August 17, 2011 in Anna's Process Blog
Today I painted my kitchen. I enjoyed it quite a lot, moving from one point to another in a logically laid out structure. I painted white on white so it was not entirely easy to see where I had already painted, thus I worked with blocking as I painted.
It is a small kitchen so it was quite quickly done and I realized that more than 4 hours had gone by, yet it felt like 3o min. This was because it was one moment, the entire process of painting – I started in one corner and did not stop or finish until I had painted all the walls, the corners and the ceiling. It is a cool point – entering a moment and completing it full circle, because often when I wake up, most often, I’ll start “seeing” this stretched out future-time, either the day in front of me, the week or even an abstract idea of “the future”.
This sort of “looking a head” is never very effective. The “inner” justification is that this “looking on” is, if not required, at least assisting in planning and executing the tasks at hand, yet most often when I “look at the future”, I am actually looking from a starting-point of self-delusion because I am “seeing” something that is not here and thus the “on-look” within which I am watching, is not here either and is thus not real. What is even more freaky is that in doing so, I am basically laying an artificial path before as I’ve limited myself to seeing this Here moment according to my delusional “vision” of “what is to come”.
When I painted the kitchen, I did not require much pre-thinking or planning, mostly because I trusted myself in having painted enough times to know – to know that I know what to do. Interesting. I did not even start in one corner or with even lines – I started in the middle of a wall, a “natural spot” – it was where I was standing and I started working from there.
What also is with painting my kitchen is that it is here, accessible, practical and physical. There’s no personal or ego based associations or relationships projected towards the point of painting, or the one’s that are, are too subtle to be controlling the point – so I simply paint. It does not require anything else from me, than to move myself physically from spot to spot – breath to breath and at some point, I am done. That moment is completed and I can move into or enter or embrace a new moment – perhaps painting a new room.
But when I lay out a future, in which I plan to walk in, I am 5 or 10 steps a head of myself, which is not physically possible and thereby and within that, I’ve trapped myself in a artificial reality of mind.
This is what so many people around the world do, every moment of every day of their life – it is what advertisement preys on, why people get married and divorced in a never-ending cycle, why we look back one day and realize that 5, 10 or 20 years have passed us in what seemed to be a moment – ironically, because we were existing in an artificial projection of the future and thus never actually Here, in the moment that is Here, the actual reality of “where” and “who” we are.