manifesting the resistance into and as the human physical body as experiences of tiredness, drowsiness, headache, itching, anger, irritation and pain – through which I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the compliance and submission of myself to resistance by deceiving myself into and as believing that what I am experiencing are mere physical and random experiences, that specifically requires me to remove myself from the moment of facing myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into and as creating and manifesting an experience of relief and release of physical discomfort, when I comply with resistance and submit myself to resistance and not push through or question the manifestation or experience of resistance and as such justify for myself that I through complying with resistance, are in fact protecting and caring for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that only by pushing through the experience of resistance, will the experience of resistance stop and that I within pushing through resistance, will see, realize and understand that resistance, however substantiated and dense I have experienced it physically, was not real, but an energetic installation and manifestation of self-deception as deliberate suppression to not face myself here – in and as self-honesty, in and as self-responsibility as the creation and the creator of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that within pushing through resistance, I am giving myself the gift of myself as realizing myself as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such giving me back to me and in that re-claim from myself as the delusion that I have bewildered myself into and as in deliberate abdication of and from myself here, as the creation and the creator of myself as all there is, the authority to face me, to direct me, to take responsibility for me and in that the authority to change myself from and as who and what I have created myself into and as and accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as – to amalgamating and bringing back to myself, all parts of and as me, that I have separated myself into and as, till and as wholeness of and as me, as all life that is here, equal and one

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself as resistance and to be grateful for myself as resistance, as the manifestation of resistance represent clear benchmarks as to what I require walking through to bring myself back to myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that every time I allow myself to give into resistance, I am directly responsible for the creation, acceptance, prolonging and intensification of consequence as suffering and abuse upon the very substance and flesh that is who I am, as this earth and the life-forms manifested and creation in and upon it – that will and do continue, until I bring all parts of and as myself back to myself in and as self-responsibility as the creator of myself, as all that is here as life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the consequences of me accepting myself to give into and go into and submit myself to resistance, is the prolonging of suffering for all life that is here as me, that I have abdicated myself from, into and as, as parts existing in relationships of inequality and abuse, that I by participating in resistance as a refusal to face myself in and as accountability for the creation of what is here, as the creator of and as myself as what is here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that resistance is futile and that by resisting the very creation of myself as the systems that is manifested here on this earth, I am perpetuating war, abuse and suffering by and within separating myself from myself as the creator of – and thus the responsible for – what is here as life

I commit myself to push through resistance and to clearly identify for myself specifically which experiences is indicating resistance, so that I can with ease push through them, in clearly seeing directly and in self-honesty that what I am experiencing is resistance and that by pushing through it, I bring myself back to myself

I commit myself to continue pushing through resistance until I am able and capable of walking through resistance with absolute ease, self-trust and determination and I as such move myself through the final layer of resistance and no more exist in, of or as resistance in any way and thereby see, face, realize, embrace and take responsibility for myself in fullness and wholeness of myself as creation, as the creator of myself as all that is here

I commit myself to pushing myself to push through all points of resistance – to identify in self-honest when and where I experience resistance and to assist myself to consistently walk and push through resistance until no push is required and I simply face myself directly in and as the totality of the creation of and as myself as the creator of myself as all that is here

When and as I see that I am experiencing resistance, through in self-honesty having identified a point of resistance, I push myself in the realization that for every time I push myself, I am standing myself up and that resistance is merely the representation and manifestation of my abdication of, from and as myself and as such understand that I will persist until I have pushed through all and any forms of resistance – as the refusal to face myself here and take self-responsibility for who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

When and as I experience tiredness, that is clearly not physical, because it comes as a rush of sleepiness and specifically manifests as a want, need and desire to close my eyes and drift away – I Stop. When and as I see thoughts emerging as deliberate justifications of the resistance wherein I claim to myself that tiredness is physical and a physical need to rest, I stop. I breathe. I do whatever it takes to move myself out of the experience of tiredness, yet without replacing the one experience of resistance with giving to another – and so, I continue with what I was doing, when the experience of resistance emerged, as I realize that the resistance indicates a point as an opportunity to transcend a point of separation and as such realize myself and amalgamate a part of myself that I have separated myself into and as

As such – I commit myself to welcome and embrace resistance as a point of direct and undeniable self-support that I through witnessing before myself here – have enabled and are enabling myself to walk through until it is done.

For extended perspectives on the creation of resistance – and the releasing and facing of self as resistance, please read Creation’s blog here.