Anna’s Journey to Life: DAY 1

April 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

file000466492036 Annas Journey to Life: DAY 1DAY 1

Here I begin. I begin the journey of walking myself out of the mind – to nothingness as the purification of myself of the past, of existing in as a repetition of the past – and as such I stop. As I stop and stand responsible for all that I have created myself into and as, in forgiving myself – I let go of the old and give myself the opportunity and responsibility of birthing myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within and as an experience of inferiority, self-suppression and self-judgment, when reading the self-forgiveness of others in which and through which I see and perceive that they are able to grasp and expand themselves into realizations on points that I perceive myself as yet unable to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as an experience of shame and self-judgment when reading the self-forgiveness of others and seeing how they are forgiving points that I perceive as existential and written in far more self-honesty that I am able to apply myself within in, even though I do see the common sense of every word they have written

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inferiorize myself to the words of others, if or when I see that they are directing a point in self-honesty that I do not yet have directed within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read the writings of others, from a starting point of comparison and thus competition and within that measure myself, as how I perceive myself, against how I perceive them – not seeing or realizing that I am not perceiving what is here in fact, as I am perceiving myself from within and as the mind, in and as separation from and of myself her, in a relationship to my world and reality as reflected in and onto others as points outside separate from me that I compare myself to from a starting-point of fear as ego – not realizing that I am comparing myself to and competing with myself in my mind

I forgive myself that I, through separating myself from myself here, into and as parts that I have created separate relationships with, in and as the mind and in and as the physical reality as others, have accepted and allowed myself to compete with myself – believing, accepting and experiencing that I, in and as how I have perceived, experienced and accepted myself as ‘a part’, must compete with other parts, in my mind and in the physical reality, in order to exist and survive and here, to make process as how  I have perceived and associated process with survival as existence as the only way I have allowed myself to live.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have created the manifestation of competition out of and from my own self-delusion and deception, in that I have made something physically impossible, possible through the mind and through that have forced my insistence on the delusion as real, in and onto the physical – not realizing that who I am within competition is self-delusion and deception as competition is based on there being One winner where the parts believe that they can and must be that One winner to be able to exist – not seeing, realizing or understanding that I already am One and that I as such can only “win” the “ability”/”opportunity” to exist, by bringing all parts of myself back together in equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself in humbleness, that when I see the expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty in another’s writings, that that too exists equally in me and that all that is required for me to align myself to, as and within that point here as myself, is to allow myself to stand equal to it and one with it and to see how I can walk a practical process of implementing and integrating that realization for, in and as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand humble as an equal in gratefulness of the expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty applied by another in writing, as a step for all of us to expand ourselves in self-realization and self-honesty and to see that this is therefore an opportunity for me to accept, allow and direct myself to expand myself in and as self-realization and self-honesty

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish and elate myself in my mind, as ego, as fear to actually separate myself from myself as expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty, by separating myself from the words directed by another, by perceiving them as a threat to my self-image in the belief that because “only One can win”, it must mean that I am then not effectively directing my words as I compare my words to the words of the other as inferior because they do not contain the same point of expansiveness in self-realization or self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only way I cannot stand equal with words, is if I separate myself from them – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see and understand that it was not the words that was separate from me or the other being – but that it was I, who accepted myself as separate in the moment of reading the words, in fact as a point of deliberate self-diminishment wherein and through I did not allow myself to stand as an equal here and as such apply myself accordingly in implementing the self-realizations and points of self-honesty that I saw within the words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, accept and insist on that what another is applying for themselves, is and must be separate from me and at the same time, within having created a phony sense of “oneness”, believe that as “all is me” yet I am in competition with “other parts” to stand as that point of “oneness”, the other have then taken something from me – have won OVER me and is thus superior to me as I see, perceive, believe and experience and accept myself inferior accordingly

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is not the other being I am inferior to, as I could simplistically direct myself to stand as an equal with and as their application of self-realization and self-honesty and as such that what I stand inferior to, is myself, as the mind, as that which I have abdicated myself to, which is evident within how I reacted in the moment of seeing another’s writings and going into competition, fear and shame instead of looking practically at the point in self-honesty and self-support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand and accept myself as inferior to competition, within without question having accept competition as a basic foundation of my existence through which I can ensure my own survival and perceived “oneness”

