Self-Forgiveness: Fear of being exposed within sharing that I have not changed – not willing to share myself

November 21, 2010 in Anna's Process Blog

Fear of being exposed within sharing that I have not changed – not willing to share myself – From: Diffusing Blame and taking Self-Responsibility in Relationships

1.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear being exposed when Viktor has asked be what I have being doing during the day

2.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear being exposed by Viktor in that I have not changed and that most of my days goes with doing the same things: watching tv-series and movies

3.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be ashamed of having spent my days watching tv-series and movies

4.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear exposing to Viktor that I have spent most of my days watching tv-series and movies

5.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be ashamed of having not taken showers in a week, of not having done the dishes and of smoking

6.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hide behind criticizing Viktor for asking me about my day and judging Viktor as ‘slow’ to hide the fact that I am ashamed of what I have been doing during the day

7.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame Viktor for exposing me

8.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear and expect that Viktor will humiliate me, judge me and be angry with me if I share with him what I have been doing during the day, when in fact it is I who have been ashamed of me, who has judged me and who has been angry with me about what I have done during my day

9.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be ashamed of not having changed

10.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hide from Viktor and hide from myself because I am ashamed of not having changed

11.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that if I share what I have experienced with Viktor, he will see that I have not changed and he will reject me

12.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to expose myself to myself and to Viktor and within that Allowing myself to Support myself and Allowing Viktor to Support me

13.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify not exposing and sharing myself with Viktor because I believe he will judge me, when it is fact me who judges myself

14.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to give Viktor the Responsibility for me not sharing or exposing myself, justified by the fear and belief that he will judge me, instead of taking responsibility for me having judged and been ashamed of myself

15.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Share myself unconditionally with Viktor

16.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to expose myself unconditionally with Viktor

17.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I cannot share and expose myself unconditionally with Viktor

18.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify not being willing to share myself with Viktor, instead of realizing that I have not been willing to Facing, Stopping and taking Responsibility for myself

19.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that this was about Viktor judging me, when in fact it was about me judging me and behind that me not facing myself

20.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to face myself in not having changed

21.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be ashamed that I have spent so many days watching tv-series and movies and suppressing and denying myself

22.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to keep myself secret from Viktor and from myself

23.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge myself for having watched tv-series and movies all day as ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’

24.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that I have Accepted myself within a pattern of the Mind and that what I am doing is only personal because I have submitted and defined myself according to my judgment towards myself

25.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Share myself and expose myself with Viktor

26.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to be Supported by Viktor through opening myself up

27.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make the excuse that Viktor will be angry with me if I share that I have not changed

28.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I have not changed

29.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept that I have not and cannot change

30.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that Viktor will attack and ridicule me, if I share that my experiences are the same as before, instead of realizing that I have projecting myself onto Viktor in abdication of what I am doing to myself

31.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that attacking, judging and ridiculing myself will only make me suppress myself and thus allow myself to continue to deceive myself

32.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I must be hard on myself in order to stop myself – when I know for a fact that being gentle with myself is one of the best Self-Direction tools there is.

33.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Direct myself effectively and instead having suppressed myself

34.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself into continuing looping by judging myself

35.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself  to realize that I have used judgment as a tool of self-deception because I have suppressed myself and hid from myself when I have judged and been hard on myself

  • I realize that I have used judgment as self-deception to suppress myself and hide from myself and therefore I flag this point for myself, I slow myself down and I gently Support myself

  • I Expose and Share myself openly with myself and with Everyone else in Self-Support, without judging myself

  • I forgive myself and I stop and face myself instead of suppress and hide myself

  • I realize that when I do not share something openly, it means that I am somehow justifying continuing to abuse, hide, separate – I do not Accept myself to justify and continuing abusing, hiding and separating and therefore I expose and share everything