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason why I perceive myself as perceived “oneness” as under threat , why I believe I must compete with others, is because my “oneness” is not actual Oneness – as I, within who and how I have accepted myself as separate from myself, from Life, from substance, from others – am existing as a “part” only – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that what I actually feared, resisted, refused and denied, was letting go of myself as “a part”, as separate and actually and in fact accepting and embracing and realizing myself in and as the oneness and equality of all that is here

I forgive myself that I, within resisting, refusing, denying and fearing to let go of myself as a separate part, have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from life and thus exclude life from myself and as such cut myself off from realizing myself here as life, from bringing myself back here as life and as such defend, propagate and insist on remaining separate, with all the consequences that my separation of and as myself entails – of suffering, abuse and inequality that I have accepted and promulgated and defended only within and through exerting myself as separate

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that only by keeping, forcing, deceiving and enslaving myself to remain within the delusion that I am separate, have I been able to justify existing in interest as ego as fear, accepting, allowing and justifying abuse and suffering by separating myself from it, denying it in and as myself, denying that I am the creator and the responsible for it and as such specifically prevent myself from realizing myself here as life, in and as equality

When and as I read the words of another, that I see is written in and as an expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to live, implement, integrate and realize within and as myself in equality – I embrace the words here as myself and I look directly and specifically at what the “gap” is that I have created between myself and these words – as to why I am not living these words and this self-realization and this self-honesty equal and one. And as such I place for, as and within myself a practical self-correction from where and in and through which I can in fact practically implement and integrate the points of self-realization and self-honesty as expansiveness that I have seen in the words of another – in realizing that I can only be separate from the words and the practical living of the words, if I have already separated myself from them as myself and that therefore what is required, is that I collapse that “gap” of separation, until I stand one and equal living these words in and as myself.

I see, realize and understand, that what is required, is that I remain here, in walking myself out of the mind and into the physical – through directive self-application to, as and within self-honesty in every moment of every breath – diligently, specifically, directly direct all points and parts of and as myself that I have separated myself from, into and as, by writing out the patterns/personalities/relationships that I have accepted and allowed myself to create in separation of and from myself here as the physical, by directing, stopping, releasing all thoughts/emotions/feelings/reactions/back chat in clear a-(w)here-ness of and as myself in every moment of every breath, not allowing one single thought to “slip through” undirected as I understand that that is the very definition of self-abdication, through which I have allowed myself to inferiorize myself to the mind, by letting the mind stand as the directive principle of and as me – instead of me directing myself here in a-(w)here-ness to be, become and live that which is best for all life – as myself, one and equal.

When and as I see that I am participating in competition through comparison or jealousy within my mind alone or projected towards someone/something outside separate from me, I stop. I breathe through the experience and I direct it within myself firmly in the realization that who and what I am competing with, is myself, in and as the delusional belief and acceptance of myself as separate, yet attempting to assert myself as one – as I realize the absolute self-deception and self-delusion that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and manifest myself into and as – and how the only thing I am creating through participating in this, is my own detriment as I am essentially living and existing as a delusion which is not physically possible, that is not life, that is not best for all and that can only fall, as I am here as Life, no matter how hard I have tried to annihilate and abdicate myself.

So – I embrace myself as the mind. I embrace myself as the point of delusion, in which I have attempted to make myself “whole” and “one” through manifesting the exact opposite and reverse – as fighting, annihilation, separation and abuse and I give myself the opportunity, gift and responsibility of bringing myself back Here – back to earth – back to this here physical body that does in fact exist as ONE – where no competition, separation, fighting, deception is required because all forms and manifestations exists in equality.

I realize that Life can only exist in equality – and as long as I deny myself as equality – I deny myself as Life and I will continue splitting and separating myself and fighting myself – because who I am cannot be denied. So I stop the fight against myself. I stop insisting on remaining separate. I stop competing with myself as delusional parts of separation as constant polarities diminishment and grandeur.

I live here. I walk here. I participate here. And all points that I see that I am standing separate from, within and as, I realize is my own delusional creation – and as such my responsibility to bring back to myself. I realize that it is not within “being separate” that I must direct myself, because it is within the very acceptance, creation and manifestation – and insistence on separation, that I have allowed myself to deny myself as life, as expansiveness of self-realization and self-honesty.

So, with these words, I open my eyes to my acceptances and allowances – to what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as – and I walk here, giving myself the opportunity to expand and realize myself in self-honesty in every moment of every breath.